Spouses in the Workplace: Input Needed!

[Merewyn]

We recently got the "official" unofficial announcement at work that we have roughly 30 days left until the store closes it's doors leaving me and my coworkers without a job. Not that I haven't seen this coming, I have been keeping my eyes and ears peeled for another job, but I've got quite a mess to consider. For one, I'm a full time student finishing up my studies so I'll need a flexible schedule for classes. I have to find position (part time or full) that will pay enough so that I can pay rent and other bills (the lease is up in August). But not many positions that pay well will most likely to be willing to hire someone that's going to be available only through August (I start full time student teaching, and won't be able to work.) The jobs that are flexible and will hire don't pay the money I need to keep the apartment.

This morning I went to Josh's work (my SO) to drop off his weekly 'Mocha and Muffin' breakfast (a tradition for Fridays). While there, his co-workers, all of whom I'm very familiar and comfortable with, were telling me that they had been talking about hiring someone for an administrative assistant position, and had heard from Josh a little about my plight.

At first I told them that I didn't know how I'd feel about being offered the position because Josh's work is Josh's turf, and I don't want to intrude on it. But Josh came over and put his hand on my shoulder saying essentially that not only would he not mind if I worked there, but he would like it. Again, I reiterated my point to him, but as the conversation went on, they really liked the idea of me coming to work with them - even just based on my experience (I have plenty of experience for the position they're offering.) They said that they wanted a resume', and that they would talk to the owner to see how he felt about the situation because of Josh and I's relationship, and of course, Josh and I need to have a sit down talk if this is seriously being considered. If I wasn't as between a rock and a hard place as I am, I wouldn't even considering working where Josh is - not that I wouldn't mind it - but I'm thinking of the relationship. I'd be stupid to think that it wouldn't change things even just a tick.

I've been looking for advice online, but it's all about dating in the workplace, or cheating in the workplace, or a couple starting a business... none of which we're doing. We've been together 7 years and we've worked hard to keep the relationship very strong, secure, and balanced. I'm aware of how we would have to act differently while in the office, and honestly, I don't know if it would be difficult or easy for us.

In any case, I'm not going to get my hopes up about the position there, and I'm going to continue looking for a job elsewhere. But any thoughts, ideas, or pieces of advice you guys have to offer would be great!!!

[phoenixblayze]

honestly it depends on your position. if you are in a managment position above him, then it may strain things. his other co works may give him a hard time because they think you will give him favortism. and if you are equals, you may get on each others nerves after a while because you work together and live together.....it really just depends on the dynamics of your relationship

[MelMullooly]

I dont think it's a good idea at all. I did work with my SO(ilike that) & it was a major conflict. I think that thats kinda alone time for the both of you. What will you guys have to talk about to if your together 24/7. It would be allright as a temp thing but not long term unless you guys arent long term. I'v been w joe for 11 yrs & let me tell U. If we didn't have our work time apart (at least) every day we would not have lasted!!!

[Imbrium]

Hmmmm...

There are definite problems that could arise from working with your SO. Still, perhaps if you are seriously considering the job, you and he can sit down together and make out a list of working behavior and standards that you can both agree to, something that would go along with your personality types. That way, if something does go wrong, you can both go to your agreement list and reconcile the problem that way, or rewrite it if necessary.

Just a thought...

[Geministar]

I believe each couple is different when it comes to this situation. I met my ex at my last work place and we were together for 5 years, but right after we began dating, he got a better job offer, so my situation was very different. I have also worked with quite a few couples, and sometimes they love it, and sometimes I hate it! It seems to depend on the couple. If you deside to do it short time it probobly wouldnt be a problem I wouldnt think.At the same time I do agree that I always valued my time away from anything pertaining to "home" life while at work, and a boyfriend definantly fell in that catagory! Just think about how its going to affect your relationship, the old pros and cons and weigh it out to see if its worth it. I hope you find your answer and good luck!:)

[Merewyn]

Technically, I'd be 'under' him. He's the sales manager, and the administrative assistant will be more of a secretary level thing, if not considered a seperate department. It's not that I don't think we couldn't get along, but for the most part, I want to respect his space.

As it is, we don't currently live together. I have my own apartment. He was upset earlier this year when I chose to get my own place instead of moving in with him. I wanted to experience being on my own two feet first. So, it's not like we won't have opportunities to get time by ourselves.

[Catiana]

We have several married couples working at my office, all of whom have been here for more than 10 years. It seems to work for them.

[MelMullooly]

in that case if the job pays well then yes take it. I was my man boss not a good scene. You two don't live together you'll still get alone time. So Yes I would take the job. You'll probably really only see each other on breaks and when going home.

[phoenixblayze]

yeah, not living together does change things a bit. it all comes down to what you think will work and what you are comfortable with, listen to your instincts

[starfire]

I met my husband at work, we both did the same job, sometimes we had cases where we worked together, and sometime we had different shifts. He was the more experienced and I always honored that. We were in the medical field and our focus was on the Patient at hand. I had no problem asking him for help, and he had no problem asking me.

As stated above, it really depends on your position, which sounds like it is different than his. It doesn't sound like there would be rivary between the two of you, and he has already stated that he wouldn't mind.

So I think you need to look at why you are hesitant, what is it that you are afraid of, and why. Then you can talk to each other and make that decision.

What working together did to for me, was give me and my hubby a common subject to talk about. When there are questions or conserns, we discuss them and bounce them off one another. If he talks about work, it is interesting to me, and fun to talk about the different cases or ideas of how to handle things. We can even vent about those others we are having trouble with.

The only negative thing was that I am very protective, and it is hard for me to sit back and watch if I think he is being mistreated, but I do, I know I have to. It is one thing to make suggestions, but I realize he needs to make the decision or statement if it really bothers him. I am that way with anyone I work with though, always looking out for the other guy.

Hope this helps.

[SSanf]

Some couples absolutely LOVE working together. For you, I don't think it is a good idea. You have so many reservations about it that I really think it is doomed before it is begun. Your own instincts tell you not to do it.

"If I wasn't as between a rock and a hard place as I am, I wouldn't even considering working where Josh is"

That is what you need to listen to.

[Merewyn]

My main reservation was that so often you hear 'bad' things when couples work together. That, and I want to respect Josh's space. But it's true that we'd still have our opportunity for personal space because we're not living together yet, and the job would have to be short term (I'd be there less than a year).

I guess all the things that I was concerned about won't really be a factor. I won't be above him, I won't be in a position to show favoritism, I won't be competing, and we'll both be doing our own thing. I wouldn't mind at all working at the same place with him, either.

Other benefit is convienence too. It's closer for me to drive to, that and we could carpool and save on gas (which would definitely help me) and he's always taking his car in for maintenance so needing a ride to work wouldn't be such a tricky thing anymore.

After listening to all of you, I feel A LOT better. Thank you so much! I'll keep you posted on what happens.

[Amethyst Rose]

I work for my husband....although I work from home, and he goes into his office. I'm the researcher/editor for his software company. If there's anything that needs doing....cleaning up a database, checking a page for writing errors, hunting down info, then he lets me know and I get it done in my spare time. I like working for him, personally....I like feeling useful beyond just cleaning house and looking after our son.

You're thinking, 'yeah but you don't work in the same building'. Thats true. But I could still handle it if we did. I just like being with him that much. :)

[Seren_]

At the end of the day the offer solves the immediate problem. You need money and flexible hours and you've got a solution pretty much handed to you. If it doesn't work out spacewise, then at least you'll have bought some time to find something more suitable for you both. You don't have to stay there. And in going from one job to another it will look better on your resume. Gaps in your work record can look bad, even if you have good reason.

[gemini_lass72]

My boyfriend and I worked at the same place. He is the one that helped me get hired. It worked fine for us. We worked at plant and didn't work the same line but still saw each other when I went to my breaks and lunch. I enjoyed it and I really looked forward to my breaks and lunch because I knew that I would be able to see and talk to him for a few minutes. We didn't officially live together at the time but I stayed at his house through the work week because he lived closer to work than I did and we could ride to and from work together. Another plus was, because he had worked there for so long he knew everyone and I had met a majority of the people that I worked with through him before I started work. So I didnt' have the stress of going into a new work situation without knowing anyone. So if you believe that you won't get on each other's nerves too much I would go for it. Especially since it is only going to be a temporary thing.

