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Vincent Verthaine
December 14th, 2005, 10:08 AM
We at the Church of Eris are dedicated to combatting the malicious lies and slurs that have been directed at our Goddess for millenium.
One of the Most Persitent is "How The Trojan War REALLY Started.

THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything.

Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.

Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.

As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband.The Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back and husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.

And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.

Do you believe that?



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* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metallic gold or Acapulco.

*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law of Fives.


A Church of Eris Exclusive
ERIS TELLS HER SIDE OF THE STORY
By Eris Kallisti Discordia,as dictated to Vincent S. Verthaine

"First off,I would to thank the Good Reverend Verthaine for the opportunity to finally set the record straight.
First of all,the reason I was not allowed at the wedding banquet was Not because I had a reputation as a trouble maker,it was because all the other Goddess' were jealous of me because I was always the life of the party,and all the other Gods lusted after me.
Yes I admit I was miffed at being snubbed,but I got over it real quickly. The whole "Golden Apple" thing was not about revenge,it was a wedding gift for Thetis(at a wedding,who is "the prettiest one" but the bride).Since I wasn't invited,I just rolled my gift in,hoping one of those morons would get the hint,and present it to the bride-to-be.
But NOOOOOO.Those cackling hens that call themselves Goddesses decided to fight amongst themselves for possession of the Apple.And yes,there were five goddess squabbling over the damn thing.The other two were Ceres (goddess of agriculture),and Nike(goddess of victory).
When Zeus gave Paris the task of choosing who the Apple is given to,he could of done the right thing and gave it to Thetis,but Noooooo.Those petty Goddesses used various forms of bribery,rather then just being adults for a change.(And for the record,Ceres offered Paris a lifetime supply of Cherrios,and since Athena already offered Paris victory in battle,Nike was forced to try to bribe Paris with a pair of sneakers.)
So you see,the whole Trojan War incident wasn't really my fault (but I sure took heat for it). But it just goes to show how powerful Chaos is.And lets face it,I'm THE PRETTIEST ONE!! Besides,that's my story,and I am sticking to it,so there. NYAH!!"

star_belfire
December 14th, 2005, 10:58 AM
Kewl, Thanks for the information but I have one question about Eris. Does she have a Roman name as well? I ask because i tend to favor the Roman panthion as opposed to greek, don't know why just always have.

Thank you again for the story I actually didn't know that was what happened. :D and now I'm in the mood for an apple :dinnertim

Kendrah
December 14th, 2005, 12:51 PM
Hahaha! That's good!

Vincent Verthaine
December 14th, 2005, 02:32 PM
Kewl, Thanks for the information but I have one question about Eris. Does she have a Roman name as well? I ask because i tend to favor the Roman panthion as opposed to greek, don't know why just always have.

Thank you again for the story I actually didn't know that was what happened. :D and now I'm in the mood for an apple :dinnertim

Discordia,but the Romans understood her even less then the greeks.It wasn't until the advent of quantum physics and modern chaos theory that we really began to understand the true signifigence of Eris.Kerry Thornley/Greg Hill are credited with creating the first true neo-pagan religion(they were the first ones who used that term.). Since there was no active Eris worship in ancient Greece(they considered chaos a bad thing),we discordians aren't burdened by what the"ancients believed.We are free to discover Eris anew each day.Discordianism owes more too quantum physics and taoism then ancient Hellenic paganism.

HetHert
December 14th, 2005, 05:15 PM
So have you changed any random safety signs recently? *smirk*

What was the last random act of discordianism you've practiced?

Thanks for the Eris update! Hail Eris in all her discordia!

HetHert

ShadowcatX
December 14th, 2005, 06:05 PM
LOL that was good.

Vincent Verthaine
December 14th, 2005, 07:45 PM
So have you changed any random safety signs recently? *smirk*
No I haven't.A good jake should teach,not hurt.Changing safety signs would be stupid.Thats just vandalism.Stupidity does not equal discordianism


What was the last random act of discordianism you've practiced?
I'm sorry ,but you're not cleared by the D.I.A.(Discordian intelligence Agency) for that information.

hail Eris!!!

Nitefalle
December 15th, 2005, 03:06 AM
And don't forget the ketchup!

Bix
December 15th, 2005, 03:59 PM
That made me giggle.