Bad Mothers

[LadyTrinity]

:)

[BrigidMoon]

I was at my sister in laws home and although in general she is a nice person and nice to other peoples kids, like my own son. She doesn't realize how special her children are them selves. She has 4 kids. 11, 8, 7 and 2 1/2.
I was there yesterday and she is calling her kids little shits and retards and when her daughter tries to talk to her its always not now, im talking, go away avery.. and etc. Her son will be like .. " Mom, mom.. and she will push his head gently and say " Go away you little retard"
How can mom's treat their kids like this? Or they will scream at them saying how many fn times do I have to tell you. Your such an idiot."
I keep telling my bf that her kids expecially her oldest avery are going to have some pretty expensive therapy bills when they are adults.
My bf and I came up with an idea to bring avery to our place to give her some attention time so she doesnt always feel rejected and to also help her with her home work because her mom sits there and screams at her and tells her that she is such a shit head that she doesnt even know math. :yikes:
I don't want to get involved but what can I do to help those kids?
They are like family to me.



It's hard to change parents but it's not hard to show kids some attention and love.

So I'd invite them over as much as you can. Perhaps if she gets a break, she'll treat them better. You know?

AND.....

You're such a SWEETHEART for doing that!!

:hearthear :hearthear :hearthear :hearthear

*mwah*

[Yvonne Belisle]

The only way to help is to get involved. Be someone they know they can turn to.

[Dio]

Child abuse is child abuse regardless whether or not it is physical abuse. The way this woman treats her children is appalling to me, and I would not tolerate it at all. Those poor kids.


http://www.childhelpusa.org/ (http://www.childhelpusa.org/)

I found this link on the web. I hope it will help.

[SphinYote]

What she's doing is verbal abuse.

Get involved. If you can, talk to her. Maybe approach it by saying that she seems stressed out, see if she wants to talk about it. Tell her you're concerned for her and the children. If she's not aware of basic child psychology, how damaging her words can be, then maybe she needs it explained to her.

I don't know how to do this tactfully, it's not something I'm good at. I do however think there needs to be some intervention for the childrens' sakes. I don't know if my suggestion above would do any good, but your sister-in-law needs to get her head out of her rear and see what she's doing. I'd even suggest counciling, but it's hard to say if she'd agree In any event unless it clearly gets to a level of verbal abuse that the children need to be removed from the situation all together, then confronting her too directly might be counterproductive if there's a chance that she might decide to close you out of their lives all together...confront her if you can, but not to the point that she might restrict your access to the children...it sounds like they need you. It sounds like she might, too....if she's willing to accept what you have to say and the help you can offer (if she's not willing to be rational about it, well, we won't go there right now but in termss of namecalling, what pops into my head in that instance isn't very nice....).

I think you're on the right track to try to get the children away for a while and help them out. let them know they are valued. Possibly talk to them, too, and explain that what their mother is saying to them is not because of their actions but some other issue that your sister-in-law is having, that maybe leads her to say things to them she doesn't mean.

The kids DO at the very least need someone to assure them it's not their fault, that they are valued and that you care about them. Be there for them, and look out for them, especially if the situation gets worse. What they're going through right now is wrong. They shouldn't have to deal with that. Not having seen or heard myself, I can't say for certain, but from the gist of your post I almost think that it might be better to get legal service infolved to force her to get some sort of councilling. But that can sometimes have an unintended domino effect and depending on the nature of the situation could do more harm than good.

Tell her you are there for her and make sure you are there for the children...beyond that, I can't say for certain, but I wish you the best of luck.

[AutumnWitchie]

I have a friend who treats her kids like that. She'll call me and be cussing her kids out while trying to talk to me. She doesn't spend much time with them. She's constantly sending them to their room. They each have a TV and VCR/DVD combo in their rooms and she does not care what they watch or what games they play on the Playstation....just as long as they leave her alone.

[Ceres]

I have a friend who treats her kids like that. She'll call me and be cussing her kids out while trying to talk to me. She doesn't spend much time with them. She's constantly sending them to their room. They each have a TV and VCR/DVD combo in their rooms and she does not care what they watch or what games they play on the Playstation....just as long as they leave her alone.

Thats a shame! Why have kids and then not bother establishing a relationship with them?

[indebted]

Child abuse is child abuse regardless whether or not it is physical abuse. The way this woman treats her children is appalling to me, and I would not tolerate it at all. Those poor kids.


http://www.childhelpusa.org/ (http://www.childhelpusa.org/)

I found this link on the web. I hope it will help.

Amen...time to call Child Protective Services. They can set your sister up with Parenting Classes where she can learn what she is doing to the kids. And, the counselors can keep tabs to be sure the kids are okay. Not to mention that they can help provide therapy for the kids now...which is when they need it.

I think I read that Flar's Freyja is a Social Worker...how about asking her for advice?

[halfwaynowhere]

for a child to be constantly sworn at and insulted is horrible, especially if its by their own parent... it makes them feel worthless. getting involved seems like a great idea... from your description of the situation, it reminded me of someone i knew... this girl was 15 when i met her, her parents were divorced recently, which helped the problem a bit, but her parents were still verbally abusive to her, and although she pretended to act fine, she put up this act pretending to be someone she wasn't... she would play with baby dolls, taking them out in public, pretending they were a school project, but she really wanted her own baby to love her... then she started to pretend she was pregnant, and during the 5th month, she miscarried, but none of that was true... anyways, she ended up moving in with her dad and his family and things got better for her... anyways, back to the point... taking the kids away for a day or so every so often and showing them they are appreciated may be just what they need in order to help keep their self esteem up... i can imagine Avery is going through some rough times especially, she must have a lot of responsibilities, taking care of her younger siblings... you and your BF would be wonderful to give her a break, pamper her a bit... you and her could do a mini spa day, where you can have a heart-to-heart... i'm not talking about actually going to the spa, but just doing home facials and stuff, they can be pretty inexpensive... and if you can bring yourself to do it, report their mom to the authorities, there is no reason to treat your own children like they are worthless...

[juniper04]

i would not recommend the mother being in the conseling (spelling is bad sorry) sessions with the kids because it did not work with my dad and us. my dad would do the same thing even in the sessions.

[AuroraSilvermist]

I echo what others have said--I would call Child Protective Services.

My friend was always that way with her kids, and the times I called her on it she became defensive and aggressive with me. I don't care--I've written her off as a friend. Any person who is so verbally cruel to her children that her five year old comes into her bedroom at night brandishing a knife and threatening to kill himself because "everyone hates him" has some serious issues. :( The entire family did get counselling after that event, but...I'm sad to say it only helped for a short time. Old coping habits die hard. Family legacies die even harder.

If you don't feel you can call in help, then do what others have said...just be there for the kids as much as you can and show them that they are loved and special. And huge :hugz:s to you for being a caring parent!

[indebted]

i would not recommend the mother being in the conseling (spelling is bad sorry) sessions with the kids because it did not work with my dad and us. my dad would do the same thing even in the sessions.

The kids need their own time, but they need family intervention, too.

And as for your dad calling you names in session....didn't the therapist report it? They are required to do so, I believe.

[Shanti]

You said Sister-in-law? So this is family. What do other family members think. What about the kids dad. Is mom having some probs maybe personal ones..is dad helping..is there family support?

People are willing to judge but hey whats been going on over time and where are other family members...and dad..he is responsible too. Does he let her have time for herself? Do other family members help her out? Thats a lot of kids...it can be very stressful. She may not even realize what she is doing..just reacting.

Just another perspective.

[LadyTrinity]

You said Sister-in-law? So this is family. What do other family members think. What about the kids dad. Is mom having some probs maybe personal ones..is dad helping..is there family support?

People are willing to judge but hey whats been going on over time and where are other family members...and dad..he is responsible too. Does he let her have time for herself? Do other family members help her out? Thats a lot of kids...it can be very stressful. She may not even realize what she is doing..just reacting.

Just another perspective.


Yes she is family. She doesn't have probs. She has a nice house and she is dating a guy who loves her 4 kids like they are his own. He makes $40/h at work and she loves that he lets her stay home and as she calls it " do nothing all day "
Ya she has time for her self. She goes to flordia every 2 months to go on the beaches with her man.
I dont think she knows what she is doing. Some other family members have pointed out her rudeness to her kids but I dont think she thinks she is doing anything out of the ordinary

[Shanti]

Yes she is family. She doesn't have probs. She has a nice house and she is dating a guy who loves her 4 kids like they are his own. He makes $40/h at work and she loves that he lets her stay home and as she calls it " do nothing all day "
Ya she has time for her self. She goes to flordia every 2 months to go on the beaches with her man.
I dont think she knows what she is doing. Some other family members have pointed out her rudeness to her kids but I dont think she thinks she is doing anything out of the ordinary

Just because she has a great guy and money doesnt mean on the inside she is happy and why not take this to other family members...if enough believe there is a potential of the kids getting hurt, together, family can help her.

Also is this a constant prob or is she just having times when the kids have been overly demanding and she is short on patients...plus what about her self esteem? Maybe doing nothing all day is a sign she is depressed?
Depression can be over looked (well hidden) even by the person who has it.

Sometimes it appears a person has it made when in reality they are hurting.

Edited to add...I think many times if someone wants to help the kids...perhaps the best thing for them is to help the mom.

[sari0009]

I was at my sister in laws home and although in general she is a nice person and nice to other peoples kids, like my own son. She doesn't realize how special her children are them selves. She has 4 kids. 11, 8, 7 and 2 1/2.
I was there yesterday and she is calling her kids little shits and retards and when her daughter tries to talk to her its always not now, im talking, go away avery.. and etc. Her son will be like .. " Mom, mom.. and she will push his head gently and say " Go away you little retard"
How can mom's treat their kids like this? Or they will scream at them saying how many fn times do I have to tell you. Your such an idiot."
I keep telling my bf that her kids expecially her oldest avery are going to have some pretty expensive therapy bills when they are adults.
My bf and I came up with an idea to bring avery to our place to give her some attention time so she doesnt always feel rejected and to also help her with her home work because her mom sits there and screams at her and tells her that she is such a shit head that she doesnt even know math. :yikes:
I don't want to get involved but what can I do to help those kids?
They are like family to me.


It can be worse than expensive therapy bills and years of deep emotional pain, the fact is that some do not survive. Addiction, death wishes, stunted emotional intelligence (with its profound damages), suicide...

What to do to help them? You'd be in the best position to know since you know more of what is and isn't going on. Me? I don't think that woman should be allowed near kids, not if she's bathing their developing minds and hearts with toxic messages.

[juniper04]

And as for your dad calling you names in session....didn't the therapist report it? They are required to do so, I believe.[/QUOTE]

i dont think the therapist reported anything. sry its taken so long to answer we havent had the internet for a while.