Still trying to figure things out..

[SilverClaw]

http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=100139 (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=100139)

Ok well for those of you who know of the situation here at home I am still waiting to get things wrapped up with the social worker and Cloeys medical stuff, and my own medical issues, but I have been thinking where to go.

Originally the thought of home occurred but that would be asking for more trouble then it is worth. Then there is Vancouver; there are a lot of things positive to moving there such as going to art school and so on, but on the other hand there are a lot of people from my past there, and I am not sure if I am going to be making a new start for myself and my kids if that is a smart thing to be around.

So I was thinking of looking East, since staying in Alberta is not an option either, and most places in Saskatchewan I have family. Ontario is another option but not sure about that right now.

I just feel like sometimes I am drowning, do not know which way to go.

And I do thank those of you who I chat with for putting up with my upsets and constant moodiness, and wanting to go hide. I appreciate your time and support. I amy not say it enough but I really do.


So in the mean time I am going to go and think about this some more, and will be back later if anything comes ot me.

[CzechWoods]

http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=100139 (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=100139)

Ok well for those of you who know of the situation here at home I am still waiting to get things wrapped up with the social worker and Cloeys medical stuff, and my own medical issues, but I have been thinking where to go.

Originally the thought of home occurred but that would be asking for more trouble then it is worth. Then there is Vancouver; there are a lot of things positive to moving there such as going to art school and so on, but on the other hand there are a lot of people from my past there, and I am not sure if I am going to be making a new start for myself and my kids if that is a smart thing.

So I was thinking of looking East, since staying in Alberta is not an option either, and most places in Saskatchewan I have family. Ontario is another option but not sure about that right now.

I just feel like sometimes I am drowsing, do not know which way to go.

And I do thank those of you who I chat with for putting up with my upsets and constant moodiness, and wanting to go hide. I appreciate your time and support.


So in the mean time I am going to go and think about this some more, and will be back later if anything comes ot me.



you are in my thoughts.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks

[SilverClaw]

Could I get a hug? Well last night was proof again yep that I should defiantly leave, but I am getting so frustrated with everything. I swear he is trying to get me to mess up where it concerns disciplining our son.

Sylvan was acting up last night and hurt my arm so bad it was totally numb I Kept blocking his kicks and such and put his foot back down (we are both on the hide a bed) I asked for help and once again after yelling for him several times to come out to the living room to help with Sylvan since if either of us is at our limits with any of the kids we agreed to step in when asked. But I gave up and then he comes out and starts bitching about what I wanted.. and the look on his face and what he said after ward just felt like a knife cutting into me and I do not know why but it hurt really bad I just started crying. And at least Sylvan was settling down a bit briefly.

If he will not help with the disciplining now what makes me think he is going to look after the kids properly when they visit after we separate? He cannot even get our son to clean up a mess with out giving up half way through or taking forever when his son needs changing or looking after.
-----

Also there was a link posted in Just Talk about abuse and one of the points it made was the fact about children being around violence and such and how they can contiue the cycle and with what occured lat night I am even more paniced to get out of here.

At one point he is only learning how to deal with his anger and on the other hand he should not have to feel he needs to protect me either. Poor little guy is only 2 and the way he goes at Gord when he hurts me or anything is quite sad and a bit scary cause he makes sure he stays away.

I am sorry to bother you all with this I will leave it here for now, but there is no one else I can talk to right now thanks for listening or I mean reading…

I just wish something would give so I knew what directon to take.

[SilverClaw]

Yah know what I think made things worse last night? Before Sylvan started acting up I was cleaning the area where I do my jewellery making and such and I found my wedding band. Went to put it on and then realized duh no since it is over then I realised that this now makes it twice that I have broken up with someone and a dam wedding band was involved.



Anyways sorry I am just feeling hurt right now and trying to get this out of my system before I feel more sick to my stomach then I already am.

[BlackMagicalCat]

Bless your heart,Hope things go well for you,you should come to the US.I pray you recieve divine guidance.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks azzeenasman I appreacite all the help I can get.


you should come to the US. If there was a way I could I would have already done it but right now that is not possible .

[MorganLeFey_83]

Although I don't know the full extent of your situation, I can tell you that if you follow the divine guidance of you diety, in the end you'll do what's right for you and your family. Best of luck to you, hon! :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Thanks.MorganLeFey_83 and yes I know what you say is true, and apprecaite the post.

Right now I am just trying to figure out how to save some moeny to afford to leave and I think I have and idea how to mangae that now so that is one theing to be happy about. :thumbsup: So now I just hope it works.

[SilverClaw]

Ok well as of a half our ago I decided that I am going to be talking to the Social worker about helping me move to Grande Prairie. Even thought here are bad family memories that is ok I can deal with that, but on the up side that is where Cloeys Dentist is, and some of the services she needs is and I think it would be better for her. For me get into counseling so I can adjust and deal with all the changes.

On the upside of going back to GP there is a strong Pagan presence there and one of my former coven members from where I live now resides there so I know if I need help I can always ask her.

And yah know it is sad from the way things happened tonight Gord did not obviously take me serious about leaving even with the repeated warnings. He then points out all my flaws and I well it even made me more determined that going to GP if a place can be found is the way to go.

So please keep me in your thoughts with me tomorrow morning cause that is when I am going to call, and just so you know I am very worried about the workers reaction but I am trying to hope for a postive outcome.

[Earthy]

Oh sis...you got it.
Positive energies for everything to go the way you need it to.
It's always difficult starting over, but i have faith you ca do it.
Love you sis..and keeping you in my prayers :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

I know your right you would think this would be easy for me to do consdiering things from my past, but it is not. I just hope that the soical worker can understand why I did not say anything till now about this.

[indebted]

You will do what is best, and if you talk with the social worker, she should see that as well.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Gord is too... I hate that this has happened, but my prayer is that everyone can come through this a better person and with a better life.

:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Ah the social worker is a he and thanks :D I am just suprised how things went last night.

[Teresa]

_pounce_ :hugz: Sending energies as I am able .

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Shalaye :huddle:

[SilverClaw]

OK well I called and left a message and will let you all know when and what happens when I hear back from the worker.

[SilverClaw]

Ok well I talked to the worker and we will be meeting on Thrusday at 11 am my time. I told hime how stressful it is here and I want to leave so he will be talking to Gord seperatly and then we will take it from there.

I feel so sick to my stomach and I am just trying to calm down.
I am glad I talked to the worker I just hope we can get things worked out.

[MedievalGoddess27]

I hope everything works out for you, and I believe your making the right choice, stay positive.

[SilverClaw]

Ok well I told him about the social worker and he says he will be working and I said he will be seeing the worker whether he wants to or not because the worker want s to hear his side of the story.

Anyways despite his accusation of me not wanting to work with him on this and that he is trying to change I just went and made Sylvan his lunch and was quiet happy. Do not ask why I was and Sylvan was helping that a lot by being in a great mood to. And even though Gords energies were bothering me in certain points it did not change me being happy at all. Which I think speaks volumes :D

And thank you MedievalGoddess27 I will do my best.

[Lunacie]

I'd say that you feeling better and happier is a sure sign that you've taken a step in the right direction. Sending hugs and energies to help you and the kids make a new start. Will light a candle for getting help in finding a new place to live and making new friends there. :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

I'd say that you feeling better and happier is a sure sign that you've taken a step in the right direction.

I think your right Lunacie and thanks. If it works out I do move back to Grande Praire friend will not be a problem at all. And thanks so much for your support appreciate it.

[Semele]

Yeah I would say that happy feeling despite the upcoming turmoil is because you are now standing on your own two feet and walking in the right direction. Don't fall down. We are holding your hand._handclapp

[SilverClaw]

Awww Semele thank you that means so much, and I will say this much I will do the absolute best I can ok ?:)

[Zhr Morgana]

:hugz:

Aww hon you know you've been in my thoughts since this has started going on. Now you're finally taking the steps to be free of all of it and it feels good, doesn't it? You keep on taking those steps until he is out of your life and you have begun a new one. You know I'm always here if you need me. Blessed be.

[SilverClaw]

Whoa Zhr long time no see here and yes I know and thanks it means alot.

