Whole family is a mess

[wetlandwriter]

My whole family is a mess and it makes me so blue. My son got back from Iraq over a year ago, is living with me, has no job, no money, drinks heavily. I'm almost 60 and am afraid I could pass away without my son ever having stood on his own two feet and made a life for himself, but don't know how to motivate him to change his situation. My daughter just got deployed to Iraq. I talked to her on the phone just before she left and once she hung up it dawned on me that that might be the last time I ever get to hear her voice. Needless-to-say, that threw me into a complete and total tailspin. I live on west coast, my brothers on east coast. Neither brother has a job. When mom passed away, three years ago, she willed them the house, but they don't get along with one another. Both drink to the point of passing out. Last Christmas, one got drunk, marched into the other's room and pumped 15 rounds into his bed before realizing that the bed was unoccupied (whew!). They have destroyed the house, holes in the walls, urine and shit everywhere, garbage and bugs everywhere. Situation seems hopeless. It's almost too much to take any more. I just want to say the Hell with it and leave home, not letting anywhere know where I am of course. I'm so tired of being surrounded by people who refuse to stand up tall, take hold of the reins, and drive their own wagons. Know what I mean?

[Jenne]

Omgoodness, Hon. I don't blame you for wanting to throw in the towel.

For your son, maybe getting him to get out to go on walks with you, or just reconnecting to what's here at home will help. Whatever might bring him inner peace he's seeking in the bottle. He might have some PTSD issues to cope with--and his CO and other military personnel can help you with getting him some help and a job at home.

As for your family...I'd say love them from afar and hope they come to their senses. Getting in the middle of that seems very dangerous to you personally.

:hugz: and energies to hang on there for you. I'm so sorry about everything you are going through, and I wish your daughter safety and quick trip home as well.

[Nova]

Leaving may be the best thing. If you are always there to help and take care of them he may not see the need to stand. It may be that your son will learn from example if you leave and do well for yourself. He may need professional help, but you can't force him to get it.

If love could fix everyone I'm sure you could make your family healthy again.

I wish your daughter good luck and strength. She is very courageous.

:hugz:

[Kalandriel]

Go ahead and get outta there, it's the healthiest thing for you. :)

[Malcolm]

I'd jet too.

[vikinggoddess]

I hope that you are not giving money to your son that he uses to buy alcohol with. I wish that I had some good advice for you. Take care of yourself. Don't give up hope.

[Mother Goose]

Just sending you strength to help you make the best decision you can for YOU. It's past time you concentrate on making YOU happy. :hugz: