Friends, Parents, and Discipline

[Myst]

How do you react when you see a friend disciplining their child in a way you'd disagree with? How do you make it clear that you don't want your child disciplined that way without causing a fight? How do you discipline your child in front of others - or do you wait to get home to discipline?

[Yvonne Belisle]

I will generally take my children where there is no one else about to hear what I have to say I try very hard not to humiliate my kids in front of others. I think punishing them in front of others only leads to additional problems with the child in question. So far seeing a friend disipline thier child in front of me has never occured I guess that it would depend on what they were doing and why.

[seawitch]

i have a friend like that, and i just cringe when i hear or see it. and made a note never to leave my child with her.
but if she is a friend then just be honest. tell her i don't smack my kid and don't want you to either. of what not.
i only disapline veronica in public if is life threating. i wait till we are alone, she is more focused.

[Pheonix]

I agree with yvonne, I take my children away from people to deal with them unless it's about public temper tantrums which I have decided to not put yp with in any circumstance. :)
I don't believe with interfereing with the way others raise their children unless they ask or you feel the child is in danger.
And as for your kids... they are yours, you decide how they will be punished and don't be afraid to let everyone know it ! :)

Brightest Blessings,
Pheonix

[Lavender]

How do you react when you see a friend disciplining their child in a way you'd disagree with?
If I see a friend or anyone disciplining a child in a manner I don't agree with, I will definitely speak up. Scolding is one thing but hitting is an absolute no-no with me.


How do you make it clear that you don't want your child disciplined that way without causing a fight?
Just tell them politely first. If they don't listen, be more forceful until they listen. I don't care who or what they are. It's my child & if I don't like it, I will certainly let them know. Their feelings are just not as important to me as my son.


How do you discipline your child in front of others - or do you wait to get home to discipline?
If it is a small thing, I will quietly warn him not to do that again. This, accompanied with my "mom" look is usually enough. :D But if he keeps going, then I will remove him from others & discipline him.

[Danustouch]

When my cousins children act up around others, or in public, her husband takes them out to the car, and sits with them, not allowing them out of the car (which, of course is not running, and windows are all down..lol)....until they have calmed down and promised not to act that way again. They learn quick, especially on hot summer days, with the sun beating through the glass, or on winter days, when it gets' chilly. Generally, I've found most kids hate sitting in one spot for too long, away from their toys, and playmates, etc. So this method seems to work well for them. If they are at home, however, I know they "spank" (which, I personally wouldn't choose as a method of punishment), for severe offenses, or just send the child to their room, or take away priviledges.

If I saw somebody hitting their children in front of me (and we're not talking spanking here...that I believe is a matter of personal preference, though I would NEVER spank), I'd probably call the cops.

If I saw my friend spank his/her child, in front of me, I'd probably keep my mouth shut, as it really isn't my buisness, as long as the child isn't being beaten or harmed. But..when it came time to sending my kids over to play there, or to be babysat...I'd make it clear to the friend that *I* deal out my childs punishments. That if he misbehaves, to call me, or to give him time out, until I get there, and let ME handle it.

That always worked for my parents. Had it been up to my grandmother, when we misbehaved, we would have been spanked. But my mother made it clear from the start, that whereever she was, if we misbehaved, Grandma was to call her immediately. Often, these issues could be resolved merely from speaking to my mom and hearing her say. "I'm VERY angry at you. You know you are not supposed to act this way, especially for a babysitter. When I get home, you are going to have to___________________(whatever the punishment was)". If that didn't do it...Grandma just put up with me the best she could until mom got home, and then Mom dealt with it. But..in general..I rarely caused problems. Most of the problems only arose when I didn't want to go to bed on time. So the issue didn't really happen too often.

Anyway..I do believe punishments should be dealt with away from others eyes. Spanking, talking to, time out, whatever your method, unless the situation were critical, and the reaction impulsive (such as child running out into the street), should be done in private. I think you need to treat your child with that amount of respect, if you are to earn theirs :)

[Myst]

I think I will take your advice.

I mentioned it to my bf and he said something along the lines of how anyone who touched his child without permission would regret it in a big way.

I agree.

[TheTheologin]

If i see a friend of mine disciplinig their child in a way I wouldn't want them to discipline my child I simply do not leave my child in their care. Example- my step sister disciplines her children VERY harshly so I refuse to leave my daughter with her.