How do you let go of the past?

[SilverClaw]

How do you let go of the past?

I am so sick of people telling me to “just deal with it “ or “ let it go” those phrases are really starting to piss me off. Especially when it comes to the issues of my grandma’s death and my sons near death. I try to talk to those who say they will be there for me and they are either no where to be found or, just tell me to stop living in the past (such as Gord did today when I tried to talk to him about the things with Sylvan since he had more of and idea what when on then I did).
It reminds me why I seldom bother asking people for help; rejection sometimes is worse then the pain of the situation.

Everyone deals with grief and traumatic situations differently I know that, but what people do not get is what I have been through in the past 3 almost 4 years I have not had the chance to deal with anything fully before something else comes up...

As for my grandma her death occurred 6 months before Sylvan was born and things were not well on any fronts. From the last time I saw her speaking and alive, to her being in a coma, and then seeing her shut down before my eyes. Being pregnant while this was happening just made me more emotional then normal and dealing with anger of how my aunt handled the funeral arrangements and such and then cleaning out grandmas apartment. One minute she tells my mom to go ahead take everything and then when my mom does start going through the stuff gets mad at her for it, especially when my mom had stuff for me set aside. Stuff that I either gave grandma or grandma held onto me etc. There was problems with my cousin and his dad to and on it went.

After that I had to deal with Social workers due to my doctor being an ass and not knowing what he was talking about, in regards to my daughter Sakura. Then getting ready to move and then actually doing the move. Which was hard because of being apart from Gord already for a lengthy time and then the kids to. Getting settled into a new town, and not even after 3 months of being in the new town having to move again, and then dealing with Sylvan’s birth which was a pre- planned c-section since this was my 3 child.

After Sylvan was delivered I saw him briefly for a few minutes and he was taken over to the corner of the room to get checked out his apagar scores were all good at the time. I was taken to a room till the epidural wore off and then taken up to my room. I was so grateful to have a room to my self, a new hospital and nurses was a bit hard to take but I managed. I did not get to see Sylvan for awhile after I was in the room. They did not bring him into the room he was in the ICU nursery. When I could actually get to see him I was not able to hold him or anything he was in a incubator type bassinet in which you could only put your hands into touch him.
After that his condition got worse and I recall something being said that he was not breathing properly, and that his lungs were filling up with fluid and the doctors could not figure out what was going on.

I guess the day after is when I got to go see him again but was told he was being taken to another hospital and that Gord could go with him. I remember Gord telling me that Sylvan had a helmet over his head but when I went into the ICU nursery I looked at Sylvan through the open doors saw his blood on his chest two huge tubes, on each side of him the knife that was used to cut the holes into his chest ,(which I was told later the cuts went right into his lungs so that the tubes could be put in to drain the fluids out of them) and the thing Gord called a helmet which was nothing like I thought it would look like. Anyways as fast as I saw everything it instantly felt like a brick wall shot up and hit me in the face and I turned and left the nursery I barely got outside the door with my stupid IV and I began to lose feeling in my arms and body which was not a good thing cause I could not grab onto the rail and had no wheel chair either since they did not want me using one. Anyways I ripped the one side of my incision and dam it just made me cry harder then I already was and a nurse came to help me and I think I made it back to my room. Gord then came and got me and told me what was going on this time I went back with the wheel chair and I went in again and went to the table I stood up and leaned on part of the table, and held Sylvan’s little hand staring at his face under the helmet and the cuts in his chest I really tried to stay grounded and not cry again. A coldness came from him that sent shivers through me cause the last time I felt that same coldness was at my friends wake and Gord and I were viewing him in his casket and that really shook me up.
The doctors said he was going to be leaving in a couple of hours to go to the hospital in Edmonton that they were just waiting for the Team to arrive. The lady from the U of A hospital then showed up with her team a lot sooner then expected we were asked to leave while they examined him so we went back to the room.

