My family hate me

[abrakus]

My family haven't spoken to me in almost two years! Let me explain, my family are roman catholic so naturally they don't like that I'm gay and that I'm pagan. Apparently I'm going to hell. My own mother has hated me since I was born, I am the spawn of a rape. The only time she talks to me is to insult me, the only kind of attention is when she hits me or threatens to kill me or make me feel so guilty I go into a downward spiral of depression again and do something really stupid. i'm sorry for wasting your time with my problems

[LadyTrinity]

Aw Abrakus, That is so sad. It's ashame that people stop talking to others because of their way of life. Life is too short for people not to enjoy family *tisk tisk*
I duno what you can do. I hope things turn around :hugz:

[abrakus]

:hugz: thanks LadyTrinity

[Earthy]

Oh Abrakus :hugz:
I didn't realise things were like this for you.
I know it's hard when our parents aren't what we want them to be, it takes a long time to accept that.
You know you're not going to hell, in your heart you know the truth..and as difficult as it is, you have to live your life the way that is truthful and right to you, even if it disappoints others :hugz:

[SammieAnn]

I am really sorry you have to go through this, though I don't have any advice to give

[Zhr Morgana]

Sometimes your own family can't be what you want them to be. We expect families to be loving, nurturing...but when they can't stand anything about you, it really hurts...but it's their problem that they can't stand the type of person you are, and it's their choice to basically "disown" you. I don't know you, but I'm sure you don't deserve their respect, and you certainly don't deserve THEM, period. If there really is a Hell, I'm sure they're the ones who are headed there because of the way they treat you.

I know several people who aren't close with their families anymore. They have basically created their own "family" of friends and other loved ones which may or may not be related...and they have become just as close as a real family would be. Do you have anything like that? Maybe if you did, your real family wouldn't matter so much to you. Sure they're blood, that can never change...but since they were so shallow and closeminded to cast you away, you should find people who wouldn't do that.

[abrakus]

Oh Abrakus :hugz:
I didn't realise things were like this for you.
I know it's hard when our parents aren't what we want them to be, it takes a long time to accept that.
You know you're not going to hell, in your heart you know the truth..and as difficult as it is, you have to live your life the way that is truthful and right to you, even if it disappoints others :hugz:

I know. :hugz: Thanks

[Earthy]

Sometimes your own family can't be what you want them to be. We expect families to be loving, nurturing...but when they can't stand anything about you, it really hurts...but it's their problem that they can't stand the type of person you are, and it's their choice to basically "disown" you. I don't know you, but I'm sure you don't deserve their lack of respect, and you certainly don't deserve THEM, period.

I know several people who aren't close with their families anymore. They have basically created their own "family" of friends and other loved ones which may or may not be related...and they have become just as close as a real family would be. Do you have anything like that? Maybe if you did, your real family wouldn't matter so much to you. Sure they're blood, that can never change...but since they were so shallow and closeminded to cast you away, you should find people who wouldn't do that.


You're right.
I made my very own family right here at MW, and the people here are the ones i can turn to for support and love.

[Raven Reed]

Oh dear... I don't understand how a mother can blame the actions of a terrible person on you, the innocent result. I wish I could offer some advice as to how to change the situation, but until she sees you for the wonderful person you really are, and stop living in the past, there is not much you can do. *hugs*

As for being gay and pagan, many of us have had to either hide from our families or suffer their wrath and/or being ostracized. You can't change your family. All you can do is hold your head up high and know you are being the best person you can be. I wish you all the best.

[abrakus]

Yeh, I have my own little family on here and a few close friends outside of MW. I know they are my blood and hurts to be rejected by them, my mom has never liked at I got used to that. But she told my family I was gay, that hurt more than anything. I wanted to tell them when I was ready. It seems no matter what I do she's going keep kicking me down to the size of an ant

[Raven Reed]

Sometimes you have to let go of a toxic relationship, even if it is family. I have done this in the past and it hurts like hell, but not as bad as trying to hold together a relationship one-sided, or suffering continued abuse, which it sounds like you are going through.

