The common In-law conflict

[seapearls]

Is it better off to just stay as detached as possible? You keep up with your family and let your spouse keep up with theirs and just smile and nod at gatherings. It seems that most people have conflicts with their in-laws. If your relationship with them doesn't start off bad, it usually gets there eventually. Kudos to those of you who have never had this issue. _handclapp

I didn't for the 1st 6 yrs and now since last yr my mother n law has started bullying me, and according to my husband she does it to everyone and just finally decided to do it to me. Now that I know her true nature finally I'm thru with her. My husbands step dad, birth father & step mother are all nice. Same with his siblings and they will all agree that his mom is *insert derogatory phrase here*.

What do you do?

[HorseCrow]

I have never had any problems with my inlaws of 5 yrs- they adore me and I rather like them too. Sure we disagree on things (like politics) but I just make sure to stay away from those topics.

[seapearls]

I avoid having anything to do with my MONSTER in law that way I can't be charged for assault & battery. LOL It will come to a point where I'll have to demand she treat me with respect or she'll no longer be a part of me or my childrens life. Sometimes you have to be direct & force your point with bullies because that's all they'll respond to. You deserve better treatment.

That's horrible your treated like that too. I sent an email for my father n law thismorning since we haven't talked to them in like 6 months and sent them pics of the girls. Sometimes he sends the pics to Adams mom (although they don't get along too well) and last time (6 months ago) she sent me a carbon copy of an email to Adams dad thanking him for the pics with snide read between the line remarks that she made sure I'd see. I told my husband today that if he does forward them to her and she does the same thing it's on. She will finally be TOLD that she will not bully me and I will not put up with her sh**. He said go for it.

I'm glad mine live in another state.

[mucgwyrt]

Na, not much luck here, either *hohum* my boyfriend used to get VERY upset with me about not tolerating their poo. When we first got together, to quote him, "my family is a huge part of my life and if you're dating me you're dating them!" um, no..! :wtf: He's a lot more chilled now, and doesn't mind if I opt out of visiting them. To be honest, I think now he's moved out he finds them all a bit much to deal with too, when he visits ;)

[Mother Goose]

dh's family is mine....they all like me except for one sister and our one sister-in-law. I got pretty lucky with the inlaws I have. I get along with most of them and really like some of them a lot. :D

[coyoger]

Aside from my hubby's sister, (the younger one) I just don't talk to my in-laws at all if I can help it.

Quite literly, I just sat here and stewed andout my MIL for a few minutes before I started typing again.

Usually I keep up enough on current events. But when Hubby's home, and they call, I'll pick up the phone, say hello, then pass the phone to him. And when he's not home I don't answer at all.

I tend to say the truth when asked, and that doesn't go over well with them at all.

[Happy Shrew]

In-laws just come in all varieties. My family's full of great ones and bad ones.

Case in point: my mom has never had an issue with my dad's parents. They're on very different wavelengths, but they interact pretty closely. My dad got stuck with Mom-in-Law-From-Hell (a mentally disturbed woman), but fortunately for all of us she up and left for North Carolina right around the time they got married. My mom's dad was a great guy, though, and my dad was pretty involved with him. Which is good, because my mom's a total Daddy's Girl.

As of this moment, I adore my boyfriend's family. They don't interact with the dad's family anymore (another case of In-Laws-From-Hell) and I haven't met the mom's side, but with a family their size most of the interaction stays within the immediate family anyway.

My boyfriend's mom is a very strong-willed woman, so I know that at some point down the line we WILL butt heads, but given how we both choose not to sweat the small stuff I imagine that will be a very rare thing. Besides, it takes a lot for either of us to hold a grudge, so once the issue at hand has blown over we'll probably shrug it off.

As for MY family, I really don't care what my boyfriend opts to do so long as he doesn't light any fires. He gets on very well with my brother (whose social skills are lacking) and I'd be very happy if they interacted regularly. But hey, it's his call.

Regarding the issue of whether or not he and my family like each other, I do consider it somewhat of a priority. I've always told my parents that if they didn't like a guy I brought home I wanted them to say so. I can do that because their standards are very basic. If I brought home a four-headed slime beast, they'd be fine with it so long as he didn't hit me, didn't disrespect me and overall just made me happy. And if my boyfriend didn't like my family, I'd like to know about that, too. This apple didn't fall very far from the tree.

[Seren_]

I really get on with my in-laws, they're nice, SANE people. Not so my mother, who hubby really doesn't get on with. We're talking about a woman who accuses my husband of going on business trips (which he has to go on, not like he has a choice) just so he can go shag prostitutes. She has no grounds for accusations like this, other than the fact that she's bitter and twisted and all men are bastards (obviously).

It's got to the point where I tend not to bother bringing hubby along when she comes to visit. He works so hard and his weekends are the only time he really gets to chill out, so it's not fair that I insist on inflicting that on him. As a trade-off, he'll come with me when we have to go and stay with her - it's not like I can tolerate her much either. When that happens, he just ignores her for the most part. And if she starts going on, he'll start talking in a really thick accent so she can't understand him. Or he'll speak very slowly, clearly and not very politely.

[Jenne]

Well, to me, obviously, if you have GOOD in-laws (like MY parents, lol), then by all means get close to them and reap the benefits of being that much more a part of your spouse's life/family life.

But if they are heinous energy-sucking vampires (like my step-mother-in-law), then the furthest you can run the better. We purposely go see my fil when she's not there. She hates children, has a house with white walls and white carpet, lots of china and crystal and $30K pieces of furniture about. She calls my husband's family swarthy and dirty looking because they're Afghan (she's pink and pretty and blonde and white, of course--gag!), and the way she abuses my children just disgusts me.

Sigh.

My husband's bio mom is ok, but she's kinda kookoo. So even though she's not been here very long, I can already tell she'd be a jealous, seething wreck eventually if I got too too involved with her. So I keep my distance, and we're both somewhat happy there, because hubby visits her as often as he can for lunch and whatnot.

Anyway, I'd kill to have il's like my parents, who are generous and treat my hubby like he's their son. But instead, I've got the double-whammy.

[seapearls]

Well unless an inlaw e-mails or calls here and actually goes out of their way to be nice to me then I'm not going give any of them a second thought. Even the nice ones hardly ever actually call to check on us they expect us to do all the reaching out. I have family members on my side who did that and I don't ever talk to them anymore because I got sick of always having to be the one to do all the work. It's a 2 way street.

[frigga]

I stay on good terms with my hubby parents but it's easy seeing as their half way across the country. I think we're starting to distance ourselves emotionally from them now though; they recently told my husband they wouldn't be up here to meet their new granddaughter, they already decided to use their vacation time to visit their frinds 2 hours away! Needless to say we feel alittle put out and unimportant.

[frigga]

Well unless an inlaw e-mails or calls here and actually goes out of their way to be nice to me then I'm not going give any of them a second thought. Even the nice ones hardly ever actually call to check on us they expect us to do all the reaching out. I have family members on my side who did that and I don't ever talk to them anymore because I got sick of always having to be the one to do all the work. It's a 2 way street.
Yes! I hate that! I get yelled at when I don't call but I'm the only one ever calling!! :ahhhhhhh:

[seapearls]

I stay on good terms with my hubby parents but it's easy seeing as their half way across the country. I think we're starting to distance ourselves emotionally from them now though; they recently told my husband they wouldn't be up here to meet their new granddaughter, they already decided to use their vacation time to visit their frinds 2 hours away! Needless to say we feel alittle put out and unimportant.

The conflict with my mother n law happened last June while I was pregnant with Brianna, I had her in October and she has hardly taken an interest in her at all. No one has come here but my mother & father (divorced)to visit after she was born, the rest of the family members expect us to bring her to them. And this includes both sides of the family.

:fpatricks

*Four letter word* them, I'm starting to not give a damn about anyone anymore unless they live in my house, family makes me nuts.