Domestic Divisions

[Marcasite]

From random observation and reading what people write in these forums I've noticed that most women end up doing the majority of the housecleaning/parenting stuff. I can certainly understand that if hubby works and mom stays at home, but if both partners are working, shouldn't there be an equal distribution of labour? I have lived with my fiance for almost two years now. I am a full time university student and he works full time, but I'm expected to do all the cleaning. I got really frustrated with this, because full time studies easily take up 40 hours a week if not more. Plus, I'm going to have to get a part time job in the new year because our bills are all behind. So now neither of us clean and it's so depressing living in a dump not being able to find anything. How does the division of labour split up in your house?
oh and there is no 'other' option (sorry, didn't make enough thingies) so if you are an "other" just describe your situation :P

[Shanti]

Its each individuals choice to take on what ever he/she is willing to be responsible for. We can only do what we, ourselves, can and want too. Our partner has the same choice and we can not make the choice for them.
So we live, except, and do our best with what we have or move on and start over!

ok..my life. i am the cleaner, fulltime homeschooler plus i have other endeavors in the works plus i am disabled. My SO works full time.
He is not the clean type. He is comfortable if his dirty cloths are scattered about the house, and stuff like that.

i am a clean freak. i always lack time to keep the house the way i like.
i can force him to be cleaner...nope!! fighting would only pursue.
i can beg and plea...nope, i will expect him to change and that wont happen. Then i will feel hurt, unloved, all created out of my expectations that i placed on another. He is comfy his way and i know this.

So i do what i can with the house, and accept the things i can not change. i live in a house less clean than i like but i cant see allowing my likes distrupt the love in my family. So screw my opinion, live and love and be happy.
Heck what gets done or not done doesnt define the hearts within the mess. :)

My choice, be happy cause that is more important than the dishes left all over the living room!! :)

Besides, with going with the flow, he sometimes just does stuff, like some of dishes or laundry on the weekend, without any pushing.

And you know what, when he does something like some dishes, or picks up his dirty cloths, i know he is doing it because he wants to, for me, and it was his choice of heart, not choice by my pushing.
So i really appreceate his rare occasions of house help!
He is really saying, i love you.


Now differant circumstances create differant re-actions. So this is just how my corner of life is here.

Here, in my world, the one complaining needs to do whatever to make the complaining go away or accept things as they are. The one not complaining has no prob so why would they do anything differant?

Now if my sloppy SO complained about the house..it would be his prob and he could eiither clean more or shut up and accept!
I am the one complaining and since i cant keep up with all the messes, all the time, i chose to not complain, accept and do what i can.

For me and my family, it all works. :)

[Dragonsheart]

When my wife and I got together,(she already had 3 kids 12, 3,2, from previous husband), We both worked full time and went to school full time. we shared chores. Now we've been married over 20 years, When things needed to be done one of us just done. So tell him to get of his butt.

[Ceres]

All I can say is if you are unhappy with the state of your home, no matter hwo does the chores or who you THINK should do the chores.... go to flylady.net Its amazing.

[Scarlettvixen]

initially we had issues
but i pointed out that i was working full time and studying part time, he was working part time... so how fair was that
its sporadic and some weeks i have to say come on lets go do the housework and jolly him into it but it gets done (generally)

[leonora]

it is my job to say at home and keep he house clean and tidy ad care for the kids while he goes to work.

[Happy Shrew]

Some guys tend to assume that the woman's going to do all of the cleaning simply because that's how it's done. It's not even necessarily something that occurs to them consciously. Nothing wrong with a gentle "no, that's not how it works" - at worst, he'll shrug it off and at best he'll have an epiphany and pitch in.

My guy and I don't live together, but he has a tendency to wait on me. I always throw a happy fit when he does (partially because I think it's so cool and partially because positive reinforcement is important). We usually do cleaning together when the situation calls for it. One of us will wash dishes, the other will dry, and we gab the whole time. Really helps pass the time!

[Kalika]

I voted that we both work and both share duties evenly.

We both work full time, and I go to school full time as well. DH takes care of our son in the evenings while I work on homework... he also cooks dinner. He does his own laundry, and I do the rest of the majority of the cleaning.

[DreamSpell333]

I stay at home, and do a majority of the cleaning. Although we live with my mil, so she helps out too.My husband takes out the trash,and i do most everything else.Take care of my daughter, do the laundry, keep the kithen clean, vacuum,pick up, etc. I do ask that my husband help me keep our bedroom clean,since he messes it up. Being pregnant, I dont always have tons of energy to do it all,so he normally helps out on his days off.

[frigga]

I stay at home and usually do most of the cleaning. But having a few kids I also put them to work!:tongueout Hubby helps out when ever he can and does it with pleasure!

[DragonsChest]

I voted Both of us work and we share the duties evenly. Although, it's not always even, and when it's not, it's usually me who does more. But this is not set in stone.

On the whole, I am mostly content with how it works, and when I'm not, I say so. _tsk_

[Tanya]

Because our daughter is quite young, and i felt strongly about it, I have pretty much insisted on working part time. The price is i also pick up most of the housework. (vacumn, bathrooms, kitchen fllors and dusting) Each kid in the family also has assigned tasks as does my husband. He cooks half the nights, does about half the laundry and 'fixes stuff" the older kid does dishes cleans the car and takes out trash and the little one sets the table and feeds the animals.... its pretty fair as long as everyone does their work. In 4 years when hubby retires and i go full time, he will do the bulk of the housework and i will probably cook a little and do some laundry.