When we went back to the room she was still checking him and the look on her face really was making me worry. I finally asked her what was going on she said she was not sure they could not figure out what was causing his lungs to fill up with fluid there was nothing showing any cause for it. As she was talking to us I got the feeling something was bothering her and I finally asked her to stop beating around the bush and told her we have the right to know what is going on is there a chance he is going to die? The look on her face said it all, but she said yes he is that critical that he could die. And after that they gave us a few minutes with him. I told Him to hang on and that I was going to be sending him what energy I could spare and that I loved him and then they took him. Gord was getting ready to leave on the Greyhound to be in Edmonton, when Sylvan was there.

So that left me alone in a hospital with no one, and that was the beginning of another battle in itself. (Seasonal depression ending which was not bad at all dto deal with but what I was worried about was the stress and the post pardum depression)

I am sorry if this post did not make much sense I am just trying to put scattered memories into place.

[PoisonIvy]

And people are telling you to "get over it!?" You've got to be joking!
That story made me cry. I'm so sorry for everything that you've gone through. I don't know how you've been able to cope with people. I would be a zombie by now.
I know ya don't wanna hear it but time will help ease the pain,but it's gonna take a lot of time and a lot of understanding from a lot of people.
You don't worry about what other people say right now! You have to deal with your own feelings your own way first and then tell the rude people who are only thinking about themselves to "shut the hell up!"

[Clytemnestra]

Oh my goodness!
I don't think you ever really "get over" any thing. Just learn to reconcile it in a different way. I hope that you heal well.
You made me cry too. Just thinking about that predicament. Who knows, maybe Poison Ivy and my tears may ease the pressure somewhat...
I am sending you many hugs! What can I really say?
Yes. You are having a terrible time. You deserve your period of grief.
My thoughts are with you.

[Earthy]

There's no easy solution hon,and i know.
You can't let go because you've been told to, you only let go when you feel ready to, and that could be many years from now, who knows, maybe you never will, you just learn to deal with it differently.
My grandfather died 12 years ago this year, and there's still part of me that holds on to him, worried that letting go fully means forgetting him.
Do it in your own time, in your own way and forget those who tell you to get over it. :hugz:

[Scarlettvixen]

hun 'get over it' is an oxymoron!
we would all prefer to get over things and move on but it wont happen until we have dealt with the issues.

you have issues of loss and grief among others
i dont know how you deal with these things
that is an individual thing

by speaking of it i think you are starting that process
and somedays you will get stuck in parts
other days u will move forward
:hugz: and good luck

[SilverClaw]

And people are telling you to "get over it!?" You've got to be joking!
That story made me cry. I'm so sorry for everything that you've gone through. I don't know how you've been able to cope with people. I would be a zombie by now. Nope I am joking, I wish that I was, but nope I am not, and what gets me is these are the people who say they will be there for me to talk to if I need it. :fpatricks


You don't worry about what other people say right now! You have to deal with your own feelings your own way first and then tell the rude people who are only thinking about themselves to "shut the hell up!"
normally I do not care what people think, but when I trust them to do what they say they will do and don't it just makes me mad. And as for telling the rude people off, so far Gord this time around has been told off. He says he has dealt with it and he does not know how telling me anything will help me remember. AH first of all I think that is a dam excuse He could help me by answering my questions, but he will not. I was on morphine for part of the time this situation was going on, and when I was not I do what, I just detached myself from feeling anything. Which has been a usual way for me to cope since I was a teenager and my dad went to jail. I would like to feel like I am altogether again. Instead of being depressed and so distant.

I look at Sylvans Scars on his chest and I cry, cry because of anger and cry because of not being able to remember, but crying because I am very lucky he was able to survive. Every time he smiles or learns something new it makes me cry and be happy and appreciate he is still here.

