Can't control my empathy!

[tears_of_ashes]

Guys I really need help. I've ignored it now for years thinking that it would go away, but it hasn't. I'm not some kind of freak or anything but when I walk through the city I keep getting everyone elses emotions running through me. I've never spoke this openly about my so-called gift. I can't take it! I can see into people's pasts and its affecting my life at college too. I know people say there's a way to shut it off! I really need to know how. Friends try to test me by saying "What have I done in the past?" I can answer them by focusing on them......but I never can focus on them, I get their past, their parent's past, their next-door neighbour's past, their pet's past and the person on the street's past at once and I can't filter it out. I'm becoming psychically and physically exhausted! Please I am desperate to seek an answer. I truly thought it would go away and it's so hard for me to ask for advice, but I think the time has come not to seek advice, and I thought the only people I could trust with blurting out my problems with would be you guys. Thank you so much if you can help.

[~*Ginger*~]

:hugz:

Wish I could tell you it will go away, but honestly I don't think it will...

Not sure that i know of a way to control it.
Maybe do some studing of the subject.

the only times i can think of personally is when I'd just block it out, by going into my own little private world. And I don't know how to tell you to do that, since it's just something that comes to me naturally, and thankful i am for it.

Best of Luck!

[tears_of_ashes]

Cheers for the advice Ginger :)

[smckim]

Oh boy that sounds horrible!! it must be like having 20 T.V. stations on at once!! I'm sorry I can't tell you how to stop it, all I can do is send you some calming energy, and hope it helps you some. :hugz:

[tears_of_ashes]

Does anyone else go through the same things?
Can anyone give me guides to filtering out stuff?
I can't meditate because I'm tooooooo worked up over this.

[morningstar2651]

This sounds like a cross between ADHD, post-cognition, and empathy.

"Shutdown happens when you focus all conscious thought toward the physical world. Become involved with other people, being social and discussing fun things. Do physical activity; walk around, stretch, jog, or do anything else that makes you more aware of your physical body. Let thoughts of the psychic experiences float away like a dream and stop worrying about them. If you like games, programming, writing, art, etc., do that. Do anything you can think of to keep yourself occupied, without memories of psychic experiences distracting you from it.

When you are ready to use psychic abilities again, start opening your perceptions as you would when you first practice any psychic ability. You can do this at any time, whenever you are comfortable and ready."
http://www.psipog.net/activepsy/book2.html#_Toc472931484

If all else fails, you may want to consider seeing a doctor about this.

[Lunacie]

I have both ADD and empathy and I find that taking part in a drumming circle once or twice a week is helping me to deal with both these issues. It's a more physical way of melding with a group consciousness while still keeping my own space - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I highly recommend finding a group or starting one. Ours began in one of our city parks on Saturday afternoons through the spring and summer months. Eventually it split into two groups and one moved to a coffee house in old town, the other was invited to use a room in a local dance studio and we put money into the 'pot' each time we attend to help defray heating costs.

morningstar, I've never heard of 'post-cognition', and a web search turned up only info on gaming and sci-fi. Can you tell me more about this sense and/or share a link with info on it?

[J Santos]

tears_of_ashes,

Over the years, I have been able to develop a series of blocks or mental filters that allow me to essentially turn "off" or slow the intake of others emotions via my empathy. I put off in quotes because its never really gone (just highly abated), and, actually, there does seem to be a sort of empty feeling whenever I turn it "off." While this can be taught (I have taught one other person), it can also be fairly dangerous. I managed to essentially block my own emotions from the world and myself for a while which led to a prolonged period of isolation and depression. Because of that risk, it needs to be done very carefully and deliberately. If you do want to learn a little more, PM me and we can chat via there.

[morningstar2651]

morningstar, I've never heard of 'post-cognition', and a web search turned up only info on gaming and sci-fi. Can you tell me more about this sense and/or share a link with info on it?No problem.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postcognition

(Not to be confused with postdiction (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postdiction), which should be avoided at all costs)

[Lunacie]

No problem.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postcognition

(Not to be confused with postdiction (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postdiction), which should be avoided at all costs)

Ah, thanks. I had never heard retro-cognition called post-cognition. I have done this on a conscious level, but hadn't thought about it happening on a sub-conscious, empathic level. Interesting.

[skilly-nilly]

I do not want to be hateful, but the first thing that occurs to me when I read a post from someone who seems to have suddenly 'aquired' empathy or suddenly 'gotten into difficulties' with empathic reception is, "Are you 15??!!??"

Since you don't have an age in your profile, you may be 15. Now I'm not saying that all 15yr-olds are silly, but many new-Magic-users (many of whom are 15ish) do silly things in the first flush of self-acceptance and many 15yr-olds (some of whom may be new-Magic-users) do silly things in an effort to formulate an adult persona unique and comfortable to them.
Soooooooooo, some 15yr-olds (or people in similar circumstances or stages of self-identity) are silly/silly; which adds up to a lot of silly, imo.

