Fathers right to know

[Goobalon]

Do you think that the father has the right to know that there is a child or do you think it is completely up to the mother if he ever finds out that they made a child?

I forgot to tell you guys that I am asking this because I am writing an article about how, due to the fact that Roe v Wade was made an issue of a woman's right to privacy, she can choose to have an abortion and never notify him of the conception in the first place.

[SammieAnn]

I think fathers have a right to know about the existance of their children after all with out that man there would not be a child

[Astara Seague]

My hubby never knew of his daughter for 10 years until her mom filed for state support.. I think the father should know!

[AstralMoth]

I think that its %100 a womans choice if she has a termination or not and if so then there isnt really any point in telling the father if she doesnt want to, as it would only upset the guy. However, if your going to bring a new life into the world then its really the only responsible thing to do, except in certain really unusual circumstances.

[wolf]

I believe that it is the father's right to know if a child is conceived, intended to be aborted, or born.

A baby is not the sole property of the mother.

[Silver Water]

I believe that the mother should tell the father only if she plans on going through with the birth. If she plans on having an abortion then I don't think she has to tell the father unless she truly wants to. There is always the chance that the potential father would be upset by the news, and if the child is never born then it won't have much of an effect on him at all.

[Rowan Darkmoon]

I think that the father has the right to know as the child is 1/2 him as well.

[RubyRose]

Yes, I think the father has a right to know, but I suppose it also depends on the circumstances as well.

[tarotgirljess]

I think it depends. When i got pregnant with my daughter. i did not tell the father. he was 26 and headed to prison for the third time. he was big on drugs, controlling, abusive. one of those that 'owns' you or think they do. His mother had been very up front that she would try to take any baby of his away from the mother. she was a big drinker as well and their house often looked like an episode of cops. I was terrified that she would somehow get custody of my baby. I shouldn't have been involved with him in the first place. I didn't do drugs and have never even had so much as a speeding ticket. He of coarse did eventually find out around the time i had her. and i eventually had got married. even though he knew about her, had never met her, had never paid support. (i did offer several times for him to meet her) it still took almost 3 years of lawyers to get his rights disolved.

[aluokaloo]

I think it depedns on ths individual situation.

[coyoger]

I think the father has a right to know that he has a child out there.

[Chibi-Fallon]

It depends. There are obviously some guys who shouldn't know (abusive/drug addicts/ect), those guys shouldn't know and the woman should have the courage to leave for the baby's sake.

[Meadhbh]

I suposse most of the time. But, there are times when it would be better for both the mother and the child if he didn't and in situatiuons like that I think its up to the mother as to wither or not she wants to tell him.

[Sun Sprite]

I think the child should have enough info about their father that they don't grow up and date a half sibling and not realize it. I think in most cases, the father should know, unless it would put the child, or mother's life in danger.

[Catiana]

I think if the the woman is going to have the child she should tell the father as soon as possible. I really think this waiting 8 or 9 years to tell a guy he has a kid stinks.

[Kalika]

Hmm. This is a tough one. I can see both sides.

If it were me? I think I would tell him. I mean... how can he make the right decision on something he doesn't even know about? And, if you were a guy... wouldn't YOU want to know? Not knowing takes away HIS right to choose... and you were both involved.

[Ceres]

I think it would be ethical to tell the father, but I dont think its always the right thing to do. If a woman fears she may lose her baby to the father or his family or that they will be harmful to the child AND she is willing to take on the full finacial responsibility for raising the child, she is within her rights to with hold the information.

[Kalika]

I think it would be ethical to tell the father, but I dont think its always the right thing to do. If a woman fears she may lose her baby to the father or his family or that they will be harmful to the child AND she is willing to take on the full finacial responsibility for raising the child, she is within her rights to with hold the information.

Right.

Like others have said... I think it depends on the situation.

But... would you wonder - what if a baby would have turned his life around? Or... what if I had told him - would I be better able to support the baby?

