At what age would you let your daughter...

[Faery-Wings]

...shave her legs?
My DD is almost 7 and lucky her- she inherited my Italian hairy legs. I know last year someof her friends at school teased her about it, something I remember all too well. I started shaving my legs when I was in 4th grade. I would love it if I could help her do this. But is this too young? Should it matter or am I just reliving my own feelings of embarassment?


....how about dying her hair? She wants pink hair of all things :lol:
I bought Color Pulse hair color that she will get on her b-day next month. It washed out in 6 shampoos and I thought I could just do a few strands here and there on occasion. But one of her frieinds had her hair bleached already. And one of my son's friends had his mohawk dyed green when he was 8.

I feel like I want to say go ahead- these things are temporary and really who give a s*** what other people think....

On the other hand, if I start letting her shave/bleach etc now, what is she going to want to do when she is 12-13 yo?

[mucgwyrt]

I would say that's fine, especially if she's getting picked on for it :uhhuhuh:
If you're worried she'll cut herself, buy a safety razor or teach her to use veet or something :)

edit: allowing her to shave her legs at 7 isn't leading her down the path to sex, drugs and rock and roll - it will just mean she feels better about herself, wont get picked on and will live a happier less stressful life ;) For the record, I started shaving mine at 10, and I turned out just fine ;) I think you're reading into it a bit much :smooch: although I imagine she'll reach "mom I want my ___ pierced!" at some point :T

editedit: I would say pink hair is fine - how is it different from painting your nails, you know? Just maybe not at school, kwim? ;)

[BrigidMoon]

Well instead of shaving isn't there Nair? Would that work better if you helped her do it like once a week?

[mucgwyrt]

Well instead of shaving isn't there Nair? Would that work better if you helped her do it like once a week?
:uhhuhuh: is it called nair there? we call it veet.

[Yvonne Belisle]

I think if you let her do this now she will be more secure in who she is when most of her peers are busy trying to explore it while hiding from thier parents. It is something temporary that if you support her on this she will know she can count on your support for odd things later. It is a chance to help strengthen the bond between you.

[blithespirit]

I was 11 when I started, but alas, that was 17 years ago and times have changed. If she's already getting teased about it, then take the plunge! Same thing with hair. I was 7 when I had my ears pierced, so why not?

[Ziana]

Since she is already being teased about it, and that can really hurt the self-esteem, I'd say let her if you think she's mature enough. As for the hair dyeing, I have told my seven year old daughter that I don't mind if she wants to have her hair an outrageous color during the summer, but that it has to be back to a normal color before school starts. It doesn't matter if the normal color isn't her natural color or not. But, I have also told her that I won't let her start doing it until she has started her cycles. Sooner than when my mother let me start, but not so young as to possibly damage her hair.

[SalemWitchChild]

I think if you let her do this now she will be more secure in who she is when most of her peers are busy trying to explore it while hiding from thier parents. It is something temporary that if you support her on this she will know she can count on your support for odd things later. It is a chance to help strengthen the bond between you.

I think Yvonne is right. Expecially since she is being teased about it I would go ahead and let her shave.

As for the hair color, I would explain to her what it does to her hair. Explain that she cannot do it all the time but you wish to give her pink hair for a short time. Perhaps tell her once every ___ [fill in the blank there] is how many times she can color. This way she doesn't do like I did and color every two weeks and ruin her hair. :awwman:

Both of these slight changes will help her to feel more confident in herself and her peers will not be teasing her any more. :bigblue:

[Ceres]

What does she want to do? My daughter is 12 and doesnt shave her legs yet. She has been teased about it a few times and asked me if she could shave them at that time. I told her that it was up to her, but she ought to know its a pain to do every couple days all summer. She decided she didnt care if she was teased, she didnt want another *chore* lol. If the teasing isnt bothering HER, I would say leave the decision to shave or not with her.

As for dying hair, well its ONLY hair. I was a bit concerned about the chemicals on my kid's scalp and so discouraged it, but I wouldnt have forbade it if any of them had REALLY wanted to do it.

[mucgwyrt]

What does she want to do? My daughter is 12 and doesnt shave her legs yet. She has been teased about it a few times and asked me if she could shave them at that time. I told her that it was up to her, but she ought to know its a pain to do every couple days all summer. She decided she didnt care if she was teased, she didnt want another *chore* lol. If the teasing isnt bothering HER, I would say leave the decision to shave or not with her.