This, of course, may not apply to you at all (as well as not applying to the people reading this). But it sounds like you have unwittingly dropped your shields. Pick them back up again. Now, if possible.

I am an empath myself, and my son is not only an empath but also very good at that post-cognative thing (thanks for the pointer). In my opinion, empaths are born with the ability--it's like musical aptitude or good colour sense. If you couldn't learn to block, you would burn out in childhood so (still my opinion) all empaths over about 6 have shielding and blocking techniques in hand. Largely unconscious, I think, and often expressed as 'likes' and 'dislikes'.

There are 2 things you can do:

On one hand, you can avoid your triggers. For example, I won't go into malls at Giftmass-time (anger levels are explosively high) nor will I go to singles bars at any time. Ask your friends to quit pushing you, and if they won't get different friends. Go happy places.

On the other hand, think back to when your empathy was less intrusive--you had blocks and shields then. Figure out how you did it, and do it again but consciously this time.

On the gripping hand, don't view empathy as a party trick or a means of attention-seeking; view it as a skill that you have to learn to use or you will be used by it.

[Lunacie]

tears_of_ashes,

Over the years, I have been able to develop a series of blocks or mental filters that allow me to essentially turn "off" or slow the intake of others emotions via my empathy. I put off in quotes because its never really gone (just highly abated), and, actually, there does seem to be a sort of empty feeling whenever I turn it "off." While this can be taught (I have taught one other person), it can also be fairly dangerous. I managed to essentially block my own emotions from the world and myself for a while which led to a prolonged period of isolation and depression. Because of that risk, it needs to be done very carefully and deliberately. If you do want to learn a little more, PM me and we can chat via there.

At one time I so desperately wanted/needed a safe space that I created a shield that shut out every emotion, both good and bad, both from coming in or going out. This gave me the space I needed and I learned a lot from doing it, but lonely seems to be such an inadequate word to describe how I ended up feeling. My then-husband felt very shut-out and like he was living with a stranger. Of course, he was the one I needed to disconnect from, but it took me so long to feel in control of my own emotions and open up to him again that he had turned to someone else for that missing closeness. It is indeed a two-edged sword.

[J Santos]

We carry many of our emotions as reflections of past events. I'd say its entangling with empathy can be equated to "reading between the lines" of a piece of literature...

[aislin_ryann]

I am an empath, pre-cog, and I have some abilities of post-cog. I have found the best thing for me and for my husband who is also an empath, is a visual exercise of sorts. Meditation helps also. But try to visualize that you are building walls in your mind. However strong you want them, build them that way. Put in windows or not. Like building a house. Make it so that it will keep out what you want, but let in what you want too. The final thing is the door. I visualize a large steel door that only I can open. It is equiped with a large peak hole/mail slot thing. I can open that and let a little bit in at a time, or I can open up my door. My mind house is like a stone fortrace. I don't let anything in unless I want it in. I have windows that I open sometimes too. My husband has a "doggie door" for things that are meant to come in. While you meditate, you can open your door or close it. And it only takes a short amount of time for meditation if you have opened your door previously and you want it shut now. Just visualize you are getting up from a chair and you go and shut the door/window and vise versa if you want it open. It takes only a few moments.

This is just what I do and it may not work for other people. :)

[J Santos]

At one time I so desperately wanted/needed a safe space that I created a shield that shut out every emotion, both good and bad, both from coming in or going out. This gave me the space I needed and I learned a lot from doing it, but lonely seems to be such an inadequate word to describe how I ended up feeling. My then-husband felt very shut-out and like he was living with a stranger. Of course, he was the one I needed to disconnect from, but it took me so long to feel in control of my own emotions and open up to him again that he had turned to someone else for that missing closeness. It is indeed a two-edged sword.


Mine lasted 8 years....

Maybe if I'm ever famous enough for anyone to care about you can read about it in my autobiography :hahugh:

[Eryck]

Tears of Ashes,

I sympathize with you, as I went through the same battle when my awareness/empathic system became fully "on" as a teen. Now, as a 40-year old adult, I wouldn't change what I have-or went through-for anything. As you explore this facet of yourself, it will become more and more familiar and comfortable. In time, you will be as used to it as you are with anything else you do that is routine. Try and remember that this is a gift to be celebrated-and not something to fear or run away from.

There are many sources of exercises to refine and control the ability, and I encourage you to seek them out. In its raw form, empathy can be extremely disorienting. But under the right control, it can be a poweful tool for your life-and the lives of those around you that may benefit from your gifts.

Try and remember that what you have is indeed a special gift that not everyone is privy to. At the same time, being empathic does not make one "better than". Only different. Every person has strengths and weaknesses. But you have been given the responsibility to develop this as part of your destiny. Above all-do not be afraid of it, and we are all here to lend guidence. _wiz_

[BrigidMoon]

:hugz:

Wish I could tell you it will go away, but honestly I don't think it will...

Not sure that i know of a way to control it.
Maybe do some studing of the subject.

the only times i can think of personally is when I'd just block it out, by going into my own little private world. And I don't know how to tell you to do that, since it's just something that comes to me naturally, and thankful i am for it.

Best of Luck!


I do what Ginger does. Kind of sheild or use blocks. Sometimes humming the alphabet song will help get it out of my head too.

[Seren_]

Shield shield shield.

Visualise your aura around you. Concentrate on it. Breathe deeply and slowly until you feel calm. Then slowly begin to draw your aura in, visualising it shrink wrapping around you until it's very tight against you, like your aura is really clingfilm or something. Then visualise your aura having a hard shell, mirrored on the outside so that everything sent your way is reflected back out into the world; nothing can touch you. It's very handy when you can't avoid situations that will trigger something off.

[Mirrored Wolf]

I'm a little curious as well, I'm an empath, I'm fairly sure of that anyway. I "see" peoples feelings.. like, inside my head, and whatever they're feeling overpowers anything I might be feeling... its really troublesome sometimes, seeing as I'm still in school, every day is extremely overwhelming. School and being out in crowded areas, I go to alot of concerts with my friends, are the most confusing, overwhelming and hectic(sp?) places I can go... I Would really love to hear someones input on this.. _inabox_ I've tried sheilding.... though it didn't really work... I don't quite understand the theory behind it..

[morningstar2651]

Empathy is a normal function of the human brain. It occurs in the prefrontal cortex. (Source (http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/mitpress/jcn/2003/00000015/00000003/art00002?token=003e16f47a122368263c7b6f7e2a46762c4766217d666a257b3a5b46424f29))

Neuroscientists searching for roots of empathy find brain regions involved in learning by imitation (http://www.washington.edu/newsroom/news/2002archive/01-02archive/k012202.html)

The Functional Architecture of Human Empathy (http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:u2mkWpsXFPoJ:www.unites.uqam.ca/cnc/psy7123/JacksonDecetyEmpathy.pdf+The+functional+architecture+of+human+empathy&hl=en&client=firefox-a)

Shared representations between self and other: a social cognitive neuroscience view (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=14643368&dopt=Abstract).

[Pesha]

Wow. Alot to read through so I can answer. I am an empath, animal empath and pre-cog as well as post cog sometimes. More pre=cog. Over time as I grew into my gifts, I learned different ways to sheild and block out what I did not want to deal with. This takes time and patience. Do not panic. Panicking can really mess you up.

Do not give in to requests to tell about the past. you are a human being with your own set of feelings and needs. Take care of you first. If you don't, how can you be there for others. Just politely tell people you are not a walking party trick.

Relax. meditation is very good. Learn about the power of crystals and stones and how they can help you feel calmer and stronger. Read, get information. and by all means please come here to us and let us help you to grow into your gifts. Remember you have been given something wonderful. So embrace it, learn to use it and it will all stand you in good stead. Alrighty Ducks. Now go get a nice cuppa and breath, just breath.

BB
DS.

(Brit in America here).

[SilverMaiden]

Guys I really need help. I've ignored it now for years thinking that it would go away, but it hasn't. I'm not some kind of freak or anything but when I walk through the city I keep getting everyone elses emotions running through me. I've never spoke this openly about my so-called gift. I can't take it! I can see into people's pasts and its affecting my life at college too. I know people say there's a way to shut it off! I really need to know how. Friends try to test me by saying "What have I done in the past?" I can answer them by focusing on them......but I never can focus on them, I get their past, their parent's past, their next-door neighbour's past, their pet's past and the person on the street's past at once and I can't filter it out. I'm becoming psychically and physically exhausted! Please I am desperate to seek an answer. I truly thought it would go away and it's so hard for me to ask for advice, but I think the time has come not to seek advice, and I thought the only people I could trust with blurting out my problems with would be you guys. Thank you so much if you can help.

Rather than looking to "shut it off" or hoping it goes away, focus on ignoring it or tuning it out, until you want to pay attention to it. Not all information you get needs to be acted on, paid attention to, fixed nor explained.

Ignoring things and tuning things out is something everyone does. You probably do it without paying much attention to it, especially with being in college. Walking to class you hear all kinds of people talking, yet you tune the conversations out unless it's interesting. The prof is boring, you tune him/her out. You walk into stores and don't even pay much attention to the music. You tune out traffic, cars starting, birds chattering, crickets chirping. It's a type of shielding and filtering most everyone does. You can extend that to your gift.

I'd ask your friends to stop "testing" you, until you're more comfortable with knowing when you want to pay attention to the information and when you don't want to.

As Dragonsinger said, the more you know about your gift, the more you know about calming yourself the more comfortable you'll be.

[AlAskendir]

Guys I really need help. I've ignored it now for years thinking that it would go away, but it hasn't. I'm not some kind of freak or anything but when I walk through the city I keep getting everyone elses emotions running through me. I've never spoke this openly about my so-called gift. I can't take it! I can see into people's pasts and its affecting my life at college too. I know people say there's a way to shut it off! I really need to know how. Friends try to test me by saying "What have I done in the past?" I can answer them by focusing on them......but I never can focus on them, I get their past, their parent's past, their next-door neighbour's past, their pet's past and the person on the street's past at once and I can't filter it out. I'm becoming psychically and physically exhausted! Please I am desperate to seek an answer. I truly thought it would go away and it's so hard for me to ask for advice, but I think the time has come not to seek advice, and I thought the only people I could trust with blurting out my problems with would be you guys. Thank you so much if you can help.

Number 1 = get a lot of dark clothes and wear them, in multiple layers, rayon, nylon, and polyesters are best;

Number 2 = get some salt and carry it around with you, and when you get deluged, hold some to your face and head;

Number 3 = if you live away from a coast, get a trivet, a saucepan, some salt, some rubbing alcohol, a fire source, and a space safe to have a fire in for a while (outside is good, if inside make sure smoke alarms etc are off and the area is well-ventilated), put the salt and the rubbing alcohol into the saucepan, put the saucepan on the trivet, on the ground or floor (well away from flamable things) and light it...when the flames turn greenish and start to hiss, you should notice a massive lessening in the emotions you are perceiving...your own psychic energies will be a bit low, but it sounds like you're on continual overload and need to make 'emotion-free space' on a regular basis in order to be able to learn to meditate and create your own shields...

[cloudspanther]

I agree with all the advice above about shielding. But I picture a volume control. I turn it down when I can not deal with outside or more at the time and up when I am trying to help someone.

For shielding the first thing I suggest is learning to ground yourself, once you have grounded than you can make your shields. They can be anything you picture easily. From a bubble, to an egg, to a sword in your hand that you draw a circle around yourself. Just picture yourself inside the object and that it is there to protect you. Set each shield with a specific desire in mind. This one is to filter anger, this one despair, this one hatred, this one etc. I than tie them to my grounding and release them. But I always picture the volume control because if you totally shut yourself in and them out, you will disconnect yourself and appear emotionless to others. It takes time to find the balance that works.

I wish you well on your path of learning,

lady bless,
clouds

[tears_of_ashes]

Tears of Ashes,

I sympathize with you, as I went through the same battle when my awareness/empathic system became fully "on" as a teen. Now, as a 40-year old adult, I wouldn't change what I have-or went through-for anything. As you explore this facet of yourself, it will become more and more familiar and comfortable. In time, you will be as used to it as you are with anything else you do that is routine. Try and remember that this is a gift to be celebrated-and not something to fear or run away from.

There are many sources of exercises to refine and control the ability, and I encourage you to seek them out. In its raw form, empathy can be extremely disorienting. But under the right control, it can be a poweful tool for your life-and the lives of those around you that may benefit from your gifts.

Try and remember that what you have is indeed a special gift that not everyone is privy to. At the same time, being empathic does not make one "better than". Only different. Every person has strengths and weaknesses. But you have been given the responsibility to develop this as part of your destiny. Above all-do not be afraid of it, and we are all here to lend guidence. _wiz_

Thank you

[Rin Daemoko]

In Buddhism there are two very important sides to the path - compassion and wisdom. It's not enough to just have compassion, because that would be foolish. You would feel bad for everyone all the time, and would over-exhaust yourself emotionally, physically, and financially trying to help everyone else out of their suffering.

So the development of clear-seeing, or wisdom is emphasized as well. It's not enough to have the drive to put forth the effort to help others - you must have the skills and the insight to do it properly. Otherwise, you waste energy, and you end up making things worse for everyone.

For this reason, there is a popular kind of meditation that everyone from Buddhists in monasteries to non-Buddhists in Pagan and Christian circles engage in. It's called vipassana-shamatha (insight-tranquility), and is actually two forms of meditation that are meant to be used in conjunction with each other.

I would highly recommend you seek to work on your wisdom, on your insight. Don't wait for age to bring it to you. Go and seek it out. Otherwise you will drown in the sorrow of others before you develop the skill to help them.