I want the memories to go away....but other people dont

[PropheticMonkey]

Im very tight lipped about my past as a rule. I think maybe one person outside of my family and i think i posted it one time on MW. I'm never posting it or telling it to anyone again because of what happened today

A kid in my math class has been using my past to torment me for around 2 years. It has taken every ounce of my self control not to explode. I try ignoring him or telling him off but nothing seems to work, because wheither the button works or not he continues to push it.

Every time i try to forget what has happened some asshole brings it back up again. None of the things I have done have worked in the long run because of people like him. Everything that I have gained through therapy and VERY long talks with my friends are always lost because of people like him. Today I almost exploded but my teacher saw what was going to happen and made him stop and told me to stop as well. It was a slight pause in something that I know is not going to go away anytime soon. Now that I'm in his math class hes starting to tell everyone about my past and i always feel naked and vulnerable.

I dont want to be a violent person. I hate hurting other people because it makes me feel like what everyone believes me to be: a savage. But every time time he comes near me I know whats coming and i want to stab him or hit him with the nearest thing I possibly can. I can even feel my blood turn hot and my mind pound savage thoughts into my eyes. He's brought back so many bad memories that I cant even begin to wish to forget. I dont want to live like this...not after ive come so far (with many thanks to alot of you) to be dragged back now. Please help me...i dont want to be thinking these things anymore.

[Tzhebee]

I don't know how to help you with repressing your thoughts or memories...but as for the "bully" could you ask to be put in a different math class? If the teacher notices the heated exchanges between the two of you, you'd think there would be some way to keep him away from you.

:hugz:

[PropheticMonkey]

I don't know how to help you with repressing your thoughts or memories...but as for the "bully" could you ask to be put in a different math class? If the teacher notices the heated exchanges between the two of you, you'd think there would be some way to keep him away from you.

:hugz:


My teacher notices but there really isnt much he can do about it. He is a jerk but as far as the admin is concered im just another teenager with anger problems (which im controlling now)

[Tea Leaf]

I don’t know what happened in your past, due to such, I hope my suggestions are not insulting to you or what you have been through, because that really not my intention. :)

Have you considered warning magic? keeping your wards up when your around creeps like the guy in your math class stopping the negativity from get in? You could also try to keep balanced knowing that your okay with yourself here and now.

Or you can try to ignore it. If your passed what happened (you mentioned being ready to move on), whenever anyone says anything to you on this topic, ignore them, try to keep cool and pretend like they are not their. Most creeps are creeps because they like the effect they get. If you don’t give them the power, they usually get board and find something else to do. If they ask why your not talking to them, just be polite, keep your class and say something like ‘I’m not interested in the topic your discussing, thank you’ or ‘I don’t engage in uncivilized conversation’, and leave it.

You sound like you have a lot of inner strength by holding your tongue . Use it by not allowing jerks who don’t matter to get to you, your better then them! :hugz:

[Shaw]

I think sometimes some people like to make others miserable to deal with there own misery. It's not right, but this bully probably has issues of his own. His actions are abusive and you should have some kind of action takin.

[Malcolm]

Or you could make an example out of him, y'know...he wants to see savage, let him.

I wouldn't personally go this route, but it is an option.

[PropheticMonkey]

I hate using violence on people...i feel like a lower human being afterwards. Unless he attacks me first (and i will be more than happy to use violence if he does) i cant just do something like that to another living thing

[Malcolm]

"There comes a time in every mans life when he must spit on his palms, hoist the black flag, and begin the slitting of throats."

I read that somewhere...can't remember who said it.

Again I personally wouldn't go that route, but sometimes you have to beat the sense into these kinds of ass-hats.

[Malcolm]

i cant just do something like that to another living thing

Why not?

[Cassie]

A kid in my math class has been using my past to torment me for around 2 years. It has taken every ounce of my self control not to explode. I try ignoring him or telling him off but nothing seems to work, because wheither the button works or not he continues to push it.

Every time i try to forget what has happened some asshole brings it back up again....

