Something needing to be read by everyone!

[beautiful_teardrop]

HI....ok....something that really bothers me about MW helping hands...people come here for help and I bet that more than half of the threads posted are even read...and if they have been read...nobody even attempts to help!...its kinda sad...i dont mean to pick at things but i hate that people that need advise or help with something tough that they r going thru or even finding information on something....like in my case...information on how to find a way to help my mom be able to pay her bills to where we wouldnt lose our house...even if u read that post a few weeks ago....maybe u thought "oh its not important" it wouldve been nice for some1 to even try to help...cuz even if it didnt seem important to u...the money situation was eatting me alive...i was so stressed i snapped on some of my best friends for no reason...i wanted to cry all the time...and i checked my email on MW everyday....and i checked the thread everyday...for like 2 or 3 weeks after i posted it....hoping to see something ANYTHING....but no...i had 1 person email me back...and i thank them from the bottom of my heart...even tho i had already figured out wat they told me i should do (move out of my house) and how my relationship with my mom was unheathy...it felt good to hear some1 trying....i dont know how many people will read this but if u have felt like this....let people know...i have spent the last 17 years of my life letting other people drag me down and not saying nehting about it...and it was time to change...and this past summer i have been letting people know how i feel...and its not going to stop now....and if ur still reading my rambling....thank u....and dont forget to let people know how u feel....

Thanks
Alicia

[Jenne]

I'm so sorry that no one read your post and responded but one person...that really sucks, because you sound like you needed some hugs and support.

I have to say my experience is thus: this is a rather LARGE online community. If you don't bump your thread, it can get lost. The majority of people on here are from the US, as well, so if the thread wasn't bumped during US "waking" hours, chances are people didn't see it. So in the future, simply bump the thread, by responding "bump" or another question, like what you put here, and chances are someone like me will see it and respond.

:hugz: and energies for you...I think the person who gave you advice via e-mail was a godsend for you, as they helped and gave you a path to follow. May that path be easy on your feet.

[Annyka]

I only read posts that come up on the first page of the search - New Posts - and the ones I have subscribed to by going to my User CP. Then I only read them if the post title sounds interesting (never if it says - Introduction or Question or something very common). I am sorry I missed your post. I am sure that if I read it, and I was able to contribute I would have. Unfortunatly, everyone has their own problems too, and although it may not have been fair to you (who obviously needed support) human nature is selfish, and people think of only themselves foremost (even not consiously sometimes) and probably either - missed your post, didn't feel they could contribute, or didn't think it was important to them.
I am glad you did get help from at least one person (which is more than some people get), and that you have dealt with the problem yourself. I am keeping you in my prayers that things keep getting better for you.

[Annyka]

It would also help if you were not such a new person demanding that people give you this energy. I have been on this site for over 4 years, and people are only just now starting to get to know me and respond to my posts. Due to the size of this forum, a lot of people narrow down the number of posts by a) reading and helping those who they have gotten to know b) reading only forums they are interested in c) reading only new threads d)reading only titles that interest them.

Maybe you need to learn some patience.

[Agaliha]

I am sorry too...
But I don't really come in here. I know there are others that don't either. It's not that I don't want to help, it's just I don't know how to help. I rather know what to say and have good advice than saying "oh, well...things will get better"...that's not helping. On a few occastions I reply because I personally have been though something like it or know some way to help or resolve the problem.
I'm all for helping, but in some cases I just don't have a clue and don't even try because it'll sound lame and unhelpful.
But I am sorry that your post and problem was overlooked. Bumping the thread is a good idea to keep it on the front page...as anything past that people don't look at.

Due to the size of this forum, a lot of people narrow down the number of posts by a) reading and helping those who they have gotten to know b) reading only forums they are interested in c) reading only new threads d)reading only titles that interest them.

I agree, that's what I do and I know tons of others do too.

[Shanti]

I'm sorry, I just didnt have any advice to share!
Sometimes I do and sometimes I dont.:whatgives

[SammieAnn]

I'm sorry, I just didnt have any advice to share!
Sometimes I do and sometimes I dont.:whatgives
exactly, I just did not have the right advice to give at the time. I am sorry if I ofended you.

[Cassie]

I think while you are still living at home even if you are only earning a small amount you should offer a percentage of it to your Mum.
Beyond that, it seems to me you have to sort out your own security and your own problems before you will be in a position to help your mum as much as you would like to.
Perhaps it is time to move out. Perhaps you can try to find a better paying job. Perhaps you can seek out experts in the field of law and social welfare to check if your mother is recieveing all the help available in the area where you live.

[SoulHealer]

I think everyone here has there own problems - a lot of people have money worries and if they knew the answer to them they would sort their own lives out

A lot of time people just don't know the answer to your problems -often with such things you have to know how things work in the area a person lives

Sometime people may not reply if they think the answer is something you won't want to hear

At the end of the day the help in this forum is given by people volunteering -nobody here claims to have the answer to everything and nobody here is obligated to reply to you, Instead of being mad at those who didn't reply be grateful that one person did and whilst people may not have replied dosn't mean people don't care or wish you ill

[Willow Rosette]

I agree with what every one else has said. I for one never saw your post and for that I am sorry and even if I had seen it if I felt Ididnt have something worthwhile to contribut or felt I had never experienced the situation I might not respond. Annyka had a good point. There are so many people here it is impossible to respnd to every single one so I do tend to look for the ones I know better. I dont mean to say your problem was less important but there is only so much time in the day for responces.

Blessings to you. I hope you were able to figure everything out.

[fairielove]

For one, I think you have got enough (Being Frank) people responding. So I will say. I hope that everything for you works out and I am glad the you now are standing up for yourself after seventeen years. I know how that feels.
Brightest Blessing to you,

[greenwitch]

speaking as someone who knows a little more about the situation (we know each other in person).... finding a better paying job in this small town is damn near impossible when it's the off season, this is a tourist town and getting a job that pays more than minimum wage or less, even with tips it's damn hard to get a job when you dont have a college degree. She has to drive 30 minutes out of town in a car that has bad gas mileage to get paid $2.75 an hour plus tips in a restuarant that doesnt get much business. Most of her money goes into gas, if she had any to spare then she would help her mother, but she's also trying to save up for college at the same time, since her scholarships fell through at a bad time. She's applied for jobs at every single place in this town and no one is hiring,.... moving out is hard because with her pay an apartment is difficult to come by.... if I had a solution for her then I'd give her one.... but really what is needed is a solution that can be reached without a crapload of money... since that crapload of money isn't really existant at the moment.... Her mother.... spends money on things that aren't needed, little trinkets and movies and things that aren't necessary, her way of managing money isn't the best one, and thats really whats causing the problems.... alicia has done everything she could to help out but her mother refuses responsibility and on alicia's shoulders it's pretty damn tough....

My only comment is that before anyone says anything about her needing patience, she spends all of it while at home or at work, if you were as desperate as she is for an answer, I'm sure you'd be a bit upset too.

[beautiful_teardrop]

Thank you....all of u for responding....and i just wanted to let u all know...that this post wasnt just for me...it was for ANYBODY who has felt like they have been overlooked or ignored wen they r desperate for help or even some support and i just used my own experiance as an example....i didnt mean to offend anyone...i didnt mean to make anyone mad...i didnt mean it as "oh...im so important"...thats not what i meant to say at all and im sorry if anyone felt that i was saying that...i just know wat its like to be pushed aside and feeling like u dont have a friend or someone u can turn to...im not like i used to be...i have a great friend who cares more than any friend i have had....shes the one that got me interested in paganism and everything related....shes the one that showed me this site...and i am greatful for everything she has done for me...i honestly didnt mean to offend anyone....and i AM greatful for the one person who did respond....and like i said...it didnt give me MUCH help with wat the situation was....but it made me feel good that someone took the time to atleast try...send blessings...anything...and i just wanted to let people know that sometimes they should let go of their problems for 1 minute to possibly say "hey this person needs help..." and try to help with anything they feel would help...in my mind...even a smiley and a "i hope everything will work out" is good enough even tho it seems dumb to urself...it could mean the world to some1 else...and thats the point im trying to make... im sorry if i offended or mad anyone upset with my post...but thank u for ur replies....i hope everyone is well....and thanks again!

Alicia

[beautiful_teardrop]

speaking as someone who knows a little more about the situation (we know each other in person).... finding a better paying job in this small town is damn near impossible when it's the off season, this is a tourist town and getting a job that pays more than minimum wage or less, even with tips it's damn hard to get a job when you dont have a college degree. She has to drive 30 minutes out of town in a car that has bad gas mileage to get paid $2.75 an hour plus tips in a restuarant that doesnt get much business. Most of her money goes into gas, if she had any to spare then she would help her mother, but she's also trying to save up for college at the same time, since her scholarships fell through at a bad time. She's applied for jobs at every single place in this town and no one is hiring,.... moving out is hard because with her pay an apartment is difficult to come by.... if I had a solution for her then I'd give her one.... but really what is needed is a solution that can be reached without a crapload of money... since that crapload of money isn't really existant at the moment.... Her mother.... spends money on things that aren't needed, little trinkets and movies and things that aren't necessary, her way of managing money isn't the best one, and thats really whats causing the problems.... alicia has done everything she could to help out but her mother refuses responsibility and on alicia's shoulders it's pretty damn tough....

