The most bizarre letter...

[Radocs]

I got the strangest letter in the mail today. First of all it was from France which struck me as odd considering I don't know anybody in France and I've never ordered anything from France. I opened it up, made sure no white powder was in there and pulled out the four or five papers enclosed.

Turns out I was selected for a free trial of "The Power of Supreme Influence." Now despite them constantly telling me it was free, upon closer examination I found that they wanted me to send them $19.95. Of course if, after 30 days, I couldn't control everyone's mind and wasn't satisfied they'd send my check/money order/whatever back free of charge. Yeah right.

The letter started with: "First of all, please allow me to say that you are a person who is high above the average." I can't stand flattery from someone that wants me to buy something.

A few "testimonials" that were included:

"A friend had borrowed money from me and never paid it back. One morning he came to see me, bringing the money and apologizing for it being so late. I had just used 'The Power of Supreme Influence' to secretly order him to return my money"

That's some friend eh?

"I hadn't been getting on with a neighbor of mine for quite some time. one day, I passed her in the hallway. I was secretly using 'The Power of Supreme Influence.' Suddenly, she began speaking to me again for the first time ! Since then, I have been to her flat several times for dinner and we have become best friends."

A claim below those says "It will work the same for you. I am convinced that this method will give you the power to get exactly what you want from other people. Your looks, age, gender, and personality won't matter a bit."

While I'm really amused I'm also kinda freaked out. Not so much at the claims but at how they got my name. I'm gonna have to do some looking.

Besides, if it works so well, why do they want $19.95 for it? Couldn't they just wield some of that "Supreme Power" and make me send it?

:rolleyes:

[Illuminatus]

But it cost me a little more, $29.99 US.

I bought my "Supreme Influence" at the Sports Authority, and it is made of aluminum with a rubber coating on the handle. It's hollow, and lightweight for a fast and easy swing.

Everyone does pretty much whatever I say once I use my "Supreme Influence" on them two or three times. The best way is to use it on their kneecaps first, so they can't run away, and then go for the head, but not too hard or you might render them unconsious. Also, hide it in your trenchcoat until you are ready to use it, so you are certain to take your subject by surprise!!!

- Ill

[Radocs]

:rotfl: Sounds like a much more worthwhile investment... :lol:

[flar7]

OMG.. sometimes you drop a true nugget!
:rotfl:

[Lavender]

*wipes coffee from her computer screen*

Ill...I'm speechless! That was so good! :lol:

[Lavender]

Originally posted by Radocs
While I'm really amused I'm also kinda freaked out. Not so much at the claims but at how they got my name. I'm gonna have to do some looking.

If you've ever entered a contest, subscribed to a magazine, anything where you've given your name & address. A lot of companies buy mailing lists & sell them to other companies such as this one.

[Radocs]

No magazine subscriptions, no contest entries... but there are a few places that I've ordered stuff from. Actually I believe I've narrowed it down to one but it's hard to tell. :rolleyes:

[Danustouch]

LMAO Illum...that was TOO good.

[StormChaser]

Originally posted by Illuminatus
But it cost me a little more, $29.99 US.

I bought my "Supreme Influence" at the Sports Authority, and it is made of aluminum with a rubber coating on the handle. It's hollow, and lightweight for a fast and easy swing.

Everyone does pretty much whatever I say once I use my "Supreme Influence" on them two or three times. The best way is to use it on their kneecaps first, so they can't run away, and then go for the head, but not too hard or you might render them unconsious. Also, hide it in your trenchcoat until you are ready to use it, so you are certain to take your subject by surprise!!!

- Ill

Ill sometimes I have to defend you from myself. Kinda like Cindarella does for Lucifer. She asks the dog if he was dreaming about chasing lucifer, then if he caught him. the dog nodded vigorously and smiled. She told him "Bad dog! Shame on you! Why.. lucifer has his good points too. For one thing he... well he... hmm.. i know there MUST be something"

problem is "what" is that something.
It's comments like that, that demonstrate the "something"
Thank you for enlightening my evening.

[Siren]

this is one way to stop them from sending you things.....and just imagine their faces when they can get two pizzas for 9.99 in america....lol

[Flaire-FireStar]

Originally posted by Siren
this is one way to stop them from sending you things.....and just imagine their faces when they can get two pizzas for 9.99 in america....lol

:rotfl: I've done this, actually!!! There are a bunch of companies that keep sending us crap, so I send 'em back each other's crap..See how much they like getting junk mail. ;)
*shrugs* I have a great time doing it though.. :T:lol::T

[Illuminatus]

too bad it doesn't work for spam.

[TheWordWitch]

Ohhh Illuminatus, you are too funny!

I loved that post!

[Illuminatus]

bump.

so sue me

[materra]

No need to sue you Ill, you are developing into a wry wit these days and I just love it. Go Ill. :D

[Mithrea]

"developing" ?

[)O( ~ Khara~ )O(]

As usual Ill comes out with a zinger that has you choking! I think I would prefer your "Supreme Influence" much more. :T

[Dellit Tandannon]

you wanna see a bizarre letter?! here it is:

[MzNeko]

:rotfl: Illuminatus!

That made me laugh out loud, first thing in the morning, before caffeine!

[Psyche Ague]

*laughs histerically* This was honestly the first time I'd seen this post and it's hilarious!!! Illum, you're histerical. Radocs, that's frightening. And Dellit...well...oh my lord.

*bump* It's too funny not to be seen. So what if it IS 1:38am...and I have to be up at 8:00...