Should this cause me to hurt on the inside???

[medit8ive_spirit]

I came home after a hectic day at work, with the idea that I would eat dinner and then go to a meeting of a local group(a couple of MW members are part of it). I had been looking forward to this for a couple of weeks.

After having dinner, I sat down to the computer to check my emails before I left for the meeting.

I see a subject line that reads..."(my name).must read-urgent/news of a dear one.....
So I'm thinking that it might be something about my brother, that I haven't heard from in SE Texas. I open the email...and the news was that the man that was the first ever, love of my life....had passed.....

We have not had contact, other than one phone in many years as a quirky twist of fate caused us to live seperate lives. My husband knows that this person was my first true love and that he would always have a place in my heart; hubby accepted me with that understanding.

I sat here frozen for a few minutes and then went to the bedroom and cried for another few minutes.....hubby knows something is bothering me but I don't feel I should say anything to him. I'm not trying to hide it either...but after all this time...don't want to make hubby feel bad...

I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with this news...it was just a shock to find it out.........

[semi]

Sorry your friend has passed. But I think you should tell your husband. If he was cool enough to accept your feelings for this guy, and sensitive enough to care about your feelings for this guy, then I think you should tell him what happened. He can probably help you deal with your feelings of loss. This is what partners in a relationship should do, in my opinion.

[Kalandriel]

Yeah, your husband can help you through this, and will be good comfort to you. If he's already understood, then this shouldn't be too much to ask of him. We all cry when we lose a friend. :)

[starfire]

Agree with the above. You need to let your husband in, he already knows that this person was very special to you, and just let him know that you are in shock because you turned on your computer and someone you know sent you this information.

My husband is a sweetheart too, I think sometime around the time we were to get engaged or before we went to the cemetary where my first husband was burried. He basically asked my husband's permission to take care of me. I hadn't been to the cemetary since my husbands death 10 years prior. It really hit my hard, my legs got week and I got very emotional. My husband now (boyfriend then), held me and was there for me. I believe he told me something like that is why he loved me, because I loved with such passion and he would hope that I could some day have that same passion for him. His standing by me and helping me through it, has made a big impact in our relationship....but I had to let him in.......

[Kalandriel]

My husband is a sweetheart too, I think sometime around the time we were to get engaged or before we went to the cemetary where my first husband was burried. He basically asked my husband's permission to take care of me.

Okay, that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

[Semele]

I am sure your husband will want the opportunity to comfort you. I know mine would. I am sorry for your pain. :hugz:

[Mother Goose]

First of all :hugz: I'm sorry for the loss. I know I would have had the same response if I'd received an email telling me my first love passed away. I don't think your response was strange or unusual in any way. No matter how that first love ends, it's really such a big part of your past that it remains part of who you are.

Secondly....I will have to agree with the others too. My dh knows that my first love will always have a special place in my heart and although that guy was my FIRST love, my dh is the love of my life. I also know that dh would want to comfort me in my time of sorrow. Your dh sounds like he would probably feel the same way.

[medit8ive_spirit]

Thank all of you for the kind words and responses.

I finally took a few moments and asked my husband to turn off the tv so we could talk. I let him know what had happened and althought he was very quiet for a few moments, he told me he was very sorry to hear what had happened and that he knew I must be hurting. He just let me cry and held me for a long time.
He said he knew that something was wrong because I had gotten quiet.

I just was having a really difficult time reading that email. This is the third loss in less than a year(the second in just two months time) and it is never easy dealing with a loss. My dad passed a year ago, my uncle at the beginning of August of this year and now my "Major"(He was former military) and I couldn't think of a better nickname for him...

[BrigidMoon]

Sorry your friend has passed. But I think you should tell your husband. If he was cool enough to accept your feelings for this guy, and sensitive enough to care about your feelings for this guy, then I think you should tell him what happened. He can probably help you deal with your feelings of loss. This is what partners in a relationship should do, in my opinion.

Totally agree with semi here (when do I disagree with semi? :) ). Anyway, you should be able to talk to your hubby about your shock and pain. It's not that you have feelings for the guy. I mean, yes, you do but...I cry when someone in VT. has died out in Iraq. It's because it's a sad situation and it touches me. But that doesn't mean I have feelings for them in a romantic way. It's just sad and painful to hear of someone dying especially someone that's close to your heart or was close. :hugz:

[Astara Seague]

Talk to him about it, think about it he probaly has a first true love as well! I think he will understand

[BlackMagicalCat]

Bless your heart,Love is forever,it surpasses time and space,and never dies.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Gypsy flower]

Of course you will hurt!
Talking sometimes helps!
Write him a letter then do a ritual to send it to him I have done that before and felt so much better!

[medit8ive_spirit]

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions....hubby left me a nice note this morning about my lunch to take to work and he ended it with the following: "I hope that you will have a quiet day at work and know that I will be here, waiting for you when you get off work, with open arms." I read that note and stood there for a few moments and realized I had a big smile on my face with a couple of tears welling up. DH is really taking this well and is being very supportive of me.

[medit8ive_spirit]

Another day has passed and DH is still being very supportive. He knew I wished I could have gone to the memorial service and couldn't , due to this new job. So he told me to take some quiet time and that he wouldn't disturb me; to let me meditate and listen to my music. I told him that I really appreciated that but that I would rather spend the time, taking a walk around the neighborhood with him, getting some fresh air after a long day at work. I could still think of my Major while we walked and spend good time with my DH as well. Again, I want to thank all of those who have responded either here in the thread or through pm's and emails. I have a lot of 'family' out here and that means a lot to me. :hugz: to all

[Mother Goose]

Sound like you married a very wonderful man...I'm so happy that he's being so understanding and supportive. :hugz:

Sending you strength and peace. (((hugs)))