My only comment is that before anyone says anything about her needing patience, she spends all of it while at home or at work, if you were as desperate as she is for an answer, I'm sure you'd be a bit upset too.



Thank u mama....

[SoulHealer]

Thank you....all of u for responding....and i just wanted to let u all know...that this post wasnt just for me...it was for ANYBODY who has felt like they have been overlooked or ignored wen they r desperate for help or even some support and i just used my own experiance as an example....i didnt mean to offend anyone...i didnt mean to make anyone mad...i didnt mean it as "oh...im so important"...thats not what i meant to say at all and im sorry if anyone felt that i was saying that...i just know wat its like to be pushed aside and feeling like u dont have a friend or someone u can turn to...im not like i used to be...i have a great friend who cares more than any friend i have had....shes the one that got me interested in paganism and everything related....shes the one that showed me this site...and i am greatful for everything she has done for me...i honestly didnt mean to offend anyone....and i AM greatful for the one person who did respond....and like i said...it didnt give me MUCH help with wat the situation was....but it made me feel good that someone took the time to atleast try...send blessings...anything...and i just wanted to let people know that sometimes they should let go of their problems for 1 minute to possibly say "hey this person needs help..." and try to help with anything they feel would help...in my mind...even a smiley and a "i hope everything will work out" is good enough even tho it seems dumb to urself...it could mean the world to some1 else...and thats the point im trying to make... im sorry if i offended or mad anyone upset with my post...but thank u for ur replies....i hope everyone is well....and thanks again!

Alicia


Well I hope you take your own advice and reply to the rest of the people on this board who are looking for help ;)
It would be great to have someone who did that
I personally wasn't offended by anything you said -and I do hope your situation improves

[LittlePerson]

I understand what you are saying. It's hard to get to all the posts on all parts of this site but one can try. Please don't take it too hard. I too have kept checking on mine in the past too much too and getting frustrated, but I have to understand that people may not have advice to give. Hang in there. I hope things get better for you.

LP

[BrigidMoon]

speaking as someone who knows a little more about the situation (we know each other in person).... finding a better paying job in this small town is damn near impossible when it's the off season, this is a tourist town and getting a job that pays more than minimum wage or less, even with tips it's damn hard to get a job when you dont have a college degree. She has to drive 30 minutes out of town in a car that has bad gas mileage to get paid $2.75 an hour plus tips in a restuarant that doesnt get much business. Most of her money goes into gas, if she had any to spare then she would help her mother, but she's also trying to save up for college at the same time, since her scholarships fell through at a bad time. She's applied for jobs at every single place in this town and no one is hiring,.... moving out is hard because with her pay an apartment is difficult to come by.... if I had a solution for her then I'd give her one.... but really what is needed is a solution that can be reached without a crapload of money... since that crapload of money isn't really existant at the moment.... Her mother.... spends money on things that aren't needed, little trinkets and movies and things that aren't necessary, her way of managing money isn't the best one, and thats really whats causing the problems.... alicia has done everything she could to help out but her mother refuses responsibility and on alicia's shoulders it's pretty damn tough....

My only comment is that before anyone says anything about her needing patience, she spends all of it while at home or at work, if you were as desperate as she is for an answer, I'm sure you'd be a bit upset too.

This situation definitely stinks. Is there a bus system that runs through the town or could she perhaps carpool to save some money on gas? Also, sometimes financial institutions such as banks have a financial advisor that would be willing to go over bills and expenditures for free if her mom made an appointment. A budget helps save money every month so there is enough to go around.

There are perhaps local resources that could help other than this as well. I am not sure if her mom would be eligible for state benefits or not but perhaps she is and a lot of that information can be found on the state's website.

I totally understand the frustration. Sometimes, a bump in a thread will bring it to others' attention. I for one, certainly didn't see this thread a week's ago.

Sorry we missed it, Alicia! _pounce_

[beautiful_teardrop]

There is a bus system here but i dont think it would help much considering all my money goes for the gas to get to work and back...I doubt the bus would take me 20-30 minutes away and then come and pick me up....i think its only for people who need it around town and our town is so little that it doesnt take that much to get around where u need to go. And nobody i work with lives around here so i cant carpool.

I told my mom that i would help on possibly creating a budget for her so she can pay all of her bills and possibly have money left over for those little trinkets or even to save (which she should do with it) but she ignored me, like she always does. I have told her the she didnt have to live the way that she is and she just yelled at me...i think it was because she knew i was right or something like that. i dont know wat to say to her anymore, because wenever i suggest ideas to her she yells at me and then asks me for money that i dont have. Like right now, I have MAYBE $3...and i dont eat her food that she buys...i buy my own food everyday...so that should save her some money not having to buy the things that i like or an extensive amount of food, only the food that she wants or needs. But the most difficult part is that she wont listen to me about saving and watnot and then also yells at me wen i say something about it. I will have to check into the state benifits and see if she qualifies or not...i dont think she will...but it never hurts to check...

And i thought i would bump the tread like everyone is telling me i should do...i didnt know about it before...but thank u for letting me know that thats wat i have to do!

And thank u all again....
Alicia

P.S. Congrats on ur marrage last month BrigidMoon!

[BrigidMoon]

Part of me thinks that you should not give your mom money anymore. I know that sounds mean but sometimes, not enabling the same behavior will help. It's a bad cycle.....you give her money, she doesn't save, she gets into a bind, you give her money....etc etc.

I wish you weren't stressed over so much!

_pounce_

[magicr666]

You should also remember some people read the post but are not sure what to say. Sometimes people can say something and its the wrong thing or someone takes it the wrong way. But i really do hope you can find what you need to fix things.

[beautiful_teardrop]

Part of me thinks that you should not give your mom money anymore. I know that sounds mean but sometimes, not enabling the same behavior will help. It's a bad cycle.....you give her money, she doesn't save, she gets into a bind, you give her money....etc etc.

I wish you weren't stressed over so much!

_pounce_

Yea. it is a bad cycle and i have told her that i wasnt going to give her anymore money....and she just ignored me and asked me for money like a week later....and that was also a time where i found out about my college scholarships didnt go thru...which honestly, im happy for...becuz i might end up changing my mind of what i really want to go for...but it was still a really hard time because i was finding out that i couldnt pay for my future....and then she asks me for money the exact same day....and then she somehow got me to pay a phone bill for $150 and then a week later tells me the phone might be shut off....and im not understanding that because i had just paid her the money for it...and that was the last time i really paid her any money...i paid her back 5 bucks because i barrowed it for gas to get to work...and i paid her back the next day...and i have it in my mind right now...that i cant stay in this house much longer...i cant even stay in the same room with my mom a whole 3 minutes without getting upset of mad about something shes said to me. Which right now im really happy because i got a phone call from the Big Boy in town and i have orientation on tuesday:smile:!!....Which i will have to put in my notice at steak n shake like i told them...and start working here and getting the money i need....but i think im going to have to work at steak n shake for atleast another week or so to be able to continue to pay for gas and such...but that wont bother me....they might have to switch my hours...but other than that....i should be ok...and after i start working there im going to look for an apartment so i can get out of the place that i hate so much...yea...this paraghaph jumps around alot...heehee....sorry:smile:

i hope with this new job i wont be as stressed....but i dont really know yet...i guess we will have to see...

[beautiful_teardrop]

sorry about the longness of my threads but yea...i just like to say alot to make sure u understand wat im saying....and i just thought i would give u all a little update...today we got a letter in the mail from the phone company....our phone is being shut off on thursday of this week if we dont come up with 300 and some odd dollars....which means i might be disconnected form here atleast until i go over to my friends house...which is alot of the time but everyone that comes over is normally on the computer so some days i might not be able to get online....but i thought i would bump the thread and give everyone and update!

[Deranged Hermit]

Just a general observation about the HH forum...I don't post here very much, because I don't have much advice to offer. As someone said previously, if I had any answers, I could fix my own financial problems as well. I have read quite a few threads here where many helpful, intelligent people have offered all kinds of advice and possibilities, only to have them rejected or shot down. All I'm saying is that I'm sure it gets frustrating trying to help people who seem to resist every effort. I'm not saying this is what you're doing, beautiful_teardrop, just that it may be a reason people don't respond to these threads as much.

[BrigidMoon]

I hope this situation gets better.

