Pagan Mom & Xtian Preschool

[StellaLuna]

I don't know if we've made the right decision and I was curious as to some outside opinions.

We've recently moved from NYS to the South, and I'm anxious to get back to work and have my 2 year-old socialize and in a pre-school setting.
For two weeks I've exhausted all daycare options. My daughter was in the most perfect, wonderful daycare when we left, and every one I've interviewed in the past few weeks do not even come close to the excellent care she had...some are down right scary.

My main thing (as a Pagan) has been to avoid the Christian-based daycares- which 95% of them are. Most of them are Baptist or Evangelical with 'Christ-centered' curriculums...not exactly what our Liberal-Pagan household is looking for.

Then yesterday we found the place. A wonderful, safe, clean, cozy, stimulating pre-school w/ a pt opening. The director and teachers are bright, cheery and attentive...the location is close by, secure and in a good neighborhood.

It's also at the Episcopal Church.

There is really no other place I would ever consider leaving my daughter in this area. Truly, every place I toured was appalling. At first I didn't mind that they say little blessings before meals and teach xtian values. I was just so happy that it was a highly-rated, intellectually stimulating place for my toddler. Now that we are registered, I'm wondering if I've made the right choice. Will I confuse here when she's old enough and starts asking questions about God and Jesus?

When I expressed this to my mother, she said 'that's so wonderful, because it shows you and your husband are that open-minded that you are exposing her to another belief system'.

This had to come at some point. I'm the only Pagan in the family. Dh is a recovering Catholic...I'd call him a xtian w/ earth-based leanings. So our household will be celebrating both beliefs.

I'm just a little conflicted right now, and to be honest, I've always said that I plan to allow my child to find her own spirituality...but if she decides to be xtian...I think I'd be a little disappointed.

I know, I know...hypocritical...but that is how I'm feeling.

[Shanti]

Personally, I think placing your child in a location where you feel she will get the best care is more important than the religious factor.
When my, now adult, son was in elementary school I put him in the local public system. We lived in a city at the time. His father was an engineer for the public school system.
The school system was in bad shape at that time. Violence in the schools was a nightmare.
After a fight in one of the washrooms, which was 2 kindergarten kids who knifed each other, we both decided to pull our son from the public school. There was other violence in the schools at the time but the 5 year old stabbings was the straw that broke the camels back!

The best school alternative for us in our area was a catholic school.
It was safe, secure and well attended by staff. The curriculum was much better. We both agreed to send our son there.

It help him learn a lot. He had religion classes all the time. He also learned he didnt like the catholic faith and when he was older, he searched for his own beliefs.

It actually was good to send him in the long run. He never would of learned all he did about the faith. In learning so much, it actually helped him decide it wasnt right for him.

And I had piece of mind knowing he wouldnt get knifed in the bathroom!

A childs quality of care, in my opinion, sure beats anything faith issues!
And moms and dads should follow their heart first!

[Catiana]

The top rated high school where I live is an all boys Catholic prepratory. The majority of the kids who go there are not Catholic, they aren't even christian. The point I'm trying to make in a really long round about way, is I think its more important that your daughter is in the best, safest place, than whether its christian or not.

[Tanya]

I also went to a catholic high school. They offered 4 languages, AP science courses and orchestra, we descided that more than made up for having to sit through Mass. With my own daughter I am teaching her Christianity is a weird perversion of the Old Religion, and if you look carefully you can see some of the good things are still there.
My daughter is the same age as your child, and here we have found in-home day care with a very nice Burmese lady who looks after 2 other kids of the same age. I don't know what religion she follows, but she's taught Vivi "Row row row your boat" and "Twinkle twinkle"... no "Jesus loves me" has come home with her yet. Since my daughter speaks some Thai, I really like her being in a multi lingual home at Margret's house as well as mine. Home-based day care is often cheaper, more one on one, and flexible about things like that. Just check out the house, see that the carrer has CPR training... ect. We think of Margret as our 'rent-a-granny' she's great (though she lets Vivi eat too many cookies!!!)

[Ceres]

I agree with Shanti that the quality of care is more important at this stage. By the time she is ready for school she will be four and still wont be making distinctions between god and God and goddess. As long as they arent talking about hell and salvation, I doubt it will confuse her at all.

[Palantari]

Hiya well I can say I empathise with you (I know my spelling is bad...lol) anyway my partner's family is very catholic and I moved here to N.Ireland from Canada when we married. Over here religion is a big thing there are no public schools. That is to say 98% of the school here are either Catholic ones or Prodestant ones and if you know anything at all about the political situaltion over here you'll know that religion an influence (for lack of a better word.) I am pagan but there are not other elementary school anywhere close to home but catholic ones, so my children were all in catholic school i have one now in an integrated high school, the only one around for miles and its newly converted from a prodestant one...but I have one child in grade 3 and another starting Kindergarden in April (they start here as soon as they're old enough...which is 4). I was so worried, I am pagan and I have always said I want my children to have the choice like I did not to have any beliefs forced on them. I realised they won't be able to make an informed decision unless they know their options, I mean they see my beliefs and practises in the house and they are learning the christian beliefs at school so when they are old enough at least they will not be ignorant...and I will be the first one through the chapel door if they decide they want to be Christian when they are older to give them all my support. The only thing I refused was to allow them to be baptised or go do the official communion and confirmation ceremonies...and as they only perpare for these in school and they're preformed in the chapel my kids didn't really feel left out. So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that when you have no other option (in your case for the saftey for your child) then try to see the bright side of it and have faith in the teachings and values you are instilling in your child because these are the ones that will have the most affect on them. My oldest believes himself to be pagan and is keen in asking questions and I know he knows about christianity from his upbringing in elementary school and he has made a choice based on what he knows. I understand he is young and may change his mind but he may not. So don't worry about what the religion is just that you trust where you have put your child so that you won't worry about them when you can't be with them. All the best.

[GaiaDea]

Hi!
I understand completely how you feel, as I live in the deep south, and I sent my daughter to an episcopal preschool for much the same reason as you. Honestly, my daughter who is now almost 13, has come to me with all her questions on faith and religion, mostly because she wanted to understand what everyone was talking about with Jesus and "personal saviour", and virgin birth, and all the other Christian mysteries. She prefers to hold her own faith now, not an organized religious path, and she came to this from asking us exactly what the tenets of different faiths meant. Yes, there was a time she decided to be a "holy roller", and a time she wanted to be Jewish, but I did not allow her to commit to any religion just because it was "fun" or "cool". This may or may not be the situatuon you face, it is simply the one we faced. I explained to her that respect for all faith paths is a good thing, and that she should make up her own mind what she felt was the right path for her, regardless of what *mine* is. I prevented her from making a committment to any path because, as I explained to her, when you make a vow, you keep it--that it is a sacred promise, and that you shouldn't make such a big promise without being really sure that this is what you really believe. She decided that for her, Christianity was a bit limiting, as apparently, God doesn't have a wife, so who can she feel close to in this path? Her choice, mind you, and one she spent a while in making after I explained that joining a religion means accepting their truth as your truth, and following all the rules. She still has a great time going to her grandmother's Methodist church, and spends a week every summer at a Christian camp. The difference is that she accepts all prayer as a good thing, all gods as valid, and respects that *this* path is the one that *these* friends have chosen to follow, and that it doesn't have to be hers, just to fit in.

The important thing is to not be scared to talk to your child, about your faith, about other's faith, and what the tenets of the given faith path are. I am reluctant to recommend initiating any child into any faith path until they have been exposed to enough paths to make a reasoned choice. Therefore, I feel it is a good thing to talk to your child about what they are being exposed to every day, whether it is a faith path, the news, their schoolwork, their friends, or what have you. The best thing you can do for your child, second to loving them, is to talk to them, at whatever level is appropriate to their understanding. Children are not mini adults, but they are not stupid either. They are ignorant, in the classic sense. How can they become educated if you as a parent don't help? This is ultimately what parenting is about, helping your child grow into an educated, sane, balanced adult. Faith is for many people, a large part of their "self". Sending your child to a Christian school isn't a betrayal of your faith and values, if it is the best place for your child to be, it is a good parenting choice. Faith is the cornerstone of a person's morality, in most cases, and these things are best learned from you, the parent, in a caring and supportive setting, ie, your home. Don't worry that this school will canalize your child's morals...a child pays far more attention to what their parent's values are than to what the teacher's or school's values are. For a child, whether they understand it or not, their parents are the foundation that their picture of the world is based on. They filter what they see through the lens of the behavior and values they see in you. So don't worry, you are not a hypocrite, nor are you a bad parent. You are not confusing your child, you are providing an enhanced environment for learning good values....from you AND from the school.

