CzechWoods
November 18th, 2001, 08:36 PM
Namaste all,
with all the threatening and devastating experience, I have found out, that laughter is now more needed then ever. So I ll give a good example, and share in thsi forum some funnys, jokes etc.
I hope you all will get a good laugh of them, or at least a giggle.
Czech
STARTING WITH
PAGAN CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD...
Alexandrian/Gardnerian:
To reveal this would be to break my oath of secrecy.
I can say, though, that it *really* is an ancient rite, dating far
back in time, back even before 1951, and I have learned it from an
unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a chicken to make an egg.
Asatru:
First, we don't believe in a "One Chicken" or a "Hen and Rooster." We
believe in many chickens. Second,
"crossing the road" is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the
chicken simply crossed from one level to another. Hail to the
Chickens!
British Traditional:
The word "chicken" comes from a very specific
Old English word ("gechekken"), and it only properly applies to
certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for the
rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to crossing
the road, but you must remember that traditional roads are not to be
confused with the modern roads....
Celtic:
In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer's day, there is still practiced
St. Henny's Dance, which is a survival
of the old pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today,
modern pagans are reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the
Green Rooster.
Ceremonial:
"Crossing the road" is a phrase that summarizes
many magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce
the energy necessary for the intention of the travelacross the road.
For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct, the
moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the other
side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee to the
other side of the road), and the chicken had toprepare herself
through fasting and proper incantations. Note: certain forms of
invocation (summoning an egg *inside* your chicken self) can produce
abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside a
properly erected barnyard. ...
Chaos:
Thinking in terms of "roads" and "crossings" is
simply looking at the formal, typically perceived structure of
chicken crossing space-time. We, instead, focus on the possibility of
chicken crossing itself; what appears to be a random act is thus
actually the norm — it is the **road** which is the freak of chance.
Indeed, quantum mechanics now demonstrates what we knew all along:
two roads can simultaneously exist in the same place at the same
time. Thus, by attuning ourselves tothe dynamic energy
(called "crossing"), we can manifest theroad. Of course, to the
unknowledgeable, this appears as a chicken crossing the road.
Dianic:
The chykyn ("chicken" is a term of patriarchal oppression) sought to
reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side of the road,
after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing so, she
reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.
Discordian:
cock-a-doodle-doo !
Druid:
To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind that 99% of
everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road is pure hogwash,
based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few unfortunate chicken
sacrifices in the past, but that is over now...
Eclectic:
Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used some Egyptian
style corn and a Celtic sounding word
for the road and incorporated some Native American elements into her
Corn-name,
Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.
Faery:
In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those
properly trained can still see the chickens crossing the
roads. Reconnecting with these "fey-fowl" as they cross is crucial to
restoring the balance between the energies of modern development and
living with the earth.
Family Traditional:
Growing up, we didn't think much about "crossing the road." A chicken
was a chicken. It crossed the road
because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused
on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard
and less with all this "guardians of the chickencoop" business. We
didn't get our concepts of "chickens" or "the other side" from
Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did
not "scratch down" on
paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at certain times in
history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter chicken soup!),
but that doesn't change the facts: there *were* real chickens, and
they *really did* cross the road!
Kitchen Witch:
The chicken crossed the road to get food, to get a
rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have
chicken for supper!
Left Hand Path:
White, fluffy chickens prancing across the road! Do you think that is
*all* there is to crossing the road? Do you *dare* to know the dark
side of crossing the road and the *other* path to self-development?
New Age:
The chicken crossed the road because she chose this as one of her
lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there
was so much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other
Side.
Newbie:
well, 'cause I read in this really kewl book that said, like,
chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?
Posting on an Online Discussion Group:
What do you mean <<why did the chicken cross the
road?>> ???!!!??? Haven't you read **any** of the previous posts?
We've been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question,
painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer. I know you wrote
<<all i wnted to know was why chickens cross the road, im not looking
for any chicken
spells>> but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to
REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic! No, this is *not* a
flame. But, I and several others herehave the *maturity* to properly
explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained;
we *didn't* just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens.
<whew, feeling much better after ranting>
Solitaire:
The chicken didn't want to be part of a coven or an oven.
Shaman:
Crossing the road is a way to reconnect with the healing, visionary
lifeways of the past. Chickens have
long known this, but increasingly the Rooster's Movement is adding
more roosters to the crossings too.
Snert:
Hey, are you guys really chickens? Can you give me a spell that will
make a chicken cross the road?
Margot Adler:
The recent chicken resurgence, it can be argued, is directly
based on a response to the suburban middle class experience.
While I found that chickens-who-cross-roads who responded
to my survey are of a wide range of ages and backgrounds,
I discovered some trends in the "why" of crossing the road.
For some it is was freedom. For some it is chickensim. Many
chickens told me they crossed the road for intellectual
satisfaction. One thing is clear: the growth of road crossing
by chickens is expanding in the numbers of chickens and in the
ways they cross the road, including at chicken festivals and
for political blocking of roads.
I. Bonewits:
Real crossing-the-road, we have seen, is a very interwoven
and complicated subject. Our conclusion could be that real
crossing-the-road is the build up of chicken emotion in
conjunction with chicken concepts to vary the modulation of
chicken energy so as to effect the modulation of the road's
energy. That's all! Perhaps it is unfortunate, though, to use
the word "chicken" in relation to it, since the "C" word is being
used now in a way it was never used before in the English
language and is an utterly meaningless term without a qualifying
adjective. And this, of course, is the fault of the medireview
Christian Church, through the Gothic Chickens it invented and
used as the basis of persecuting men, women and chickens.
The word "chicken" itself comes from an Indo-European root,
"cheeka/e" meaning "one who lays eggs," and it has no relation
to the later Anglo-Saxon word for "wise spirit of flight," as so
often stated by certain contemporary "Chics." An'Chk'Rrhod
("Our Own Chickens on Our Own Roads"), an authentic
Neo-Chicken Rooster tradition, offers the best of paleo-, meso-
and neo- Chickenism ...
Carlos Castenada:
4/10/1964 I spent 14 hours, without food or water, sitting on
the dirt and under the sun in front of Don Juan's house, grinding
chicken feed. I asked Don Juan if I could have a drink of water,
and he told me that it was always this way, that a man who
wanted to cross the road with the chicken cannot have any food
or water till the chicken feed is ground. I asked Don Juan if the
chicken is an ally, like the little smoke. Don Juan seemed to get
angry and stayed silent. After I completed grinding the corn, I
hallucinated from heat exhaustion, and Don Juan said I was ready. As
I collapsed to my side, I spilled the chicken feed around me. A
chicken appeared to be eating the feed around me, and I became
strangely absorbed in the vision. I heard Don Juan's voice tell
me, "You must let the chicken cross the road into you. It is very
painful, but for a man of knowledge it is easy."
Scott Cunningham:
A chicken passes between the grasses, clucking. The wind
blows, and the chicken knows, *knows*, that this is the time.
She puts her energy into taking the steps, in harmony with the
gravel and the stones of the road. She is across; it is over, and
the chicken stands in the field on the other side of the road. ...
Natural chicken crossing is unique among most other branches
of the art of chicken road crossing. It doesn't require years of
collecting or fashioning coops, feeders or hen houses. Indeed,
the most important tools of natural chicken crossing are free:
the road, the chicken and you, your personal chicken power.
You're already familiar with it. You've felt it. You *are* a
chicken. Crossing the road is you, with your chicken need.
And, you can do it on your own. After all, who initiated the first
chicken?
Janet and Stewart Farrar:
Since so many editions of Gardner's Chicken Book of Crossings
have appeared in print (some accurate, some not), we think it
won't "lay an egg" too much if we clearly present "The Chicke
Crossing Rite," especially if we do so after two and half pages
of well researched introduction set in six-point type. In version A
of the Chicken Crossing Rite, we find many pseudo-archaisms
(e.g., "Yea, Ye Anciente Rite of Ye Chiks and Ye Rodes is a moste
powerful Crafting, taking thy athame ..."); however, Doreen Valiente
notes (in version C, which is what we present), and we agree, that
underlying it all is a basic ritual for summoning the astral road
through the spirit of the Chicken (drawn down in the person of the
High Priestess, holding the black handled feed bin; of course, a
second degree may assist or perform the rite when....
Llewellyn's Practical Chicken Magick Series:
To some people, the idea that "chickens crossing the road" is
practical comes as a surprise. It shouldn't. The whole idea
of Crossing the Road is practical for chickens. While Crossing
the Road is also, and properly so, concerned with spiritual
growth and psychological transformation --the "why" of crossing
the road-- every chicken's life must rest firmly on material
roads. Crossing the Road is the flowering of chicken potential.
And the profits from publishing all those books on how to do so?
Well, that ain't chicken feed...
Starhawk:
The chicken crossed the road to reclaim the crossing experience, the
experience of being fully alive, with streams and earth and rocks and
road, in the fullness of her chickenhood after thousands of years of
roosterarchy. The chicken crossing the road — not a chicken laying
eggs, not a chicken being roasted and eaten — a chicken strong and
free, crossing the road, this is something I can believe in. We
chickens, as chickens, can reclaim this in harmony with the Earth who
gives life to all chickens and Who has been terribly scratched by
roosters. Exercises: Dance the Spiral Chicken.
Doreen Valiente:
Old Chicken really did exist, and she really did cross the road.
Gerald talked about her often, but she didn't cross the road
till before I began studying with Gerald. Still, there are records
of Old Chicken which confirm her reality. As for all the comments
that Gerald had a "thing" for chickens, that is simply not true.
The reason we worked with chickens is really quite simple: it worked!
Silver Raven Wolf:
Although many times people have asked me why exactly the
chicken crossed the road, I often wonder myself. My point is
that every chicken comes to the road in a different way, and
there is no one correct way for the chicken to get to the road
to be crossed. The study of crossing the road is hard work
if the chicken is going to develop any degree of proficiency.
It is not something where you can just cluck yourself across the
road. The first time my chicken crossed the road was for my
chicken's friend, whose rooster was being abusive. The chicken
worked the steps for crossing the road after carefully
considering all the reasons for crossing the road and all the
steps she would have to take. Finally, my chicken just started
clucking and flapping her wings and started across the road.
When she reached the other side, her friend's rooster was
respectful! Afterwards, the chicken ate some corn to
ground herself.
with all the threatening and devastating experience, I have found out, that laughter is now more needed then ever. So I ll give a good example, and share in thsi forum some funnys, jokes etc.
I hope you all will get a good laugh of them, or at least a giggle.
Czech
STARTING WITH
PAGAN CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD...
Alexandrian/Gardnerian:
To reveal this would be to break my oath of secrecy.
I can say, though, that it *really* is an ancient rite, dating far
back in time, back even before 1951, and I have learned it from an
unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a chicken to make an egg.
Asatru:
First, we don't believe in a "One Chicken" or a "Hen and Rooster." We
believe in many chickens. Second,
"crossing the road" is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the
chicken simply crossed from one level to another. Hail to the
Chickens!
British Traditional:
The word "chicken" comes from a very specific
Old English word ("gechekken"), and it only properly applies to
certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for the
rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to crossing
the road, but you must remember that traditional roads are not to be
confused with the modern roads....
Celtic:
In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer's day, there is still practiced
St. Henny's Dance, which is a survival
of the old pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today,
modern pagans are reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the
Green Rooster.
Ceremonial:
"Crossing the road" is a phrase that summarizes
many magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce
the energy necessary for the intention of the travelacross the road.
For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct, the
moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the other
side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee to the
other side of the road), and the chicken had toprepare herself
through fasting and proper incantations. Note: certain forms of
invocation (summoning an egg *inside* your chicken self) can produce
abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside a
properly erected barnyard. ...
Chaos:
Thinking in terms of "roads" and "crossings" is
simply looking at the formal, typically perceived structure of
chicken crossing space-time. We, instead, focus on the possibility of
chicken crossing itself; what appears to be a random act is thus
actually the norm — it is the **road** which is the freak of chance.
Indeed, quantum mechanics now demonstrates what we knew all along:
two roads can simultaneously exist in the same place at the same
time. Thus, by attuning ourselves tothe dynamic energy
(called "crossing"), we can manifest theroad. Of course, to the
unknowledgeable, this appears as a chicken crossing the road.
