Wedding Proposal ... do you/did you ask permission?

[Tzhebee]

I've been thinking a lot lately about weddings. More specifically, trying to cope with my own fear of getting married. I know it is something important to my SO, and we've been together over 7 years. It may sound silly, but I don't have a fear of commitment...I have a fear of getting married. :lol: But, I think I've finally come to grips with my fear and found a way around it (maybe...this is all just theory). Anyhow all this thinking has really made me think. :rolleyes: :lol: I start thinking about "traditions" that I really like...and then wonder how to incorporate them of if it is even something I should consider.

The main tradition I wonder about is the one where SO would ask my dad permission to ask me to marry him. On one hand, I find that very sweet and would just love it...but on the other, my feminist side comes out and starts doing the neck swirl and fingers snaps thinking "since when is it up to a MAN if I can get married or not?" :lol: For those of you married or engaged....did you/your SO ask permission from the father or any other family member first? Would you have liked them to?

Oops...forgot this part.

I have two dads. I am equally as close to both of them...and can't stand to be around them equally (given my mood at the time). So...which one should be asked? Both?

[Moonlite Faery]

I know my hubby didnt ask permission from my folks. But it wasnt that big of a deal if he did or not, I think both sets of parents knew anyway and they were thrilled :)

[farm girl]

My husband did not ask permission before asking me.

[LacyRoze]

Hubby asked me first, then he asked my fathers' permission. He did it out of respect for me and my father, knowing how close we were. He also promised my father he would take care of me and always treat me with love and respect and never even think of striking me. It touched my heart in ways I can't describe...

[Rainmoon_mist]

Mine did. He asked my father one day when they went out golfing together. I think it was more of a male bonding thing between the two of them. My husband was nervous and very excited. My father appreciated being included on such an important decision. It felt traditional, sentimental, and I think raised the respect notch up for my dad- that my husband cared enough to ask what he thought.

[WokeUpDead]

Mine did. He asked my father one day when they went out golfing together. I think it was more of a male bonding thing between the two of them. My husband was nervous and very excited. My father appreciated being included on such an important decision. It felt traditional, sentimental, and I think raised the respect notch up for my dad- that my husband cared enough to ask what he thought.
If that's all it is then it's fine I guess. It seems like a stupid outdated tradition to me. From what I've heard a lot of guys ask the future in law after they already proposed. If I had a daughter and the guy asked me I'd probably say no just to see what he does. I'd be worried about any guy who does ask permission though. It would seem to be a sign that he's way too traditional. Like one guy I know who actually thinks he'll find a wife that will stay home with the kids and they'll live in a house on the beach. Even if he did find a woman like that there's almost no way he could afford a $10 million house. Ok. Rant's over. :rant:

[Happy Shrew]

From a hypothetical standpoint, I think it'd be cute, but I'd rather that he asked BOTH of my parents. Then again, their answer would be obvious so it doesn't matter from a practical standpoint.

My dad just wants to help me plan anyway (yes, he's odd) so any sense of involvement would come about regardless.

[Arion]

why don't you ask his parents if you can marry their son? why is it only the female who gets treated like property?

[Rainmoon_mist]

WokeUpDead- It worked for us and I found it wonderful. I think if any well-meaning man who loved your daughter came to you in earnest and with trepidation to ask a question that was very important to both himself and his future wife (your daughter) that you would put your needs to 'say no and see what he does' aside- for risk of alienating him and your daughter as some sort of experiment on your part.

I do not find it 'stupid' nor 'outdated' but rather a personal decision between a loving couple and would hope that you respect other's choices.
RANT OVER. :-D

[xat]

For those of you married or engaged....did you/your SO ask permission from the father or any other family member first? Would you have liked them to?
I proposed to my fiancé, and I didn't ask permission from any of his parents or other relatives. I wouldn't want my significant other to ask permission from my family. It's not of their business, until I make it their business.

[Scarlettvixen]

nope
i didnt have anyone walk me down the aisle either
nor did i promise to obey (thats a family tradition too - mum refused to obey in the 1950s when she married dad lol)

[MysticWitch]

I think its a cute idea for both the girl and the guy to talk to each other parents about it, but I dont think that is necessary. Adults shouldnt have to ask permission on weither or not its okay to marry.

[Happy Shrew]

why don't you ask his parents if you can marry their son? why is it only the female who gets treated like property?

Certainly nothing wrong with your first idea, but to assume that the practice implies the person is property is a bit simplistic.

When I first brought my boyfriend home to meet my parents, I wanted their honest opinion about him. If they didn't like him, that alone wouldn't be a reason to break up with him, but it'd be something I'd think about once they told me WHY they thought that way. I was once in a relationship with a guy who everyone hated, and who really was an ass despite my denial, so I seek input now.

For me, the proposal tradition is similar. It's not so much saying "Hey, can I cart off your kid and have babies with him/her?" It's more of a "Hey, I want to spend my life with your kid. Seeing as how you know him/her so well, what do you think?"

It's similar to statements made by some people who entered into arranged marriages. Their logic is that their parents know them best, having known them their whole lives, so they would know who would make a good match. That doesn't always happen, but it's a perspective we as Americans often forget.

[DreamSpell333]

my husband did not ask my parents permission to marry me. He did know that my parents liked him very much though,and once we told them we were engaged they were thrilled!. :)

[Astara Seague]

It took me a long time to marry after my divorce.. near 20 years, I was really scared to get married again and be committed:lol:
My currant husband did ask my Father if he could marry me, he is a bit old fashioned and he saw it as respectful, I didnt have a problem with it even if my Dad said no it wouldnt have stopped us anyway!!!:)

[RunningRiot]

When I got unoffically married, my SO and me asked my adoptive father for permission, but that was after we already got "engaged". lol

[Kalika]

My hubby didn't ask... and I don't think I would have wanted him to. I'm not close to my dad anymore, and I really don't care much for my stepfather... so... no.

Besides, we eloped. :) That would've ruined the suprise. :lol:

[DixieWitch]

My hubby did talk to my dad. But I don't know if it was more a think he did of his own accord or because my dad is old fashion like that and he expected him to ask him. And he basically told my hubby that if he hurt me, he'd kill him!! LOL Both my sister's ex-husband and current husband also asked.

[Darkwater Stone]

When my fiance proposed to me, he wanted to ask my dad first, but I told him not too. I mean, when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter what my dad or anyone else thinks. I am perfectly capable of making the decision to marry whomever I want. It's a decision that's gonna last with me for the rest of my life.
I don't need my family's permission to give my heart to whomever I want to.
(besides, my relationship with my fiance has lasted longer than my parents did, lol)

[Tzhebee]

Teehee...I get to answer my own question now! :D

Apparantly, my fiance (I get the giggles just saying that! :hehehehe: ) asked both my dads! He called my dad back east who gave him a resounding "Heck yes!" and asked my dad here in person who gave him a colorful "It's about ****ing time!" (which was a MUCH better response than the one he gave my sister's fiance). :lol:

I think it was great that he asked, and especially touching that he also called my father back east. I don't need their permission, but family is important to me...and by asking my fathers, he showed that family is important to him and that my feelings are important to him as well. (insert big sloppy hugs and other mushy stuff here) :heartthro

[kal]

i am not married yet but when the time comes i will
its the gentlemanly thing to do