[Bix]

I was in a job with my boyfriend...and I really didn't like it. It's hard to go to work happy if both of you are on the same shift and had a fight before work. Also, coworkers gossiping about your relationship and spreading rumors got unbearable for me, especially since my SO did not get along with some of the other coworkers.

[smckim]

Three words...DON'T DO IT. Why? because I feel that you should have parts of your life that are not connected, 24/7 is not healthy.

[Ninjakitten]

My main reservation was that so often you hear 'bad' things when couples work together. That, and I want to respect Josh's space. But it's true that we'd still have our opportunity for personal space because we're not living together yet, and the job would have to be short term (I'd be there less than a year).

I guess all the things that I was concerned about won't really be a factor. I won't be above him, I won't be in a position to show favoritism, I won't be competing, and we'll both be doing our own thing. I wouldn't mind at all working at the same place with him, either.

Other benefit is convienence too. It's closer for me to drive to, that and we could carpool and save on gas (which would definitely help me) and he's always taking his car in for maintenance so needing a ride to work wouldn't be such a tricky thing anymore.

After listening to all of you, I feel A LOT better. Thank you so much! I'll keep you posted on what happens.

I was going to mention all this, but everyone beat me to it. Especially since it's going to be a short term thing, then it should be good, especially if you already have a strong relationship.

I've worked with SOs in the past, in both instances they were my fiancees (well, one isn't yet, and he got fired from the company we were working for and I kept working). Basically, if you two can come to an agreement that even though you have feelings for each other, that for the most part you are partners in the same company and having different roles than in your life partnership, you should be okay. When my SOs and I take this sort of stance, not only does our work go smoother, but our relationship gets an additional boost because we have one more excuse to work together to make something work well, even when it's in different departments. In your case, because of your worries, that will probably be a bonus if you decided to take the job.

One more observation I'd like to make, is just from what I've read, it sounds a little like your SO might be feeling like you're kind of stand offish towards him. I'm sure that if he were to develop the feelings of you being "on his turf" that he'd likely take the stance of "well, at least it's only until August". I'm a student and limited in my job options, too, and I've had to learn that beggars can't be choosers, and the only way students can survive is to beg in some form or another. Oh, and my present relationship happens to be going on 8 years next month and I've worked with my present man both in the martial arts class (where I was his superior, then he rapidly not only became my superior but the head of the class for a while), and in the workplace (he was asst. manager at one store, and I was acting as one in another, then he got fired). If you guys have the right relationship dynamics going, it will work just fine, and you two might just find out that working on things together (even indirectly together) might be a strengthening thing for your relationship, even/especially on the short term.

[~Elise~]

Rick and I work very well together. But, I will say that in the past with other relationships that has not been the case. So, I'd say give it a shot, if it doesn't work then you can start looking for another job again.

Who knows, it could be the best thing for you.

Elise

[Gracecat]

For ten years, mostly part time I've been my husband's "secretary" more or less. Above him is my father. It's a family business and so far has worked quite well. They are my employers and while neither of them are traditional bosses, they instruct me what needs to be done.

It's worked out fairly positive except for a few small hiccups. But with any relationship that lasts ten years, there are going to be some bad days.

To be honest, I love it. When home life gets stressful, the office is a neutral zone a great majority of the time. I spend more time with my husband and before their divorce both my parents. (Divorce was unrelated to work) I wouldn't trade sharing an office with them for anything.

[starfire]

Rick and I work very well together. But, I will say that in the past with other relationships that has not been the case. So, I'd say give it a shot, if it doesn't work then you can start looking for another job again.

Who knows, it could be the best thing for you.

Elise


Yes, you could give it a try, with both of you going into it with the idea if one or the other ends up having trouble with it, then you just look for another job somewhere else. No fighting about it, just realize hey we tried, no biggie.

At least it is something for the time being. You yourself may not even like it, but it is income and something to get you by until you can find something else. Kind of like a transitional job.

[Amethyst Rose]

Three words...DON'T DO IT. Why? because I feel that you should have parts of your life that are not connected, 24/7 is not healthy.

