All About Blonds

[Earth Walker]

:p I'm soooo bored. :bad:

How 'bout some blond jokes. ;)


Why was the blond fired from the M&M company?
She kept throwing out the W's.

Why did the blond climb over the plexiglass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

Why do blonds wear big-hoop earrings?
It gives them a place to put their ankles during sex.

[Niamh]

One day, a blond decides that she wants to earn some money. She comes up with the plan to do odd jobs for people in her town.
She starts off going door to door in the wealthier section of town, and is in luck with the first door she knocks on.
A man answers the door, and the blond explains what she is doing, and asks if hte man has any odd jobs around the house.
"Well, my porch could use some painting if you would like to do that."
"Sure," says the blond, "I can start right away."
"Great, the supplies are out in the garage; paint, brushes, you name it. What's your price?"
"Fifty dollars?" Half asks the blond.
"Perfect!" the man declares, and leaves her to do her job.
"Who was that, dear?" the man's wife asks as he closes the door. He explains to his wife that he just got a blond girl to paint the porch for 50 bucks.
"Does she realize it's a wrap-around porch?" she asks.
"She should," says the husbanc, "she was standing on it!"
Not ten minutes later, the blond knocks on the door.
"Finished! ANd, by the way, it's not a porch, silly! It's a Lexus!"

[Dextra]

Oh, you had to get me started on the blonde jokes didn't you...... :bigredgri

A blonde was sitting at a bar sipping her beer when she noticed a little man dressed in green waving to her from a table in the corner. She wandered over to him, and sat down next to him.
He said, "I'm a leprechaun, and I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and for that, I want to give you three wishes."
The blonde was very excited and made her first wish. "I wish I had a brand new car."
"Done," said the little man. "The keys are in your purse."
She made her next wish. "I wish I had a million dollars."
"Also done," said the man. "In the trunk of your new car is a million dollars in cash."
The blonde made her final wish. "I wish I had a man with the body of Brad Pitt and hung like a horse!"
"Done and done," said the little man. "However, I am constantly granting wishes for others, and for once, I was wondering if you would grant a wish for me?"
"After what you've given me? Sure, anything!"
The little man whispered something in her ear and they headed off to the parking lot. After having their way with each other in the back of his car, he turned to the blonde and said, "I just have one question for you."
"What's that?" asked the blonde.
"How old are you?"
"25."
"And you still believe in leprechauns?"

:bigredgri

[Mairwen]

how do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
shine a flashlight in her ear!

what did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill!

A blonde was on her way to Disney Land. When she got there, a sign said, "Disney Land, Left" ~ so she turned around and went home. It took her three hours to get home and she was completely exhausted. Know why? She saw a sign that said, "Clean restrooms, next thirty exits!"

[Niamh]

How do you drown a blond? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the swimming pool!

[belladonna23]

Why do blonds wear wool panties?
To keep their feet warm!

Why did the blond stare for an hour into the orange juice?
The label said "concentrate"!

What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you've dropped a load in it!! :eek:

How do you know if a blond is having a bad day?
There's white-out all over the computer screen!

Why don't blonds like vibrators?
They hurt their teeth!

I know I have more, I just have to think...

[Niamh]

What did the bee discover when he flew into the blond's ear? Space!

[Lady Tana]

HAHAHAAHHAHHAHA
*LMAO*

im lovin these... but i may have to retaliate with some brunette/redhead jokes :)

[rantnraven]

Why do blondes have sun-roofs in theirs cars?
More leg room.

What do you call three blondes standing side-by-side?
A wind tunnel.

This man was watering his lawn and noticed his neighbor - a blonde - was checking the mailbox every twenty minutes or so. Curious, he asked, "Why do you keep checking the mail box? Postal service delivers a three o'clock every day and it's only twelve".
"Well", the blonde replied, "I just go Internet service and every time I log on it says I have mail".


What did one blonde say to the other blonde?
*pause*
They don't know either.


RnR

[Earth Walker]

What do you call a brunette standing between two
blonds?
Interpreter. :p

How 'bout one for the men?

How do you teach a man to count to 21?
Get him to drop his boxers. :D

[rantnraven]

Three woman were stranded on an island.

A blonde, a bunette and a redhead.

They stumbled onto a lamb and a Genie popped out.

"I will grant you three wishes but, since there are three of you, you only get one each".

The Redhead steped up said "I wish for the strength to swim across to the main land". And so it was and she swam away.

The Brunette asked, "Since I can't swim, give me the knowledge to build a boat, that I may sail to the main land". And so it was. She built a boat and sailed away.

The Blonde approaches the Genie. She says, "Make me smarter then the other two because I can't swim or sail".

The Genie thought about this request for a moment. Then, after a while, nodded. "So it shall be", he said. Then, he turned her into a man and she walked across the bridge.

----

That oughta spice things up a bit.

RnR

[Dextra]

Why was the blonde male secretary employee of the month for a year?

Because he could carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts with only two hands! :bigredgri
:D

[rantnraven]

Wht was the blonde Female secrtary employee of the month right after that?

Because she could eat a dozen doughnuts.


LMAO

RnR

[Ozymandias]

What do you call the white stuff in a blondes panties?

Clitty litter

[rantnraven]

*Jaw hits floor*

RnR

[LaDaya]

LMAO....

I'm going back to my corner now... I don't have any good ones.

[Armitage]

What goes blonde-brunette-blonde-brunette-blonde?


A blonde doing nude cartwheels.

[Yvonne Belisle]

http://www.MillionJokes.com

[sisba]

Very funny joke - but the jokes on me 'cause I'm blonde! Never heard that one before though.......

[Armitage]

sis: It's on me too. I'm blonde. :)

[rantnraven]

I'm grey. Does THAT count?

RnR

[Carmelo]

Santa Claus, an intelligent blonde, and a gorgeous redhead are walking down the street. They notice a crisp, clean $100 bill laying on the pavement. Which one picked it up?

Come on you all know the answer. The redhead...the other two are figments of your imagination.

[rantnraven]

Good thing Dextra's RED.

[gunner]

eight young ladies, skyclad, the first facing the audience, the next with her back turned, then one facing, and one again with her back turned, then one facing the audience, the last three all with their backs turned. what well known musical piece do they represent?

(answer to follow in a later post)

[Niamh]

Too tired to think, gunner!

[folkwitch]

Originally posted by Ozymandias
What do you call the white stuff in a blondes panties?

Clitty litter
Now you've done it! Go stand on the paper.

[gunner]

no guesses? where's the sporting blood? well, if no wants to try i'll give the answer tomorrow evening

[richardcranium]

How do you know a blonde is not wearing underwear? She has dandruff on her feet.

[bluecat]

Originally posted by gunner
eight young ladies, skyclad, the first facing the audience, the next with her back turned, then one facing, and one again with her back turned, then one facing the audience, the last three all with their backs turned. what well known musical piece do they represent?

(answer to follow in a later post)

:cool: Gimme a head of HAIR :cool:

[gunner]

no, and here's a hint, the answer lies in the field of classical music

[Kalima]

Why did the blonde have a sore bellybutton?

Because her boyfriend was blond, too. :D

[gunner]

"the william tell overture"

(titty rump titty rump titty rump rump rump)

or maybe i should have put this one in "bad jokes"

[Acie]

Clitty Litter :bigredgri OMG!!!

[Yvonne Belisle]

An airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The
interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell
us your age, please?"

The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Jenny!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he
asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the airhead," I was just running throug that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'"

[Earth Walker]

Blonds have more fun. :p :bigredgri

[Yvonne Belisle]

Yes but, red heads light the fires to ignite men's desires:):P:D

[Earth Walker]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
Yes but, red heads light the fires to ignite men's desires:):P:D

:) Damn, where did I leave my matches? ;) :p 8O

[rantnraven]

..light my fire.

I LOVE red.

RnR

[bluecat]

Originally posted by Mystique


:) Damn, where did I leave my matches? ;) :p 8O

Hmmm ... I thought you threw "THOSE" matches away? :D

[MystyPines]

Question: What do you call a Brunette standing between 2 Blondes?

Answer: An Interpretor.

he he he. Sorry, that's the only blonde joke I can retain. What do you want?, I am blonde, he he he.

[Earth Walker]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas



An airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The
interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell
us your age, please?"

The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Jenny!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he
asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the airhead," I was just running throug that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'"


Hey! I resemble that remark. :bigredgri


Only my cat understands me. :D