View Full Version : I Think You Are Fake

November 28th, 2001, 05:16 PM
What does that mean? How exactly is one to respond to this statement? Especially when it comes from family (extended or immediate), or a very close personal friend?

Nine times out of ten, this kind of statement comes as a result of serious soul searching discussion between 2 people, usually related in some fashion. When asked to be specific, to explain what exactly “fake” means – you are usually met with ambiguity and intangible concepts which have no relation to personality characteristics.

I have noticed that the “fake” statements usually happen when the accused “faker” has a better job, makes more money, has a bigger house, drives a better car, or has a “different” concept of spirituality. Boiling it down to jealousy and envy on the part of the accuser.

When friends are involved, it is fairly easy to shed your tears, make separations and simply move on – in essence, ending the relationship. But you can’t just end a relationship between yourself and a family member. Especially when it is a sister/brother-in-law, cousin, aunt/uncle, or most dreadfully, a mother/father or sister/brother. So what is a person to do? How do you address such an accusation which is backed by such intense ambiguity?

This situation happened to me – then a few weeks ago, it happened to another family member, as well as to a close friend. In every case it was a different person, but the accuser was still an integral part of the family. All three of us are at a loss – there is no constructive criticism from which we can learn from, no tangible behavior we can change to improve ourselves – and so we are lost in this murky sea. The interesting thing here is we all practice alternative spirituality: I am Wicca, family member is Buddhist, and friend is Native American, our accusers are Atheist (2), and ex-Catholic now Agnostic. We, all 3, believe we were being called fake for different reasons, one for lifestyle, one for personal income and material possessions, and one for spiritual beliefs.

I know some of you will respond with "you should never change to please someone else", but part of our spirituality teaches us that our family members in this life are with us to teach us, to help us grow spiritually, just as we are here to help and teach our family members in return. Any time self reflection is called for, it usually means a growth spurt of some type is on the horizon, and we all know that growth is important to spiritual advancement.

So who else has been faced with this “fake” label? How did you respond? What did you do to change your behavior, or was a change warranted?

November 28th, 2001, 05:31 PM
It's a hard question to answer; I've felt it from friends before, and a little from family (more so as I try to be open about my spirituality). Sometimes, I find people are closer than they realize, but tend to use different words for the same ideas, and it's the words that get people stuck. Sometimes actions aren't good enough, people can see one action as meaning 100 different things. What I do find useful, is translating myself for people who need the words. It's like if people ask me if I believe in god, I'm assuming by saying "god" they don't mean in the pagan sense (which is probably the oldest) but they mean 'the All' (seems to be a common belief, separated by words), so I'll say "yes, I just don't call it that; I see it as being nameless." I get some smiles from that one

If the will is there though, you'd be surprised what you can do

November 28th, 2001, 05:50 PM
Ok...since I wasn't there, and don't know the context of the conversation...I don't really know where to begin.

Did they say you were a fake practitioner..or did they mean that you as a person...were fake?

I've heard people refer to others as "fake" when the person is not a genuine individual...meaning, they often say things they don't mean, they act one way to your face, and another behind your back, they lie, what have you...

On the other hand..if they were saying you..as a practioner, are fake, in otherwords, saying that you weren't being true to your path..I'd simply ask them how they feel qualified to judge. I mean..since each of our paths are individual, and we all practice in the way that Spirit calls us to (in other words, we follow our hearts)..then how can anyone judge whether another person is fake?

I mean..thats assuming that you are not a 14 year old kid, who watched "The Craft" once, and started calling on that name.."Manon" because they thought it was really cool, and wanted to hex this person, and hex this person... In other words...without doing any research, or thinking deeply about it, etc.

Since, I don't think these statements apply to you, then there is no way for them to judge you, whatsoever. And you should remind them of that.

If you wanted to ask them what, specifically, would make them think that..I'd say you have every right. I mean..are they saying that you do not practice what you preach??? If that is what they are saying, then, yes...a time for inward reflection would be reccomended. You might try to understand why they feel that way, and examine yourself to find out if that is true.

If they are saying, on the other hand, that you have no power (ugh..i hate it when people say that..as if all a pagan/wiccan/or witch is concerned with is their power)...well..then I would simply quote a saying I heard once, from a spiritual teacher. "What you deny in others, you deny in yourself". Only a petty person, must make petty claims. So if someone tells you that you have no power, it is because they themselves, feel powerless.

I'm sorry..your post really didn't give much in the way of detail. Could you give us a little background? Maybe we'd be able to advise you better.

November 28th, 2001, 05:59 PM
I get that a lot.

Just make it clear, that if someone calls you 'fake', it's just like any accusation. We live in the US, and around here, the burden of proof is on the accuser, not the accused. If they can't cite a specific example of your fakeness and suggest an appropriate non-fake behavior you could have exhibited in this example... then they are just jealous or angry or whatever...

From then on the issue isn't about your sincerity, it's about their petty name-calling. At which point (this is the fun part) it is perfectly a legitimate response for you to reply with more petty name-calling! Or you can iron things out like Danus says, but in my experience this only leads to more pent up grievances that never get truly aired. People fight. It's good. Go with it! Physical violence is good, too. Kick someone's ass, and they'll think twice before calling you a phony again!

These prudent policies have guided me well in the travels of my life, I highly reccomend them.

- Ill

November 28th, 2001, 06:21 PM
That's just the point.... is it fake spirituality? fake personality? fake lifestyle? WHAT exactly is fake?
For the record, I've been practicing solitary for nearly 15 years (maybe longer, *counts* I'm almost out of fingers and toes!)
And that's what has the 3 of us stumped. I will say this:
All 3 of us are female in our mid-30's,
all 3 of us are childless, so our incomes go farther than most,
all 3 of us make $60,000 a year or more,
we all drive relatively new cars in the $30,000 range,
we all live in houses not apartments......
Basically we are Yuppies, but with a dedication to our spirituality.
Personally I agree, no one has the right to judge - and that is another thing all 3 of us have in common - we are friends, we don't judge anyone and we accept people for who they are. I mean, seriously, an African American Buddhist, a Scots/Irish/Native American, and a white bread German/Irish Wicca - can you honestly say a group like that could be good friends - our friendship alone is our testament to our peaceful outlook on life!
We don't know why these people called us - individually and within the same time frame (approx 2 months) "fake" - none of us were given any concrete reasons.
HOWEVER - something triggered the accusation, and before we each write it off as jealousy and envy, I want to make sure that I've checked myself - am I fake?
Does buying an $80 dress at Macy's make me fake? Does spending $200 to refurbish an altar make me fake? Does driving a $30k car make me fake? Does offering to pick up the check at meals make me fake? Since when did "alternative spirituality" = "Poverty stricken"?
It's frustrating. There is no more detail. For all of us the accusation came out of left field. If it was just me, I'd feel differently, but it's not. The funny thing is, we only know each other - we have no contact with each other's family.

The "Fake" Word Witch :wah: :wah:

November 28th, 2001, 06:32 PM
Well, those things WOULD make you fake, if you were a bleeding-heart liberal leftist activist. Communism and Socialisim is about sharing wealth, not accumulating it, and leveling the playing field instead of building your own pile. So, since there is a strong social link between Wicca and Liberal Politics, maybe they are claiming guilt by association.

Or maybe it's because you're all women. I never met a woman who wasn't a LITTLE fake. Ba dum bum!

Take my life, please! Ba dum bum!

November 28th, 2001, 09:02 PM
Well..are you sure they were looking at your financial status by calling you fake???? Could there have been some other reason? You really should ask them to defend their statement. Show you an example of how you were fake.

I mean...if you were throwing your money around in their faces (which I'm not implying you were), and never tried to give money to those less fortunate, or what have you..perhaps that is where their opinion comes from. However, I think even that would be a stretch. If the persons opinion IS based solely on your income, then it is merely jealousy. And you would be wise to simply tell them that, and that they should do some soul searching themselves..and move on.

November 28th, 2001, 09:37 PM
Sounds like you were a victim of stereotyping. Whoever said you're fake had pre-concieved notions of how a "spiritual" or "wiccan" person led their life. That's just not the case. I can have peace of mind without living in a shaolin temple, and you can be a spiritual wiccan and still drive a lexus to work.

Give me their name and address and I'll go personally kick their ass for you, free of charge Word Witch! Or just their name, I can find the rest (i am an 1337 h4x0r)

- Ill

Dria El
November 28th, 2001, 11:47 PM
I don't know how long this has been going on but I only have one question for you.

Do you think you're fake?