As for dying hair, well its ONLY hair. I was a bit concerned about the chemicals on my kid's scalp and so discouraged it, but I wouldnt have forbade it if any of them had REALLY wanted to do it.
Your daughter sounds so grown up and mature Radikalwoman! It is a real pain ;)

[Nighthawk]

If she is being teased.. I would okay it. My daughter started as soon as people teased.. no need for poor self esteem, it will get bad anyway. I would suggest an electric razor for the legs, really.. no cuts and nicks.

[DianaStormDancer]

My daughter, Tori who is a fairer than fair redhead.....begged and begged me at age 10 to shave her legs because her friends were already doing so.....I tried to explain to her that with her fair coloring and mininmal leg hair she would never have to if she didn't want to get caught in that skull drugery...but she did so she shaved ......and now after all these years...lmao....she's like MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM why did ya ever let me be so silly!

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

Everyone else has very good advice,and I'm glad to see alot of parents giving their children a choice to a degree.I wish my Mother had actually discussed certain things with me,rather then me having to learn them on my own.So,be open with her...let her know all the positives and negatives of having to shave,and let her decide for herself.I also agree with going with either an electric razor or Veet to start with and when she gets a bit older,then show her how to use a regular razor.

As for the hair coloring,my son is allowed in the summer to use temporary colors on his hair.Two years ago the tips of his hair were blue....freaked my husband out,but it washed out,it was in the summer,and it allowed my son the feeling that he was in control of his own decisions about how he appeared.His school doesn't allow dyed hair,so he'll have to wait till next summer again.Oh,he was 10 back when he did that,and he thought he was cooler then cool that his Mom allowed it,lol.

[BrigidMoon]

:uhhuhuh: is it called nair there? we call it veet.

We have Veet too.

[Rowan MoonDragon]

Since she is already getting teased I say go for it. My youngest daughter is 9 and if/when she starts getting teased, I will let her do it. It will be Nair or Veet though. I dont want her cutting herself. Its too easy to do. With regards to the hair.....I wont even let my 13 yo completely dye her hair...not permanently anyway. She has really fine hair and I dont want her to ruin it. We do highlights and she wants her tips dyed black (she's a blonde) and I'll let her do that but not a full dye job. there are too many chemicals in the dye and in her body. We started out with the colored hair spray and she used it every day. Green, pink, purple, blue....mixed them up. She had alot of fun with it and if my youngest wants to do that I will let her. You have to let them have a little fun and try to figure out their style. I love that my oldest doesn't go with the crowd. temporary hair color is no biggie but personally I would stay away from the permanent stuff at that young age.

[halfwaynowhere]

well, i started shaving pretty young because when i was little, i would take a pair of scissors and cut the hair on my legs, and my mom was worried i would cut myself (rusty scissors blades), so she bought me a razor... she never really showed me how to use it, but i figured it out, of course, i think its better to teach your daughter, we don't want her legs covered in shaving scars like mine...
anyways, what color is her hair? I used Color Pulse way back in April, and although the color has faded much, i still have roots, so it never completely came out... of course, its nothing like the little mermaid red it was at first, but just be warnede, it may not completely come out of light-ish hair... and my hair isn't that light to begin with...

[Faery-Wings]

Thank you for your opinions and suggestions. I loved the idea of an electric razor. I would be wary of Veet/Nair from all of the chemicals int hem. She still has "young" skin and I don't think she should be exposed to those chemiclas. Of course, she'll eat a bag of cheetos... so I am not sure why I am worried about chem's - not like there are not chem's in them. :lol:

halfway- her hair is brown with some light brown highlights, so hopefully if we do a tiny bit ata time, it would be that bright.

My son also had a mohawk last year and put blue gel in his hair on weekends, but they are both too dark to have it show up.

I like that my kids have their own personalities and I don't want to squash that, yet I don't want to give into them too easily either.

[Autumn]

I would vote for the razor, regular or electric with supervision over Nair/Veet. I used that stuff for a while and found the stubble came back just as fast and my skin was really irritated by it. further the clean up was a b*tch

[RowanMegaera]

My 7 year old is also being harassed about her furry legs and we have compromised on the situation. I use the lowest setting on daddy's hair clipper and we take it down as short as we can from the knee down.

She also wants to dye her hair pink and purple, and lucky me... my younger sister currently has hot pink hair... I have had to say no to any kind of permanent dyeing until she is at least 16. That's okay with her. I let her use the washable kind on weekends.

[streghamadre]

It's so nice to read of a bunch of mom-daughter stories similar to ours here. I let my now 10yo have a purple semi-permanent streak in her hair a few years ago, for the summer. Last year, she started asking to shave, since the Italian genes gave her a good womp too, but she's a furry blonde. I bought Veet, but it's still up in the cabinet. I think she may have come around to being ok with it for a while longer.

[Mistress_Ravenshadow]

if she feels the need to do it then I think it would be ok.. if she doesn't have a problem with it then leave it.. she will let you know when she is ready.. my cousin started when she was 10 but she decided to use an epilady instead of a razor which meant she didn't have to worry about doing it constantly.. the problem she found though is that kids teased her for not doing it and then when she did they teased her because she did do it.. sometimes you just cant win and the best thing to do is to teach her not to care about what others think or say and to do things because she wants to do them not because she is being teased or pressured into doing it..
as for hair color at that age I would be inclined to buy the colored hair spray that way she can have her hair whatever color she wants no matter how out there it may be but its not a permanent thing.. once they start it never stops lol.. i think its a reasonable compromise at this age.. that way too if she then doesn't like it shes not stuck with it..
pink fades very quickly so to keep it looking good you have to do it at least every 2 weeks and with alot of the pink dyes for it to take properly you have to bleach the hair until its white which can damage the hair badly
i think all in all it depends on the child and whether they are ready for it.. every child is different..

[farm girl]

Nair and Veet are two different things. I have heard Veet is better, but I have never used it. I used Nair once and it was brutal!

If she is getting picked on, I would let her, if she wants to. Kids can be so cruel. :foh: My daughter is 7 also, but her hair is light, so I will have her wait until she is 10-12.

As for hair dye.... I was allowed to do it early. I kinda regret that. My hair was never the natural color in hs and my hair was very unhealthy. When I got married, I let it go back to a natural color, and now I won't touch it with dye. Just be sure to explain to her that dye can sometimes ruin hair, and not always come out the way we hope. (ie my friend who tried to make his hair a pretty blue, and ended up with a horrid green)

[soilsigh aingeal]

My daughter is only 3 so we've got a ways to go. I wasn't allowed until I was 12-13... and she's 7!! Wow, times have changed. What about those shave minimizing lotions, they're supposed to make the hair thinner and less noticable? I know by the time I was in 12th grade I was shaving every day to keep my legs smooth, it gets to be a pain, I'd try the lotion before giving the go ahead to shave.

[starfire]

If she is getting teased about her Hairy legs she is going to do it anyway, so teaching her how would save her from many cuts. She is still pretty young, I know my daughter thought my mustache was special, you know the Portugues heritage....(I hate it, bleach is, and I am afraid to do more in fear that it will grow in thicker) If you don't want to let her now, at least in a couple of years. Again talk to a pediatrician about pros and cons. I know one lady that became infuriated with her daughter (age 11) when she shaved against her moms wishes. This was purely a power struggle for there was no reason not to, and the girl was getting teased and going through puberty as well.

As far as chemical removals at her age, ask your pediatrician to be sure they would be safe for delecate skin.

When it comes to hair color, the kind that washes out would be fun for now, that way if she didn't like it after all, she can do something with it. As far as bleaching goes, that is so harsh on the hair, I don't get parents that encourage young ones to do that. At least talk to a qualified hairdress to find out what is the least damaging. Also I would recommend having some of her own hair color around just in case she hates it, or wants to change it back.

I know when I was I kid, I started shaving my own legs and under arms without my mom's knowledge, something she never taught me....I think I showed my daughter when I caught her with a razor shaving her own....After mutilating one leg, we did the other together. She was young, 9 maybe.

I would also be sure talk to her about these things, the pros and cons to each. Let her help choose A or B

Good Luck

[Hope3645]

...shave her legs?
My DD is almost 7 and lucky her- she inherited my Italian hairy legs. I know last year someof her friends at school teased her about it, something I remember all too well. I started shaving my legs when I was in 4th grade. I would love it if I could help her do this. But is this too young? Should it matter or am I just reliving my own feelings of embarassment?

My little sister was 8 or 9 when the same thing happened to her. My mother didn't allow her to shave yet, but I helped her anyway (I was only 10 and had never even shaved myself lol). Luckily, we didn't hurt ourselves. I think it can be a little dangerous to let a 7 year-old shave her own legs. I stated shaving when I was 11 and 1/2 (because in middle school some of the girls would actually go around and feel legs to make sure everyone had shaved..my hair wasn't really dark enough to see). Anyway, I routinely cut myself until I was 15. When I was 14 I cut the vein below my anklebone, and it bleed and hurt a lot. The same thing has happen to some of my friends and we were teens. I can't imagine having the patience to do shave safely at 7 (of course, I was "a wild little heathern").

If it were my daughter, I would dye the leg hair or get her some nair (have to make sure she understands the directions or this can be painful too...maybe I just have bad luck). Ohh, or you could get her one of those electric (battery powered) shavers that are impossible to cut oneself with. That would probably be the best bet. I got mine at Wal-Mart for like $6. They even come in pink.

[Lunadria]

I have a friend who went through this issue with her daughter about four years ago because she was being bullied at school because of it. My friend is a trained beauty therapist so she decided to wax her daughter so she wouldn't need to worry about shaving often and also had the theory the hair would soften and minimize over time.

I see no problem with her shaving, but I do think a hair removal cream or wax may be better. After all how many women enjoy shaving? let alone a child. Just my two cents.

Edited to correct spelling

[RowanMegaera]

Side note - my daughter was born with black hair... all over. Her poor little back looked like a baby gorilla, my husband and I decided that if that didn't go away we would definitely pay to have electrolysis done before she got old enough to be harassed. We have a friend whose eight year old has very thick dark back hair and gets teased very badly about it.

Luckily for us, her back hair lightened as she got older and it's far less noticible. Her leg hair is a whole different matter.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Id let her do it. Shes a little young but if shes being teased...Id let her do it, just show her how and maybe watch her the first few times.

As for hair dye, I did my own hair a while back with bright purple streaks, I let my 6 year old have the left over dye for her own hair, it looked kool...and its only hair, it does grow out, nothing wrong with a little fun.

[banondraig]

My daughter is only 3 so we've got a ways to go. I wasn't allowed until I was 12-13... and she's 7!! Wow, times have changed. What about those shave minimizing lotions, they're supposed to make the hair thinner and less noticable? I know by the time I was in 12th grade I was shaving every day to keep my legs smooth, it gets to be a pain, I'd try the lotion before giving the go ahead to shave.

the hair grows back slower, too. i noticed a bi difference between when i was using that and when i quit. i hardly ever bother with any hair removal anymore myself as i wear long pants to work every day.

i think maybe waxing is the way to go -- no horrid chemicals, and it lasts for a while. plus hte lack of upkep required means that maybe the other kids will find another target!

it's good that you're being flexible about this -- i read in an interview with bette middler that her mom thought no girl needed a bra before the age of 13. of course "the divine miss m" developed a lot sooner than that, so the other girls would be in the locker room at p.e. showing off their training bras that were holding up a whole bunch of nothing, and she had to bounce and bobble the whole way home.

[Faeawyn]

My daughters 12 and hasn't started shaving yet. But her hair is very blonde and I wouldn't have any problem with it if she was getting teased. I actually bought her an electric shaver last year in case she was ready, but she's still putting it off..... I think she's afraid if she shaves, the hair will grow back black :lol:
I've tried Veet myself before and got a terrible rash from it....but that may be an atypical reaction to it. I'd do a test patch on her before using any chemical removal product to make sure she doesn't have any adverse effects. Good luck :)

[ReinaB]

I bought my daughter a rechargeable electric razor in the 4th grade(she is very pale with very dark hair) when she asked if she could shave. After about a year, she decided to try a razor and uses just that now(she's 13).
As for hair, I do her hair a few times a year with Manic Panic. It lasts maybe 8 weeks tops, is available in some really cool colors and a lot less toxic than dyes, as it is water based. My feeling is kids need to be able to express themselves in a way that is not harmful, should be fun for them and they learn something from it. Her friends were shocked that not only did she have blue hair, but that her MOM did the coloring. :)

[skyy_blue8278]

I was 9 so I have made the decision to let my girls shave at 9 if they are ready.

[fairielove]

My daughter is ten and I let her shave her legs now, because they were very hairy and last year she did get teased too. About dying the hair I think I would wait a couple of years, give her something to look forward too.lol.

[StephanieAine]

If she was teased last year when she was 6, was this a situation where she came home sobbing in tears being devastated and feeling horrible about herself? Or was it more like a fairly brief remark that may or may not have indicated upset? And if she seemed upset, was she only emotional in that moment... or did she forget all about it?

In other words, is this more about you remembering your childhood and fearing that she may go through the same thing... or is it more about *her experience* of the situation *currently*?

Here's what I'm thinking.

Even if she was teased last year, she may not be teased this year. To me, shaving is a last resort... particularly for a seven year old. Seven years old... that's extremely young to be shaving or using hair removers. Hair removal in our culture tends to be seen as a sexual sort of thing, at least in the sense that men like women with silky legs and so forth... and shaven legs are something people notice. What would it look like, visually, to see a seven year old walking around with shaven legs?

Also - if she's not very bothered by it, or if it's something she's only bothered by if she's reminded of the incident... would shaving her legs make her feel that she needs to shave in order to be considered pretty by others? That the views of others are so important that if a person teases you, you have to "fix the problem" in order to fall into the standards that the rude person feels are necessary?

Or, could it make her perceive herself as needing to hurry up and look womanly? (Also, she'll become more focused on her legs because of the heavier regrowth and the stubble, so she's going to start focusing more on beauty maintainance just as a natural outgrowth of beginning a routine like shaving every few days etc).

What about older boys/men in school, or in the neighborhood? How might this affect her life and people's comments?

My daughter is now an adult, but when she started shaving at 12, it was only because she was truly more hairy in an obvious way, and she was entering an age when the other girls were shaving - so she would be the only one with hairy legs/underarms in her class. I also tried to keep her from using makeup extensively, primarily to keep her within her age group's 'look' - rather than letting her end up Lolita-esque...

In large part, this was because I had reasons to consider all of these issues, ranging from safety to self-image, after she dealt with sexual abuse in early childhood from a relative... so I really didn't want to compound the problems she dealt with in the aftermath. I noticed how some girls who had never faced those issues were basically turning into teenagers when they were barely into elementary school, and many seemed to feel pressure to become ultra-sexy in that "older girl" way that most people notice in late-high school aged teens... and that they also faced sexual pressure from boys very early.

Who knows how much of this is connected, and which parts are connected to what - but it just seemed like good sense to keep her chronological age in mind, and also keep in mind that in many ways, society has completely dropped the ball as far as helping kids to have a real childhood. Even if a large number of girls are wearing thong panties -- *visibly* -- with their jeans to school, even at age nine sometimes... that doesn't mean it's appropriate to allow kids to do that, for example.

That's the sort of thinking I have about the shaving issue (and makeup, etc... which I basically permitted on a graduated basis: in 5th grade, she had "Bonne Bell Lipsmackers" and faint, almost invisible blush; 6th grade, same thing, plus beige eyeshadow on special occasions, with maybe a light touch of brown mascara; 8th grade, pinkish or mauve lipstick or gloss, and light sandy brown eyeshadow okay, and even a bit of eyeliner if it looks natural; by high school age, she was able to choose her own makeup because she knew how to do a very light-handed, natural makeup job and it was tastefully done. BTW, when she was very young... just so she could have fun with it, I let her put on makeup of any kind while at home, just for play time... but it had to be washed off before she was allowed to go outside to play or out to dinner, etc.!)

Anyway, I don't know your daughter or your situation... and I don't know your particular concerns and so forth... so I'm basically just tossing around my own thoughts and experiences just so you have more input. More ideas to consider, that kind of thing. And I do keep in mind that my daughter has now entered her twenties (gawd, I'm old now!)... so maybe I'm out of my element when it comes to a child who is 7 years old in 2005. But in my heart of hearts, this is the kind of thing that I just don't think changes very much, you know? Kids are kids, and sometimes I just think that maybe moms have it harder than they do... because we have that ache of knowing the trials of growing up that they have to go through! Thinking about a little one being teased for something like this is heartbreaking, so I can see why you're thinking of ways to prevent her from suffering from it. I just hope you come up with a solution, or words of wisdom to give to her, that will ease things for her.

Ack, I'm talking and I won't shut up - :gagged:

-Stevie