Sometimes it changes a person... sometimes it doesn't.

And... what about the instances where a mother has a baby... and maybe SHE isn't a good one for the child?

:)

Not directed at your post... just made me think a bit.

[Goobalon]

I think it would be ethical to tell the father, but I dont think its always the right thing to do. If a woman fears she may lose her baby to the father or his family or that they will be harmful to the child AND she is willing to take on the full finacial responsibility for raising the child, she is within her rights to with hold the information.

I really wonder why you included that part. Is it really okay to not tell him (assuming he's not a dangerous guy) just because you think you might lose the baby?

[wolf]

I think it would be ethical to tell the father, but I dont think its always the right thing to do. If a woman fears she may lose her baby to the father or his family or that they will be harmful to the child AND she is willing to take on the full finacial responsibility for raising the child, she is within her rights to with hold the information.

If that's so, then there needs to be a change in the law with a provision that unknowing fathers would never be held financially liable for the child.

As I stated before, I think that the notification NEEDS to be made ... with the obvious exceptions of immaculate conception and artificial insemination with anonymously donated sperm, a baby is not the sole property of the female parent.

[Ceres]

If that's so, then there needs to be a change in the law with a provision that unknowing fathers would never be held financially liable for the child.

I am all for this! It sounds like a good solution tot he "what happens later" problem.

As I stated before, I think that the notification NEEDS to be made ... with the obvious exceptions of immaculate conception and artificial insemination with anonymously donated sperm, a baby is not the sole property of the female parent.

But nature dictates that the woman does get "stuck" with what the man and woman have made together, if the father doesnt CHOOSE to stay around and therefore she should have the option of keeping the baby to herself if she chooses. It shouldnt come to this though. People should act responsibly when it comes to sexual partners.

[Ceres]

I really wonder why you included that part. Is it really okay to not tell him (assuming he's not a dangerous guy) just because you think you might lose the baby?

I put it there assuming some guys are dangerous. Some are also irresponsible and just plain stupid about kids and I think a woman should be able to choose to take on the financial responsibility for herself in exhange for the option to protect her baby if she feels she needs to. :hairraise

[Gwenhwyfar]

I think they have every right to know. I also think they have a right to have the child if the mother doesnt want it. That option should come before abortion is considered. Maybe some of the ladies wouldnt be so fast to spread their legs if that were the way it were. and vice versa.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I put it there assuming some guys are dangerous. Some are also irresponsible and just plain stupid about kids and I think a woman should be able to choose to take on the financial responsibility for herself in exhange for the option to protect her baby if she feels she needs to. :hairraise

I know a few mothers who fit that bill as well.

[Ceres]

I know a few mothers who fit that bill as well.

Its true that women arent automatically fantastic parents because they are female, but we are discussing why a woman should have the right to keep her secret if she chooses, not bad parenting in general. I dont think being male makes one automatically suspect of being a bad parent either, but having had babies, I can tell you I would protect them by whatever means neccessary if I felt they were threatened. :smile:

[wolf]

People should act responsibly when it comes to sexual partners.

Should, but of course they don't.

I have more than ample evidence that it is not just men who think only with their nether regions.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Its true that women arent automatically fantastic parents because they are female, but we are discussing why a woman should have the right to keep her secret if she chooses, not bad parenting in general. I dont think being male makes one automatically suspect of being a bad parent either, but having had babies, I can tell you I would protect them by whatever means neccessary if I felt they were threatened. :smile:

do you think men dont feel the same way about their children?

why should that dad pay child support when he didnt even know his kid existed untill it was 7 years old....or why should that child be allowed to be adoped out when the dad wasnt even notified that he was a father to be....I dont think the woman should be aloud to keep it secret. but, thats just my opinion.

[lynn271]

If a woman fears she may lose her baby to the father or his family...