But I do not know if i can not get help from Gord to remember how I am suppose to let go, I mean he was the only one there for everything. Well at least with Sylvan for everything and ya know one thing that makes me still Beyond angry to this day? He complained about not being able to be with Sylvan for the short time he was with him and how hurt he was and yes to a point I understand it was hard on him to, but at least he was with him at the other hospital. At least he got to be there for Sylvan and hold him. I could not do any of that and Gord always seemed to make it about him and I just ripped into him about how ungrateful he was being. I had no choice being away from him, I did not have the chance to hug hold him and feed him like he did. No I had to stay in a hospital room with an empty bassinet there as a reminder what I was missing, not knowing if he was dead or improving. It still just makes me so mad.

I think the worst of it was the day I was walking to the nurses station to get some juice to drink and I looked around me as I went down the hall, and I noticed all the other moms had their boyfriends, husbands, parents and children with them and I had no one. That hit me hard just like that brick wall I felt hit me earlier. I barely got back to my room before I started crying and fought really hard not to let depression set it. Oh it was a fight. My obstetrician came in one day to talk to me about what was going on and he actually complimented me on how well I was holding up, he said being a parent himself he was not sure he could handle the situation as well as I was. I told him thanks but I felt I was not doing all that great and explained to him about my concerns about post parddum depression and how bad it was for me when I had Sakura especially with all the stress going on I did not like how I was then and I was worried it was going to be bad this time especially with what was all going on. He asked I go to my doctors when I get home if things got worse and that I did promise. But you know what I cannot recall if I ever did go see him.

Anywyas so I spent the time I was alone writing letters watching tv, and calling those I could. At one point I felt a weird presence and it hit me it was my grandma and she was with Sylvan and all that filled my mind was that they were meeting and grandma was having a chat with him about getting better. What was funnier in a sense not long after that happened I got word Sylvan was making rapid improvement. At the same time that was happening I felt for the first time a peaceful feeling of energy it was the first time I could feel and I mean really feel people sending me energy it was a very weird situation for me to feel it so strongly at that time and feel my grandmas presence.

[LadyTrinity]

Your child is a miracle. Make every day count and for those who tell you to get over it. Look at them and tell them that you will deal with things in your own way. Thats all you can do. Even if it took 10-15 years to finally feel free of the burden. Dont let it take over your life though. Enjoy every moment with your family, and times were you feel sad, or feel like crying.. Have a good cry, then wipe your tears and go hug your child :hugz:

[Teresa]

Everyone has different methods of dealing with their "past things" that haunt them.I had very tramatic issues with my Father early in life.When I was around 29 I decided to go see him and make peace with the past. He died 2 days before our meeting was scheduled. My anger and pain was very intense as if I felt he died on purpose to prevent me from the inner healing that I needed. I attended his funeral along with most of my siblings 2 of which I had never met until then.I cried but it was not because he was dead or that I loved him.He was not a nice man.I cried because my anger raged thru me.

Traveling back home from the mountains (where he lived) I had time to take in scenery and calm myself down a bit.It is my belief that during this time was the point where I made the decision to write alll the things I wanted to ask.All the whys and how could yous,all of the why did you hate mes etc,all of my emotions that caused me great inner turmoil and creeped up in the form of abusive marriage etc.

I wrote them all down and went to his grave one weekend and read the letter out there with much emotion and after doing that I had his name written on a piece of brown paper bag. I took that letter and the piece of bag and an old picture of him and lit them and placed them in a small fire proof bowl that I had brought with me. Before lighting it I charged all of my negative emotions and pains into those papers.I visualized all the bad things leaving me and being burned.This was just the beginning of my healing process.

I know my response is a bit lenghty but it is an example of beginning a process of healing.The healing process is always a personal path. Look deep within yourself and meditate upon it and Your way to start healing will come to You. Ask Your diety to help if You have a particular one.It does not have to be something elaborate it can be anything.There are no right or worng ways just Your way to handle it. Brightest of Blessings to You !

[SilverClaw]

Poison Ivy, and Clytemnestra sorry did not mean to make you cry :hugz: Thanks for your thoughts.

Earthy thanks :hugz: Ya know other things I have been able to get through no problem, like this year I realised I forgot about my friends memorial Sept 17th and that was a date I never forgot and did eventually so I know that grieving for some things does eventually end I just wish it would be sooner then later.


by speaking of it i think you are starting that process
and somedays you will get stuck in parts
other days u will move forward
:hugz: and good luck Thanks Scarlettvixen, but I think I have pushed people away trying to talk about it and it does get hard to come out of my shell again to be able try again.

Some people do not know but I have not been able to always talk about my feelings and I know to some people would find that a shock, but it is true. Ever since I reported my dad for sexually abusing me I have just learned to keep it in, bury it, and just do things to get my mind off of things and it worked I would help my friends at school and no one knew anything was wrong. I got good at repressing and disconnecting, I even realised that when I ended my marriage I felt the split and disconnected feeling again so I guess it has just become an automatic thing to do.

And ya know that is something else that is bothering me, is people who say that if I have not moved or left Gord by now that I should stay and forget about leaving. Who made them my judge and prosecutor? The people who keep telling me this have either never been in the situation I have been in (which I am glad they have not been in) and or either that or never been married or in a relationship, so ya it easy for them to spout things off, especially the one person who is also one of the ones I mentioned in my first post in this thread.

I will leave when it is time to do so, I cannot leave if there is nowhere to go. Things have been ok with the exception of the usual crap in which I am starting to also block out and disconnect from I am working on me and the kids. They say things happen for a reason well I find that true and I know I will leave when the time is right to do so, but now is not that time. There is no chance in getting back together with Gord no way; everyday I am reminded that I did the right thing because even though he is working really hard on his anger there are other things still suffering. I know I did the right thing to end my marriage as for the rest of what will happen we will have to wait and see.

[SilverClaw]

Look at them and tell them that you will deal with things in your own way. I have and do tell them that LT and that is why I am trying to get over it I am sick of the way I am feeling. Thanks for your post.


I know my response is a bit lenghty but it is an example of beginning a process of healing.The healing process is always a personal path. Look deep within yourself and meditate upon it and Your way to start healing will come to You. Ask Your diety to help if You have a particular one.It does not have to be something elaborate it can be anything.There are no right or worng ways just Your way to handle it. Brightest of Blessings to You !Shalaye is almost simliar to the letting go ceremony I have done for others who have passed on and will be doing it again soon for my grandma and other things going on. Thanks for your post and hey length is not an issue I appreciate your posts and your suggestion.

[SSanf]

I am so sick of people telling me to “just deal with it “ or “ let it go” those phrases are really starting to piss me off. When people say those words to you, what they mean is, "Stop talking to me about it or talk about it a lot less. Talk about something else."

I do understand that you may really need to get these things off your chest but your friends get worn down by it. And, they may have a lot of frustration because they just can't help. They are not trained to help.

If you feel compelled to discuss these things at length, you probably should talk to a professional where the talking may do some good and relieve your need to find understanding.

If you put your friends in the role of therapist, they will tolerate it for a time but soon avoid your company and then you will be friendless in addition to your other problems.

[SilverClaw]

SSanf the people that have said they will be there for me, I have hardly talked to about this except my husband and that is nothing new coming from him. As for professionals no that is not going to happen cause there are not any that come to town anymore, and besides seeing a professional has never helped with anything else I do not see how it will now.

And my family and friends are not put in the role of therapist, these are people who offered to listen, there is a difference, if they do not want to be helping out in anyway they should not say they will be there for me then and that all I have to do is contact them if that is how they feel. If they cannot handle it they should know that they can be honest enough to tell me, the problem is they do not. I would understand it easier if the honesty was there instead of the games. And when I say this I am talking about those in my life everyday not to those of you who said here on MW that you would be there for me, just to make that clear.

[SSanf]

Yes, I understand that.

But, when people offer, the unhappy truth is that they don't always really understand how hard it is going to be to keep up with being the friendly listening ear. They don't mean to be uncaring but they may be at the end of what they can offer in the way of emotional support.

