Astara's quiet place

[Astara Seague]

Oh dear Goddess,
why must I always be the strong one :help:I always seem to get the priviledge, I have to stay postive and I have to always be ok with everything, the well adjusted one,:( the problem solver. But Goddess I go crazy some times too, I want to cry too,:lookaroun I have many problems but why is everyone elses problems so much more important then my own,:excuseme: Please help me Goddess, help me keep my control, my brave face, my open arms and heart, Please continue to give me the strenth not to run away, not to hide, help me keep my feet planted help me not to become invisable. :imout: _inabox_

[Astara Seague]

If only there are so many if onlys in this world, is it so hard to just get along, is it so hard to help others who can not ask for it but truelly need it, so many afraid to get envolved so many to lazy to do more then waste their lives on the pursuit of their own selfish desires to even think of anyone else_inabox_ this world is going to hell in a bucket, what happened to peace love and joy for everyone not just some who can pay for it? Joy a relitive term, one mans joy is anothers sorrow, one mans trash anothers treasure when did things get so complicated?:strike:

[Astara Seague]

invisable.. that I am.. noone really cares, except when it is important to them..then it matters until things go their way again!!
It seems everyone is out for themselves, making empty promises,blindly scratching and clawing their way through life, then they fall..

me I am just a pit stop, the cushion, the one to break the fall.. somewhere to regroup, someone to say its ok, someone to come up with new ideas and plans and to put them back on the mountain to climb again...and once more they are gone..

and me left behind to fend for myself and mend all the damage left in their wake

who will catch me if I fall off this cliff.. it seems to be getting narrower every day

[Astara Seague]

Great Goddess please give me the strength and the courage to do what I must, and please allow me the clarity of mind to acheive my intent
Many thanks and Blessed be

[Astara Seague]

:fpraise: Thank you Goddess for the wonderful "dream" I was blessed with last night, I awoke in tears, my body full it was indeed what I needed

and please bless Micheal, it is not like him to be so grinchy about Yule if his soul is ill please assist in healing it

and help us all including me to get through the negitivty that surronds us this season

help us to keep our feet firmly planted and keep reaching for the stars

[Astara Seague]

I cant believe that I have allowed them to do it to me again! why does my family..the ones I am supposed to be closet too, the ones who are supposed to be on my side have once again become my worsst enimies

how could I have foolishly fallen into the trap that they had become OK with me again after all these years, I should have just stayed away!

all I ever want to do is help my brothers Gods they are near 40!! Mom has to let go some time! she is so controlling, how can she not see that they need to grow up soo badly and become functioning adults, that they should be allowed to make their own choices and go and do what they choose to do! And why does she think she has to keep them away from me like I would hurt them!! All I did was answer their questions! they are the ones who asked!

why does she think she has to keep them out of reality.. its not helping them!and now she wants to have a talk! I know her kind of talks! if she had her way I would not see any of my brothers or sisters, Im such a bad influance, Gods Im the only one whose head is on half straight! I dont want to talk to her! I dont want to argue or fight with her like I used to, thats why I went away before

why do I even care what she thinks..its because despite of myself I do love and miss them and somewhere inside I just wish they would accept me for who I am..I really not that bad of a person!

[Astara Seague]

A prayer of gratitude to you Goddess thank you for all the blessings I and my family have and enjoy..thank you for blessing me with knowledge and love to share with those in need..thank you for our continued good health ... and help me to always be grateful and always give back
BB

[Astara Seague]

giving back has its limits too.. this strong one is weakening more day by day.. I feel stupid..unable to handle things.. not knowing what Im supposed to say or do.. and so overwhelmed.. every day someone has something they want to b**** about , so many things that I have to fix..to do.. to know.. if one more person tells me to do one more thing Im going to loose it..

I know I should be stronger...why does it all have to hit at once... my kids.. my family..my poor sick cat..my hubby..myself...this stupid wedding!!

weddings are not supposed to be so complicated...I know the culture differnce was going to make a difference...but good God what a differnce...and Im supposed to know..and if I dont...Im dumb...and she yells at me
she doesnt even know how to talk civillly ..I cant take her..I dont know how he can...she seems angry all the time!!

I know its her wedding.. her day.. but she needs to think of others too and I so love my son.. and I dont want to stress him out more then he is.. he doesnt even know what he is supposed to do...as stressed as I am.. I can only imagine how stressed he is!....Im trying to stay calm and keep him calm..but I dont know what to do..I want to tell him to run..run fast... and far... but he loves her..he really does...he must...I dont know...I hope there is more to her then I have seen..

then my daughter.. I love her too but she is so un predictable one minute sheis talking to me Mother to daughter.. I feel so close then.. the next minute she may as well tell me to go jump in the lake..I never know what to expect or how to react to anything...Im always on guard with her.. and I dont even know why...she gets so irrated with me...and I dont even know what I do to make her upset...

The worse part is they all think I should know ...
and I dont....I really dont:sniffsnif:sadman:

Please I beg of you give me strength and insight and guidence.. Im drowning here....:G

[Astara Seague]

Thank you once again Goddess for seeing me through a rough spot..and now on to the next...I know its in me...but I think it gets lost at times...
I have faith and I know that the good will arrive soon... it has to...its been bad for way too long....

I know I must be patient and I will do all in my power to do so
Thank you

[Astara Seague]

:cutie:Thanks for bringing my Grand baby here safe and sound, please continue to bless her and her parents through this first little while for I know it wont be easy
and please guide me to know what to do and when to do it for them, dont allow me to get jealous of the other Granmother who will be living there, help me to be continingly gratful for her help and her blessings upon their small family

[Astara Seague]

I come to day offering thanks for the blessings we have enjoyed this year, despite of many bumps we had to overcome from the finacial situation of the world to my own personal life

SO many times we get so caught up in whats wrong we dont pay attention to whats right

Thank you Goddess and God for every one of the blessings I have experianced this year from the birth of my first Grandaughter to
small assistances that are right in the nick of time

My situation is much better then last year at this time..and for that I give thanks