The Role of Men in Paganism

[Cu Morrigan]

Okay I was in a Christian chat room where the topic of conersation wound up being the Role of men as the head of the family. I was curious to hear what pagans think about what the role of a husband and the wife is supposed to be in the context of a pagan relationship.

[Pol]

Well, I think that the role of men in Christianity comes from a culture.
Pagan men should follow their own customs and cultures or what feels right to them.
It shouldn't be determined by religion.
Men should care for their wives and their children, protect their families, and provide for them.
(that's not to say women cannot or should not do those things if they choose to)

I'm old fashioned, I suppose. I don't expect my primary to obey me or that I somehow have the final word on things, but I feel it is my role to protect her and provide for her and whatever children we might have.
(in the future, as we currently can't live together and i have no job ;))

[David19]

I don't know what the role of pagan men should be in a family but i think they should be true to themselves e.g. if they want to be protective then they should as long as they don't turn into some kind of overprotective psychopath. I'm gay so a man's role will probably be different for me but i think that any boyfriend i had should be supportive and if they wanted to also be protective of me then they should do that or if a man wants to be the one who feels protected then they should be free to do that so if i was seeing a guy and he wanted to feel protected then i'd make him feel that. Also if the guy is in a straight relationship, women can also be protective and dominant e.g. take Lilith from Jewish mythology, she doesn't take any bull from anyone.

[KEishin]

Well, cultural and religious roles don't have to overlap, unless you choose to have them do so.

In Wicca-influenced Paganism the God is an ancillary character to the Godess, simply because he dies and is reborn, while the Goddess always is and always will be. But he is no less powerful or lesser in rank because he is semi-mortal. Many of the fiercly matriarchal societies made the same mistake the patriarchal ones did, in deifying one gender and sublimating the other. Balance, my friends, balance.

Remember, that He gives hmself over to keep life going. (The whole reason for the current season, if you will!) If anything, a literal interpretation would put the Goddess as the primary caregiver and head-of-household, because She's the only one around!

But in actuality, They don't care who holds what role, as long as what needs to happen gets done. and neither do I. You do what you can with the skills you have.

[Sage Rainsong]

Hmm well the whole notion of "the family" is faulty to me because there are many different kinds of families. So with that in mind I do believe in balance and fairness. Work should be shared equally For example, assuming that we are talking about a two parent household, if one parent works and one stays home the one who stays home should do most of the housework. For the record this could be a man or a woman who is staying home and the same rule to me applies to both of them. Basically they should sit down and try to divide the work as fairly as possible. Dicipline should be a team effort. Too many times have I seen kids disrespect their mothers and then the mothers use the whole, "wait until your father gets home," line. I think that is unhealthy and it puts stress on one parent to be the bad guy or girl. I suppose to sum my long winded speech up ideally I believe that all aspects of parenting should be divided as equally as possible.

[yavanna]

I think that both men and women should be equally responsible in their relationships, regardless of religion. By this I don't mean they both -have- to work. I mean that they should both be responsible for an equal amount of labor. Ideally, they would come together, decide who's going to work (or if they're both going to, whatever) and who's going to take care of kids (if they have any). But this is just my opinion

[Aidron]

My faith and practices have nothing to do with the role of anyone in regards to their gender, including me. It is absolutely irrelevant and I find anything less than that to be intolerable.

[Kalandriel]

I think that a man and woman should be partners, and both be equal parties in a relationship. (Pagan or not)

[Nova]

There are so many variations on the theme of husband and wife. So many factors. I believe that fundamentally a pagan household is one of balace, nurturing, and sacrifice. Whatever arrangement will best nurture the children. Whatever arrangement will provide balance for the partners. In most cases achieving this arrangement requires some kind of sacrifice - possibly working a tedious job to put food on the table - possibly giving up a career to stay home with the children.

An arrangement common to many ancestors (but not all) was of the Man as the hunter, the provider, the protector. He sacrifices his comfort and does dangerous work to make sure the family is fed. The Woman is the head of the household- she cares for the children and labors endlessly to keep the house in order. She is the constant in the lives of the children. He is inconstant - leaving and returning.

Those of us with the freedom to develop new forms of family are grateful. There are many ways to be happy.

[Toby Stimpson]

I think I agree and disagree with the whole premise of this topic. Partly becasue Im influenced by my sexuality which...well, I am a man and yet I don't follow the stereotypes. In many ways the roles that we commonly think of as male/female are constructs of a patriarchal...I agree with Sage when she says that the typical "family" is an idea that is faulty. Not only does it play on certain stereotypes which are castbacks from certain social norms rom fifty years, but it also ignores single parent, samesex parents, and blended families. I was involved in a discussion the other night organized by the Rez assistants on GLBTQ issues and an interesting comment was made by one o the guys there, "The social norms that we ascribe to are specifically designed to be heterosexual and christian in their outlooks." Which is true...there are many sexist things in our society that have become norms because of our upbringing. Granted, the major righs movements in the 60s pushed the boundaries back...yet we look at words we use, institutions, and also the female/male roles still evident in western culture and we havnt gone a long way. So when it coems to the role of men in paganism...true certain aspects of Paganism is feminist dominated...yet at the same time what does it matter? I made the point the other night that such misleading ideas such as a specific role only hinders societies transition into a complete eqaul and androgenous society. So thats why i disagree with the premise of this thread, what does it matter? Why do we feel the need to ask a question that should not be asked in the first place? Dont take me wrong, I do like the fact it was asked...but at the same time I find it sad that a role even needs to be discussed becasue it is so limiting. Is gender and biological anatomy going to really determine soemone's ability to fiull a certain role? I dont think so.

Also, another point, a final point lol...what is paganism? Is Paganism soemthing that can be defined to the extent of ceating or even forming a cultural pagan norm for men to fill? Like it or not, argue that we are an ancient religion or not...but we really are at the dawn of this religion. We have gone out into every colour of the rainbow with traditions and voices...and as pagans we cant even agree whjat paganism is. becasue of this, it is horribly difficult to form soemthing that is encompassing or acceptable to all groups. Thats what I think on this matter...what does it matter really? Thats my rant haha. good question though :D.

Namaste

Tobias