I don't feel safe.

[Shadowsong]

I don't feel safe with myself right now, I'm home alone... I ... look I know I've done this before and I know I've said _this time_ etc.... but... just really I need help right now..... please......

[Malcolm]

So whats your problem?

[Shadowsong]

I'm suicidal. I cut. I drink. I'm 15 and home alone and do not feel safe with myself at the moment. That is what's wrong.

[Yvonne Belisle]

What has you upset at the moment? Perhaps we can work through it together. I am online and my im names are in my sig if you want someone to talk to

[Malcolm]

Noone is safe, least of all from themselves. Cutting and drinking are the least of your worries. Your 15, it gets better...kinda. Drinking will make you liver quit and cutting just makes you ugly. Scars aren't pretty, especially from cutting. Pain is life. You won't solve it by cutting yourself or drinking yourself stupid.

If your bored go for a walk or something, just do anything that takes your mind away from it. Pain, especially physical, is seductive. I get that, the adrenaline and sweet feeling of an edge over your skin... maybe its more visceral for me....but I will say this. Stop it. Your cutting isn't romantic. You don't come off as anything more than disfunctional. People will never look at your scars and think "oh you poor thing". I f they do, then they have a problem and probably aren't healthy either.

As for drinking, well I do that too. I can't really help you there.

I'm not very good at this whole "helping" thing. I'll stop posting now.

[Shadowsong]

Do you think I am doing this for attention?

[Bix]

Do you need somebody to talk to?

[Malcolm]

no.

I think your doing it because it makes you feel.

[Wytchie]

Not sure if this is any good but a big hug and energies sent. I'm around too if you want to talk. I hope things feel better for you very soon.

BB
Wytchie

[Shadowsong]

I'm sorry if I overreacted Malcolm.... and if someone would mind listening that... it would help....

[Malcolm]

So talk. I have a 17 inch monitor just waiting to see your thoughts. I might come off as an ass, but I really would like to help.

[Willow Rosette]

We are all here to listen shadow. Please dont hurt yourself. Instead talk to us. We will send you energies and words here and anything else possible. Love energy sent hon.

[RavensEye]

Shadowsong :hugz:

[BlackMagicalCat]

For you little one,please dont harm yourself.Somebody loves you dearly.

[Agaliha]

Wow, :hugz:
I grew up watching my older sister cut herself and be suicial and in depression/manic phases. Hell, my whole family is depressed-- my father is and has PTSD from the Vietnam War and my mom is (I don't know why though). My grandma has paranoid scitzophrenia. Heh. It's a miracle my brother and I are depressed or anything.
I wish you knew my sister-- she is going to school to get her major (Bachelors then masters) in psychology and specializes in Abnormal Psych and counseling. She has better advice than I could ever give, because one she has knowlege and two she's been there as well. She is better now, turns out a lot of her problems were ADD [Adult ADD now] (weird, huh?). Heh. Yeah.

If you ever need to talk I'm here.
I have had my own self injury experiences-- I don't cut, but I have the same destructive need at times...like I'll bite myself or pinch or hit my legs or arms...things like that.
And I have drank, though not for any reasons other than because I wanted to.

This quote always reminded me of times like that: "Post Tenebras, Lux" -- After darkness, light.
Things will get better and there is a light at the end of the tunel. People are here and people care :)

[Earthy]

Shadowsong :hugz:
How are things with you now?
I have a daughter your age who has been just the way you are now.
I'm always here to listen :hugz:

[yarrow_elfglow]

:hugz: honey, what is wrong?? :hugz: :hugz:

[LostSheep]

Oh honey, there are others who've felt the same way .... you're not alone ... I've done ... hell, I do the same things... but there are people you can talk to.

Just remember you're not alone ...

[Faery-Wings]

I know this is too late to talk, but here is a listing of some places to call if you need someone to talk to when you feel like that.

For suicide info:
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide.html (http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide.html)

Hotlines by state:
http://depression.about.com/cs/suicidecrisis/l/blus.htm (http://depression.about.com/cs/suicidecrisis/l/blus.htm)

Good luck you you. be strong and be safe.

[Shadowsong]

Thank you all... I'm crying as I read this... to know that people care... it makes a difference... I don't know why I hate myself, I don't know why I see no point, I thought to myself last night, "So I'm born, I breathe, I die, what's the point in waiting about 65 more years for it to happen? Nothing's worth that. Life is pain itself. I'm here for no reason, I told myself I was but now I know better..." and so on.... I scare myself like this....

[charmedkisses1]

Hmm, well, if you need another teen to talk to, I am here.

rarules1@hotmail and aol

:heartthro

[MoonDust]

Shadow :hugz:
I know life can get overwhelming, but that's what you're friends at MW are here for!!! Post your problems, PM them to us, don't keep them bottled up!
We want to see you happy and healthy and to grow up and live a wonderful life!

[Cassie]

I'd like to echo what Moondust said.
But also it sounds like you are suffering from a clinical depression (an imballance of certain body chemicals)--just as physical as having the flu. Your doctor should be able to help with that.

[Shadowsong]

Thanks to all of you. I'm doing better now, I have friends surrounding me and helping me through this.
About the depression: I do have depression and am on meds, perhaps I should have those tweaked...
:hugz: to all of you. It means more than I can ever say with words. (if such is possible)

[LostSheep]

Shadowsong, we're all thinking of you. Sometimes things seem black for me too and I feel like cutting is the only way I can let it out, but it helps knowing there's people who care.

[Shadowsong]

It most certainly does... :hugz: I'm sorry to all of you, I really am....

[Earthy]

Sweetie you have nothing to be sorry for.
You're hurting..let us show you we care :hugz:

[Shadowsong]

I can't... I can't do this anymore... it hurts so badly, I don't know why.... I'm so sick of trying.... so sick of crying at myself, hating myself, seeing others in pain....

[Earthy]

Shadowsong? Talk to us.
Never mind other people at the moment, put yourself first..your needs are the most important here.
I know it's hard to forget about other people and their pain, believe me i know.
But you need to be selfish, step back and put yourself first :hugz:

[Cassie]

Shadowsong.. Please keep talking. Even if it is difficult to put into words..Try.. That is what this place is here for. No need for appologies. Many of us have needed to vent, and will do again. It's just human. If posting here isn't enough on its own, please call somebody.
(((Love and energy to help you through))) :hugz:

[LostSheep]

Shadowsong, there's people here who'll listen. We're here just to listen, even if it's all we can do, please believe, we want to help.....

[Shadowsong]

I don't know why.... I feel lonely... I feel... just like there's no purpose to life... I feel so sad and not really stressed but... like I'm on the edge of something and I can't figure it out. I feel like there's no reason, no purpose, why should anyone bother because I'm nothing. It's wierd... this morning was shakey but then I thought I'd found a safe place... and it just... fell apart again this afternoon and I don't know why, nothing really triggered it... heck I don't even know what to say, how to say it if I did know... I just... it seems so incredibly pointless... and then... the fact that I'm going against my own beliefs... I think it's selfish to do what I'm doing now, what I've done, to feel this way, because there are people who care, I know, and I know I'd hurt people and... yes. And I look at my life and I see no reason to be this way and for that fact alone I feel like a failure. Like I'm weak. Like maybe the purpose of life is to see if we mess it up or if we can handle it... and Gods know I've screwed it up.
I want to get out of this. I hate this. I hate myself. I... I need help. I need... something..... I just.... have to get away.... I can't handle this anymore....

