don't know what to do

[Limey]

is there anyone around that wouldn't mind talking to me for a little bit?

[MysticWitch]

Pm Sent :)

[taki yume]

I'll talk with you! Just drop me a P.M.

I may not respond right away, but it will be because I'll be at school in about 5 1/2 hours...BUT I WILL GET BACK TO YOU as soon as I possibly am able to!

Hope everything is ok. <3

~Taki Yume

[dragonprincess]

Limey,
We are all here for you, I am sending your energies, just beacues, beacues it seems to me that you might want to feel comforted a bit. I pray that the Goddes envelops you in her arms and hugs all the blessings into you!

[Salanthos]

If you still need someone to talk to, PM me. hope whatever your difficulty is works out.

Gods Bless

[Limey]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. Basically what happened is
my b/f Darren mentioned that he wasn't going to be getting anyone a Christmas present this year. When I asked him why he said because of x, y and z for his family and he's not getting me one because I'm not spending Christmas with him. I think that's really pathetic, it's not the gift I care about it's the pettiness of it all.

First I'll back track slightly. I was given the impression up until the other night that Darren wasn't really bothered about Christmas. I just assumed that I'd be going to my grandad's for Christmas until my mum asked if I want to spend it with her, her b/f and my brother down in Watford. My mum asked my grandad and he said he wasn't really bothered so that's what I decided to do. Since then Darren and his family have made the odd snide comment but I didn't take them too seriously.

What really started the arguement off was when Darren started attacking my mother. He wanted to know why I'm travelling all that way to spend Christmas with a woman who kicked me out when I was 17, sometimes puts her b/f's first etc etc. That p****d me off majorly. You know what, my mum is not perfect she makes mistakes but she's still my mother and I won't have anyone say anything bad about her when she's not a bad person. I would never, never say anything bad about his family though I'm sure I could say plenty. It's about respect, if you care for someone you don't say horrible things about the people they care about, it's like an unwritten rule. However, I think I'm partly to blame for telling him anything about my family but I won't be making that mistake again. I hate that if you tell someone something they think that gives them the right to say whatever they please. Well it doesn't in my book.

In the midst of that I went down to the kitchen to wash my dinner plates up and his mum asked me how I was doing. I was still thinking that the arguement was pretty silly and just said we were argueing over Christmas. Apparently his mum thought it gave her free reign to say anything she wanted to. She started off by telling me how nasty I am by going away for Christmas and also slagging my mum off. I'm not really sure quite how I kept my temper I just knew I wasn't going to stoop to her stupid level. She said she lost all respect for my mum because she's moving away and brother is left here. What the hell has that got to do with her! She doesn't even know my mum or the full situation so she should keep her nasty, venomous mouth shut about things she has no clue over. I mean where does she get off talking about my mum's parenting skills when I wouldn't say hers are particularly fabulous either. When she told me that I would be wrecking Darren's self-esteem and he's going to dump me if I don't stay with him. Darren's self -esteem is not my problem or my fault. All I can do is try to help him as best I can but it isn't and never will be my responsibility.

I'm tired of feeling responsibile for everyone else and their happiness. I walked out of there and back upstairs and Darren started again. All of it just really hurt me. He said I mustn't love him. Seems to me that sticking by him for the last 10 months when most other people would have walked away and found someone who'd leave the house counts for nothing, or trying to be supportive when he tells me he wants to die, rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night when he thinks he's having a heart attack. I felt totally gutted that he doesn't think I love him and by the other stuff he was saying.

The one thing he is right about is that I should have talked to him before I decided what I did for Christmas. I didn't consider that he'd want me here. We talked and talked and I think we came to an understanding but I'm still feeling crappy about it all. I'm still pretty angry too particularly with his mother. I normally calm down pretty quickly about stuff but I can't seem to get past this. I spent all of yesterday upstairs because I couldn't bring myself to go down there and be polite to his mum pretending like nothing has happened. I hate her.

No matter what my christmas has been wrecked now. I'm still going to my mum's because there's no way I'd back down on it but I'm going to feel crap about going. If I stayed I'd feel crap too. Christmas is my favourite time of year and one of the things I love the most is getting people gifts. I'm not buying one for Darren now or his family because any pleasure has been taken out of it and even if he got me a present after all I couldn't accept it. I can't accept a gift that he doesn't want to give.

[dragonprincess]

I'm sorry that you are so hurt. I get upset when people's relationships are in trouble.
I wish you the very best amd I hope that you make the right decision. Take care

[Sitalique]

The hardest part of relationships is the holidays, in my opinion. Because you want to spend time with each other's family and if they don't get along it can be very hard. What my hubby and I decided to do was spend christmas eve with his family and christmas day with mine, which seems to have worked out fine so far (hubby gets his traditional xmas eve italian dinner, which he loves :) ) Then our families are within half an hour drive of each other, so that makes it easier.

Maybe you can work something out like that for next year? Don't know if there are great distances involved or not, but it is an idea for you. :hugz: Hope you can make the best out of the season still.

[Limey]

Unfortunately there isn't really a compromise we can reach on this. My mum is moving 500 miles away on Sunday.

My thinking on Christmas was basically that this would be the last Christmas I get to spend with my family for quite a while and the last time I'll see my mum for quite a while too. I just thought that we could spend next Christmas together instead.

I really don't understand what is so evil about spending this Christmas with my family. Granted it would be our first Christmas together but I'm not going to choose anyone over anybody else. I spend all my time with my b/f 24/7 364.

I still feel completely gutted about it all especially when they both know that I'm having a really bad time. Right now I hate myself and the doctor has put me on anti-depressents so someone telling me I'm nasty, selfish and don't love my b/f is extra upsetting to me right now.

I know people say things to hurt you when they are hurting but I just don't thinkthat's an excuse. Maybe I'm different from most people but even when I'm hurt and get angry I can't bring myself to be deliberately hurtful back. I just can't find any excuse for it and I'm having a really hard time forgiving and forgetting. I'm normally such a forgiving person but I think too much was said.

I feel horrible that I can't get over it

[phoenixblayze]

im sorry hon that you are going through this. i think that your boyfriend and his family are the ones that are being selfish. hello, its the holidays, and they are ment to be spent with family. they need to grow up and understand that, especially because you mum is moving so far away. if something like this is going to make him treat you like this, all i can say is that he has a hell of a lot of growing up to do.

[teishabee]

I think that It will be probably be good for you to spend some time apart from your boyfriend. All these high emotions daily can take there toll on you. Just think of yourself for once and have a good xmas.

[SilverClaw]

Hey Limey I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Personally I think your boyfriend should Get a grip on reality. You have the right to go spend the holidays with whom you want and esepecially with your family considering the situation you described about your mom moving.

Truthfully he sounds a bit controlling and that is not a good thing, and as for his mom what a B----.


I'm tired of feeling responsibile for everyone else and their happiness. You know what if that is how you feel then stop it, There is a saying that no one can make you feel a certain way unless you let them, so do not let them, enjoy your holiday do not let them ruin for you or they win.

Anyways I could go on about a few other things you mentioned but I will but it short.

Try to keep smiling and know I am sending you lots of energy :hugz:

Ps ) I agree with teishabee post :D