_pounce_

[beautiful_teardrop]

Just a general observation about the HH forum...I don't post here very much, because I don't have much advice to offer. As someone said previously, if I had any answers, I could fix my own financial problems as well. I have read quite a few threads here where many helpful, intelligent people have offered all kinds of advice and possibilities, only to have them rejected or shot down. All I'm saying is that I'm sure it gets frustrating trying to help people who seem to resist every effort. I'm not saying this is what you're doing, beautiful_teardrop, just that it may be a reason people don't respond to these threads as much.


i have not once rejected anything that people have offered and i just wanted to let u know that...and i with every attempt that i have tried or when someone asked a question i would just go more indepth with the situation and let them know more of the things that ive been trying and things that just havent worked...but i appreciate all of the help that was given...and i am planning on trying all of it as soon as i get a chance...and i have been going through financial problems for along time...and i think it would get frustrating if u went thru the same things over and over and over again...which sucks to tell u the truth...especially if its something u and ur parents fight about all the time....and i was also asking help for people that have dealt with things like this...or someone that actually knew what i could do...and im sorry that u r dealing with financial problems...but atleast im trying to figure out something or getting advice of wat i could do...and i dont mean to be all blah...but its something that has been dragging me down more than anything else...and im sorry that im alil upset about it...and im sorry that i want it to end...

[beautiful_teardrop]

I hope this situation gets better.

_pounce_


thank u!!

[Deranged Hermit]

You missed what I was trying to say completely, but that's okay, it's been one of those days

[beautiful_teardrop]

You missed what I was trying to say completely, but that's okay, it's been one of those days


i guess i did miss what u were trying to say....im sorry that i miss understood u...im just really frustrated with this...but i guess u kinda miss understood what i was trying to say also...and alot of people did...what i was trying to say with this thread was that even tho its seems the people r just looking for advice on what to do in a situation...thats not the only thing that needs to be given....some people may just want support....someone to say "hey i care", "i wish i could help u" or even "I hope things get better" will help....even tho it might not seem that way to urself...but just someone saying that they care or that they hope it will get better will help a great deal...cuz maybe they r struggling with themselves more than the problems they say...if that make any sense...but yea...i was just making that point...

[Shanti]

One idea...dont give your mom cash anymore!! If she ask that you pay a bill..take the bill, go get a money order at the post office and pay it!! Mail the bill yourself!
Then you wont have another phone bill not getting paid!

:)

[beautiful_teardrop]

That is an interesting suggestion....i never thought of doing that...right now i dont have the money to pay something like that tho...im only starting in on my second job...today was my first day...but yea...i will have to try something like that...

[beautiful_teardrop]

just bumping the thread like everyone said i should!!

[beautiful_teardrop]

question...is it bad wen u cant do anything selfish or take time for urself?...like my bf and friends all say that i should just go somewhere away from things for a few weeks or maybe even a month...just to have time to myself...and i told them that i need to cuz alot of things are just pushing buttons to fast and to hard...and i never take time to just think about everything thats going on...and get feelings in order....but i cant...for some reason something is telling no...that i cant leave wats here....and my bf tried to get me to promise to do 1 thing selfish for myself....but i cant....and i think its becuz everytime i tried or did....it always turned out bad....or the thing i was going to do didnt work out....and i just havent been able to do anything for myself lately...and i was wondering if i was truely bad that i just cant....

[Annyka]

Well I think you should be selfish and take some time out for yourself, every once in a while. I've been seeing a counsellor over a lot of stuff that's been going on in my life, and she said that I spend too much time trying to help others, and neglecting myself in the process. She said that it's ok to be unselfish, and to help others and stuff, but you need to have that time to yourself. This does not necessarily mean going on a holiday by yourself, but could be as simple as spending 1/2 hour alone each day taking time to reflect, relax and maybe even pamper yourself. If you feel you need that holiday to get away from it all, then do so. If you feel you only need to get away for short periods (like the 1/2 hour) then make the time to do it. You need to look after yourself.

[BlueMoon13]

No, its not bad,and if we could all learn to do it when we're you're age, I bet we'd all feel better about everything.

[beautiful_teardrop]

Well I think you should be selfish and take some time out for yourself, every once in a while. I've been seeing a counsellor over a lot of stuff that's been going on in my life, and she said that I spend too much time trying to help others, and neglecting myself in the process. She said that it's ok to be unselfish, and to help others and stuff, but you need to have that time to yourself. This does not necessarily mean going on a holiday by yourself, but could be as simple as spending 1/2 hour alone each day taking time to reflect, relax and maybe even pamper yourself. If you feel you need that holiday to get away from it all, then do so. If you feel you only need to get away for short periods (like the 1/2 hour) then make the time to do it. You need to look after yourself.

Yea...that might work...but i dont like being by myself...but i dont like being around everyone all the time either...its a weird cycle...eh...ill try the 1/2 hour thing....see how it goes...my friend in New York wants me to go to a spa...and if he could pay for it he would...but yea...ill try the 1/2 hour thing...see how it works out

[beautiful_teardrop]

No, its not bad,and if we could all learn to do it when we're you're age, I bet we'd all feel better about everything.


i think everyone would feel better too...but eh...i guess we cant all be happy about everything!