[ravenmyst]

progress is nice huh? :hugz: sis, hope you feel better from today and things continue in the freeing direction

[SilverClaw]

progress is nice huh? :hugz: sis, hope you feel better from today and things continue in the freeing direction
Yes it is Sis and well right now I feel so tired from all the crying I have done today, otherwise still haveing the back pains otherwise I am fine.

[BrigidMoon]

Well I am very proud of you for your bravery in this situation. Way to go!

[SilverClaw]

Thanks BrigidMoon Right now though I do not feel so confident, between 2 am - till about 3 am anyways I will let you know more what happend when I wake up right now I am to shaky to think straight let alone naything else.

[ravenmyst]

Good luck with your calls today, hope you can get help with relocating, sounds like a good plan and reasons :hugz: oh and tons of garlic might help too, maybe not washing as much, just being an idiot, dont mind me, :hugz: again sis, hope at least the back feels more tolerable, I wish you strength and health

[SilverClaw]

Thanks after, what happened this morning I hope things happen soon.

When I logged in here to update this thread he was getting uppity about whether or not I thought this through and started complaining how I will not be able to look after the kids and that I will be on welfare and that they will suck him dry for child support. Because he was raising his voice I said I did not want to talk about this right now and told him to leave the room. Since it was 2 am and that we will have time to talk about it when the social worker gets here. However he kept persisting and while I was continuing to try and post here he kept bringing things up and I started to get mad because he was not listening and went to say something and stopped myself and said I was not going to fight with him and to leave the room.

I gave up trying to post anything and minimized the browser window so I could do something else and then started cleaning out my desktop stuff hoping he would leave. He stood for 30 minutes at the door tapping on the wall trying to irritate me and I kept doing what I was doing then he said I was being childish and then went to the fuse box and shut everything down on the computer.

He came back and told me to finish what I started to say earlier I said no and went to get out of our room went to the kitchen to get a drink and a snack and he started in on me more, that is when I raised my voice back and threw back the accusations he made towards me. Then I went to go back to the room and he blocked me from going by and tried grabbing me so I could not pass. I told him to let go or else and he did then I went back to the bedroom and told him I was going to bed.. Anyways it continued on a bit more after that, but what got me was when he said that what I was doing to him is going to be the death of him. I asked if he planned on killing himself and he said no, and I said then you will live. But with socials services and child support he said it is going to depress and stress him out so much it is going to drive me into the ground and be the death of me, and he said, “ I hope you can live with that.” That made me mad and I yelled at him since he was walking to the living room at this point, that maybe you should get the help that was asked of you then ….

After that I tried to get back on here at MW and nothing on the computer was working right but anyways that is a brief look and what happened at 2 am this morning and I ams o glad Sylvan was in his room soudn asleep.

Anyways Any doubt I had beofre is gone I did the right thing and cannot wait to get tommorw over with

[Zhr Morgana]

Jeez! If I had been you, I would've beaten his ass to the ground. I'm sorry but nobody pulls any of that crap on me and gets away without a scratch. You're a very strong woman for restraining yourself like that :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

It was hard I tell you very hard I shaking with such anger and uspet I could hardly type or hold a cup of tea. Fortunatly I ws able to calm down by talking to Doc on MSN and that helped a lot.

[Zhr Morgana]

Well good...I wish I could've been there for ya too...I'm glad Doc was.

[SilverClaw]

It is ok Zhr ya put up with me most othertimes :D As for Doc yah it was fluky I was bale to get back into Mw when I did.. anyways I will post more if anything else happens today but right now I have such a bad tentions headhache I am going to go rest for a bit.

[ravenmyst]

:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Sis.
As for recent events we had a talk and man it was a good talk. We have talked about each others cocnerns and such and what we need to both work on he is going to get counsolling and me to. As for living arrangements we will see what happens in a month or two about moving ,but that depends on what the worker says thought tommorow. I told him not to get any hopes about us working out to stay as a marriaed couple but rather just maintain our friendship and he siad ok. It was great to get all that stress out of my system though and finally here him admit what he needs to work on. That is all I wanted was for him to get help with his stress and health.

Anyways till tommorw when the worker is here

[ravenmyst]

ahhh, good! just what was needed

[SilverClaw]

Ok I am nervous as hell waiting for the soical worker to arrive, please keep me in your thoughts today so I do not ess thigns up thanks.

[GryphonGirl]

You can handle it! Do your thing, it'll work out.....:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

I know your probably right but being nervous makes me sick to my stomach.

[GryphonGirl]

Remember to breathe...and think about your mission...know you are strong and capable.

[SilverClaw]

Well that is one problem due to a cold I am having a bit of trouble breathing deeply.

[ravenmyst]

you are in my thoughts

[SilverClaw]

:hugz: Thanks Sis

[SilverClaw]

Well the worker just left and well I guess he is going to be sticking around a bit longer to help out with some of the stuff that still needs to be done here.

As for the situation with Gord he wonders why if the physical incidences were in the past why I am doing this now and I told him because since those two times his temper was getting worse not physically but verbally to the kids and me and he was withdrawn and just really short tempered. And I was scared it could get worse then what he did to me already and what could happen to the kids.

I told him despite Gord and working things out I am still leaving, I just do not love him as my husband anymore and it took a lot to get to that point…

Anyways sorry I feel like my heads stuffed with cotton I will come back and finish this later .

[Lunacie]

Ya know, I think when you're in the middle of a crisis-type relationship you don't have time to recognize whether you still love the other person or not. When the crisis is past, then you can really tell whether you still love that person or whether they have pretty much destroyed the good feelings you had for them. The reason you're hurting so bad is that you're grieving for the relationship you used to have and that your heart realizes is gone now. Hugs and Reiki energy for getting over the cold quickly so your thinking isn't all muzzy. :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

You know Lunacie you have such away with putting things thank you. I knew I was letting go but yah a grieving process to, that I forgot about if that makes sense... Guess I am so wrapped up in everything right now. I just want to cry right now, i thought I was done crying but I guess not.

Thanks Lunacie for the energy and hugs.._pounce_

[Lunacie]

Well, it took me quite a while on my own to realize that I was mourning the relationship more than I was missing my ex. I was lonely all right, but I wasn't missing the aggravation and the fights and the insensitivity and selfishness. I was missing what I thought a relationship should be like instead of what our relationship had become. And I felt like a failure even though he was the one who was cheating on me so that made me feel crappy. It took quite a while to see that we each contributed to the relationship being so bad, but nothing I was doing was making it any better, and he wasn't doing anything at all to improve things.

Honey, I still cry once in awhile.

[SilverClaw]

I was missing what I thought a relationship should be like instead of what our relationship had become
Exactly how I feel or have felt.


It took quite a while to see that we each contributed to the relationship being so bad, but nothing I was doing was making it any better, and he wasn't doing anything at all to improve things.
Yep that is also how I felt, and in our situation he did not do anything till I told him it was over, at least he is trying to something now. It’s just to bad that he pushed it this far.

:huddle: Lunacie

[Lunacie]

Yeah, I felt like my ex pushed and pushed until I just couldn't be pushed any further. And then the look of amazement on his face when I told him to move his crap out and go live with TheSlut full time... he simply couldn't believe what I was saying. I gave him some boxes and bags and I went outside and started up the lawn mower. He followed me outside but I didn't stop mowing. Every time he carried out another load to put into his car he would stand there and look at me, but I just kept mowing.

When you've been pushed into a corner you can either stay stuck there, or you can push the other person out of the damn way. I used to believe that marriage was a forever-thing, but then I realized that misery doesn't have to be forever. We can put a stop to the misery. I'm so proud of you for getting out of the corner and standing up for yourself and your children. http://mysticwicks.com/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Lunacie there is alot of you what you just posted that I can relate to. And that is what I kept telling Gord to and warned him and warned him not to keep backing me into the corner or he was not going to like the results. It is t o bad he pushed it to the point he did though that makes me mad he says I am running away well I do not think over the past year trying to get him help or what have you is running away.