I'm stepmom to my husband's daughter by his first marriage. Her mother "lost her baby to the father" (although the "baby" was ten years old at the time her dad got custody, but that really doesn't matter). I assure you this particular "baby" was far better off with her dad. It takes a lot for a mother to lose a child, in the US anyway. Most kids who are taken away from their mothers are taken because their mothers are downright rotten parents.

From that standpoint, fearing the loss of custody is no valid reason to lie. If the dad's a better parent, or potential parent, then the mother ought to "lose her baby to the father." Withholding the truth to prevent that is not what's best for the child.

Now, if you were talking about, say, kidnapping and not custody, that is of course different.

[Ceres]

do you think men dont feel the same way about their children?
I think it would be safe to say at the fetal and newborn stage that a woman is more connected to her child because she is physcially and hormonally connected to that child. Doesnt mean fathers arent at all, but even the most devoted and excited fathers have been known to report feelings of being less than connected to the whole pregnancy and earyly weeks of a childs life. We cannot deny in the interest of equaility that the woman is who pregnancy and birth happens to.

why should that dad pay child support when he didnt even know his kid existed untill it was 7 years old....or why should that child be allowed to be adoped out when the dad wasnt even notified that he was a father to be....I dont think the woman should be aloud to keep it secret. but, thats just my opinion.

I have already said she should give up child support for the whole life of the child as a consequence of choosing to keep her secret. I also agree with you that should she give the child up for adoption, the father should have the option of adopting the baby.

[Ceres]

I'm stepmom to my husband's daughter by his first marriage. Her mother "lost her baby to the father" (although the "baby" was ten years old at the time her dad got custody, but that really doesn't matter). I assure you this particular "baby" was far better off with her dad. It takes a lot for a mother to lose a child, in the US anyway. Most kids who are taken away from their mothers are taken because their mothers are downright rotten parents.

From that standpoint, fearing the loss of custody is no valid reason to lie. If the dad's a better parent, or potential parent, then the mother ought to "lose her baby to the father." Withholding the truth to prevent that is not what's best for the child.

Now, if you were talking about, say, kidnapping and not custody, that is of course different.

I think there are as many (if not more) cases where it IS in the best interests of the child to keep the information about who fathered her child to herself. As stated earlier, fearing to lose her child tot he father when she feels that father maybe be a physical or psychological danger to her child is a valid reason. Unfortunately, there is no one size fits all answer. Certainly it is ethical to tell the father he has a child, and if life werent so messy, it would always happen.

[equinox2]

Radikalwomyn wrote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwenhwyfar
do you think men dont feel the same way about their children?


I think it would be safe to say at the fetal and newborn stage that a woman is more connected to her child because she is physcially and hormonally connected to that child. Doesnt mean fathers arent at all, but even the most devoted and excited fathers have been known to report feelings of being less than connected to the whole pregnancy and earyly weeks of a childs life.

Yes, this appears to be true. As a father with two young kids, I have a little experience. However, just my one voice means little. This same point is better shown by a variety of data (such as the likelihood of infanticide by mother vs. fathers), and more importantly, is predicted by basic biology.

Basic biology states that mammalian mothers will have evolved to be more protective of their children than fathers for two reasons. One, they have a much higher investment in the child. The woman has contributed huge amounts of nutrients and energy during pregnancy and lactation, while the man has not. The other reason is that the child is definitely carrying the mother's genes, while paternity cannot be known for certain (until now, but not isn't relevant for what has evolved in the past). Thus the genes for maternal protection will always be selected for by natural selection, while the genes for paternal protection sometimes (in the case of outside paternity) would be selected AGAINST. It's no coincidence then that breasts evolved on females and not males - it's simple selective pressures that determined that.

Take care-

[Kalika]

Its true that women arent automatically fantastic parents because they are female, but we are discussing why a woman should have the right to keep her secret if she chooses, not bad parenting in general. I dont think being male makes one automatically suspect of being a bad parent either, but having had babies, I can tell you I would protect them by whatever means neccessary if I felt they were threatened. :smile:

Ditto! :p