PDA

View Full Version : Confused and a little bit frightened, maybe?



LostSheep
October 21st, 2005, 05:20 PM
I've been trying to decide whether or not I should burden you good folks with my woes, but what the heck, i can't keep this to myself much longer.

So, I may as well let it all out.

As I’ve mentioned a couple of times before in other threads, for the last four months or so I’ve been going through a relationship like I’ve never experienced before. We met online, and we just knew that we belonged together ... like i feel a kind of empathy? with her - I can tell what she’s thinking, I’m happy if she’s happy, I’m not happy if she’s not happy... it’s a freaky feeling, like we’ve gotten to know each other almost too well for us to risk parting company.

But I just couldn’t handle the intensity of it, the feeling that we were sharing so much ... she told me things that she hasn’t told anyone apart from her mom and her sister, things that happened to her when she was little - and I told her things I’ve never told anyone else. I found myself getting seriously depressed - I think because of the intensity. I can’t sleep without drinking, and if I’ve been drinking I might pick up a knife and just run it across my arm ... just to relieve the tension. So I offered to take a step back, ‘just be friends’, and she agreed, and that’s what we’ve been doing. We communicate by email, but we don’t phone anymore like we used to, and i miss hearing her voice.

And that’s the problem - I can’t let it go -- I worry about her. If she’s not happy I’m not happy, if she’s depressed I’m depressed, I don’t think she’s aware how much of an effect she has on me. I can’t let it go altogether, though only then can I really remember what we did, what we shared, can I go through a period of mourning, i suppose, for the relationship...

Is it better that we stay in touch, even if it’s not satisfactory, i just can’t say goodbye altogether because I’ll always be wondering about her, always be worrying about her, always feeling upset and knowing, somehow, that she’s upset ... I feel kind of as if i should be there for her if she should ever want me, even if she never does? I know that if I’m ever going to establish a new relationship, where perhaps circumstances might be more on our side, how can I stop her being on my mind, thoughts of her sneaking in all the time? How can i break this ‘link’ i feel to her?

I know I’ve been going on a bit, but that’s how I can best describe it - i just haven’t felt anything like this before, and to tell the truth I’m a bit scared by it. How can I handle it? And the intensity of emotion - this 'link' with her - that scares me. how can i cope with that?

phoenixblayze
October 21st, 2005, 05:56 PM
well, first i would have to say that you are probably an empath. its sad that you found someone that you had such a connection with, and that the connection was having such an adverse effect on you. the only answer i can give is time. in time things will ease up, get better. if you still feel that you are link with her emotions and you do not want to be i would ground myself, and i think it will be a good idea for you to learn how to sheild yourself a bit from others per you empathic ability. i know this is hard, but we are all here for you if you need to talk, and i will always be open if you want to pm me. i cant give you a definate answer on what to do because im not living your life, you are, but i can try to help you figure things out.:hugz: :hugz:

Shanti
October 21st, 2005, 06:08 PM
Just my 2 cents, heck it may help...

Its sounds to me like you two were feeding each other, but the wrong food!

What would happen if you two took all those bad times and looked for the positive it created for you? The things you learned? Search together for all the positives you have acquired thus far in your lives?

Just an idea! :)

Cassie
October 21st, 2005, 06:36 PM
I don't think I can add much to what Phoenixblaze and Shanti have said. That is very good advice.
Drinking and hurting yourself is not the answer.
For your sleeping problem I would suggest doing a lot of physical exercise and/or taking long walks during the day. Get a lot of fresh air. Try and focus your mind on positive things. (I did this in a similar situation and it did help).
Meanwhile I will send you some calming energy.
Take care of yourself! :hugz:

LostSheep
October 21st, 2005, 11:04 PM
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I feel calmer now that I've put into words how I feel. The impact of the feelings I was getting kind of knocked me sideways a bit, this realization that we were kind of, as Shanti says, feeding off one another ... and maybe, having seen a bit here about empaths, I'm realizing that maybe that's what's been happening to me. So thanks, maybe I'm beginning to realize what's going on, now I guess i just have to work out strategies for dealing with it. :hugz: to you all.

HorseCrow
October 22nd, 2005, 06:06 AM
:hugz:

BrigidMoon
October 29th, 2005, 09:09 AM
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I feel calmer now that I've put into words how I feel. The impact of the feelings I was getting kind of knocked me sideways a bit, this realization that we were kind of, as Shanti says, feeding off one another ... and maybe, having seen a bit here about empaths, I'm realizing that maybe that's what's been happening to me. So thanks, maybe I'm beginning to realize what's going on, now I guess i just have to work out strategies for dealing with it. :hugz: to you all.

How are the strategies going LostSheep?

:chatty:

LostSheep
October 29th, 2005, 12:54 PM
i guess i needed to be able to think about what had been going on, as everything had been so intense and stressful, and i think now that I'm more kind of aware of myself and how I react to things, maybe I'll be more aware that i'm getting into this situation of dependence on someone else if it happens again. If i can just keep on top of my tendency to be emotionally dependent on others that'll be a step forward. I think i needed to know how things were between us, and now that we've spoken again by email I feel happier there. So I think by being more self aware, I'm able to help myself get through this.

So, it's not easy but, maybe by being more aware of my spiritual side, I can get to know myself a bit better.

Thanks again. :)