How to tell my family we're engaged...

[Marcasite]

My fiance and I are secretly engaged. Some of our very close friends know, but that's it. we're ready to tell the world and start making plans, but I have a feeling the world is going to have an adverse reaction. I'm 20 and he's 21. We've been dating for about 2 years and have been living together for a little over one year. We are both certain we want to spend our lives together. His mom won't have an issue with it, seeing as his older brother just got married and he's hinted to her about 'popping the question' without ill consequence. My family, on the other hand... My parents still think I'm 15 years old. My mom is constantly lecturing me on how terrible it would be to marry so young, why am I so serious at such a young age, I should be playing the field. My dad, well he'd prefer me to become a nun if at all possible! When we told my parents about our plans to live together... well it wasn't pretty and my poor fiance recieved some death threats. (of course, they'd never be carried out, he was just really, really mad) My parents don't think I'm adult enough to make up my mind yet. My mom wants me to put off marriage and children until I'm 30. That's not something I'm willing to do! My fiance and I are hoping to get married after I graduate next year, or after he's secured an electrical apprenticeship and we have a little spare income. The problem is, I have no idea how to tell my parents this.
Any advice?

[Jenne]

Sit them both down, all as adults, and look them in the eye, saying, "I love you, but I'm 20, and I am an adult. We're engaged. We love each other and want to get married."

No other way, really. Better also they find out from you than learn from someone else, right?

[WokeUpDead]

If they're paying for college it would probably be best to not tell them until you graduate.

[starfire]

Well it is difficult since you have already had some negativity going on. You have been dating two years, and living together one year. It sounds like it will be at least another year before you will be ready for things. Weddings do cost a bit of money, so that is something to think about. What type, what type of honeymoon, etc. It also sound like you realize that income is important here as well, and not wanting to rush things until you both know for sure that things are set financially. I think I would recommend you just sitting them down and telling them, that you are engaged and want to wait until those things you mentioned are set before getting married. I think that they will be glad you both have put some thought in it and are not rushing it.

I was 20 when I was engaged (28 years ago). My husband was 27, and we both worked. I got married just before my 21st birthday, and new I wanted to be a stay at home mom and raise a family. I wasn't interested in a career otherwise, so school was not an issue for me. My husband had a good job as asst. and mgr of a grocery store. Our marriage worked out fine and lasted 17 years and would have lasted longer if he hadn't died.

I think the important things to mention to them and to think about yourself are, do you want kids? When? How many? Are you both satisfied with your careers? Who will take care of finances, will it be joint or individual (probably already do this), any way all those things that people need to find out how their SO feels about before they take the final steps and get married. Some of these questions might be asked of you when you talk to them. Just remember not to get defensive, they are wanting to protect you and make sure you are making the correct decision.

[aluokaloo]

well your 21 that is two years past hitting the adult stage, if your parents are still treating you like a fifteen year old, just remind them that you appreciate their concern, but you are no longer a child and that you must live your own life and make your own choices whether for good or bad. I fail to see how 21 is too young anyways. Now of you were 17 or 15 I could imagine them pitching a mondo fit, but you are an adult. 21 is not a bad age to get engaged.