[Lunacie]

I think HE didn't want to face up to things and deal with them, so he's accusing YOU of running away. Did you tell him you're not "running away", you're "moving on"? There's a world of difference between those two things, eh?

[SilverClaw]

Ah yes that is what he said every time I re-enforced that I was leaving and yes I take it he was hurt when he said it but still it is his fault for not dealing with this sooner. At least he starting to accept that I will be leaving not sure when yet but I will be, and it is nice to have some peace around the house especially after the scary crap that happened a couple of mornings ago.

[Lunacie]

I wish you could leave now. The cycle is likely to repeat. He may be calm and accepting for now, but he could get angry again any time. Enjoy the peace and quiet but don't let your guard down. I'm probably not explaining this right, that sounds like a contradiction, but it's not really.

[SilverClaw]

Oh believe me you made absolute sense and no I am not letting my guard down.

[Lunacie]

Hey, you posted a new photo... nice !

And honey, your spirit may be battered and bent, but it's nowhere near broken.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks and that is how I felt when I put it up there is a poem in my poetry jounral that goes with that to.

[SilverClaw]

I wish you could leave now. The cycle is likely to repeat. He may be calm and accepting for now, but he could get angry again any time. Enjoy the peace and quiet but don't let your guard down. I'm probably not explaining this right, that sounds like a contradiction, but it's not really.

After yesterday Lunacie I hope something gives and can move soon. Cloey and Sakura got ome from their trip to with his parens and he was just in a depressed state for a few reasons, and once again not listening to me to keep his hadns off of me. Not to mention he really upset Cloey when there was no need to be.

So anyways i just have a feeling where things between me and him are going to be getting worse.

And I am still not liking hte fact he is reading my stuff here on Mw and my LJ

So anyways defintly rasie my guard again moe then it was already.

[Ravens_Tears]

:hugz:
I think moving to GP is a very good idea. You will be in the best place you need to right now for you and your little one's needs. It will reduce stress for all of you.

Something I thought I would point out that you and Gord could look into further because I know some people who do this and it has worked well. When it comes to child support, you can work out something together that would work for both of you and not bleed him dry. Especially as, once you move, he would be required to travel to see the kids, support can be adjusted accordingly. I also know of some people who, in determining a lower monthly amount that works for both, the parent paying support also had it included in the maintenance agreement that they would pay for things like Winter Clother, or extra curriculars or other things (within reason) It's also another way of providing support for the children without having Welfare nickel and dime it away $ for $ from what you will receive from them. I can also attest that with Social Assistance, you should be able to more easily obtain some of the services and medical that you child needs without the same types of hassles you have been experiencing now.

As a side note, I had no idea you had an lj! I have one as well. You can set privacy levels on there to completely private. Even my man doesn't have access to my LJ... I love him dearly but I believe everyone needs somewhere that they can be completely private and express themselves. He understands. Not hard to find if you want to add me, same name :) Though I warn you I can be a grousey ol' thing ;)

[SilverClaw]

Hey Raven Tears the only problem with moving to GP is how I am going to be able to afford living there. Taht is why we are in VV instead in the first place.


When it comes to child support, you can work out something together that would work for both of you and not bleed him dry.

That is what I tried telling him but he was just pancing when he was ranting about it and based it on our experinced with social services and Cloeys dad last summer.

As for the LJ I do not feel I should have to hide from him, and at least he knows how I felt. i am surpised when he was here at the forum though he did not find this thread.

And yes I will ad you to my LJ later today.

[CzechWoods]

things will get better hymnia :) promise

[SilverClaw]

I can also attest that with Social Assistance, you should be able to more easily obtain some of the services and medical that you child needs without the same types of hassles you have been experiencing now.
Actually that was not the case last year when we were on assistance but for the time being they are covered for their dental, prescriptions and a few other things so I am happy. Hopefully in September we will know what is up with the Genetics testing she had done and the results and get her teeth checked those are the two major worries right now and then me getting my wisdom teeth pulled.

[SilverClaw]

things will get better hymnia :) promise
Hey CzechWoods did not see your post earlier, and I hope your right. I am sick of being stuck here.

[Jenne]

:hugz: It took me a while, but I got through all your posts...I'm so sorry Mary...omg. I knew you had something pulling you down, but for some reason never saw this thread, or the other original one.

Hang in there Babe and be strong. We're all here pulling for you and your kids.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks I appreciate it. I am just sick of everything taking so long, and it does not help that I have debt collecotrs for my student loans and they want there money and unforutnatly I do not have it to give. Like I siad I just wish things would change soon, cause I want to get on with my life. :(

[SilverClaw]

Ok so yesterday the social worker came over, I forgot that he was suppose to come over and well the result was the house was far from perfect and he got snotty about it, and forcing the idea of a house cleaner. Which I am against he does not seem to get three kids that I have no break from are going to causes messes and I am not always going to be able to keep 100 percent clean. I hate it when people who are not parents expect all this crap to be done, and demand things that are not reasonable, it drives me nuts.

Oh and the other thing that made me mad was he was 30 minuets late and ruined my lunch time with my kids and the very little time we get to spend with Gord . I mean I just find is unreliability and changing his stories on where he can help us annoying. Not one thing other then getting the mattress which even that we still had to fork out money we do not have for it, and now cannot get the carpet cleaned cause of his screw up…. But yet he still expects the carpets cleaned, and he said he could get help for that and now says the mattress is all he can help with. Argh wish he can make up is mind.

Anyways he does not seem to get why do we need to do these things when I am leaving? I just do not get his screwed up reasoning. Forking out money for things me and the kids are not even going to sue when we move… it does not make sense. And also he did not get the info he said he would for Gord and counseling either which just made me even angrier. Yah right he is suppose to be helping us.

So as a result I am not able to put any money aside for moving or for my dental appointments, which really really sucks. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to get out of here. So I am hoping that no matter what by October 1 the dam worker will be out of here, and I hope for the schools sake the teachers do not start their garbage again either.

Anyways stil ltrying not to sink to the bottomof the barrel, but with the fall season coming I am going to have an up hill battle I can tell.

[Nighthawk]

There are no words.. I am sorry. Some people...

[Earthy]

:hugz: Hymnia.
Sending you some energies to help you battle on sis :hugz:

[Lunacie]

Calming, centered, grounded energies for you, dearling. :hugz:

I hate dealing with people who say one thing and do another, or change their mind after they talk to you because then they talk to someone else.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Nighthawk and Earthy.

[Kalika]

:hugz:

[CzechWoods]

it WILL get sorted out

[SilverClaw]

Hey Lunacie sorry did not see your post till now thanks. Well the thing is this is a person who can tear my family apart and I am getting sick of his lies, and the possible damage he can do if he lied in his paperwork about things.

I hate feeling like I am on the wire all the time.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Kalika and Yes Czechwoods, but when is what I would like to know.

[Earthy]

I can understand that sis, it must be so scary having somebody hold such power over your family. I pray he is honest and works with you, not against you :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Earthy the last thing I want is someone’s lie ruining things again for my family. It happened to Cloey and I am dam lucky I got her back. Do not want to ever deal with that heartbreak again.

[Nighthawk]

Might ask for a different caseworker.. or whatever it is...

[SilverClaw]

Cannot do that cause he was the only one available at the time this crap all started.

[Earthy]

:hugz: Hymnia, that you never have to go through that again.
I will certainly keep praying into this situation.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks I am appreciate what you all do with being sick I am not even attempting energy work or anythign right now. And appreciate al of your time and energy you all spend.

[CzechWoods]

we care for you, hymnia

you are welcome

[SilverClaw]

we care for you, hymnia Thanks Czechwoods not use to being cared for.

[Lunacie]

Thanks Czechwoods not use to being cared for.

You better get used to it, 'cause we really do care.

[Ravens_Tears]

:hugz: So frustrating when the people who are supposed to help become major pia's!!! Keeping you in thoughts and prayers here.

[CzechWoods]

too bad i am outta pokes, lunacie - but for speaking my mind exactly you are on my "to do list" for tomorrows pokes

[SilverClaw]

Lunacie I am sure I will eventually. ;)

Thanks RavenTears.