[Cassie]

You know you have a family here that loves you. :hugz:
Sounds like your Mum went through a lot of pain. That is no excuse for the way she has treated you, but still, I can't help hoping that one day you will both be able to reach out to each other in a more supportive way.
Meanwhile you have to make your own family of friends here on-line and in the 3D world.
:hugz:

[abrakus]

Thank you guys so much. I wish I could just cut off my ties with my mom but she has one thing my little brother. I'm in foster care so I have to see my mom to see my little brother, which isn't fair because she's know's I'd do anything for him.

[Contra Mundum]

aaww sweetheart :hugz:
well i think you're a wonderful person and your family is so wrong for treating you this way,they are the ones that are missing out .
i'm so sorry that things are like this for you,i never knew.
know that we are here for you when you need us.
big big :hugz: :hugz: and :smoochypo :smoochypo

[abrakus]

aaww sweetheart :hugz:
well i think you're a wonderful person and your family is so wrong for treating you this way,they are the ones that are missing out .
i'm so sorry that things are like this for you,i never knew.
know that we are here for you when you need us.
big big :hugz: :hugz: and :smoochypo :smoochypo

:hugz: Thank you

:hugz: Thanks everyone

[SoulHealer]

My family and me have a horrible relationship -the main reason I keep in contact with them is because of my niece who is like a little me and is so going to be the black sheep of the family when she is older (well she is already well on the way even though she is still very young)

Howver you can release yourself from the erm I guess you call it power struggles and hurt that they cause and still maintain contact with your family, which is what I have done.

It's not easy but is possible

Think about regression of both this and past lives relating to your family.

PM if you want and I'll try and help although its not as easy online as in "real life" but hey I will help if I can

[abrakus]

Thank you

[tarotgirljess]

Did you know? Friends are the God/Goddesses way of apologizing for a lousy family?
surround yourself with people who do love and care for you. no sense letting toxic people drag you down so they can get a cheap thrill. you are better off without that in your life.

[BrigidMoon]

Sorry that your family doesn't talk to you.

I'm glad you found a family here at MW though!

We like you for you!

_pounce_

[abrakus]

:hugz: thanks everyone your support is much appreciated

[Shadowsong]

Awww bebe :hugz: this thread itself is shaking me up a bit empathically so I'm going to have to keep this brief; just want you to know I'm looking out for you and if you ever need to talk lemme know okies?

Fellow Misty Vallier,
Shadow

[abrakus]

okies :hugz: Thanks Shadow, same here ever want to talk to me just msg me.

[Gypsy flower]

it is really hard to get through the barricades people put up against "US" but done worry.. be who you are.. who else can you be????:smoochypo

[abrakus]

someone who my mother and fmily will like? thats all I want. To have my family accept me but that isn't going to happen. Not that I should care the only people I cared about in my family were my dad and my great grand dad now with both of them dead I have no reason to care whether I dissapoint my family. Its just that little bit thats nagging away at me, telling me I want them to be proud of me, that they actually care about me.

[wolfos3d]

Sorry I don't have any advice for you. If you want to talk you can always message me.
**hugz**

[abrakus]

:hugz:

[GalenaFaolan]

someone who my mother and fmily will like? thats all I want. To have my family accept me but that isn't going to happen. Not that I should care the only people I cared about in my family were my dad and my great grand dad now with both of them dead I have no reason to care whether I dissapoint my family. Its just that little bit thats nagging away at me, telling me I want them to be proud of me, that they actually care about me.

I know that feeling too, all too well. It took me too many years to realize that it wasn't ever going to happen. I was dang near 30 before I thwacked myself in the head and told myself "Self, there are so many other people that love you out there and will love you in the future.....why waste feeling so much negativity toward them when it only drags you down." :-) Pep talk to self over. lol It went something like that anyway.

I owned up to the fact that my dad wanted a boy first and instead got me and my little sister. He adores her and I get squat.....even all these years later. He treated me like a son till I got boobs and then I got dropped. No more moments with dad. It hurts like heck to cut any emotional tie with a parent, but I've felt better about myself and my life since I did. Look to the people who matter to you and bask in their approval and love. It's lots better if it's from a parent, but it may never happen. Don't torture yourself with negativity. It's not like you can undo what's been done. Look forward and know that great things are waiting to happen. You're a very special person with awesome talent. Great big :hugz: for you. Your little brother is lucky to have you in his life even in a small way.

[Mouse]

*bug hugs* I'm really sorry your family can't be what you need them to be. I know a lot of families let some (or all) of the members down.
I have a feeling your going to be really important to your little brother later on. Remember that he also will see, hear or feel what your mother puts you through, and he might blame himself for that. Don't leave it too late to re-asure him. I think it's a good thing you are doing, keeping contact with him dispite the way the rest of your family treats you. Noble, i guess is close to how i'd decribe it.
Nothing can totally replace your family, (with the exception of having/adopting your own children) but you can learn from the way they treat you, remember everything, and know not to treat others like that. (I'm telling you this because it helps me forgive my mother. She gave me the gift of showing me the person i never want to be)
Your very brave for talking and letting it out, don't apologise for seeking comfort. You're a very special person, and worthy of affection and understanding.
Blessings always
~miriam

[Contra Mundum]

:toofless:
:hugz:
:hugz: :hugz:
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[abrakus]

I've never been called noble before, It breaks my heart because I know he misses me. My biggest fear is ending up like my mother, its why I strive so hard to become something that she isn't. WIthout too much detail My mother has put me through me hell *metaphorically speaking* she ignored me when I needed her, used me as an outlet for her anger her own 'punchbag'. I had to protect my brother's so I got used to being emotionally numb, and not feeling physical pain. Luckily I'm in foster care but it didnt save me. They aren't my family as I am so frequently reminded, by their youngest daughter.

Anyway, thanks to everyone. I really mean it. Thank you

[argento_occhi]

I'm here for you too brax. Don't know if I'll be much good for advice or anything, but I'm here. :hugz: Stay safe.

Argent

[abrakus]

:hugz: I'm just happy to know I can talk to people

[Mother Goose]

Sorry, didn't take the time to read through this whole thread, but I just wanted to add my best wish for you :hugz:

The way you came into this world does not give anyone, not even your mother, the right to treat you that way. She should have realized that YOU are not at fault for what happened to her. I know a woman who had two children because her step father was raping her and she never let that affect the way she raised her kids.

Sending you positive energy! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v311/bpv104/smilies/F%20through%20L/flowersnkiss.gif

[Sun Sprite]

I have been through dealing with family and incest problems with my mother who hated me, spit on me, etc... By age 18, I was trying to make it on my own and help her too. By age 25, I realized I could not help her or my brother. I have had no contact in 7 years, and I am much happier. Sadly, it also means so contact with any other family, as they would report me out of fear to my mother's parents who would threaten me again. So I stay in the nice and quiet place I have made my home. I still have few people I let in my life, but it is better than none. Best wishes.

[ShamanLoucedious]

Brax,I know where you are coming from. I am bisexual and my wife has a hard time excepting that I am. She excepts the fact that I am wiccan,but unfortunately her parents very much disapprove.
I feel that I am straying a bit,when I told my wife that I was bisexual,she took it very hard and we almost got a divorce as soon as I told her. After awhile things seemed better and then all of the sudden we almost got a divorce again. I am truely sorry that your family can't be accepting of who you are,I don't know you,but I can sense that you are a very kind and gentle person. Luckily my family excepts me for who I am and I wish some day that yours can put aside their pettiness and except who you are.
Brightest Blessings to you,
Shaman

[abrakus]

I am so greatful for all of your support.