forgiveness

[adazakura]

how hard is it for you to forgive those that have hurt you?
its not a case of good vs evil or right or wrong
as a witch i understand shades of grey and i can forgive most things but theres someone in my life that i love dearly but i dont know if i can forgive for actions in the past..
so how easy do u find it to forgive?

does it differ depending on how much contact u have with that person? if theyre friends or family?
and do u think ur faith in the craft helps u to forgive?

xx

[pooja]

for me its real hard to forgive. its like i dont wanna let go off the pain, guess coz its familliar to me & in a sense, comforting.

i agree with time healing the pain though. and even longer, with any luck one might just get rid of the anger as well.

[LadyTrinity]

Yes for me, for example, my ex and his fiancee of 1 year tried to take my son away from my custody and then when my ex lost, his fiancee said at least my son has 4 parents who love him and I thought what the heck? How can ANYONE who tries to take a child away from a WONDERFUL mother be a good parent?.. they AREN'T _tsk_ I will NEVER ever forgive them! They better not even try to talk to me unless its an emergency. Lord help those kinds of people. :2G:

[Kalika]

I can forgive something once. Never forget.

But you do me wrong twice, I'm out.

:(

[smckim]

Unfortunately I have to agree, that even if you can forgive the heart never forgets. And how does that saying go? well I'll clean it up a bit... Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me! I don't believe in the three strikes, all it takes is two! Also, I feel that once trust is betrayed, things can never be the same again, no matter how much you say you forgive once the trust is gone it's only a matter of time until the relationship is gone also.

[Ninjakitten]

I can forgive if I see redemption and remorse from the perpetrator. How they attempt to redeem themselves (honest effort required) tells me they really regret what they did and that they are a new person from it (well, unless they are stupid enough to do it again). I'm kind of easy that way. It might be different if I was omnipotent and could read the remorse in someones heart for something they did to me. I've run into the need to be forgiving something recently, and the person was willing to risk their life on something to prove their remorse. I didn't ask for it, but the fact that he was willing to do what he did for me was enough for me to forgive him.

[SilverMaiden]

It depends on the amount and severity of damage I or those close to me took and the other's intentions as to whether I will forgive or not. For the most part I can and will forgive if the person is trully sorry and addresses the damage they have done. There are a few things that I can not and will not forgive.

[zede]

it all depends on what the act is some things are not forgivable , but i guess if someone is truly sorry and as been a real friend to me if i believe they are sorry i can get over almost any thing

[Akeyla]

I'll forgive the moment after it all happens. I didn't forgive my brother for the longest time about something (I seriously can't remember what it was) and then I had a chance to and I didn't take it, He died the next day.

Suffice it to say, it was a slap in the face about how quickly life can change and it IS too short to worry about what happened yesterday. I learn from my mistakes as I do the mistakes that others make towards me. I forgive them because I understand that they are different then me, and perhaps they saw the situation differently as well. Which they are entitled to do.

I also learned to forgive myself and that is even harder to do. I find that I am less forgiving when someone does something to hurt my children. I get pretty defensive and a little grippy about it, but over all, I try to forgive and just let the past be in the past. There isn't anything I can do to change it, I can only change how I react to it.

Worrying about it and gnawing at it like an old bone will only make me bitter and resentful and I don't like those feelings. So I get over it and get on with my life. I look forward, rarely backwards, unless I am looking to check to see if I've made this mistake before, lol.

That's just me though.

[Catiana]

Somethings I can forgive easily, somethings I can't forgive at all, it all depends on the situation.

[Pesha]

I can forgive and have many times. But I find it hard to forget the wrongdoing. And I know deep down that is not good.

BB
DS.

[Infinite Grey]

I'm generally too lazy to hold a grudge, I forgive people on a whim. And I forget just as easily.

On the other hand, if you constantly draw my negative attention, then I develop a vendetta and make you life a living hell when ever I can... but then again, on whim I may forget the whole thing

[Philosophia]

It really depends on the situation. Somethings I may forgive if its something small, i.e. somebody being late, forgetting a book, etc.. However I find it more difficult to firgive somebody who has emotionally hurt me or my family deeply.

[Kalika]

I think the saying goes...

"Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me."

:)

So you were right on.

Like others have said... it depends on the slight. But... like the above saying, you don't get to do it twice.

[WitchJezebel]

I think the saying goes...

"Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me."

:)

So you were right on.

Like others have said... it depends on the slight. But... like the above saying, you don't get to do it twice.


Same for me.

When I was in my 20's I could hold a grudge for a long time; now that years have passed I think it's healthier for me to just cut ties (of course, depending on the severity). I don't have the time or patience for bullcrap and I only have a small handful of friends because I got rid of the ones who have no conscience and think that betraying you often and apologizing for it later fixes everything... it doesn't. I'm so much happier without the cattiness and nonsense.

Family is a harder thing though; I've had some serious issues with family members and I held a grudge for so many years that my life was consumed by it. After many years of counseling and confrontations I've resolved these issues within myself. I've reconciled with my family and while the relationships aren't 'perfect', I don't feel the anger and stress anymore, I have a better understanding of myself and them and I feel gobs better than I did before.