And, then they have to deal with their own inability to help which feels like failure on their part. It makes them feel bad that they can't help more. So, they tell you to “just deal with it “ or “ let it go”. They have nothing more to offer and don't know what else to say.

But, the good news is that they still want to be your friend.

[SilverClaw]

But, when people offer, the unhappy truth is that they don't always really understand how hard it is going to be to keep up with being the friendly listening ear. Thaye don't mean to be uncarring but they may be at the end of what the can offer in the way of emotional support

And, then they have to deal with their own inability to help which feels like failure on their part. So, they tell you to “just deal with it “ or “ let it go”.
That is totally fine then they should be able to say so, I mean the people that I am refering to can be brutally honest with everything else so then they can do so with this as well. Everyone has thier limits that I am aware of, so I just do not see why they cannot tell me so.

I mean it is not the first time I have ahd to deal with this type of stuff and I am sure I will get over it like in the past but still honesty should not be that hard of a thing to deal with.

[SSanf]

Now, I could be wrong about this but I think they are, in fact, telling you but just in a sort of softer way. After all, they DO care for you. They must care for you a lot because they have really tried to help.

Sometimes, you need to be able to read between the lines with even the most honest and straightforward people.

Don't go by me. I could be totally off base. But then, maybe not. It is worth thinking about.

[SilverClaw]

Sorry reading between the lines is how miscommunciating and assumptions and that causes more problems then it is worth. And the stuff you have mentioned in your posts I have already considered before I started this thread. Thanks for your time and comments though.

[SSanf]

NP just some thoughts on it. You certainly ought to know your own friends.

Got to disagree with you about reading between the lines, though. Sure errors can be made but it is a life skill everyone needs just to get by in this world. Those who can't or who do it poorly are at a great disadvantage to those who do it well.

The miscommunications and misassumptions are more often an indication of lack of skill than of it being a poor or unuseful tool for living a good and successful life.

A great deal of communication is implied and subtle rather than direct. Those who don't pick it up are often left out in the rain without an umbrella. And, they never know why.

It's sad, really.

[Ashe]

Wish I knew what to tell you to make the pain go away. My past torments me constantly. Those who know me, know what I mean. I feel for ya and know you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Always

[SilverClaw]

Hey Ashe thanks.

[Zhr Morgana]

oh hon...I decide to pop in for a minute before leaving on my trip and I find this...I wish I had known :hugz:

I think that the past is something which is almost impossible to move on from completely. There is no way someone can just "get over it and move on" by the snapping of their fingers. I know that I've been told that many times since my breakups with both Tyson and David...because my family and friends thought they were crap and my relationships with them weren't good at the end, they think I can just get over them "just like that". I can't. There is no way. I don't think I'll ever completely get over either of them. There have been 2 family deaths which are still with me...my maternal grandma died on Thanksgiving 1990 and my aunt died 2 weeks after I graduated from high school, both from cancer. I miss them so much and wish I could've been there to say goodbye, or that I would've known them more as people and not just my family.

But I don't mean to hijack the thread...just trying to relate.

IMO, there is no way to get over the past. You simply find a way to live with it and learn from it, and one day the pain isn't quite so hard to bear. But do try and get the pain out somehow...just let it all out. Don't worry about offending other people...if they get all huffy about things you say, that's their problem. YOU are the one who is in pain, and YOU are the one who needs to get it all out. So go ahead...lett'r rip.

[Willow Rosette]

Hymnia I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I wish I had advice on how to "let go" but unfortunately I havent figured that out myself. On the other hand it sounds to me like you are an incredibly strong woman. To go through all of that with your son right after loosing a loved one...I would have lost it. I think the only thing you can do is to take it one day at a time. My father died several years ago and every morning I have to recognise I wont get the closure I still need and that it is ok and I will survive. You are a strong beautiful woman and you will make it through this difficult time.

[SilverClaw]

There have been 2 family deaths which are still with me...my maternal grandma died on Thanksgiving 1990 and my aunt died 2 weeks after I graduated from high school, both from cancer. I miss them so much and wish I could've been there to say goodbye, or that I would've known them more as people and not just my far Zhr your not highjacking the thread and I agree that sounds like alot how I feel about my grandma who died of lung cancer, in the aspects of being able to say good bye.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Visha'sMommy.

