Relapse... again

[innocent]

What do you do when your religious beliefs tell you you need to be somewhere else, and logic tells you the same but you can't because of money or other reasons? My illnesses have been getting worse, and when i try to seek help from my family all I get is "suck it up" or " quit beinng so sencitive". ( other than my sister, who is currently unable to help even though she wants too) So I do the best I can, trying to ignore everything and just shut-up, and now I've relapsed into destructive habits : Cutting and forcing myself to throw up as well as thoughs of suicide. This always happens, and everytime I try to get something to change it just ends up worse. It's gotten to the point where I can't afford a psychiatrist.... I am just so dam.n lost.

I know the cause of my relapses... guilt attacks ( like anxiety only worse) and stress ( 95% of the time caused by my family) and All the therapy I've had in the past only made things worse...

On top of the mess I've gotten myself into, I've decided to end the search for my birthmother because of my current status, and the idea that my information might not be correct... because of more stressful topics.

I am sorry for complaining, I know you all have problems of your own, but I believe that God helps those who help themselves, and I just thought maybe this is a way to get some advice, or atleast a hug.

Thank you

[BlackMagicalCat]

Hey,Ill hug you,and so will Tabitha

[BlackMagicalCat]

Bless your heart,you do sound lost,and down and out,but remember,you are loved by God,and you are a child of his,and the Goddess see,s your suffering heart,and will be a mother to you.
They will embrace you as thier own.

Please dont down yourself,because I believe ther are great things in store for you.And dont harm your body,dont hate yourself,because you are made in the image of God,and in the likeness of the Goddess.Here is a picture to make you smile

[BlackMagicalCat]

And im sorry about not being able to find and search for your birth mother,You have a mother in heaven who wants and loves you.

And a Father too.

Well,I get home at 12 midnight,and walk my cat,and go online about 1245,and If im online,feel free to talk to me.Im not all that smart,and dont know it all,but will gladly listen to what troubles you.

[BrigidMoon]

_pounce_

I hope things get better.

[Brenda]

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time hun, but try not to do things you'll regret later.
Cutting is only a temporary thing, it won't make things better.
And if you can't resist, then people usually suggest to try an ice cube, or an elastic band, it's more 'safe'.
Maybe you should try to avoid your family for a while if they're causing so much stress?

[Kalandriel]

*hugs*

It's never fun to be in such positions, but stay strong! :)

My thoughts are with you :)

[Pagan Mantis]

Just remember, the God/ dess doesn't put anything into your life that you may not handle. This may be overwhelming A LOT, but take baby steps at first, then, when one door closes, another opens. Keep your head up! And yes, a lot of us have problems of our own, but just keep in mind that a problem talked about, is a problem cut in half! In other words, responding to this post has kept my mind off of my own problems, so helping others helps us to make things better for ourselves too!

[Nova]

Hugs abound here. I'm sorry you can't seem to find any support at home. Your sensitivity is a gift, try to remember that. Your parents may be afraid to admit that you need help--their desire for you to be happy and well gets distorted by their fear. It can be very hard to love yourself when it seems like no one else does.

Breathe. The exhale releases tension. :hugz:

[Shaw]

Have you thought about applying for SSI. It's a government program that will pay for your medical expenses and give you a check if you don't all ready have a job. You should talk about these things with your doc and your family. _pounce_