[Gwyndara]

I had to really think about this.
I guess forgiveness for me comes in different levels.
Depending on how terrible the act against me was.
For example, My younger sybling stealing money from me, makes me angry, but I can forgive it. Or when I get called a "bitch" when my younger sybling is angry I can forgive easily enough. Anything said in anger is instantly forgiven.
But then thier are bigger offencse such as Rape, and abuse. Thoes things are very hard to forgive, and I still struggle with it.
My faith helps me heal when I feel wronged, and it helps me to forgive, but sometimes its really dificult.

[Happy Shrew]

Experience has taught me that you grow more from forgiveness than from vengeance. I try to forgive as often as possible, and for the most part I'm able to do it quickly and without much difficulty. In harder cases or when there's a repeat offender, I just distance myself from him/her. I guess i'm lucky that my family's never done anything flagrantly awful - can't change who you're related to.

[Vincent Verthaine]

We discordians aren't burdened with the "3-Fold Law" or the Laws of Karma(we discordians don't believe in Laws).If someone harms us,Eris allows us to commit "Jakes"(practical jokes designed to teach the target a lesson) in retaliation.Eris allows us to chuck the Golden Apple of Discord at the heads of those who mess with us.I personally keep a supply of "Golden Nukes"( I have no problem with leaving a fifty foot smoking crater
with a sign at the bottom that reads"This is what remains of the Last Moron that messed with Me") handy.The only thing Eris does not forgive in commiting a jake is killing(the mark can't learn anything if they're dead) and getting caught.


Hail Eris!!!

[Avalonia]

I don't find it so hard to forgive others. I can forgive and forget others' wrongdoing fairly easily, if it is something that is forgiveable.

I can't forgive myself for anything. And that's my worse problem.

[LacyRoze]

I can forgive sometimes very easily, sometimes not. I've come to a point in my life where I've realized that life is just too short to carry around anger, bitterness and grudges. I'm not hurting the offender by carrying these feelings around, I'm hurting myself and my time is too valuable to waste on these feelings. Having said that,,, if someone hurts me repeatedly I now distance myself from them. I'm a doormat for no one. I also distance myself from people who are full of nothing but negativity. I've had to do this recently with a family member. I love her dearly but I cannot deal with constant negativity. I won't allow her to bring me down with her....

[phoenixblayze]

forgivness is something that is very difficult for me to do, i have a tendency to hold on to past hurts and not let go. if you break my trust i may be able to be nice to you in person, but i cannot forgive you.....i guess that is something that i need to work on

[LadyCelt]

I don't know if i truly "forgive" this person, but at least I no longer "hate" someone who did a lot of wrong to me and caused me a lot of pain. I oculd say i 100 percent forgive them, but there are certain things its hard to do that with. But, at least i don't hate them, that took a lot of work.

[WitchJezebel]

I don't know if i truly "forgive" this person, but at least I no longer "hate" someone who did a lot of wrong to me and caused me a lot of pain. I oculd say i 100 percent forgive them, but there are certain things its hard to do that with. But, at least i don't hate them, that took a lot of work.

Absolutely!! I feel that way about certain people and issues as well and it's so much healthier than hating someone. Sometimes we have to resolve to not hate because it's just too damned stressful and we can't put that much energy into it.

[LostSheep]

^ Forgiveness is a very good thing if you can do it, but sadly I don't think I can. Not for a long time anyway. I think you're right, the best thing you can do soemtimes is walk away ... I'm still learning to do that ... it ain't easy either but hey, like you said, it just takes too much energy holding a grudge all the time.

[SageofThyme]

I can sorta forgive -but also move on from that person

I personally don't think forgivemess is about putting up with that person in your life -its about stopping the hating and the bitterness but not leaving yourself open to more hurt

Most of the people I have forgiven do not regret their actions and would still do the same again.
So although I bare them no grudge its not good for me to be around them

[Fairy Disturbed]

as i was reading through this i agreed with a lot of people, sometimes i can forgive and sometimes not, and it does depend on the severity of the incident.

then i started thinking, what if the person who did you wrong never apologizes? do you still forgive them, or not?

and another person said something about not forgiving someone and them dying soon after, and i sat and thought about that, but in the situation that i've been going through right now, i forgave the first incident my parents put me through, but after the second that just happened a few weeks ago, i decided for me to be happy and strong with myself, i can no longer be a part of this family. and if one of my parents died i wouldn't have regretted my decision. i would be more sorry that my parents ignorance in life is what pushed their daughter away, and instead of just accepting me for who i am.

[farm girl]

I am a fairly understanding and forgiving person once I have the time to rationalize the situation. I am far from perfect. I need forgiveness. To forgive, is to be forgiven.

I may forgive, but I never forget.

[Happy Shrew]

then i started thinking, what if the person who did you wrong never apologizes? do you still forgive them, or not?

Yep. Two reasons:

1. To apologize is to express remorse for an act. Sometimes a person can feel bad about the consequences, but not about what they did. And I'm not the kind of person to force someone to feel bad about a behavior. Either they will or they won't.
2. My attempts to be mature aren't going to be dictated by someone else. That defeats the entire purpose of my philosophy on the matter.
So yeah, if the person's a punk who refuses to apologize, that has no bearing on my desire to trascend my anger.

[ShadowcatX]

I'm generally pretty forgiving. I have a hard time staying mad, and if I am going to stay mad I have a hard time remembering why (the one nice thing 'bout having a bad memory). But some things I won't forgive.