[SSanf]

Hymnia, I hope you know that some hurts simply do not go away. No matter how long you live, they still hurt. And, when you think of them, you still cry.

None-the-less we must get on with life at some point. The thing is not to stop hurting because you can't ever do that but to change your focus and concentrate on the here and now not on things that are done over which you have no control.

[medit8ive_spirit]

I am so sorry that you've had people tell you "TO get over it"...I've had the same thing happen, more than once.

How did I get past or at least deal better with similar situation?

I finally had gone to a wonderful counselor that 1)let me talk things out, 2)had me write things down, like a letter to the one that I missed or to the one I thought that I had hurt, even if I never sent it to either of them, at least I had it out in the open, 3)in talking about it, finding that I carried a lot of guilt and there was ways to release it. I light a candle every day in honor of my mother whom I carried a lot of guilt about and have planted flowers in her honor. For my father, I was lucky enough to have written him a Thank You letter, a few years before he died, for all of the things that he taught me...I even mentioned learning how to ride a bike, how to read a map, and for letting me sit safely in his arms during a thunderstorm! He cried when he read the letter. Now that he has passed and I've had some difficulty dealing with that, I light a candle each day in his honor, and remember at least two good things, each and every day, that he either taught me or helped me to discover, or things that we did together, and it helps me focus more on the good times and positive things.

I've had a hard time "living in the past" a lot. I've worked on that by spending more time with my husband and sons and doing something special with them, here in the present. I'm finally realizing that there is nothing I can do to change the past, but I can do things to help my present time and future.
Sometimes, all is takes is time.....time and friends, family, and love..... I light a candle for you, my friend and hope that something I've shared will help you. :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Hymnia, I hope you know that some hurts simply do not go away. No matter how long you live, they still hurt. And, when you think of them, you still cry.
Cosidering what I have been through aside from these issues mentioned here ya I do know that.


None-the-less we must get on with life at some point. The thing is not to stop hurting because you can't ever do that but to change your focus and concentrate on the here and now not on things that are done over which you have no control.
Exactly and that is what I am trying to do and as VM mentioned in her post

and every morning I have to recognise I wont get the closure I still need and that it is ok and I will survive
And maybe that will be the case with the events that surrounded Sylvans birth especially since I cannot remember everything, maybe there is a reason for it and maybe later down the road I will break down the barriers like I have done in other situations. I guess only time will tell.

And as for setting my focus onto now that is what I was thinking after the last post I made, and I have made a few decisions regardng the two situations and I am happy with what I have come up with. I also feel the purpose in me starting this thread is slowly being achieved to which makes smile and I feel a lot more calmer then I did when I started out, so to me that is a good sign. :)

[SilverClaw]

medit8ive_spirit you know it is funny you should mention guilt, becuase when I was typing the first post to this thread when I was typing about the part of Sylvan in the nursery I rememebered how much guilt I felt and a failure I felt on the various levels even though there was nothing I could do about I, nor was there anything I did to cause the events that happened, I did feel alot of guilt.. As for not being able to change the past yep that is something I have a hard time dealing with in certain siutations, especially like the ones mentioned in this thread. I am sure if things were not stacked up and happening so fast it would have been a different story but it is not the case.


I light a candle for you, my friend and hope that something I've shared will help you. :hugz: Actually your post has just reaffirmed my decsions that I have already made thank you for sharing your views.

[BrigidMoon]

:hugz:

Thank you for getting out and sharing with us. Please continue to ...

You shouldn't have to "let it go" until you're damn good and ready.

Those are both traumatic experiences.

I've noticed that women going through these types of experiences when they are pregnant just can't seem to let it go. I had a few experiences as well and I still when recalling it get the same emotions just like I was there all over again.

You're a very strong person. I admire your ability to share with others.