CzechWoods as always your a so sweet

[Jenne]

:hugz: So sorry Hon...you'll climb out of this barrel, I know it! :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Jenne.
And if I climb out of it can I throw it at the worker ?:nyah:

[GryphonGirl]

Shoot!! Hymnia, I am so sorry....it seems to go on and on and on....now, we both know it really will NOT last forever - ALL things change. So, on that note here's a hug :hugz:....and there are more of those to be had. Sending energy to boost the immune system - that will help you get through too.

[Earthy]

Yep Hymnia..get used to being cared about, because we do.
I love you very much :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Yes GryphonGirl I know it will not last forever but it frustrates me that alot of things have been put on hold because of this jack asses crap, and I am personally sick of it.

Thank you Earthy.

[CzechWoods]

make a battle plan and stick to it

possible battleplan - you alter it if you see it needed
1 st step get well. get immune system kick in, health must be stable
2nd step get self esteem back. know you are loved and worthy. feel how much you are
3rd step make up your mind what you want and in which order
4th step start realizing it from the inside

[BrigidMoon]

Good advice from Czech. I agree, get well first. You cannot do a lick of good without being healthy. I had to learn that the hard way.

[SilverClaw]

I have my battle plan Czechwoods it is just filled with alot of obstacles right now that is all and the fact i am frustrated with everything.

[SilverClaw]

Hey BrigidMoon I know that health is the main issue, cuase if it is not in order thene verything else suffers. I know that but once again the money siutation does not help the situation any to be able to get my health in order.

[CzechWoods]

i dont doubt you had a battleplan

still i repost my post again.

read it.
out loud if you must.

hope you will understand
make a battle plan and stick to it

possible battleplan - you alter it if you see it needed
1 st step get well. get immune system kick in, health must be stable
2nd step get self esteem back. know you are loved and worthy. feel how much you are
3rd step make up your mind what you want and in which order
4th step start realizing it from the inside

[Lunacie]

For me, I found that gaining some measure of self-esteem and making a decision on what to do (i.e. go ahead with the divorce) helped my health in many ways. Our physical health often reflects what is going on with our mental and emotional health, eh?

[SilverClaw]

Ok Cezechwoods.

Our physical health often reflects what is going on with our mental and emotional health, eh yah I guess yor right.

[SilverClaw]

Well I was hoping to at least post a positive note here but well with what has happened I guess it is only going to be half assed.. I am trying to stick to the plan I have made to get out of here. But there has been its snag namely me being sick. But at the same time due to the generosity of someone from another forum as of yesterday I will at least to go to a dentists and get a cleaning and the xrays needed to decide on what is going to happen from there.

So in the mean time I am feeling a bit fevered, ears clogged and a sore throat and I want to cry cause Gord has been so pushing his luck the past few days. About an hour ago I almost got sick cause my nerves cannot handle it anymore.

So I am trying and I really mean trying to make sure I do not have another breakdown but I think I am at the end of a loosing battle.

I am sick of this happening every time I try to get my Cot classes going that I wind up sick or something else happens… Anyways just wanted to let ya know that is what is up. I would explain more how Gord pushed his luck yesterday but I think that Would just make me sick again so maybe when I am a bit more calm about it.

In the mean time I am going to try and stop shaking..

[Zhr Morgana]

:hugz:
Awww sweetie...someday everything will work out fine...stay strong and you know I'm here for ya.

[SilverClaw]

I will try and thanks appreciate your support and listening to my ramblings. I do apprecaite your friendship Zhr. :hugz:

[CzechWoods]

ramble away, dont keep it in
it will only intoxicate you from within

get it out, i know its hard
but i had to learn, to take that start

get it all off your chest

before it suffocates your breath

[Lunacie]

I was immensely thankful that I had friends online I could talk to (and rant at times) when I was going through my divorce. I'm glad I'm here to listen (read) whenever you need to talk or rant. I'm so sorry this is affecting your health so much. It was amazing how much better my bad back felt when I was finished with the divorce and building a new life for myself. You'll feel better too eventually. In the meantime I send you healing energies and energies to be calm and strong as you do what you need to do for yourself and your children. :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

CzechWoods I try to get it out of my system and talkt about it, but there are times I just feel like giving up talking about it. Or to low of energy to bother that is why I use my wriritng and singing as means of dealing with
the stress, but somedays that is not even helping.

(In between typing this post I am trying to block out his yelling I am so sick of it, he wonders why I do not want to be around him or I hide in the bedroom..)

[SilverClaw]

In the meantime I send you healing energies and energies to be calm and strong as you do what you need to do for yourself and your children. :hugz: Thanks Lunacie and I just wish I was not so sick it would make a lot of difference here.

[CzechWoods]

maybe this can cheer you up


DRUGS FOR WOMEN


D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O - B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B - E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P - I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N - I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?."

BUY-AGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S - P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.


N A G -A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him

Now, send these to any woman who needs a good laugh, and any man who can handle it.

[SilverClaw]

:yayah:OH now my jaw hurts way worse from smiling to much while reading that :D Thanks so much for that CzechWoods. Hey do you mind if I copy and post that at my forum?

[SilverClaw]

I need a hug and to vent a bit. He is once again doing the stuff to Cloey I was hoping he would not do anymore when it comes to getting to school he gets her so upset and then fighting starts it is enough to ruin anyones day. She does not need it or deserve it. One of these days I am worried she will just lose it.

I am also sick of the fact he has the alarm ringing for 30 mintues before he gets up or sets it again...everyone but him is awkaened by it and I usually wind up with a massive headache like have right now beucaes of it.

Like I said earlier I sure could use a hug.

[TarotCanada]

Catch a hug....

Cheryl

[Lunacie]

If the alarm bothers you, go turn it off. If he complains, tell him that he should have gotten up when it went off, it sure woke everyone else up.

It seems like you're tip-toe-ing around him. Are you afraid of him because he gets physical? Then you need to get out. Because he gets verbal? Is that any worse than living in dread that he may get verbal?

[SilverClaw]

If the alarm bothers you, go turn it off. If he complains, tell him that he should have gotten up when it went off, it sure woke everyone else up.
I do tell him that and have told him that enough it makes me want to take the alarm clock and smack him up side the head with it. And if I do not shut the alarm off Cloey does and then she yells at him to get up or they are going to be late. This situation is one of the reasons I ended it with Gord, he had no care for Cloeys feelings and stressed her out beyond belief and is starting again already this year.

As for me tip toeing around him No I do not call it that really, I am just trying to make sure I do not add to my kids stress by yelling at him or arguing with him. And not to mention that when we dealt with this crap at the end of last school year it was the main reason I was having panic attacks almost daily and several times in a day. (And well his not getting up when he was suppose to was one of the reasons that led him to kick me, but I really do not care to get into that right now.)

But anyways in the past month or so I have had two panic attacks, the second one just being the other day. I want to keep them as few and far in between as possible. And after what happened the day before last I do not want to yell at him anymore, I am disgusted in his laziness and just everything right now and the two reasons I am still here is because the stupid social worker and the fact I have no money right now to move.


Thanks Cheryl:clapping:

[Kalika]

:hugz:

[TarotCanada]

Hymnia,

Hope the hugs are helping. Why don't you try this - sometimes it can help out. You need a picture of him, a small mirror, glue and salt. Take the picture of him and cut out his face in a circle. Face the picture up so he is looking at you, put glue around the outside edge and salt. Glue the pic onto the bottom left hand corner of the mirror with his face in. Wrap it in kerchief or something and put it away in a drawer where it won't be disturbed. It may trap the problem for you. When things settle down take a margarine container and fill it with water, put it in a sink. Break the mirror, carefully, smack it with a hammer in the sink and put all the pieces in the container of water, seal it and dispose of it.

Sounds like this is a lack of respect type of issue. They are hard to resolve.

Cheryl

[Lunacie]

Ah poor Chloe. I'm glad you're thinking about her and how all this affects her. I'm afraid I wasn't always that conscientious about not fighting with my ex when our daughter was in the house - in bed, but awakened by our loud voices.

Its no wonder you're having panic attacks, you're dealing with a lot of stress and you're not releasing it by shouting, eh? How are you releasing the stress? I used to take a small piece of wood and a hammer and pound away until all I had was splinters. It helped a lot.