Geez, I sure do ramble! Hope that helped!
*hugs*

GaiaDea

[aluokaloo]

Personally, I think placing your child in a location where you feel she will get the best care is more important than the religious factor.
When my, now adult, son was in elementary school I put him in the local public system. We lived in a city at the time. His father was an engineer for the public school system.
The school system was in bad shape at that time. Violence in the schools was a nightmare.
After a fight in one of the washrooms, which was 2 kindergarten kids who knifed each other, we both decided to pull our son from the public school. There was other violence in the schools at the time but the 5 year old stabbings was the straw that broke the camels back!

The best school alternative for us in our area was a catholic school.
It was safe, secure and well attended by staff. The curriculum was much better. We both agreed to send our son there.

It help him learn a lot. He had religion classes all the time. He also learned he didnt like the catholic faith and when he was older, he searched for his own beliefs.

It actually was good to send him in the long run. He never would of learned all he did about the faith. In learning so much, it actually helped him decide it wasnt right for him.

And I had piece of mind knowing he wouldnt get knifed in the bathroom!

A childs quality of care, in my opinion, sure beats anything faith issues!
And moms and dads should follow their heart first!




OMGS! What was the matter with that school! Five-year-olds knifing each other? Anyways, if it's safe, and a caring place, then that is what counts the most. However you guys are the big kahunas, so do you what you feel you need to do.

[Kalika]

Personally, I think placing your child in a location where you feel she will get the best care is more important than the religious factor.


I agree with this 100%.

I also believe that it will benefit your daughter to be in this sort of position - as long as they do not force the Christian beleifs on her. It will allow her to see the other end of the spectrum, and, as she grows, it will give her an opportunity to explore a path that she may not otherwise have thought of.

As long as you like the school, the teachers, the atmosphere... its a good thing. And even "Christian" daycares aren't always the type that walk the ruler straight line that we often think of. Many of them nowadays just try to teach good, solid core values, such as manners, respect for others, respect for self, etc. Not reading the bible, and all that.

First impressions are often right... so follow your heart with this one. You know what's best for your little girl.

[StormVixen]

i went to a cristian preschool it was fun...

[AlAskendir]

I don't know if we've made the right decision and I was curious as to some outside opinions.

We've recently moved from NYS to the South, and I'm anxious to get back to work and have my 2 year-old socialize and in a pre-school setting.
For two weeks I've exhausted all daycare options. My daughter was in the most perfect, wonderful daycare when we left, and every one I've interviewed in the past few weeks do not even come close to the excellent care she had...some are down right scary.

My main thing (as a Pagan) has been to avoid the Christian-based daycares- which 95% of them are. Most of them are Baptist or Evangelical with 'Christ-centered' curriculums...not exactly what our Liberal-Pagan household is looking for.

Then yesterday we found the place. A wonderful, safe, clean, cozy, stimulating pre-school w/ a pt opening. The director and teachers are bright, cheery and attentive...the location is close by, secure and in a good neighborhood.

It's also at the Episcopal Church.

There is really no other place I would ever consider leaving my daughter in this area. Truly, every place I toured was appalling. At first I didn't mind that they say little blessings before meals and teach xtian values. I was just so happy that it was a highly-rated, intellectually stimulating place for my toddler. Now that we are registered, I'm wondering if I've made the right choice. Will I confuse here when she's old enough and starts asking questions about God and Jesus?

When I expressed this to my mother, she said 'that's so wonderful, because it shows you and your husband are that open-minded that you are exposing her to another belief system'.

This had to come at some point. I'm the only Pagan in the family. Dh is a recovering Catholic...I'd call him a xtian w/ earth-based leanings. So our household will be celebrating both beliefs.

I'm just a little conflicted right now, and to be honest, I've always said that I plan to allow my child to find her own spirituality...but if she decides to be xtian...I think I'd be a little disappointed.

I know, I know...hypocritical...but that is how I'm feeling.


It's nothing to worry about.

If your daughter has exposure to Christianity and a questioning mind, it is inevitable that she will run into the contradictions and hypocracy that abounds there (I'm not saying that they aren't in every religion, but Xtianity seems to have more than its fair share or something).
Perhaps she will have discovered a value in Christianity that will make up for that - - - some people do, and they're still cool people. Other people do and become hateful - - - but this kind of thing you cannot prevent, and Xtianity is not the only source of hatefulness that a child can become involved in.
Perhaps she won't find whatever that is, and will find it with Paganism, but neither can you force that successfully.

What you are feeling is natural, don't beat yourself up about it, but ground it when it starts happening. I think things are actually going quite well for you, and I am glad.

[StellaLuna]

Thanks to all for your feedback.
It is most important that she is safe and well-cared for. I think this will be a positive experience for us all.

Thank again ! :vanish: