How to bathe a cat...

[eaglewolf]

Got this in an email today... thought I would share.

HOW TO BATHE A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo
to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while
you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the
cat in the toilet and close both lids
(you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body
too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching
out for any surface they find.

The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from your toilet,
the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three to four times. This provides
a "power wash and rinse" which I have
found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside
and ensure that there are no people between
the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and
quickly lift both lids.

8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet,
and run outside where he will dry himself.

[Armitage]

Hahahahahaha!!!

[Acie]

Although I found this funny, I can't help but to think that there is some dummered out there who will be all to willing to try this method of cat washing...... Poor kitty! I say this jokingly of course but who knows with some people these days.

Create a good day!

[Fairywolf]

Okay, but I have a dog. Do I get to take him to the laundry mat and try out the economy sized washer. HEE HEE HEE :crazy:

Fluff or air dry?

Wolf

HEE HEE

[BrightStar]

Hi all!
I've found bathing the cat to be difficult,but it can be a pleasurable experience.She seems to really enjoy it.I've gotten to where I actually like it too!
The only problem is,afterwards,I can't seem to get all that fur off my tongue!
Peace and Love
Rain BrightStar

P.S.Couldn't resist using Steve Martin's old lines,it's rare you get to use that one.

[LaDaya]

lol... but it does make you wonder if anyone is dumb enough to do that and if they are what actually happened. Poor, poor kitty...

[Ozymandias]

Will this work on ferrets?

[Illyandra]

...it was the towel drying and brushing afterwards that he hated!

I even have a kitty that because of the drought and sandy area I live in suffers terribly from fleas, and so is bathed every once in a while. He does NOT enjoy it in the least, but neither do I having to administer it. We have tried everything including advantage to rid him of the fleas, but he always ends up reinfested with them after a week or two. The baths seem to help keep this problem more controlled even though I do not use a flea shampoo on him (too many shampoos are not made for fur that is cat groomed), but I do use the flea comb I originally bought for my puppy.

And that's another thing, I can't use flea shampoo on the puppy because the cat grooms him too! The puppy of course loves the baths and the brushing afterwards, but my poor kitty only suffers the washings because (I think) he really enjoys the attention he gets when I comb him out.

It's a long process too. A few hours at least to get him agreeable enough to suffer the water. I light up some soothing incense, pet and scratch him for about an hour in the bathroom before turning the water on a trickle. I have a detachable showerhead that has a very mild spray that I use to wet him. The bathing itself I rush through because the combing out is the important part.

The flea comb does not agree with my kitty's fur unless it is wet, and believe me I have tried using it on him dry! That was a terrible mess! My kitty wouldn't come near me for a whole day after that! I felt so bad!!

Anyone else have any pet washing/grooming problems??? :D

[Earth Walker]

Washing Kitty

:D I have an old suit of armor that works fine for
bathing my fearless feline. :bigredgri

[woodencat]

Here's another similar ritual that might be of interest!

How to Give a Cat a Pill...

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f---- cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill...

1) Wrap it in bacon

[Amora]

I'm really hoping neither Eaglewolf or Wooden Cat has a cat! Please go get a dog!!!

[bluecat]

I have three cats, and the marks to prove it. I would not subscribe to there method of bathing.

Now about giving a cat a pill:

How to give a cat a pill...

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to
close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head
just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth
open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from
shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth
followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour
pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from
right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for vet to make a house call.

[woodencat]

I like your version much better Bluecat :D

Yes Amora...I have 2 cats..and I never give them pills...or bathe them for that matter.. :crazy: poor kitties..LOL

[rantnraven]

The Cat??? That's how I bath myself! Except I have to flush four times.

RnR

[Aventurine]

I never used to even consider giving my cats baths, but the youngest of the four currently living with us seems to like them. We were stopped in Beckley, West Virginia for a night on our way home from a trip to NC, and she ran up under our Jeep while we were in the parking lot of the hotel. The hotel had "no animals allowed" signs up everywhere, so I had to smuggle her in under my shirt and we kept her in the bathtub in our room overnight! Now she jumps into the bathtub all the time, and when I give her baths she doesn't seem to mind at all.

- Aventurine

[folkwitch]

Love it! Sent it on to a friend who has been in a nursing home since before Thanksgiving, I've been taking care of his cats ever since. I'm always looking for entertaining cat stories to share with him. Thanks for posting it. :)

[cydira]

'nuff said. :D