[TarotCanada]

Finding the strength to go and finding the strength to stay gone are two different things. It is your clock and you have to wind it.

http://TarotCanada.tripod.com/Abuse.html (http://TarotCanada.tripod.com/Abuse.html) - this is graphic, not for the faint hearted but there is a link to a really good article on Emotional Abusers. Also a large disclaimer about the jerks who link to the pics - I don't mind for an appropriate place but some of them were making derogatory comments so I let off a little blast - don't be scared. My bite is much worse than my bark.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Cheryl I appreciate your posts.

Lunacie I always look out for the kids as best as I can, and it was not till the inccdent where Gord kicked me and Cloey saw me break down in the hall and seeing her reaction, that she was going through the same stuff I went through at her age that I swore that did not want her to have to go through as well. It took sometme to get the point I am now but I am glad. One thing is for sure I do not have the feelings I had for Gord any more that is clear I do not even feel guilty or upset about it, yes the kids will have some have a rough time adjusting but that is to be expected. I know in the long run this will be the best for all of us.

And hey want to hear some good news ? If you recall Cloey had some gentics work done earleir this year and we finally got the results back in fact I got them just before I logged on here. And nothing has come back to show that her problems are related to her gentics, or the chromosone switch that does occur in my moms side of the family. Which means That part of the medical appoitnemtns is now over with.

So now Cloey and I can concentrate on gettting our dental work done, as mentioend some one has loaned me the money tog et my appointmetn done, and Cloey has medical coverage for dental appointmetns now which helps. So what we are waiting upon is an day we can get into town and arranging for a bus ticket to get us both in.... :D Slowly things are working out here and I really am starting to feel optimistc .. I just hope it can stay that way :D

Thanks Kalika :hugz: :D

[Lunacie]

That's such good news, both about the findings of the genetic testing, and about getting the dental work done. HealthWave finally came through with medical cards for my granddaughters and they both went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago. The little one did just fine, no screaming and kicking. Amazing how helpful it is to have her daddy there, she even had three fillings done. And this is after I had several dentists tell me back in February that they couldn't work on her or even take x-rays unless she was sedated !

[SilverClaw]

Yep it sure does lift my spirits up that is for sure Lunacie. It makes it one step closer to walking literally otu that door :D

Amazing how helpful it is to have her daddy there, she even had three fillings done. And this is after I had several dentists tell me back in February that they couldn't work on her or even take x-rays unless she was sedated ! No kidding it seems that docotors are always so quick to suggest sedating kids, when it is not neccessary. Good to hear though she was able to get her work done.

[Childof_theMorrigan]

*hugs* glad things are looking up hymnia i'm off to work, i'll be back later to talk!

[SilverClaw]

Good look forward to CTM :) And thanks for the Hugs. :)

[SilverClaw]

ok I feel like bawling now Gords parents show ed up, for the auction tomorrow and every time I am near them I just want to cry.. They still do not know what is going on here, and I feel bad that I am going to be putting them in such a position. Even though I know my decision is for the best, I feel I am loosing my parents, and yes they are more parents to me then either of mine ever were. They were accepting me of Cloey from the start.

Anyways going to go calm down now.

[Lunacie]

So many similarities for all of us who are going through or have been through a separation or a divorce. I wasn't that close to my ex's parents and really lost touch with them after we separated. But I did stay close to my sister-in-law, and my brother-in-law and his wife. Unfortunately they don't live close enough to really spend any time with them.

Apparently Gord hasn't told them either. I wonder whether he's ashamed, or whether he's still in denial that you're leaving?


Edit: You can't take all the blame for the marriage ending, a large part of that rests squarely on Gord's shoulders. And since he hasn't told them, and they have been good with you and the kids, then maybe you should let them know? They may be supportive of you, or they may not, but at least you would know instead of worrying and feeling so bad.

Big Hugs (((((Hymnia)))))

[SilverClaw]

WEllw hat Idid not get to type last night is nwo we are suppose to be going to theirs at Christmans and yikes not good, I told Gord It depnds if I am even lving here by then and that led to talk about hwere I would mve then arguing and me crying and telling him to fu--right off and get out of the room that I am sick and tired of trying to talk to him about this civly and him acting like a jerk.

And I will tell his parents but at the same time why should I they are his parents and he should have the balls enough to them, but at the one end I wnat to make sure they know that they can still visit the kids at any time regardless of Gord and tha is the one reason I would tell them.

Anywyas this is atrting to upset me so I am going to take a breather and come back later ...

[Lunacie]

Dearling, when you get through this (and you will) and you have found your footing you will wonder that you were ever this upset. I can still remember crying so hard my head hurt, but it's almost like I remember it happening to someone else. I wish there was more I could do to help you get through all this, but I know that by having to do it this way you are building some very strong emotional muscles.

I will light a candle and ask the gods to surround you with a shield of loving light that will help you to be calmer and more sure of this decision and all the other decision that follow along. Please try not to dwell on the things that make you feel bad. You can feel good about yourself because you are doing what you must to take care of yourself and your children.

[SilverClaw]

I was feeling ood yesterday I was not even upset about leaving but actaully happy abou tit, but then thins went down hill, and I know your going to be right about this.

you have found your footing you will wonder that you were ever this upset. Thanks for your help, and now I am going to go cry cuase I went and accdinetly went adn delted my pms cuase i was paying ot much attention to the kdis and trying to settle them down then paying attention to wha tI was doing :( later :)

[Lunacie]

I do that kind of stuff all the time. I love the internet but I hate all the new ways it gives me to mess up. :lol:

[SilverClaw]

:D heh the worst thing is Iw as messaging somneone I had not tlaked to in ages and now Id onot even know if he got any of the messages... not to mention the stuff for hte calendar and swap... :crazyman: going to go now.

[Lunacie]

You could send a PM to Mol or Xentor and ask them if you can get the PMS back?

[SilverClaw]

I aksed in the site room.
And now I am trying not to get mad with my kids they are not lsitening at all and it is beyond toelrating levels.

[TarotCanada]

I find when they get unruly that I whisper under my breath - that really gets their attention. I have come to discover that the tone of voice you use is important. If they lip you back say "I love you too" and walk away. They don't know how to respond. I also find if they slam doors that removing the doors from the hinges for even one day has a tremendous impact on them. I also find making them listen to country music is viewed as a severe imposition.

They are just responding the the situation - they know change is coming and they are restless and uncertain.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

I have come to discover that the tone of voice you use is important. If they lip you back say "I love you too" and walk away. They don't know how to respond. Yes I know thatis true, makes my kids not sure how to respond either.


I also find if they slam doors that removing the doors from the hinges for even one day has a tremendous impact on them I wish I could do that that, that would take Sakuras means of throwing a tantrum out of the picture but I know I cannot do that since the land lady is picky.

[Lilith Morgaine]

Babygirl.... I am SO sorry.... I had no idea.... I wouldn't have ranted and raved to you so much.... I feel like such an idiot......
I've read the entire thing and just want you to know how proud I am of you. This will mean more to your kids than you'll ever know...... take it from an expert....... I love you and am always here for you......

[SilverClaw]

It is ok Lilith like I told you already it is just nice not to think about it every now and then, and just help my friends and those I view as family. Do not worry about it ok ? :hugz:


This will mean more to your kids than you'll ever know.
Yah i know, it will be hard on them but I know your right.

[Lilith Morgaine]

how are things going?

[CzechWoods]

:yayah:OH now my jaw hurts way worse from smiling to much while reading that :D Thanks so much for that CzechWoods. Hey do you mind if I copy and post that at my forum?

copypaste away :) leaving another one on ad cause its not pg-13 :dancy:

[Lunacie]

A couple of ideas about the door slamming, it's really not that hard in most cases to remove the pins from the hinges, it's not like you have to unscrew the hinges themselves. What I thought was a great idea was to tape or tack up a folded washcloth at the top of the door so that it can't be slammed. Of course, that's even more frustrating for the child who is already frustrated.
:meanhead:
Which is when it helps to be ready with words like, "I'm sorry you're feeling so angry and frustrated. Would you like to talk about it? Maybe raking the leaves in the yard would help with that extra energy? Maybe you could sweep the floor to use the extra energy? Maybe you could take a shower and let the water wash away some of the frustration and anger?"


