Feel it coming again.

[Auroro]

:achillpil , I'd take one, but nothing works as one anymore. Everything is just busting down on me again. It wouldn't be so bad, but it's been a while. I've held out for a while. I can't control this. I've tried. I'm mentally bleeding internally, and I have proof of it all. The scars on my arms from past encounters, gray eyes, and the thoughts running through my mind. Someone I used to know killed themselves not long ago... I've come close in the past, but everytime the subject of suicide and suicidal tendencies comes up... I feel it again, like I need to, I need to screw myself up even more, and... the scary thing is. I like it. I don't want to! I DON'T! But I don't know what to do.
:dis:

[BrigidMoon]

:achillpil , I'd take one, but nothing works as one anymore. Everything is just busting down on me again. It wouldn't be so bad, but it's been a while. I've held out for a while. I can't control this. I've tried. I'm mentally bleeding internally, and I have proof of it all. The scars on my arms from past encounters, gray eyes, and the thoughts running through my mind. Someone I used to know killed themselves not long ago... I've come close in the past, but everytime the subject of suicide and suicidal tendencies comes up... I feel it again, like I need to, I need to screw myself up even more, and... the scary thing is. I like it. I don't want to! I DON'T! But I don't know what to do.
:dis:

First, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry it's really hard for you right.
:hugz:

Is there anything in the past that has helped you stop yourself? Maybe writing here? I hope...

Think back to what may help?

Silly things...?

There was this one time I sent pictures of myself making funny faces to help make someone laugh. Not that this is the time or situation but.....here is a silly picture of my daughter...with funny pink fake fangs!

http://www.mysticwicks.com/photoalbum/albums/userpics/19345/normal_juliafangs.jpg

She's trying to be all SCARY n stuff. I think it's hilarious.

Seriously though, please continue to share with us. I will continue to listen, give advice and sometimes show off my silly side.

:elf:

[Auroro]

Thanks for trying... but maybe if you got my school principle to wear those, it might cheer me up. Anyway, what drew me away last time was religion... now I'm practicing dark paganism and nocturnal witchcraft avidly... Writing poetry helps, you can read my poetry in the poetry and literature section. As you can tell by reading those, if you did, that those are dark and depression-oriented as well. I used to write songs... I tried... It doesn't work.

[BrigidMoon]

Thanks for trying... but maybe if you got my school principle to wear those, it might cheer me up. Anyway, what drew me away last time was religion... now I'm practicing dark paganism and nocturnal witchcraft avidly... Writing poetry helps, you can read my poetry in the poetry and literature section. As you can tell by reading those, if you did, that those are dark and depression-oriented as well. I used to write songs... I tried... It doesn't work.

Well, I wish I could get your principal to wear them. What's the address? I could send them to the school and ask =)

Does practicing dark paganism and nocturnal witchcraft help with this issue? You stated it was religion oriented...what drew you away...

How is it the same or different this time compared to the last time?

[Kalandriel]

Hey there, I can understand those dark thoughts and all myself.
I went through a period in my life where I was in the same mindset, and the one thing that kept me from hurting myself was the fact that my brother did commit suicide, and I remembered the pain that it caused everyone.
So instead I put extra effort into focusing on things that made me happy: family, crafts, swimming, etc...

And yes, lets compare this time with last, what helped you overcome the last time? And what are the differences? :)

[Auroro]

Well, it was religion that made me "good" again. Idk... It's just different now, the things that worked before worked like Novaicane... but the numbness wore out and it stopped working. Now I am numb, I've had these spells before, where at times I have to fake, but I'm done faking... My emotions go numb for time and time again. It's relentless and malevolent, and I'm trying to fight it. I've started to get into a different kind of music, called Screamo, perhaps it will help. At any moment during the day, I feel like I could just start crying and I don't have a particular reason....

[wolf]

Not that I can really tell anything over the internet ... but that very much sounds like depression.

Go see a professional about it ... family doctor, psychiatrist, counsellor ... doesn't matter. JUST GO!!!

[Kuai]

Hey man I been there trust me. You try working your hole teen life to be a good soldier only to get into the millitary and be concidered a shitbag for 4 years no matter how hard you try. Not to mention the effects of being in Iraq for a year and doing the job of keeping track of wia and mia and kia an dred cross messeges for over 1000 soldiers. I know what its like to want to die. I've tryed suicide countless times in the past. I'm just to nice to hurt myself I guess.

My suggestion is fight it. Find those close to you and stand by them. They will stand by you and things will be ok. They have to get better. You have to have faith. Dont let it get to you.

If you need to talk you know were to find me!!!

[beautiful_teardrop]

I dont really know how to help!....but i will send good energy and blessings ur way....and of course!...my FAVORITE thing to give...:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

I hope everything gets better....keep ur head up....try looking at the stars at night...its very calming...or play in the rain :)

[Annyka]

Not that I can really tell anything over the internet ... but that very much sounds like depression.

Go see a professional about it ... family doctor, psychiatrist, counsellor ... doesn't matter. JUST GO!!!



Exactly what I was going to say. If you can't afford it - try the school cousellor, or self help books, though I do recomment you get professional help. Talk to your parents about it (if you can - if they are the cause then I understand why you may not feel you can - I've been there). If you would like to chat to someone whose been there - talk to me on MSN - riona_storm@hotmail.com or yahoo - rumponstiltz

Sending you energy too.

Iaityinepu~Annyka

[Shaw]

The advice given is all good, but I'd like to add that there is never a good enough reason to kill yourself. It would mean no more you, and we all like you to much for that.