I dont want to be a violent person. I hate hurting other people because it makes me feel like what everyone believes me to be: a savage. But every time time he comes near me I know whats coming and i want to stab him or hit him with the nearest thing I possibly can. I can even feel my blood turn hot and my mind pound savage thoughts into my eyes. He's brought back so many bad memories that I cant even begin to wish to forget. I dont want to live like this...not after ive come so far (with many thanks to alot of you) to be dragged back now. Please help me...i dont want to be thinking these things anymore.

I hope you don't resort to violence. You are better than that and you don't need to. Any creep who would stoop to tormenting you about your past is not worth the time of day...
I have read many of your posts here and find you to be a thoughtful, intellegent person who has made many friends in this community. Keep that thought in your mind if you are confronted by this idiot again. There are people in this world who respect you for what you are.
As has been mentioned by others here, you might find it useful to learn some spells or meditation techniques to guard against other people's negetive or agressive energy.
Keep talking to your friends, your therapist, people here, and anyone else you trust.
Minimise as far as possible the time you have to spend with those who are causing problems. Ask at the school if you or the idiot could be moved to different groups. It's worth a try.
You are not going to be brought low by this guy. Try saying that as an affirmation.
Take care and know that there are people who care about you. I can't ask you to forget your past; but you can try to concentrate more on the future!
:hugz:

[BlueMoon13]

You *might* try this:write down your feelings,worries, and what you want to do to your tormentors, then ritually burn the paper and disburse the ashes to the wind, along with the misery you transmitted into the writings...could help. Blessings on you.....

[Malcolm]

Yea, don't listen to my posts.

I'm not sure what I was thinking. Kids used to pick on me when I was your age to, for a little while. It does make them stop picking on you but it also makes it hard for you to find friends that aren't "trouble".

Afterall who else would want to be friends with the psycho who broke Jims nose in Mr. Andrews class.

But don't bottle that shit up either.

I like the idea of burning your negative emotions...I might try that.

[PropheticMonkey]

Yea, don't listen to my posts.

I'm not sure what I was thinking. Kids used to pick on me when I was your age to, for a little while. It does make them stop picking on you but it also makes it hard for you to find friends that aren't "trouble".

Afterall who else would want to be friends with the psycho who broke Jims nose in Mr. Andrews class.

But don't bottle that shit up either.

I like the idea of burning your negative emotions...I might try that.

Thats exactly my problem. The general belief in my school is that im a beast who goes into a sort of frenzy when mad. The only time that happened was when someone threw yogurt at me and i chased them down and bashed his head into a locker until 3 teachers pryed me from him. He deserved it but I felt bad that it was me that had to do it...he looked like he was in alot of pain.

I think this kid in my class is trying to see what happens if i get mad...its really low of him to use something that was so painful and private against me...

I know exactly how you felt though, and i dont want to go through it again although some primitive part of me wants to. Its not your fault for suggesting it

[Malcolm]

You bloody savage....j/k.

I know how you feel. I was that kid too. Trust me highschool is bullshit. The rest of your life will be much better, and you'll never have to see those tiny little people that peeked early again.

[Sun Sprite]

Haven't teachers yet learned what happens when they forget to punish bullies? I know punishment is a crime now, but there is no need to allow that. The bully needs to be in alternative school, perferably one with bars. They have no right to do something to you that could affect you for ythe rest of your life. They have no reason to tell you to stop responding to such behavior. That is abuse, harrassment, and even assault. Next time, stand up, threaten to call the cops, and then see what happens. Tell him he desreves to rot in jail if you want. You deserve better treatment than that, and if the school refuses to provide a safe learning place, you need to stand up for your rights.

[PropheticMonkey]

I know what you're saying. Its odd...i was never actually bullied before until now. Ive never had to deal with something like this, its a new experience for me.

All of you have been alot of help, and the urge to axe up his car is going away now. I appreciate your kind words and your rightous anger, all of it makes me feel just...well better about everything. Now that the weekend is here I'm sure that meditation and good friends will bring me back to a good place in my mind and my heart. Its just when monday comes around I begin to wonder what will happen