I suppose, in that case, my husband and I don't have a healthy relationship. :) He worked at home for a few months, so we were together 24/7....I almost cried when he had to go back to work in the city again, because I loved having him home all the time. I'm quite happy with being together all the time....we've been together for 8 years, so we must be doing something right. :)

[BeigeAllen]

We recently got the "official" unofficial announcement at work that we have roughly 30 days left until the store closes it's doors leaving me and my coworkers without a job. Not that I haven't seen this coming, I have been keeping my eyes and ears peeled for another job, but I've got quite a mess to consider. For one, I'm a full time student finishing up my studies so I'll need a flexible schedule for classes. I have to find position (part time or full) that will pay enough so that I can pay rent and other bills (the lease is up in August). But not many positions that pay well will most likely to be willing to hire someone that's going to be available only through August (I start full time student teaching, and won't be able to work.) The jobs that are flexible and will hire don't pay the money I need to keep the apartment.

This morning I went to Josh's work (my SO) to drop off his weekly 'Mocha and Muffin' breakfast (a tradition for Fridays). While there, his co-workers, all of whom I'm very familiar and comfortable with, were telling me that they had been talking about hiring someone for an administrative assistant position, and had heard from Josh a little about my plight.

At first I told them that I didn't know how I'd feel about being offered the position because Josh's work is Josh's turf, and I don't want to intrude on it. But Josh came over and put his hand on my shoulder saying essentially that not only would he not mind if I worked there, but he would like it. Again, I reiterated my point to him, but as the conversation went on, they really liked the idea of me coming to work with them - even just based on my experience (I have plenty of experience for the position they're offering.) They said that they wanted a resume', and that they would talk to the owner to see how he felt about the situation because of Josh and I's relationship, and of course, Josh and I need to have a sit down talk if this is seriously being considered. If I wasn't as between a rock and a hard place as I am, I wouldn't even considering working where Josh is - not that I wouldn't mind it - but I'm thinking of the relationship. I'd be stupid to think that it wouldn't change things even just a tick.

I've been looking for advice online, but it's all about dating in the workplace, or cheating in the workplace, or a couple starting a business... none of which we're doing. We've been together 7 years and we've worked hard to keep the relationship very strong, secure, and balanced. I'm aware of how we would have to act differently while in the office, and honestly, I don't know if it would be difficult or easy for us.

In any case, I'm not going to get my hopes up about the position there, and I'm going to continue looking for a job elsewhere. But any thoughts, ideas, or pieces of advice you guys have to offer would be great!!!

The key is just keeping work stuff at work and home stuff at home. Hubby and I have worked for the same companies on many occasions, sometimes with me working for him, sometimes him working for me, and sometimes both of us working as equals. Also schedule in a lot of separation time for both of you, the more you see each other at work the more you need breaks from each other away from work.

[Pesha]

I worked once in the same place my late hubby was working at. I was doing reveiws of medical records for an insurance company and he was there doing title searching for them I saw him 24/7 and it began to get on my nerves. I loved him, but I am the type of person who needs my own time alone doing something, even working. So it did not work for us. It was too much seeing each other. I do not know realy what your marital dynamic is, but I would only as a last resort ever work in the same place as my SO.

BB
DS.

[Driffinna]

If you are in the same department and are going to be interacting with each other a lot, for most people it would probably cause some problems (there are exceptions to this). If you are in two different departments, and the chance of seeing him while working is slim ( not including breaks and lunch) then I would say go for it. Opportunity has landed in your lap right when the situation calls for it.

[heathenwolf]

We dated for about 6 months, everything went fantastic and we got married , a lot of women at work were jealous of her ,but that soon passed. so i would say go for it.

[Merewyn]

This thread is quite dead and that is just fine... but I guess as a bookmark to myself at least:

It is now April 7th of 2006. I got the job. We have been working together since late December. Two weeks after I got the job, my apartment got broken into, and a month later, I moved in with him (we were already planning to make the move in August when the lease was up.)

We have been living AND working together for 3 full months, and it is going WONDERFULLY! So far there have been no quarrels. Living together is great and has caused no great kinks to speak of, and we seem to work very well together. We have been able to keep home and work seperate, and at the end of the day, we still ask each other, "So how was your day?"

And there it is. :)