[LostSheep]

Please don't ... please don't do anything .... babe, I'm feeling the same, i need the same thimg, but there's a way through it, there's people who'll listen.... please understand, I know how you're feeling .... you're not alone .....

[Cassie]

You mentioned before you were taking meds.. Seems they are not working as they should. I really think you should call a doctor now. Right now.
You say you can't explain why you are feeling this way.. That nothing in particular triggered these feelings..
It could be the illness itself. Or the meds. You need to get it checked urgently.
None of this is your fault. But you do need some help at the moment.

Meanwhile, You mentioned you found yourself a safe place earlier today.. Where or what was that? Can you find your way back there?
Are you alone at home? Is there someone there who you could speak to now?

[Mirrored Wolf]

shadow, we are all here for we, we love and care about you :hugz: we're here for you, to help you

[Wytchie]

Just a short message to let you know that I am still thinking of you. If I can do anything at all to help, listen, whatever, please don't hesitate to pm me. *hugz* I'm another one on the meds, and if you are crashing like this maybe you are right when you say you should have them tweaked a little, or at least speak to your gp about it, you shouldn't be feeling like this if the meds are right for you, so please do check it out.
BB

[Contra Mundum]

why are you thinking so negative about yourself ,what brought that on ?
you say that you don't know but i think that deep down you do.
try writing it down or express it in music.
talk about it,release some of that pain and anger that's inside of you.
you need help ,yes and that's what we are trying to give to you,let us help you.
keep yourself busy distract yourself do something creative ,cry ,scream,punch a pillow just get it out your system.
there is a reason for all of this you just got to find and understand that reason.
don't fight what you are feeling right now because it will only make it worse,
acknowledge it ,understand it and let it empower you instead of tear you down.
i know it's bloody hard because i've been where you are right now,but never give up !!!!
and always remember that everything happens for a reason,that is the one thing that helped me through my darkest days !!
take care little one :hugz: :hugz:

[Shadowsong]

Thank you all... I wish I knew why I felt this way, because if I think about it I can't seem to find a reason.... it's odd, it comes and goes... like now I feel fine but I can just about tell you that once more tonight I'm gonna end up in a bad space. It (that thing of feeling good and then... WHAM) is happening more and more often, it's overwhelming me... and normally I'm not home alone but when I am, that's when I cut, that's when I scare myself....
I really try to remember that everything happens for a reason.... but it seems now I just... can't believe that now..... I'd talk to a doctor but life's a masquerade, my parents think I'm fine cause I act fine around them, I pretend I'm happy. It's when I'm alone, home alone or in the middle of the night or later and night or whatever, that I usually crack.....
This is such a mess... it's so hard not to just give up anymore...

[Raintreewolf]

Hi Shadowsong

*hugs*....I want you to remember that there is a blessing in this life called change. TIme changes our perspectives...we can change ourselves, we can change a sittutation, we can change our behaviors.

Heed Cassie's advice, I'm in support of professional help with this one as well!

You should not be drinking AT ALL, it only makes you more depressed.

The other thing is......my brother commited suicide when I was twelve and he was fifteen. I sit here at 37 and still miss him. I think or I shoudl write wonder what he might have looked like, who he might have married, what his children would have looked like, what sort of Father would he have been, how close would we have been etc.....I will never know that now...will I? A suicidal person never stops and thinks about others...they are so wrapped up in there own sense of pain that it does not occure to them that the ones left behind live with their actions the rest of thier living lives. I tell you there has never been a pain greater in this life for me than to loose him to his own self perpetuated death. I know I might seem unkind by laying it out there in this way...but I feel a direct honest agressive approuch can be compassionate.

I had another friend who just did not feel she could live this life, that she was not strong enough for it inspite of the fact that she was strong enough to have had two children, whom I love greatly. Can you believe she actually called me the day she tried to overdose on pills? I guess she really wanted to live because I'm an aggressive action taker when it comes to these issues. She called me from a phone booth which blocked my phone from calling out to get her help. I had to call people who knew her to try and find her at a phone booth probaibly near her home go to a friends house call the police tell others to call the police. She was sent to a psychiatric ward and her life was saved. I figured she would hate me for putting her away like that but you know what, in the end.....a couple years later, she found me to tell me, " thank you for saving my life....I'm just now getting to a spot in my life to where I'm liking myself and that feels really good." So, you see, there is another side to how you feel and that feeling can be and should be the thing you live for...for the day you can meet yourself and go hey, you are alright, I think I like you, lets be friends. The friendship I have with myself is so wonderful...I would never give up on any of my friends...not even on me.

Would you give up on your loved ones or friends? Well, treat yourself how you would treat others, you will be less lonely and not in as much pain. Just stop abuseing yourself...I bet you do not abuse others...so why abuse yourself? We all have the potential to be our own worst enemies as well as the best friend you will ever have....the choice lies in your hands and you can take the actions to change it...either by seeking professional help or just saying today is a new day and I choose life, damn it.

Now, do not think I do not know a littleof what you go through. I did not think I would ever be one to feel the dark draw of suicide after my brothers death...( as his action made me feel like that was one of the most selfish things in life one could do.....) but nooo, I actually got seduced by the suicide spirit myself, I did not feel I had control over my life and I was in an abusive relationship and I did not think there was anyting I could do and oh man just so many psychological hang ups around it....that I began to drug it up, scream into my pillow and cry endlessly and just think I want to die...just die!!!I had to get a firm grip on myself and say, " hey.....you said you would never ever allow yourself to go here...whats up...there must be another solution...you know death is not the answere to solving problems in this life...." well, change was what was to make a difference. Seeing that I was willing to face death and think of killing myself gave me strength to confront my now ex of ten years (yay!) pack my stuff and try for a new life. It worked and I have faught off that feeling of wanting to die ever since because when ever I get a little low I think ok, I need change...so where would this change count the most so that I might enjoy life and myself a little more. Change was my key, maybe it is yours too. If not, find out what your key is to unlicking the beauty way, the blissful life...because it is yours to have. Allow it....just allow it...say YES to life!

ok, I have been on my soap box long enough....

*hugs* Even if you can not see it, there is someone who will miss you so much if you were to do away with yourself...

[Shadowsong]

Thank you all... :hugz:
I'm so shaken now... it's hard because these feelings come and go... for no apparent reason... and so for that alone I just... can't find a way to like myself... I don't know, it's hard to explain, it really is... so much is just going on in my head that i can't even tell what's really behind it all....
In truth I don't know why I cut, the drinking doesn't do anything for me, I probably do it I guess because to me it's something daring... I mean, you think my mother'd be peachy if she knew I was drinking her wine and vermouth? It makes me feel... not happy... just isolated from my emotions. And the cutting... ugh. It's relieving, which in itself makes me shudder. I don't know why I do it... I don't... I don't know why I feel suicidal... I know I'd hurt so many people.. thank the Gods there are people who care this much... if I didn't have that, if I didn't have you all here or a few others who know who they are.... I know I wouldn't be here... because the one thing I've realized is I can't do this on my own.
But I'm still scared. I still don't trust myself. I don't know what to do.....it sneaks up on me, you know? And I still have yet to get my empathy under control... *sighs* Just... so much at once... a lot of horrible things have happened to my dearest friends, and just... with all of that... I still just can't seem to find the strength to really find reason anymore, save for the pain I'd cause others....

[LostSheep]

Shadow, I know exactly what you mean about the drinking ... and the cutting ... it gives an outlet for the pain, while the drink numbs the pain. Funny, isn't it? I've found that i just need to try to stop the moods from swinging too far ... and the drink doesn't help there. I've thought about suicide too, you know ... i've scared some of my friends ... sometimes the feelings creep up on me, but all I can say is what others have said, just try to think of the people who'd miss you ... and there will be ... many of them.

try to be strong, and if you feel the feelings creeping up on you, try to stop them before they creep too far ... that's all i can suggest. just remember, there's always someone.

Big hug going out to you. :)

[Contra Mundum]

is it even your pain that you are feeling maybe it's someone elses,go to the empathic bunker and read as much as you can learn to get your empathy under control. :reading:
you're right about one thing you can't do it on your own.
and you really need to talk to your parents about this.
you need to stop drinking,alcohol makes you feel so much worse than you actually do.
the cutting i know is hard to stop but you can do it.i talk out of experience with both cutting and drinking and there are ways to stop, if you really want to.
you need to get some control over your life and your feelings.
and talk talk talk get it out your system.
:hugz:

[Lunacie]

Hey, remember talking with me in PMs a while back when you were feeling rocky? You got through it and felt better - for awhile. I know that you will feel better again. Being alone is hard for an empath... strange as that sounds. Seems like being around other people and picking up on their emotions would be harder, but it's the being alone that really gets to me. Do you have a friend or an older sibling who could "stay over" while your folks are away? Talking to folks online helps me when I'm feeling all alone, it's not the same as having someone here in the house but not -quite- so lonely.

[Raintreewolf]

Thank you all... :hugz:
I'm so shaken now... it's hard because these feelings come and go... for no apparent reason... and so for that alone I just... can't find a way to like myself... I don't know, it's hard to explain, it really is... so much is just going on in my head that i can't even tell what's really behind it all....
In truth I don't know why I cut, the drinking doesn't do anything for me, I probably do it I guess because to me it's something daring... I mean, you think my mother'd be peachy if she knew I was drinking her wine and vermouth? It makes me feel... not happy... just isolated from my emotions. And the cutting... ugh. It's relieving, which in itself makes me shudder. I don't know why I do it... I don't... I don't know why I feel suicidal... I know I'd hurt so many people.. thank the Gods there are people who care this much... if I didn't have that, if I didn't have you all here or a few others who know who they are.... I know I wouldn't be here... because the one thing I've realized is I can't do this on my own.
But I'm still scared. I still don't trust myself. I don't know what to do.....it sneaks up on me, you know? And I still have yet to get my empathy under control... *sighs* Just... so much at once... a lot of horrible things have happened to my dearest friends, and just... with all of that... I still just can't seem to find the strength to really find reason anymore, save for the pain I'd cause others....

Well, you are very brave to come forward to discuss this.

On-line friends are real too ya know......it is sometimes hard to feel as if they count as much as someone you can see and touch and look in the eyes....that somehow those on the other side of the sceen can seem there but like not there.

Even through the net I formed bonds with people, they are in my dreams, my thoughts, my prayers...I wanna get back to them and share thoughts etc....

Yeah.....it hurts when other people hurt.....

It sounds like your Mom has a drinking problem? Well, whatever has happened to her is effecting you and it has maybe left you feeling abandoned?? Well, you have a whole linking to a huge spiritual network...that sure is something!!!!Sometimes we need to just let go the attachment to the issue and such allow yourself to sail into a new perspective...it is both easy and hard to do. There will be time to deal with it after a relief from it. Maybe go on Holiday from the Emotional Work you are going through right now....even things that are fun need to be let go of even just for a moment to gain perspective so you can get back to them.

One may not gain a solution or how to save the world or something by going on Holiday from an emotional work over....but you will have time to center and have a new....uh...newness about the self.....maybe?.....

Sounds good to me.....packing my astral bags to armchair travel to ....bye

[Shadowsong]

I've noticed... part of it seems to have a pattern... the empathy situation. If I'm around those i care about very very much... and try to help them... I take their pain on as my own, like I try to get rid of it for them. It's not just me feeling their emotions it's me... trying to take them away so they don't hurt anymore. I don't do it on purpose it just... happens. *shrugs* That's not all of it, I know it, I think I've been blind to that because I don't want that to be the areason because I know it's not but if I even think of it as a possible cause knowing me I'll overuse it and... yeah.
So part of it's that I think. I don't know anymore. Part of me wants to be better, part of me... knows I should fight this... but just wants to give up. I know it sounds so cowardly but... I don't know...
I just.... it's so hard to find strength of some kind, hope of some kind, anything to hold onto anymore... and on the outside everything seems fine, I smile, I laugh, how odd that I'm in an acting class cause that's what I'm doing for all but a few people, acting... Gods it's getting so bad... I even went so far as to sneak one of those plastic knives from lunch today so I'd have something... cause... my folks would notice if a kitchen knife went missing you know? I don't know why... I want to know why....
I just want to escape this... I'm so lost right now I don't know what to do... I want help and don't want help, I want to get better and want to embrace my shadows (no pun intended) without being overwhelmed by them... When I lay awake at night... I just... everything seems so screwed up... nothing seems right, I don't see any reason to be here at all, I don't know why, I know I'd hurt so many people and like i've said that's all that's keeping me from doing more... though I doubt I'd have the guts to do more.... ugh...
I want to get away. I want to hide. I want to disappear.... this is too much.....

[Raintreewolf]

I've noticed... part of it seems to have a pattern... the empathy situation. If I'm around those i care about very very much... and try to help them... I take their pain on as my own, like I try to get rid of it for them. It's not just me feeling their emotions it's me... trying to take them away so they don't hurt anymore. I don't do it on purpose it just... happens. *shrugs* That's not all of it, I know it, I think I've been blind to that because I don't want that to be the areason because I know it's not but if I even think of it as a possible cause knowing me I'll overuse it and... yeah.
So part of it's that I think. I don't know anymore. Part of me wants to be better, part of me... knows I should fight this... but just wants to give up. I know it sounds so cowardly but... I don't know...
I just.... it's so hard to find strength of some kind, hope of some kind, anything to hold onto anymore... and on the outside everything seems fine, I smile, I laugh, how odd that I'm in an acting class cause that's what I'm doing for all but a few people, acting... Gods it's getting so bad... I even went so far as to sneak one of those plastic knives from lunch today so I'd have something... cause... my folks would notice if a kitchen knife went missing you know? I don't know why... I want to know why....
I just want to escape this... I'm so lost right now I don't know what to do... I want help and don't want help, I want to get better and want to embrace my shadows (no pun intended) without being overwhelmed by them... When I lay awake at night... I just... everything seems so screwed up... nothing seems right, I don't see any reason to be here at all, I don't know why, I know I'd hurt so many people and like i've said that's all that's keeping me from doing more... though I doubt I'd have the guts to do more.... ugh...
I want to get away. I want to hide. I want to disappear.... this is too much.....

Maybe...you should seek professional help....maybe you and your friends you mentioned to me can all go some place ogether and get help for a little bit. I do not know if something like that is possible but you do not sound like you can actually help them on your own when you are not doing so well. There are people who would blow you away in their ability to help you and your girlfriends work through things. Think in ways you have not before. If you and a few of your friends seek help at the same time you can be there for each other too and you can all be well together also.

[Contra Mundum]

^exactly and stop the act ,easier said than done i know but
how will people ever know how you are feeling if you put on an act 24/7 ?
how will they be able to help you if you won't let them.?

[Lunacie]

I know how it is to want to help someone who is in pain - because we are also feeling their pain, eh? But if you take away their pain then you also take away any reason for them to fix whatever is causing the pain.

When my ex was having a heart attack, I took away the pain (and gave him a buttload of healing energy) but I also took him to the emergency room to be checked by a doctor. If I had only taken away the pain without giving him any healing energy or taking him to the hospital for treatment, it's most likely that he would have died within months of a bigger heart attack.

I think it's the responsibility of every human being to care about others and try to help when we can. But it's not our responsibility to fix things for others. We could be taking away the opportunity for them to learn a very valuable life lesson, or get some kind of help they may desperately need.

I think that line between caring and fixing is a little blurred for you, and you're carrying a much greater responsibility than you really should. You might find it helpful to create a really strong shield for a little while and ignore everyone else's pain while you take care of yourself. When you get on an airplane the flight attendant tells you that in case of sudden cabin depressurization the oxygen masks will drop down in front of you. You should put your own mask on first, and then help anyone next to you who needs help getting their mask on. If you try to help them first, you could both pass out before getting your masks on, and then you're both screwed. But if you take care of yourself first, you'll be able to help others better, eh?

[Shadowsong]

:hugz: to you all... I don't know why I'm so scared to tell people...
I feel weak. I feel like I don't have any control over anything, that's why I feel like a failure. For me... even if everything else was total crap.. I'd write, THAT was my release. Now I feel nothing, get nothing from it. If anything that was my lifeline.
My mother started yelling at me and hitting me for no reason last night, she got really suspicious as if I were hiding something, I wasn't, she'd been drinking... I hadn't or that would've been a disaster... my dad didn't do anything... neither she nor my dad said goodnight... i couldn't sleep, I just cried... I just kept thinking of what a friend told me once and just couldn't stop crying...
I feel weak because it seems like every little thing is enough to push me over the edge these days.
and I'm so scared that it's all in my head....

[LostSheep]

We're thinking of you, Shadow ... there's always someone here who's thinking of you.

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[BrigidMoon]

:hugz: to you all... I don't know why I'm so scared to tell people...
I feel weak. I feel like I don't have any control over anything, that's why I feel like a failure. For me... even if everything else was total crap.. I'd write, THAT was my release. Now I feel nothing, get nothing from it. If anything that was my lifeline.
My mother started yelling at me and hitting me for no reason last night, she got really suspicious as if I were hiding something, I wasn't, she'd been drinking... I hadn't or that would've been a disaster... my dad didn't do anything... neither she nor my dad said goodnight... i couldn't sleep, I just cried... I just kept thinking of what a friend told me once and just couldn't stop crying...
I feel weak because it seems like every little thing is enough to push me over the edge these days.
and I'm so scared that it's all in my head....

If you have parents drinking and hitting you, abusing you -- even though you may be afraid I'd go tell someone before it gets out of hand and you're seriously hurt. My daughter was abused by her dad at 5. Now she can see him safely without fear of being hit or verbally or emotionally abused. I'm worried about you. Please continue to keep us updated.

:hugz:

[Shadowsong]

I tried to get in contact with someone and they were supposed to follow up but didn't.... it's my mom, doesn't happen that often but when it does... well she drinks every night but... my dad never hits me. My dad's the peacekeeper for the most part--well, he mostly just stays out of the way, he knows not to mess with my mother after she's had a drink or two. She's broken windows because she's thrown things across rooms. When she's angry and has been drinking... she's not safe. I just don't know how to bring it up to my dad, because I know he's tried to get her help and I don't want to cause anymore trouble for him, he's already got so much on his plate....
Another thing is... like every little negative thing that happens to me somehow strikes a huge emotional blow, just lowering my self-esteem when normally I'd be able to shrug my shoulders and say to heck with it.... I don't know why I'm so weak, why I don't have any backbone, why everything I do seems stupid, why I think I'm a failure..... and what scares me, like I said, is the fact that writing isn't even keeping me calm.... :wah:

[BrigidMoon]

I tried to get in contact with someone and they were supposed to follow up but didn't.... it's my mom, doesn't happen that often but when it does... well she drinks every night but... my dad never hits me. My dad's the peacekeeper for the most part--well, he mostly just stays out of the way, he knows not to mess with my mother after she's had a drink or two. She's broken windows because she's thrown things across rooms. When she's angry and has been drinking... she's not safe. I just don't know how to bring it up to my dad, because I know he's tried to get her help and I don't want to cause anymore trouble for him, he's already got so much on his plate....
Another thing is... like every little negative thing that happens to me somehow strikes a huge emotional blow, just lowering my self-esteem when normally I'd be able to shrug my shoulders and say to heck with it.... I don't know why I'm so weak, why I don't have any backbone, why everything I do seems stupid, why I think I'm a failure..... and what scares me, like I said, is the fact that writing isn't even keeping me calm.... :wah:

Is there anyway to contact this person again? Just to be persistent? Also, would you consider going to an al-anon meeting? This may give you some support while going through this rough time. :huddle:

[Cynyr]

I tried to get in contact with someone and they were supposed to follow up but didn't.... it's my mom, doesn't happen that often but when it does... well she drinks every night but... my dad never hits me. My dad's the peacekeeper for the most part--well, he mostly just stays out of the way, he knows not to mess with my mother after she's had a drink or two. She's broken windows because she's thrown things across rooms. When she's angry and has been drinking... she's not safe. I just don't know how to bring it up to my dad, because I know he's tried to get her help and I don't want to cause anymore trouble for him, he's already got so much on his plate....
Another thing is... like every little negative thing that happens to me somehow strikes a huge emotional blow, just lowering my self-esteem when normally I'd be able to shrug my shoulders and say to heck with it.... I don't know why I'm so weak, why I don't have any backbone, why everything I do seems stupid, why I think I'm a failure..... and what scares me, like I said, is the fact that writing isn't even keeping me calm.... :wah:

Hey sweetie,

Do you want to stay there or leave?
You're safest out of there. Your dad, I'm sorry to say, is of no help to you as a peace keeper, he doesn't know how to handle your mother when she's intoxicated.
If you're still in school, go to your teacher or principal and talk to them. Of course, they will get DFACS involved, so it's really up to you.
I my opinion, you need to be out of there and get some counciling. Since you're reaching out to us, I assume you know all this is wrong and want help. Here it is - the help. yes, it's hard to make such a decision to leave your family, but it will change things.
It's really up to you right now honey.

[Shadowsong]

What am I supposed to do....?
It seems like it should be so clear, so simple, you know? It isn't. My relationship with my mom is so comlicated, she's a very nice, though out-spoken woman when she's not drunk.... it's like... 98% of the time she's my mom and I love her, we have our normal mother-daughter spats but who doesn't? And then the 2% of the time she's both drunk and pissed... it's a nightmare. And I don't see THAT woman as my mother. (OK so she drinks every night... but she's not angry or violent most of the time...)
And my dad... bless his heart I know he tries so hard to keep the peace, but I think at times even he's a little scared of ticking her off....
I've tried to deal with these issues one at a time. None have been solved. Now that it's like, "Solve all of them at the same time"... doing one at a time was hard enough. This is impossible...
There are so many times when I just want to scream get me out of this life... this is more than I can handle.

[Cynyr]

What am I supposed to do....?
It seems like it should be so clear, so simple, you know? It isn't. My relationship with my mom is so comlicated, she's a very nice, though out-spoken woman when she's not drunk.... it's like... 98% of the time she's my mom and I love her, we have our normal mother-daughter spats but who doesn't? And then the 2% of the time she's both drunk and pissed... it's a nightmare. And I don't see THAT woman as my mother. (OK so she drinks every night... but she's not angry or violent most of the time...)
And my dad... bless his heart I know he tries so hard to keep the peace, but I think at times even he's a little scared of ticking her off....
I've tried to deal with these issues one at a time. None have been solved. Now that it's like, "Solve all of them at the same time"... doing one at a time was hard enough. This is impossible...
There are so many times when I just want to scream get me out of this life... this is more than I can handle.

Sweetie,

It's okay to tell someone, it's not your fault. You are the victim. Parents are supposed to take care of their children. Please sweetie, tell someone - a teacher - a pricipal - even another neighbor you think may care and help. Just please tell someone about it. I can tell this hurts you so terribly. It hurts me just reading about what's going on with you because my mother was much the same. If only I had told a teacher, my life may have been different.
We here at MW care about you. We don't have to know you personally to care. You're young and have so much life ahead of you. yes, I know your dad tries to keep the peace, but you know what? YOU should be #1 on his plate. My dad also tried to handle it and it did not work out the way he wanted it to. I'm sorry honey, but if you want to end this mess, it is you that has to do something. My advise is to tell someone who has direct contact with DFACS. That may be just the wake-up-call your mother needs to stop her drinking. It won't get better until somone actually does something.
My prayers and thoughts are with you honey.

[Shadowsong]

*cries and runs to hide*
I CAN'T DO THIS. I can't see any reason to keep trying at all..... to me there is no point whatsoever in trying to solve anything.... don't know why..... just... oh to heck with it, I can't explain it, probably just come off sounding dumb anyways....

[Cynyr]

*cries and runs to hide*
I CAN'T DO THIS. I can't see any reason to keep trying at all..... to me there is no point whatsoever in trying to solve anything.... don't know why..... just... oh to heck with it, I can't explain it, probably just come off sounding dumb anyways....


Talk it out. Go ahead and say what's on your mind. Just put it out there.

[Agaliha]

{...}

[Shadowsong]

Again it's this thing of getting my mom in trouble. I told one lady and she filed a possible report to the DHS--without my consent! Then she never followed up so I don't even know what became of that.
That was hard enough for me. I can't do that again, it was close enough, I hate change, I'm so introverted, you shake anything up in my life and I feel screwed... I'd almost much rather learn how to deal with this, fight back without bein physical in return, than end up getting people I love in trouble.
The woman who drinks and hits me isn't my mom--oh sure she's still the same body, but it's not her... if that makes sense....
Everything is a trigger now for an emotional breakdown.... I just don't know what to do, who to go to, if I should go to anyone.... I don't know anything at this point.... it's like I don't even know myself anymore.

[BrigidMoon]

Again it's this thing of getting my mom in trouble. I told one lady and she filed a possible report to the DHS--without my consent! Then she never followed up so I don't even know what became of that.
That was hard enough for me. I can't do that again, it was close enough, I hate change, I'm so introverted, you shake anything up in my life and I feel screwed... I'd almost much rather learn how to deal with this, fight back without bein physical in return, than end up getting people I love in trouble.
The woman who drinks and hits me isn't my mom--oh sure she's still the same body, but it's not her... if that makes sense....
Everything is a trigger now for an emotional breakdown.... I just don't know what to do, who to go to, if I should go to anyone.... I don't know anything at this point.... it's like I don't even know myself anymore.

I don't think you need to get anyone into trouble. I think you need help. You may see it as causing trouble but I don't. Your mom may be able to some help too if she knew it would be either that or loosing you. It's very important and serious stuff.

I'd at least try the al-anon meetings. That way you can hear and relate to others' who are in this same situation.

_pounce_

[Shadowsong]

Yeah... maybe.... I'm just so confused right now... I want the easy way out and know that isn't it... just have to find someway to get through doing what I have to do... whatever that ends up being I guess.....
Thanks to you all.

[BrigidMoon]

Yeah... maybe.... I'm just so confused right now... I want the easy way out and know that isn't it... just have to find someway to get through doing what I have to do... whatever that ends up being I guess.....
Thanks to you all.

You are welcome hon. I think you have some options to utilize. Now, all you need is the energy and strength to use them!

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[Shadowsong]

But to me it IS causing trouble.... this option that's supposed to make things better is making things worse.....
I can't be the one to do this. There's so much going on I don't even know where to start, how to begin handling one thing and not being overwhelmed by everything else, because no matter what that's what it comes back to: being overwhelmed by everything...
I'm losing it.... I know it... and there's this part of me that wonders if it's all been in my head, my being happy... if it's just a placebo effect or something and has never really been there.... ugh...

[BrigidMoon]

But to me it IS causing trouble.... this option that's supposed to make things better is making things worse.....
I can't be the one to do this. There's so much going on I don't even know where to start, how to begin handling one thing and not being overwhelmed by everything else, because no matter what that's what it comes back to: being overwhelmed by everything...
I'm losing it.... I know it... and there's this part of me that wonders if it's all been in my head, my being happy... if it's just a placebo effect or something and has never really been there.... ugh...

If you feel you cannot do it, then, talk to your dad and tell him to do it.

[Shadowsong]

Yeah... but when it's like this, when everything's normal... it seems hard to believe that anything's happened, anything bad I mean, between my mom and I.
Myself... well *shrugs* haven't really come to terms with that. Just keep plugging along, taking each day as I can. I guess at this point it's so normal for me to feel... cynical, pessimistic, about the world and myself that in a way it doesn't bother me as much. Sure it hurts like hell but.... oh well. There are people who have it much worse than I do and I know I'm blessed. I don't know if I've told you all or just a few people, but I was born four months premie, and I'm lucky all that's remained from that experience is being blind in my right eye, low vision in the left. Even though for me at the moment it's so hard to believe.... I think Someone wanted me in this life.... and why throw away all the fighting my parents did and perhaps I did when I was born and in the hospital for six months now? If I'm going to end it now.... why should I have even bothered in the first place when I was born and was so tiny I coudln't wear daipers but could sit in my dad's hand and took the prime opportunity to poop right there in the palm of his hand for no reason? (hehehe--true story there.)
Hm. Who leaves the soap box laying around here? *looks around and steps off the said soap box*

[BrigidMoon]

Yeah... but when it's like this, when everything's normal... it seems hard to believe that anything's happened, anything bad I mean, between my mom and I.
Myself... well *shrugs* haven't really come to terms with that. Just keep plugging along, taking each day as I can. I guess at this point it's so normal for me to feel... cynical, pessimistic, about the world and myself that in a way it doesn't bother me as much. Sure it hurts like hell but.... oh well. There are people who have it much worse than I do and I know I'm blessed. I don't know if I've told you all or just a few people, but I was born four months premie, and I'm lucky all that's remained from that experience is being blind in my right eye, low vision in the left. Even though for me at the moment it's so hard to believe.... I think Someone wanted me in this life.... and why throw away all the fighting my parents did and perhaps I did when I was born and in the hospital for six months now? If I'm going to end it now.... why should I have even bothered in the first place when I was born and was so tiny I coudln't wear daipers but could sit in my dad's hand and took the prime opportunity to poop right there in the palm of his hand for no reason? (hehehe--true story there.)
Hm. Who leaves the soap box laying around here? *looks around and steps off the said soap box*

Yeah there are people that have it much worse than you, you're right. However, it takes a lot of courage and strength to change a very bad repetitious cycle. So really at this point it's up to you to try and change this situation. If you're comfortable with the situation, cool. However, I don't feel you feel safe in your own home. That's a problem. If you're not safe there, then, something will be done eventually even if you do not do it and with a more tragic ending.

Just remember we are here for you and want you to feel better about yourself and your situation!

*steps off her soap box as well*

_pounce_

[Shadowsong]

Just when I thought I had things under control... NOW they find out about cutting.... so this just complicates things.... they're like "oh we're here to support you" but I can tell they're just thinking it's another burden and I don't even know how they found out in the first place......
I'm so scared now, I .... it's almost worse having them know.... my mom threatened to clean out my room, to kick me out.... put me in the psych ward....
so it's happened again, the cycle repeats. Here we go.... again....

[BrigidMoon]

Just when I thought I had things under control... NOW they find out about cutting.... so this just complicates things.... they're like "oh we're here to support you" but I can tell they're just thinking it's another burden and I don't even know how they found out in the first place......
I'm so scared now, I .... it's almost worse having them know.... my mom threatened to clean out my room, to kick me out.... put me in the psych ward....
so it's happened again, the cycle repeats. Here we go.... again....

How did they find out?

Sorry this is happening.

_pounce_

[Shadowsong]

My mom just saw my wrist and was like, "What the hell happened?" and called my dad into the room and they started interrogating me....
Oh well. Maybe it's for the best, I don't know. *shrugs*

[BrigidMoon]

My mom just saw my wrist and was like, "What the hell happened?" and called my dad into the room and they started interrogating me....
Oh well. Maybe it's for the best, I don't know. *shrugs*

Well, maybe they will see it as a cry for help.

:hugz:

[Shadowsong]

Maybe... still not sure if it was best or not... but I guess that's to be seen huh? :hugz:
Thanks to all of you; if I come here ranting it's just cause they've made me go see a psychiatrist or something... *groans* Can we pray that doesn't happen please? Nothing against them (my folks or psychiatrists) just that I really don't like talking to pros about my problems... if that makes sense.

[BrigidMoon]

Maybe... still not sure if it was best or not... but I guess that's to be seen huh? :hugz:
Thanks to all of you; if I come here ranting it's just cause they've made me go see a psychiatrist or something... *groans* Can we pray that doesn't happen please? Nothing against them (my folks or psychiatrists) just that I really don't like talking to pros about my problems... if that makes sense.

_pounce_ _pounce_ _pounce_

It's okay we're here to listen. :)

[Shadowsong]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
What's odd is now they're acting like nothing's wrong... I'd kind of thought if they were going to give me a lecture they would have...? *looks confused*
Still... as much as I ranted about it.... it's kind of nice to just... have it out in the open. What a paradox that is in itself. O.O heheh

[BrigidMoon]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
What's odd is now they're acting like nothing's wrong... I'd kind of thought if they were going to give me a lecture they would have...? *looks confused*
Still... as much as I ranted about it.... it's kind of nice to just... have it out in the open. What a paradox that is in itself. O.O heheh

I'm glad you shared it with us.

I hope you continue to feel as if you can here.

:loveydove

[Raintreewolf]

Yes, do not protect your parents....your Mom needs help and your Dad is an enabeler and you need to continue to grow while you are growing....Your Dad letting your Mom get away with it is almost as bad as hitting you himself. You all need knew tools in your family....Let the healing begin....you should not half to be the feeler for all of you.

You know what? Open your mouth and let everyone know....do not protect the skeletons in the closet...nasty family secrets....open it up, expose it. Do not be afraid!

[Lunacie]

Maybe... still not sure if it was best or not... but I guess that's to be seen huh? :hugz:
Thanks to all of you; if I come here ranting it's just cause they've made me go see a psychiatrist or something... *groans* Can we pray that doesn't happen please? Nothing against them (my folks or psychiatrists) just that I really don't like talking to pros about my problems... if that makes sense.

I don't like talking to pros either. I appreciate a support group much more. I mean, the others in a support group know what you're feeling because they have felt it too.

[Shadowsong]

I don't like talking to pros either. I appreciate a support group much more. I mean, the others in a support group know what you're feeling because they have felt it too.
Amen to that. :hugz:
Thank you all. Today went well, contrary to what my mother said she did not scoure my room nor did she kick me out nor is she forcing me to see a professional (that I know of). Sure it's a pain to have my dad poking his head in my room and checking my wrists every two seconds.... but it helps to know they DO care.
:hugz: Thanks to you all again--for the billionth time.... one less thing to handle. Now... well now I'm wondering if I can actually do this.... ;)
So uh if I EVER freak out AGAIN... remind me of this, OK? Remind me that.... it IS Ok, WILL BE OK, no matter what, no matter how all else seems to fail. So hard to believe a lot of the time but... I'm beginning to feel it now.
:hugz:

[Lunacie]

I think we all freak out from time to time, and having someone remind us that we survived the last time we freaked out is rather helpful. When I was dealing with my issues several years ago, I had only my self to remind myself. But even that helped quite a bit.

You don't have to wait for your parents to sign you up for therapy, you know. You can check around and see if there is a support group that meets in your area. Or you can start a support group yourself. I had to miss my ADD support group Monday evening, and I really missed it. I love having people who understand what I'm struggling with and don't make me feel like some dummy because I'm struggling.

[Shadowsong]

Having just one person who understands is better, I think, than trying to talk to someone who really doesn't seem to at all. That's what I've learned from my friends here. :hugz: From all of you.

Shadow

[Vera1869]

Hon, I will listen, now I don't get on here often, actually, I am a new user, and I have cut before, I have drank, I know how you feel, it hurts to be without, and when no one is around, it is an escape from reality. In fact, the last time I cut wasn't too long ago, but I am getting help for it, you should too. I usually cut because I am felling mad at myself for being a bi*** to other people, and I also do it for the sheer whim of it when I am depressed. Next time you want to cut, think to yourself, no, and cut up a pillow, or a doll or something along those lines, and if you want to know how old I am, I am 17.

[argento_occhi]

We've talked, hon. You know what you mean to me, and that I'm looking out for you. I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. :hugz: Just thought I'd add my thoughts here (this is a very difficult post to write) so you knew I was looking out for you. But, you already knew that.

Stay safe.
Argent

[Shadowsong]

Argent honey I love you. I know it's difficult for you to come in here, and I'm so sorry you have to put up with me. Thank you for listening to me; if ever you need to talk as well I'm here, OK hon? :hugz:
And I always know we're looking out for each other hon. :hugz:

Shadow

[argento_occhi]

Don't ever think I'm putting up with you. I love and care about you as if you were my sister. Words are eluding me now, but you know what I'm trying to say. :hugz:

Argent

[abrakus]

I used to cut myself frequently, but I didn't drink I was on cocaine for about 3years. I haven't done it for a while but I used because I hated myself for being gay, my family issues didn't help either. If you ever want to talk I'm here :hugz:

[Shadowsong]

:hugz:
Argent hon I love you as if you were my sister as well. Words aren't strong enough for that; the one thing, I think, they can't manage.
And abrakus... thanks hon. THere are times where I hate being bi. *shrugs* But my folks don't know yet, heheh. One more family secret... *groans*

[Contra Mundum]

:hugz: Shadowsong, abrakus, argento_occhi :hugz:

[LostSheep]

Shadow, you're brave. A lot braver than me. Please don't do what I've thought about doing ....

[abrakus]

:hugz: for everyone, surely if we stick together we'll be ok

[Shadowsong]

I'm thinking that too.
LostSheep, you ARE brave, you just haven't found your inner strength yet. I have thought about ending my life... but thank the Gods I have people here and otherwise who will kick me upside the head and give me a reality check. :hugz:
We all can overcome this. Just an uphill battle, aye?

[argento_occhi]

Aye, just another uphill battle. We'll get there together hon. :hugz:

Argent

[Shadowsong]

Of course we all will. :hugz: Argent, hon.... Gods... I love you dear, can I just say that? *sniffleness*

Shadow

[argento_occhi]

:hugz: I love you too, hon. *sniffles* Don't you ever forget that. Stay safe hon.

Argent

[Shadowsong]

Don't you ever forget it either. I will, you too OK? :hugz:

Shadow

[Silverwolfthorn]

when u feel like this you need to get up and go somewhere. You need to be with people. Im fifteen, im on antipressants and i used to cut i can get really suicidal too. But you need to keep pushing yourself to get up and go out. Don't let yourself be alone. pm me, we'll talk

Luv jaz xx

[Shadowsong]

I know I need to keep pushing. A rather hard thing to do, aye? Especially with the parents *groans* Ah well. I have a few people here to whom I'm very close, they are amazing.
Drop a line if _you_ ever need to talk, OK?

Shadow

[abrakus]

I'm here for whoever needs or wants to talk. :hugz:

[Shadowsong]

And you Abrakus... *pokes* always crack me up when I need it. :hugz:

[abrakus]

good good. Coffee?

[Shadowsong]

Check the Misty Valley.
BACK ON TOPIC:
the one thing I've noticed too is that... whenever I have these huge mood swings and these moments where I really just hate life and wish the world would end, I tend then to question my faith A LOT. Any ideas on how to make it stronger or something so this doesn't happen? Cause if I had faith to cling to then... well maybe I'd have more of a backbone lol. But when I lose it, I LOSE IT--all and any and everything, faith included. So uhm... any ideas?
*looks helplessly lost*

Shadow

[Shadowsong]

OK well I just fount out from my mother that she made an appointment with a shrink for me tomorrow and just told me today. I have no choice, even when now I feel like I've got things under control. I know she means well but I'm so angry right now and sacred because I really really don't like talking to shrinks.... and this is just going to mess everything up, i can tell.....

Shadow

[Contra Mundum]

maybe ,maybe not, just give it a try .:smoochypo

[Shadowsong]

Ugh what am I supposed to say? There are things they won't understand I don't think--like how being an empath plays into this. *grumbles* and all this time I thought I was "safe" in this regard....

Shadow

[Gypsy flower]

you dont have to tell him anything you dont want too:uhhuhuh: you know some things are better left unsaid, play along with your Mother at least she may get off your back.. its her shrink bill after all maybe she willl learn something!!_happydanc

[Shadowsong]

you dont have to tell him anything you dont want too:uhhuhuh: you know some things are better left unsaid, play along with your Mother at least she may get off your back.. its her shrink bill after all maybe she willl learn something!!_happydanc
*giggle* Heh thanks for making me laugh, i needed it.
Yeah I know I just... idk, I kind of freak out, but I guess you're right. As long as I know what _I_ need to do then... well just so long as she's happy (why am I thinking "let the baby have her bottle?") then... hey. *shrugs* Guess I'm indifferent now that I know.

Shadow

[Contra Mundum]

Ugh what am I supposed to say? There are things they won't understand I don't think--like how being an empath plays into this. *grumbles* and all this time I thought I was "safe" in this regard....

Shadow
well you don't have to tell em that you're an empath :seehearsp
just tell them what you want to get off your chest.
and another thing you are never safe :ggrief: .

[Agaliha]

I just wanted to mention that Shadow if there are problems you are having [thoughts of suicide, etc] please tell them. I can understand the empath part, but if there are other things, it's important they know. As they can help you either now or down the road. There is nothing wrong with mentioning your problems...and I think that even though you are a minor what you say in that room is confidential-- if you are worried the DR. will blab to your mom just ask [it everything is confidential]. I'm sure it is.
I just want you to get better and over come this :hugz:
So don't obmit anything serious that is a problem that they could help.

[LostSheep]

i understand your reluctance to get involved with 'professionals', Shadow, i've had enough of that ('And how does that make you ... feel?') ... shut ...up ... i understand there's things you don't want to tell them, but it would surely go no further than the shrink ... if medical ethics still mean anything. It's entirely up to you how much you do or don't want to tell them ... at least your mother's not trying to have you exorcised. :twitch:

[Shadowsong]

Don't worry Belle Terre, I will. :hugz: It's just... I'm not sure where to draw the line. Heck I'm not even sure what I'd say in the first place.... grrrrr I just... yeah. There's really a not I want to get off my chest atm, except that you know I have to go in the first place... ;)
And yesh, I know none of us are never "safe" but oh I had hoped and thought that they'd just let it go at "don't do it again".... because when I handle something big I handle it in my own manner, with litle or no outside interference--in this case, a few close friends know, no one else. They've helped me.
Argh, oh well... *shrugs* I'll tell them what they want to hear (whatever that is) but there's a lot I won't say simply for the sake of having it halfway straight in my head and not wanting to muck it up again.

Shadow

[Contra Mundum]

Don't worry Belle Terre, I will. :hugz: It's just... I'm not sure where to draw the line. Heck I'm not even sure what I'd say in the first place.... grrrrr I just... yeah. There's really a not I want to get off my chest atm, except that you know I have to go in the first place... ;)
And yesh, I know none of us are never "safe" but oh I had hoped and thought that they'd just let it go at "don't do it again".... because when I handle something big I handle it in my own manner, with litle or no outside interference--in this case, a few close friends know, no one else. They've helped me.
Argh, oh well... *shrugs* I'll tell them what they want to hear (whatever that is) but there's a lot I won't say simply for the sake of having it halfway straight in my head and not wanting to muck it up again.

Shadow
don't tell them what they want to hear ,if you want to get better you just have to let it all go and talk about it.
you must agree that the way things are going now ain't good.
just look at this thread,you need help you now have the chance to get that help take it and use it to your advantage !!
you can't do everything on your own ,believe me you can't .
i say let it all out :hugz:

[Shadowsong]

I know I just... the one roadblock I'm hitting is this: I'm an empath, it is a huge part of who I am. If I try to tell him/her that they I don't think they'd understand, believe me.... no understand is a better term. They might believe me just not know what it's like. Anyways.... I feel that by not telling them that I may as well not tell them anything in the first place... you know?

Shadow

[Lunacie]

Well, you are assuming that they won't understand when you don't really know that. You could go in and tell the psychiatrist that you've been taking part in a discussion about empathy and ask what s/he thinks about the subject. You might open up an interesting discussion, or you might find that they think you're flaky, but at least you'd know for sure instead of guessing and maybe being wrong.

[Shadowsong]

Well... *shrugs* Not much good, nothing bad, so I suppose that's best. Danced around the idea of empathy as best I could, I think she gets the idea that I tend to take people's problems on as my own (subconsciously) so at least it's kind of the same idea. *shrugs again* Ah well. It'll be tolerable, but at least it seems some good will come out of it.
She's going to teach me some different forms of meditation! ^_^

Shadow

[Lunacie]

Hey, someone that understands the value of meditation, and knows that the same method isn't right for everyone, or even for the same person all the time. You may have found a good person. I hope you do find she has some helpful suggestions for you. And you have all of us here for support, eh?

[Shadowsong]

But of course! :hugz:
Now that I reflect back on it (when I typed that last post I was just lucky I'd staggered out of there ALIVE) there were several things that I don't like about her, but... *shrugs* Oh well. I don't think my dad likes her either, but we'll see.

Shadow

[Shadowsong]

I apologize for double-posting but I just wanted to update you all.
My week went well and my emotions are very stable, I'm feeling happy now, purpose-driven (even as I don't know what that purpose is yet lol) Spiritually I feel very content and comforted.
I wanted to thank you all for helping me get through that. You all are beautiful and wonderful and I wish I could hug you all in person! But some great, happy, thankful energy vibes your way all! :hugz:
I love you all, thank you so much.

Brightest blessings, from the Gods, Goddesses, and Universe,
Shadow

[Lunacie]

Yay. :clapping:

I'm so glad to hear that.

[argento_occhi]

I had a feeling this week was good for you. :hugz: Here's to many more! Maybe one day you'll get to give me that hug, hey? Love you too, little sis. Stay safe and happy. :hugz:

Argent

[Shadowsong]

*sniffles* I'm crying again--because I'm happy this time, thank the Gods! :lol: Yesh I hope many more good weeks follow as well, and I just.... really you all are awesome and even saying thanks doesn't seem like enough. :hugz:
And Argent, love ya! I'd love to give you that hug in person but I reckon we'll have to wait for airfare rates to go down a bit, aye? ;)

Shadow

[argento_occhi]

Aye, there's a lot of land between us (and I'm kinda broke). But, there's nothing wrong with being a little optimistic, aye? :hugz: Love ya, hon. Stay safe.

Argent

[Shadowsong]

Will do, and optimism rules! ^_^ Heh, I'm broke too. Ah well. We can hope aye? ;) Stay safe yerself aye? Don't want that elevator at uni to uh .... go crashing down about five stories or something.
*nods*
*wonders how much coffee I've had*
best left unsaid.

Shadow

[LostSheep]

Oh Shadow, i'm so glad. funnily enough, I've been feeling the same these last few days, like there's something that's been lifted from my mind, so I think I know how you feel.

:hugz: in abundance.

[argento_occhi]

Well, Shadow, there are some dodgy lifts at uni. I stay away from the ones in the library. Dodgy as. But, I don't think I have to worry about falling 5 stories. The highest building we have has only 4 stories. :lol:

:hugz: again.

Argent

[Shadowsong]

Aww LostSheep that is wonderful to hear! That's how I feel--just like this burden, this huge weight, has been lifted off my mind and heart. Such a wonderful feeling yes?
Well you'd better stay away from the dodgy lifts Argent. *nods* though it sounds like you already to. ^_^
Ah life is good and bad but for now it's happy. Hehe.

Shadow

[argento_occhi]

Aye, it was one of the first things I was told at uni, which lifts to steer clear of. so, I go up four flights of stairs at the library to get to their main collection rather than risk the dodgy lift, much to my knees' annoyance.

But, things are good. Life ought to be celebrated more, I think. The Gods gifted us life, it's up to us to do something with it.

Argent

[Shadowsong]

Amen to that. :hugz:

Shadow

[BrigidMoon]

Shadowsong, how are you doing hon?

_pounce_

[BrigidMoon]

Shadowsong, how are you doing hon?

_pounce_

Bump!

[Agaliha]

Bump!

I don't know if you saw it or not, but I don't think Shadow will be back anytime soon--

http://www.mysticwicks.com/images/icons/icon9.gif Goodbye.... (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=112701)

[BrigidMoon]

I don't know if you saw it or not, but I don't think Shadow will be back anytime soon--

http://www.mysticwicks.com/images/icons/icon9.gif Goodbye.... (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=112701)
Thanks, I think I had forgotten. I hope she'll be back.