I just wanted to let you know that!

[SilverClaw]

You shouldn't have to "let it go" until you're damn good and ready. I know, but in this case I was beginning to wornder if I ever was going to be ready there are other issues that after 20 years still hurt like you described.

And thanks BrigidMoon :hugz:

[BrigidMoon]

I know, but in this case I was beginning to wornder if I ever was going to be ready there are other issues that after 20 years still hurt like you described.

And thanks BrigidMoon :hugz:


I've never gotten over my grandfather's death. I was 9. I'm 35 now.

You're welcome hon.

I am planning to write a list of those loved ones that are now gone for Samhain and dedicate sometime to them and pay homage and remember. For me, that helps a lot.

[SilverClaw]

I am doing a letting go ceremony of sorts .

[Kalandriel]

Some things just take a while, and some things will stick with you forever, just becoming something faint in the background of your life.

The only thing you can do is deal with the situation at hand, whether it be talking about it, crying about it, or whatever it is that helps you with it!

Next time someone tells you to "get over it" just tell them that you are! And keep talking. :hugz:

[SilverClaw]

Next time someone tells you to "get over it" just tell them that you are! And keep talking. :hugz:

Thanks Kalandriel I try to keep talking about it and I do keep telling them that :)

[Lorelei of the Mists]

.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Lorelei I appreciate you posting that, and ya know sometimes I have found that the simple things are the best things to do. Thanks again. :)

[medit8ive_spirit]

sending you :hugz: and hoping that you are feeling better. I was at home from work today and thought I'd check in on you.
There is one other thing that I do that you might like. In trying to remember that there are, some positive things in my life, and not dwelling so much in the past and the negative, I keep a small trinket box. It sits on my altar, and in it are the following: lots of small pieces of various color papers, cut to about three inches square or so. On each, I list one thing that I would like to have "happen" or "more of" in my life. Here are just a few examples: 1)Good health for my family
2) property somewhere that we can finally build our own house on 3)take time each day to remember good times with a departed one......some have called this my "wish box"....I call it my serenity box. Each night, before I go to sleep, I take out two different papers, at random, and spend a few minutes thinking of what is written on each. Then I thank the Goddess for letting me be fortunate enough for spending another day with my family and for letting me survive what I thought was my darkest hour; that there are good things in life.

[BrigidMoon]

sending you :hugz: and hoping that you are feeling better. I was at home from work today and thought I'd check in on you.
There is one other thing that I do that you might like. In trying to remember that there are, some positive things in my life, and not dwelling so much in the past and the negative, I keep a small trinket box. It sits on my altar, and in it are the following: lots of small pieces of various color papers, cut to about three inches square or so. On each, I list one thing that I would like to have "happen" or "more of" in my life. Here are just a few examples: 1)Good health for my family
2) property somewhere that we can finally build our own house on 3)take time each day to remember good times with a departed one......some have called this my "wish box"....I call it my serenity box. Each night, before I go to sleep, I take out two different papers, at random, and spend a few minutes thinking of what is written on each. Then I thank the Goddess for letting me be fortunate enough for spending another day with my family and for letting me survive what I thought was my darkest hour; that there are good things in life.

That is very COOL!

Awesome idea.

[SilverClaw]

Well I was going to post what happened last night but I have not had the time, but last night I was able to let go of the things surrounding Sylvans birth, and will be fine with that now it is onto other things like dealing my annoying husband and with my grandmas death and I think that is sooner to be let go then I think...but more of that later ..

thanks for thinking of me medit8ive_spirit that is very sweet of you.

[BrigidMoon]

Well I was going to post what happened last night but I have not had the time, but last night I was able to let go of the things surrounding Sylvans birth, and will be fine with that now it is onto other things like dealing my annoying husband and with my grandmas death and I think that is sooner to be let go then I think...but more of that later ..

thanks for thinking of me medit8ive_spirit that is very sweet of you.

_pounce_

I'm so glad for you. One step at a time!

[SilverClaw]

Yep and so far no steps taken backwards:D

[medit8ive_spirit]

:hugz: my friend....I have a candle lit for you here and at the MW's candle altar.

[starfire]

People many times don't know what to say, or how to help. They may not have had as many things or anything like this that they have had to deal with. Like you I had several deaths, one after another. All within a short some yearly. First my son of 2 months 23 days, then my grandmother, then 4 years later my dad committed suicide, a year later my brother (36) had a massive heart attack, then my father in law, then my husband (the worst next to my baby), My grandfather died on the day my husband was burried, and my mom 4 years later.

I have two children that were 3-7 when most of these people in their lives died. People could not understand why they were having troubles....like hello, all they know right now is that why bother, everyone who is significant to you dies or is dead.....

I had people tell me how strong I was, that bothered me, you see, I was falling apart inside, my kids were the only things keeping me going. I hated it when they said that. It wasn't until someone said I had a lot of inner strength, that it didn't sound so bad.

It takes about 3 years (for me )to get to the point with each crisis where I didn't think about the person constantly, day in and day out. Some of it was the what if....some of it was I wasn't ready to let go....Things still hit me. I still worry every time my kids or husband leave the house. I can't help it. Once so many things have happened it is really hard to have a possitive attitued, a take a day at a time...especially when you know what could happen, because it already has.

Most of the people that say those things to you, have no idea of the turmoil you are going through. I have had to take medication for depression, and yes without knowing it, I get depressed and then realized it is a persons birthday or anniversary of one of those people I lost....At least that is what I have attributed it to.

Yes I have had the horrid hospital stay where I had to leave the child behind, and also the one where they shipped the child off to a different hospital....All of those things you are talking about have not happened years and years ago, so of course you havent' "gotten over it", and you know what, you never will...it will get easier, and you will be able to give others support because of it.

I really did find out who my true friends were during all this, the ones that would listen to the same thing over and over, because they new I was trying to sort things out in my head. The ones I could call in the middle of the night to cry, and talk things out.....not everyone is or can be that type of friend, it sometimes just hurts to much to see a friend hurt, that they can't deal with it.

My advice to you, is talk as much as you can about all of it, to us, to friends that will let you, and even to a councelor if you can. If you haven't been able to sleep, then try some of the natural things mentioned on this sight, or talk to your doctor. Sleep deprivation is only going to cause more depression and crazyness in ones head (talking about myself here).

Bless you and your family.

[SilverClaw]

Thanks starfire


My advice to you, is talk as much as you can about all of it, to us, to friends that will let you, and even to a councelor if you can. If you haven't been able to sleep, then try some of the natural things mentioned on this sight, or talk to your doctor. Sleep deprivation is only going to cause more depression and crazyness in ones head (talking about myself here). Yes I will, at least now the part about Sylvans Complications at birth are dealt with but still working on my grief for my grandma. That will take awhile yetI think.

[LittlePerson]

You never ever get over losing someone. I lost my grandmother eight years ago yesterday. I thought of her right away in the morning. It was so strong so vivid. I lost my dad five years ago. They were both still young. My grandmother was only 65 yrs old and my dad was in his fifties.
Don't listen to those other people. You never ever get over a loss. Ever. Everyone grieves in different ways. Some people strangely try to forget and move on, content to do so. But others keep the memories of their loved ones strong.
You know what is best for you. Hang in there. Blessings to you. May you find some comfort in all this.
LP

[SilverClaw]

Don't listen to those other people. You never ever get over a loss. Ever. Everyone grieves in different ways.I try not to and remember that each person does deal with grief differently that is why I try to let things with my aunt go, she disregadred grandmas wishes form me to do the euology but It hink that was becuase she was shut down and just trying to do what she had to do to get through everything.


Hang in there. Blessings to you. May you find some comfort in all this.Thanks LittlePerson :hugz:

[Ashe]

just a quick note to say hey guys
you are all in my thoughts/prayers.. always :)

[SilverClaw]

Thanks Ashe :hugz: