nervous

[richardcranium]

I am nervous about the whole marriage thing between me and my girlfriend. I don't know what I should do. I still love her but I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with her or not. Over the past couple of years she has become more and more like my mother. My mother was a big control freak and limited me socially. I lived with this torment for almost 22 years and do not want to spend the rest of my life like that. I am so confused. We are great together and I have never felt this way before with another woman. This is a major decision in my life and I would like some opinions on what I should do.

[Earth Walker]

:) If you love her, and the both of you want to be
together, just do it. ;)
Marriage is not necessary....its just an invention of
the patriarchs, and is demeaning to both women
and men. :smash:

[Wyrdsister]

Wyrdsister the Opinionated strikes again:

Have you tried talking to her about this? Is she receptive to talking about issues that affect you both in your life together? If not, that could make the future rather rocky and difficult. Being with someone that does not open up or is afraid to discuss the actual status of a relationship puts way too much strain on both (or how ever many) participants, imho.

I agree with the above comments: if you are not sure, then do NOT get married. This may change in the future and maybe you will have no doubts, but for now it wouldn't be a happy, positive direction for your life.

Wyrdsister,
who hopes she hasn't said anything you didn't already know :)

[Ozymandias]

To thine own self be true. Search your heart. Life is too short to be unhappy my friend.

[Lady Tana]

Originally posted by Wyrdsister
Wyrdsister the Opinionated strikes again:
I agree with the above comments: if you are not sure, then do NOT get married.
IMHO....

What is marriage? Have you thought of that... no not the 'commitment' not the 'til death do you part' but the marriage.. what is it? To me its a piece of paper that makes it damn expensive to end if you ever change your mind (or she, hers). You can be in a loving, wonderful, meaningful, committed relationship without that little piece of paper. I have been for 11 years now.
(and its alot cheaper when we get pissed at eachother and call it quits for a few weeks at a time)

and thats my take on it all....

[Silverwitch]

If your not sure - don't.

I've been married for 32 years and I've stayed that way, not because of the bit of paper, but because I made a total committment. That committment meant that whatever problems cropped up, divorce wasn't an option for me, so another solution had to be found. This hasn't always been easy, but we have found other ways of dealing with our problems.

I also don't necessarily think that marriage is for everyone. It was different back in the 60's, marriage was expected, but now there are other acceptable choices, so why rush into marriage.

Hope this helps, but at the end of the day, it must be your choice.

[Carmelo]

Originally posted by Silverwitch
If your not sure - don't.

I've been married for 32 years and I've stayed that way


Congrats! I didn't make it past five, myself. Know why, Rich? Because I was sure I did not want to get married, but was unsure when it came to the final crunch. Unsurety is the surest way to end a possibly good, no excellent, relationship before it can have it's start.

Talk! I cannot stress that enough. Sit her down and talk with her. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT be afraid of the conversation itself. Whatever happens before your eyes is the true human emotional answer to your question.

Whatever it comes to, life will go on.

[rantnraven]

I'm currently going through a divorce but will try to remain un-bias.

DON'T DO IT!!!!!

If your NOT sure now, you won't be after the fact. You MUST be sure this is what you want. Like everyone is saying, search your heart and talk it over. Conversation can't hurt - and communication is the key to a good relationship.

Search your heart. We all get cold feet but, there may be a true reason for it.

Are you just scared? Or is there something behind it?

Search, Rich!! Search.

You know the old saying? Most men marry the likes of their mothers.

Blessed Be,

RnR

[Acie]

I don't wish to discourage you from marrying your girlfriend and if this is what you want then do so. But if there is a control issue within the relationship know that you are having difficulties with, I would suggest discussing this concern with her. Not dealing with this know will only make it worse once you are married and most likely your marriage will fail or at least be miserable from the start. Don't take my advise as the "true", instead use it along with others, and with that that you believe, to arrive at the best decision for you and your relationship. Did that make sense?

[Red Dragon]

Richard, if it doesn't feel right, then it isn't period! Go with your instincts. You don't sound sure, and it seems you're trying to convince yourself. I myself am looking forward to getting married this year, and there is no doubt at all that this is the one person who I want to spend the rest of my life with. If you don't feel the same, then wait man wait. Hee,hee :)