So... who wants to come to my house and talk to me when I feel like slamming doors or shouting? :T

[Willow Rosette]

Ok maybe this is just me but with my 3 year I love when she slams the door. She is allowed to throw a temper tantrum in her bedroom since that is her space and when she is through we talk about it. Kinda with a 3 year old lol any way thats my opinion. I always hope she is pissed off enough to slam the door that way it is muffled lmao

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Cezechwoods I will go look for it.

And Lunacie thanks for the ideas.

Visha'sMommy if my 4 yearold would do her tantrums in her room that would be ok but the fact is she is slamming my door orr swining it open and has put a hold in the wall. Either that or she slams on the furnace room door and that is not acceptable. I do see that with her being school she is getting better so I am keeping my fingers crossed she will come out of it ok. The other two I am not sure of right now.

[SilverClaw]

how are things going? Well Lilith up and down just dealing with some past issues that have come up again due to being fall, so hopfully I will get over it soon. Thanks for asking :)

[TarotCanada]

One of my favourite expressions is "and this too shall pass". You'll get there - did you get the reading you were asking for?

Cheryl

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

"and this too shall pass". that saying is starting to annoy me truthfully :) I know it will pass but it still does not help the situation at present :)

And No Cheryl I did not get the one reading I asked for but I will go check in the taort forum to make sure.

:hugz: thanks Scarlettvixen.

[TarotCanada]

Well PM me you birthdate MDY and I will look at it - send the kids too. I have a lot of readings on my plate today and it is the local fair but I will try and have a look at it over the weekend. I thought someone else might have gotten to it already.

Stay strong - and yes there are some cliche's that get tiresome.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

There was suppose to be someone I have no idea what happend to them
doing it, the other person did a career reading for me.

[Boogins]

:hugz: from me, and all of BP.

[Childof_theMorrigan]

just checkin in to see how you are today

[~*Ginger*~]

:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Boogins :hugz:

Childof_theMorrigan I am feeling sick today and very tired two - three hours sleep and doing the amount of house work I have been doing is wearing me down fast. Otherwise I am happy to say count down time for the social worker :D

Thanks to you to Ginger :hugz:

[Teresa]

:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Shalaye :hugz: back at you and thanks.

IT seems everyday now I am looking more and more forward to moving. As I did some fall house cleaning and tore everything aprt and going through stuff I was in packing mode and without much thought was sepreating the kids books form Gords and such it was like I did not even realize I was doing it until a few minutes into the 3rd box. Anyways it is a sign to me anyways maybe I am more ready then i think. So I am just hoping things work out soon so I can move.

[Lilith Morgaine]

I cannot tell you how very proud of you I am. Just keep it up! I'm here if you need me *HUGS*

[CzechWoods]

and how about you change your sub title to: a healing spirit ?

[SilverClaw]

Aww thanks Lilith :hugz:
uhm I was thinking more of a Fighting spirit it seems to fit how I feel better, I think healing will come once I am done the fighting :D

[CzechWoods]

beautiful new quote. you woill witness the difference

[SilverClaw]

Ok I changed it to something I feel is better then what it was and remindg my self of some affirmations.

[SilverClaw]

Hey we posted at the same time czechwoods:D And yes I will feel the difference I have already been feeling the changes for the past several days and it feels good.

[CzechWoods]

i so love your new picture as well

and well, you were in ym esbat prayers

[SilverClaw]

Thanks the pciture was taken by Clkoey last week after school. It is a pciture that I actually cannot complain about and it suits my happy mind set right now :D

And thank you for keeping me in your prayers I really do appreciate it :)

[CzechWoods]

anything for a friend

and everything for a good friend

[SilverClaw]

_pounce_ Thanks.

[Childof_theMorrigan]

so glad to see your smile hymnia

[SilverClaw]

Thanks, right now my only problem is almost givng Gord a hug twice yikes it is hard to cut things off sometimes, and other times it is so easy.

[CzechWoods]

one day, you will be able to hug him,
for now its all just strange

so i will hugg you instead

(((((((((((((((( HYMNIA ))))))))))))))))))))

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Czechwoods :hugz:

[CzechWoods]

:hugz: hymnia

yoiu deserve them

[SilverClaw]

Thanks. Some people say I should stop complaining about the hugs that I can get them from my kids. And I just do not think it is the same thing as a hug from another adult, ah hopfully some day soon ....

[CzechWoods]

i told you in the reading

you are not emant to stay single

[SilverClaw]

yah but I am just talking about right now a simple hug where I can feel safe and melt in someones arms for a few minutes or longer lol :D

[SilverClaw]

I am sick and tired today of yelling, and to be arguing to be heard, or get anything done. I try to view it when Gord does not help with cleaning up or things like that ok if I am a single mom again I would have to either do it myself or get Cloeys help. But still that is hard soemtimes to do, I have been sick going on here what about 2 to 3 months now and he has been sick about a week and he just gives up on almost everything unless I "nag " at him. Blah I wish this would end soon. I am trying to keep a positive outlook just today is a bit of a back step, but I will try to keep going on.

And can you please keep your thoughts and energy with Cloey she is starting to get stressed out again with him not getting up in the morning. She has taken things into her own hands and in some part it is ok cause she is making her breakfast and lunch when she is able but at the same time she should not be always on her own. And the other thing is in the morning time it is sometimes her only one and one time with Gord , unless it is day that Sakura goes to school to, but I do not think he gets how much she values that time with him. And yes she has become very vocal about it.

[Lilith Morgaine]

Sweetie... stay as stong as I *know* you are....

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Lilith and I will.

[SilverClaw]

I do not feel well today I am sick of everything.
http://www.mysticwicks.com/showpost.php?p=2103012&postcount=2142
I am trying not to give up but I really could use a hug again, sorry for asking so much.

[Lunacie]

Having the social worker coming by does complicate things. Otherwise I'd suggest what I finally ended up doing with my ex. I would gather all his mess up and dump it into his comfy chair or onto his side of the bed and leave it there for him to deal with. After all, I wasn't his mommy, eh?

Something quiet like that often gets the point across better than getting in their face and yelling does. I'm trying to think what else you could do with his messes. Maybe get a large box and start dumping it all in there? That way you could close
it up and if the social worker asked about it, you could say "Oh, I've been packing things up when I have a moment." ;)

[SilverClaw]

Lunacie I threanted him this mornign with chucking his clothes out, he sleeps in the lving room right now and instead of getting some contianers for his clothes he got these stupid other thigns and he does not even pack his closthes away and they are all over Cloeys Desk.

As for the social wokrer I am hoping he will be gone by the first of Cotober so lets keep the fingers crossed. I do nto know why the moron does not understand the words I am leaving.

[Lunacie]

He probably doesn't WANT to believe it. I think chucking everything into a big box and letting him sort through it when he wants something is a good idea. Maybe even setting the box outside on the porch? But maybe someone else can think of something better.

[SilverClaw]

Gee that reminds me of what he did with some of mys tuff tha tI was trying ot clean up, but anyways I am going to go clean the lviing room and well I am going to see how he likes having it dealt with :D

[Lunacie]

The sad truth is that you can't make him do anything and you can't make him change. So it's up to you to decide whether it's less hassle for you to clean up after him or leave the mess all over. If you clean it up and then he can't find anything, maybe he'll think twice about leaving it all in the way.

BTW, leaving the stuff all over is probably his way of saying he doesn't like having to sleep in the living room and he doesn't like it that you're leaving him. Seems kinda juvenile when you look at it like that, eh?

[SilverClaw]

Hate to say he he was like this with his clothes even before when we were in the same room, It is a constant cycle of being a dam ass and being lazy. And I know I cannot change him but really I am scared to think of wha the will be like if the kids are visitng him when we are spearted.... I do not want to lay any stipulations down when it comes to custody but the more and mroe he keeps acting the more I am feeling it is in the best interst of the kids to do so.

[Lunacie]

Ya know, my son-in-law was huge slob, and proud of it. I worried when he and my daughter separated and divorced as he takes the girls to his house every weekend. But I pick them up on Sunday evening when I'm done at work and I've been surprised at how well he's doing being a "housewife". It's not perfect, but it's not all that cluttered and dirty. And come to think of it, he must have quit chewing tobacco, I haven't seen all those empty cans and bottles of spit standing all over the floor waiting to be knocked over.

Maybe this is just Gord's juvenile way of manipulating you and yanking your chain and he'll clean up after himself once there's no one else to do it.

[SilverClaw]

Ya maybe he has laways been like this he can be a very helpful and clean person but when his lazy streak kicks in then that is another story.

I am just sick of the problems hecuases and the example he is setting for the kdis I ahte having to aruge with everyione just to ge tone dame hting done.

[Lunacie]

So?

Stop arguing.

Like I said - you can do things yourself.
Or - you can stop worrying about whether things get done or not.

After about a week you'll be able to see which things really have to be done and which things aren't worth all the arguing.

Then what works with kids is to tell them twice to do something. If it doesn't get done you go ahead and do it. Then whoever should have done it will owe you and you can ask them to sweep the floor or rake the yard or put away the clean laundry or wash the dishes or something to repay you. Because you had to do their job and it took your energy and they need to repay that energy by doing one of your jobs.

It probably won't work with Gord, but maybe he'll see it and realize he's being a putz. And he won't have any room to complain about what you've done with his stuff because he could have taken care of it himself.

Or you can tell me to shut the h*** up. :gagged:


edited to add: you can't do anything about the example Gord is setting. You can only set the best example you can, eh?

[SilverClaw]

Or you can tell me to shut the h*** up. :gagged:

:flamer: believe me I tell him a lot worse then that.


Then what works with kids is to tell them twice to do something. If it doesn't get done you go ahead and do it. Then whoever should have done it will owe you and you can ask them to sweep the floor or rake the yard or put away the clean laundry or wash the dishes or something to repay you. Because you had to do their job and it took your energy and they need to repay that energy by doing one of your jobs.
I sort of do that already with Cloey and it does not always work. The two youngest ones I do not mind working with them to clean a mess because well they are still learning. But Sylvan was a sweetie today and cleaned up all the toys in the living room that him and Sakura made a mess with last night and did it after he played awhile with them and was not even asked. Then he asked me for help and I helped him for a bit and when I was done and told him I would be back in a few minutes he said “thanks mucho mom “ I think that was the highlight of today and the also the fact when I came back to the living room not one toy was in sight J

[Lunacie]

Wow, that's awesome. :clapping: Maybe if you tell him again when you tuck him in that you sure appreciated that he'll do it again tomorrow?

[SilverClaw]

Yep we gave each other a high ten and hugs it was so nice and thena fter that he rested with me and while I slept he played right on the bed and did not get into any trouble. he is also good when he sees garabge on the floor to put it in the garbage can to and if he is not sure he asks, so cute and to think he is not even 3 yet :D

[CzechWoods]

cool

[SilverClaw]

oh crap has hit the fan... going to go for now.

[Lunacie]

I'm glad your little one asks before throwing things away. We had a full set of silverware when we moved here a year and a half ago, but now we only have about half as many spoons as we should have. I'm sure the rest went into the trashcan. Along with a bowl or two. I still have to watch her and she's almost 4 now.

I hope nothing serious is going on there. Sending good vibes.

[SilverClaw]

A fight between Gord and Cloey and I am hoping thigns will calm down soon, she is not being reasonable to talk to right now after throwing abit of a tantrum.

[Lunacie]

My granddaughter did the same thing earlier. She almost spoiled her mother's birthday. Maybe there's a weather change on the way? We think Katlin acts like she has PMS at times, but she isn't even 8 yet. I know now that I still have hormonal stuff going on and I haven't had a menses for over 7 years, so it seems perfectly plausible that she might be having hormonal stuff a year or two before her menses start, eh? In my family we start at age 9. Ewwww.

[SilverClaw]

PMS is exactly whatI think Cloeys problem is and hse is going ot be 9 in April, my mother in law said she noticed some changes in her when she was visting over the summer and told me to be prepared :D

But still Throwing a waterbottle across the hall because hse is getting scolded is not a good thign to do.

[SilverClaw]

Ya know I am sick of people in Real life who think they know everything that goes on in my life when they have not seen me since December at my home and and can preach to me what to do, get a job do this and the other thing when they dam well no I can't but yet they hang up on me when I tell them that is not possible. I am sick of people who say that I can rely on them and then as soon as they do not like what I am saying they back out on me. So once again I ahve no idea what to do about my surgery... and I am sick of the pain.

Also once again someone made a complaint to the principal about Cloey and I am sick of the stupid idiots not following the school rules. AGAIN. And I tell you the thoughts of now staying in this town after I move are looking more and more less likely, I am sick of the games.

[CzechWoods]

sending love hymnia
its may be not much
but you know
i mean every touch

and amyeb people will help you soon
to unfold your wings
and start embracing the moon

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Czechwoods.

I keep trying to believe that everything happens or does not happen for a reason. With me not moving out right away I am trying to take the steps needed to get myself stronger and better, but I am also just getting annoyed with things seeming to take so long.

And I have felt a change in me for the past week now and I know what will happen and I am going to be happy when it hits, but in the mean time I am just keeping my eyes set on my destination and even if I do fall back a bit I will not give up. I will not, and cannot for me or my kids I will keep going.

[CzechWoods]

the sad thing is, that you will understand it one day after its long gone, but while in the situation it makes no sense

i know how much this sux. just hang in there, and try to have the Kizmiaz smile

[SilverClaw]

I am shaking really bad now I am sick of my mother and her bull shi-
I ams ick of fighting with people, I am sorry but not arguing with people is not always an option I am not going to let her yell at me for things about Gord she has no idea about, fo rsomeone who says to get away from him she is now defenind him... I give up.

[SilverClaw]

That is it defbintly cutting cords with some people that is the only way I can see getting through this. I am sick of the heavy feeling on my heart and I am sick of the kids being affected by everything.

[CzechWoods]

:hugz: hymnia

[Lunacie]

When I was in midst of getting therapy for having been molested as a child, and my hubby (now ex) was being a real b***h, he got so mad or frustrated or something that he hit me. I mean seriously hit me. I called my mother and she said "You made your bed, now you must lie in it." Shit, that hurt me worse than the way my hubby was treating me. Mothers are supposed to care and help us.

But mine had a lot of issues over being sexually abused when she was a child that she hadn't dealt with, so how could she possible deal with my issues? She couldn't. She was doing the best she could. It wasn't good enough, but it was all she could do.

I'm not making excuses for your mother, just saying she probably has reasons from the past that she treats you like she does. I'll bet anything she is so unhappy in her life and would give anything to trade for the life she thinks you have, and that prevents her from seeing what your life has actually become.

I wish I lived close enough to take the children while you let the doctors help you feel better. I wish I could be there to give you a warm hug and really talk about all this stuff - woman to woman. I know there are people in your life who care about you, and you need to look around and see who they are instead of expecting your mother to be that person. (((((Hymnia)))))

[SilverClaw]

Well I do not know why I even bother with her with her manic depression and other things I should be use to her cold shoulder but I do not think that will ever happen.

[Childof_theMorrigan]

:hugz: from me to you

[SilverClaw]

thanks

[Angeni]

:hugz: Hymnia

[CzechWoods]

:hugz: hymnia

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Angeni and Czechwoods, I am going to be in hermit mode today so talk to ya later.

[CzechWoods]

ok, love sent hymnia. happy hermitting ;)

[goblinhill]

Sorry I missed you sweetie be chill and calm.
:hugz: and hope :hugz: and hope

[SilverClaw]

hey I forgot to tel ya my good news .... Go and look in Just talk :D:hehehehe:

[SilverClaw]

Well just when I think things cannot get worse they do, seems that once again Student loans felt the need to increase my payments. I do not know how they expect this but they do. Talk about instant stress on my heart, which once again feels like a brick is in my chest... I know this is going to lead to more stress here at home and no where that is going to lead again. I just wish I had a new place to move to, it would be abit easier to deal with things...

:hugz: Czechwoods
:hugz: Goblinhill.

[SilverClaw]

I am gettin so sick of trying to do everything for medical appointments and nothing working out. It is annoying and uspetting and I have had it. 6 months trying to get Cloey into the dentist and myself and always one thing or another comes up to prevent it.

I hope things will change around.

Ya and had a talk with tthe social worker and he has the nerve to ask if I am still moving and duh ya.... people get on my nerves sometimes.

[TarotCanada]

Sounds like they are getting on your last nerve.... http://TarotCanada.tripod.com/MoneyRitual.html (http://TarotCanada.tripod.com/MoneyRitual.html) - money can come in different ways. Sounds like you are fed up with dealing with bureaucracy -sometimes too much help is not a good thing either. You will find the right place and find your way to the other side of this river - this is all 3 of Swords energy, you are taking it all into your heart - start watching for the 6, it means a move is coming - I think after October 10 things will start to improve. Just pack like you have a place to go and it will find you. Things are never so good that they couldn't be better and never so bad that they couldn't be worse. It is the one mantra that I have said over the years that seems to keep me going.

Catch a hug, you and yours are in my thoughts.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

I do not have much time to reply to this properly due to having to get Cloey from school soon, but thanks for the post. And truthfully I am just sick of everything, being alone, not getting anywhere career wise, sick of the stress and everthing and I try to keep hope but sometimes I still fee like I want to go hide under a rock.

Talk to you again soon.

[BrigidMoon]

Hey sweetie...

Have you called the place that does the student loans and see if you cannot get a consolidation? Just wondering.

_pounce_

I just want things to get better for you!

[SilverClaw]

Nope have to have a job that is high paying enough cuase it wil consolidate all my loans. Technically I ony have two but becuase of stupid things changing with student loans the one loan is now classfied as two, which is stupid.

[BrigidMoon]

Weird. I had about 6 different types of loans - so I consolidated at 4% interest - knocked my payments down AND locked in my interest rate.

[SilverClaw]

Ah I see , well still I do not have a job that pays high enough for it, but it would be nice when I can.

[TarotCanada]

Do you ask for loans forgiveness? It might vary from province to province but in Ontario you can apply for loan forgiveness and it cuts the debt in half. Lending institutions do nothing to help women.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

Nope never heard of that Cheryl, and I am not sure if something like that would apply to student loans.

[TarotCanada]

It is only on student loans that they do it. Here they are called OSAP's, I don't know what the program is called where you are bu it might be worth a call to them to find out if they have a loan forgiveness program.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

Oh ok then I will check it out thanks.

[TarotCanada]

Maybe they don't have that as part of the student loan program there but I think it would be worth the call just in case they do. I know that here it isn't something they jump up and let everyone know about either. I have had a couple of friends who went back to school and got forgiveness on half the money. I hope they have it there - money comes in different ways remember.

Cheryl

[SilverClaw]

money comes in different ways remember.

I know it comes in different ways I have asked through spell work for unexpected money to help with bills and it has come thorugh each time I have asked but due to being so sick I have not been able to do any spellwork lately..

And as for that program I was thinking about it and I think I have heard about it, and will see if it does apply here.

[SilverClaw]

Well can I cry now? Money being an issue again I just got notice from our landlady that we have a rent increase so our rent will be 600 dollars in January and we are to give 2 months notice if we are moving. Ya as if that can happen... I do not know what to think....

The low income housing in this town is a joke and due to the forms we cannot even fill them out correctly.... and if you do not fill them out correctly they just throw the application out.

Anyways I am starting to panic so I am going to calm down and go listen to Cloey do her reading homework.

[SilverClaw]

Opps I made a mistake there needs to be a 3 months notice, but she has lied to use before so we are going to check things out . Something just does not feel right and with the way the sceilings and walls are spearting I do not htink the house is worth the increase or the total amount.

[ShamanFeather]

I haven't read your whole post but it sounds like you are in a tight spot. If you are sick and cant do spell work take a tealight and just say a simple prayer and if nothing else sit in a dark room with it burning and try to meditate or just calm yourself.

Good luck and my prayers for you.

[SilverClaw]

Thank you ShamanFeather and yes I do try to meditate, but latley I am just so draiend I find it rather hard to do.

[Lilith Morgaine]

My angel.... I'm so very sorry you're still having such a hard time... my prayers are with you...... *HUGS*

[goblinhill]

:hugz: & MORE :hugz: & MORE :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Lilith and Goblinhill. :hugz:

[MockingbirdOxygen]

:hugz: Will be keeping you in my thoughts! :uhhuhuh:

[Raven Reed]

You have been going through so much. I am so sorry that there has been this constant state of stress for you and your family. I hope that soon you are in a better space and things settle down. Hugs and more hugs to you!!!!!!!!

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Aunt Boo :hugz:

And HOLY RavenReed i have been missing you and I am so glad to see you !! And thanks for your thoughts and hugs. :hugz:

Well as for today I just feel like banging my head into the wall, I am just so sick of do as I say and not as I do type crap. Cloey is so emotional and stressed out . It is to the point I hear any type of yelling or screaming my chest starts to tighten up, and that does scare me.

[DianaStormDancer]

:loveydove :hugz: Sorry to hear you're going through tough times Love...my thoughts and Love go with you.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks. And hey it is good to see you to, :hugz:

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

hi Scarlettvixen and thanks :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Well I think I am slowly coming to acept the fact that he is not going to change. I would have posted sooner but being sick and just blah and with coming to terms about issues concerning Sylvan (as some of you know in my other thread) has prevented me from posting till now.

Things were getting to the point I was expecting to have something chucked at me. Anyways I am realizing that me moving is the right thing to do. As scared as I have been, I feel that scared feeling slowly going away to which I think is good, I am feeling a bit more confident. So I am just working on getting my health up to par and we will see how it goes from there. I think even though he is making small improvemnts in certain areas that leaving is the only way to go. Which is sad and I wish it did not come to me having to do this but I guess we will see what happens.

[Zhr Morgana]

Aww hon I've been there...you wait so long for him to change and you give him every opportunity to make the effort, but all it does is waste your precious time and parts of your life that you could've spent somewhere else and possibly being much happier. You know I'm here for you.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Zhr and ya I do know that you would think I would have learnt from previous relationships....

[Pesha]

Hun, sometimes no matter what they do not change as much or at all. So now you have to do what you must to take care of you and the kids. Babe I was a battered wife for 8 years in my 1st. marriage. I got out, and got my kids and left it. And it was hard and horrible a road, but I made it. You have more family then I did at the time, so there is help for you and comfort. At least I hope so doll. I tried to get you on msn the other day, but you were off line. Anyway love, I am here for you. Hold on all of us will not let you fall. We are here. I am here. :hugz:

BB
DS.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Dragonsinger and ya anytime I have seen you on msn you have had the busy status sign on so I did not want to bother you.


Hold on all of us will not let you fall. I will or at least try to when the day to take that next step comes:hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Ok I am to sick to my stomach to go into details but please can you send Cloey some healing energy.

[Nighthawk]

Done.. Hang in there.......

[SilverClaw]

I am trying to but Gord has done something that I am not sure how I can forgive. I am so sick to my stomach with anger right now it hurts.

[Nighthawk]

Umm, not good... I know not what to say.. umm.. Sorry

[SilverClaw]

It is ok it just reaffirms what I felt in my above post he is never goign to change. He expects us to listen to him but he will not listen to any of us. I asked him to get out of the house to calm down and he is freaking otu about that which means he has broken another promise so I give up, and ya know I am really starting to hate the word promise, cause all it seems to be connected to false hopes and lies.

[SilverClaw]

Well after a yelling match and such he is finally gone so I am going to go get some house work done to wear off some of this anger see ya.

[Nighthawk]

Wow, I am so sorry.. and there is no way you guys could do the counseling thing and keep it together??

[SilverClaw]

At this point nope do not want to even see him most days cause of the way the acts. And I would not have said it was over if I thought there was any hope of keeping it togehter.