Dianic:
The chykyn ("chicken" is a term of patriarchal oppression) sought to
reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side of the road,
after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing so, she
reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.
Discordian:
cock-a-doodle-doo !
Druid:
To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind that 99% of
everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road is pure hogwash,
based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few unfortunate chicken
sacrifices in the past, but that is over now...
Eclectic:
Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used some Egyptian
style corn and a Celtic sounding word
for the road and incorporated some Native American elements into her
Corn-name,
Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.
Faery:
In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those
properly trained can still see the chickens crossing the
roads. Reconnecting with these "fey-fowl" as they cross is crucial to
restoring the balance between the energies of modern development and
living with the earth.
Family Traditional:
Growing up, we didn't think much about "crossing the road." A chicken
was a chicken. It crossed the road
because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused
on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard
and less with all this "guardians of the chickencoop" business. We
didn't get our concepts of "chickens" or "the other side" from
Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did
not "scratch down" on
paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at certain times in
history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter chicken soup!),
but that doesn't change the facts: there *were* real chickens, and
they *really did* cross the road!
Kitchen Witch:
The chicken crossed the road to get food, to get a
rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have
chicken for supper!
Left Hand Path:
White, fluffy chickens prancing across the road! Do you think that is
*all* there is to crossing the road? Do you *dare* to know the dark
side of crossing the road and the *other* path to self-development?
New Age:
The chicken crossed the road because she chose this as one of her
lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there
was so much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other
Side.
Newbie:
well, 'cause I read in this really kewl book that said, like,
chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?
Posting on an Online Discussion Group:
What do you mean <<why did the chicken cross the
road?>> ???!!!??? Haven't you read **any** of the previous posts?
We've been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question,
painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer. I know you wrote
<<all i wnted to know was why chickens cross the road, im not looking
for any chicken
spells>> but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to
REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic! No, this is *not* a
flame. But, I and several others herehave the *maturity* to properly
explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained;
we *didn't* just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens.
<whew, feeling much better after ranting>
Solitaire:
The chicken didn't want to be part of a coven or an oven.
Shaman:
Crossing the road is a way to reconnect with the healing, visionary
lifeways of the past. Chickens have
long known this, but increasingly the Rooster's Movement is adding
more roosters to the crossings too.
Snert:
Hey, are you guys really chickens? Can you give me a spell that will
make a chicken cross the road?
Margot Adler:
The recent chicken resurgence, it can be argued, is directly
based on a response to the suburban middle class experience.
While I found that chickens-who-cross-roads who responded
to my survey are of a wide range of ages and backgrounds,
I discovered some trends in the "why" of crossing the road.
For some it is was freedom. For some it is chickensim. Many
chickens told me they crossed the road for intellectual
satisfaction. One thing is clear: the growth of road crossing
by chickens is expanding in the numbers of chickens and in the
ways they cross the road, including at chicken festivals and
for political blocking of roads.
I. Bonewits:
Real crossing-the-road, we have seen, is a very interwoven
and complicated subject. Our conclusion could be that real
crossing-the-road is the build up of chicken emotion in
conjunction with chicken concepts to vary the modulation of
chicken energy so as to effect the modulation of the road's
energy. That's all! Perhaps it is unfortunate, though, to use
the word "chicken" in relation to it, since the "C" word is being
used now in a way it was never used before in the English
language and is an utterly meaningless term without a qualifying
adjective. And this, of course, is the fault of the medireview
Christian Church, through the Gothic Chickens it invented and
used as the basis of persecuting men, women and chickens.
The word "chicken" itself comes from an Indo-European root,
"cheeka/e" meaning "one who lays eggs," and it has no relation
to the later Anglo-Saxon word for "wise spirit of flight," as so
often stated by certain contemporary "Chics." An'Chk'Rrhod
("Our Own Chickens on Our Own Roads"), an authentic
Neo-Chicken Rooster tradition, offers the best of paleo-, meso-
and neo- Chickenism ...
Carlos Castenada:
4/10/1964 I spent 14 hours, without food or water, sitting on
the dirt and under the sun in front of Don Juan's house, grinding
chicken feed. I asked Don Juan if I could have a drink of water,
and he told me that it was always this way, that a man who
wanted to cross the road with the chicken cannot have any food
or water till the chicken feed is ground. I asked Don Juan if the
chicken is an ally, like the little smoke. Don Juan seemed to get
angry and stayed silent. After I completed grinding the corn, I
hallucinated from heat exhaustion, and Don Juan said I was ready. As
I collapsed to my side, I spilled the chicken feed around me. A
chicken appeared to be eating the feed around me, and I became
strangely absorbed in the vision. I heard Don Juan's voice tell
me, "You must let the chicken cross the road into you. It is very
painful, but for a man of knowledge it is easy."
Scott Cunningham:
A chicken passes between the grasses, clucking. The wind
blows, and the chicken knows, *knows*, that this is the time.
She puts her energy into taking the steps, in harmony with the
gravel and the stones of the road. She is across; it is over, and
the chicken stands in the field on the other side of the road. ...
Natural chicken crossing is unique among most other branches
of the art of chicken road crossing. It doesn't require years of
collecting or fashioning coops, feeders or hen houses. Indeed,
the most important tools of natural chicken crossing are free:
the road, the chicken and you, your personal chicken power.
You're already familiar with it. You've felt it. You *are* a
chicken. Crossing the road is you, with your chicken need.
And, you can do it on your own. After all, who initiated the first
chicken?
Janet and Stewart Farrar:
Since so many editions of Gardner's Chicken Book of Crossings
have appeared in print (some accurate, some not), we think it
won't "lay an egg" too much if we clearly present "The Chicke
Crossing Rite," especially if we do so after two and half pages
of well researched introduction set in six-point type. In version A
of the Chicken Crossing Rite, we find many pseudo-archaisms
(e.g., "Yea, Ye Anciente Rite of Ye Chiks and Ye Rodes is a moste
powerful Crafting, taking thy athame ..."); however, Doreen Valiente
notes (in version C, which is what we present), and we agree, that
underlying it all is a basic ritual for summoning the astral road
through the spirit of the Chicken (drawn down in the person of the
High Priestess, holding the black handled feed bin; of course, a
second degree may assist or perform the rite when....
Llewellyn's Practical Chicken Magick Series:
To some people, the idea that "chickens crossing the road" is
practical comes as a surprise. It shouldn't. The whole idea
of Crossing the Road is practical for chickens. While Crossing
the Road is also, and properly so, concerned with spiritual
growth and psychological transformation --the "why" of crossing
the road-- every chicken's life must rest firmly on material
roads. Crossing the Road is the flowering of chicken potential.
And the profits from publishing all those books on how to do so?
Well, that ain't chicken feed...
Starhawk:
The chicken crossed the road to reclaim the crossing experience, the
experience of being fully alive, with streams and earth and rocks and
road, in the fullness of her chickenhood after thousands of years of
roosterarchy. The chicken crossing the road — not a chicken laying
eggs, not a chicken being roasted and eaten — a chicken strong and
free, crossing the road, this is something I can believe in. We
chickens, as chickens, can reclaim this in harmony with the Earth who
gives life to all chickens and Who has been terribly scratched by
roosters. Exercises: Dance the Spiral Chicken.
Doreen Valiente:
Old Chicken really did exist, and she really did cross the road.
Gerald talked about her often, but she didn't cross the road
till before I began studying with Gerald. Still, there are records
of Old Chicken which confirm her reality. As for all the comments
that Gerald had a "thing" for chickens, that is simply not true.
The reason we worked with chickens is really quite simple: it worked!
Silver Raven Wolf:
Although many times people have asked me why exactly the
chicken crossed the road, I often wonder myself. My point is
that every chicken comes to the road in a different way, and
there is no one correct way for the chicken to get to the road
to be crossed. The study of crossing the road is hard work
if the chicken is going to develop any degree of proficiency.
It is not something where you can just cluck yourself across the
road. The first time my chicken crossed the road was for my
chicken's friend, whose rooster was being abusive. The chicken
worked the steps for crossing the road after carefully
considering all the reasons for crossing the road and all the
steps she would have to take. Finally, my chicken just started
clucking and flapping her wings and started across the road.
When she reached the other side, her friend's rooster was
respectful! Afterwards, the chicken ate some corn to
ground herself.