Being insecure sucks

[DixieWitch]

I know I'm being really stupid about this, but something has made me feel really insecure. Yesterday, I found out that one of my husband's long-lost ex-girlfriends/fiancee opened a MySpace account specifically to "find an old friend". And the old friend is my husband. They were engaged to married when they were like 18/19 but broke up because she cheated on him with a guy she later married and is now divorced from. She's now back in their old home town. As I said, I being really stupid and overracting, but this has made me feel really insecure all of a sudden. And I'm not sure why other than to blame my raging hormones. I trust my husband fully...it's other women I don't trust. Especially not old girlfriends who are recently divorced looking specifically for an old boyfriend who happens to be my husband. I really love my husband...I only love my children more than him. And we have an awesome, close marriage. We've been married for a little over 5 years now and together as a couple for almost 7. But this is really rubbing me the wrong way. And honestly, I know of no other way to react other than insecurely. I feel like a teenager who's found their first true love and is worried that the next best thing is going to come along and take him from me, even though I know it's not going to happen. And it's really, really, really stupid of me to react this way. But I can't help it. I haven't felt this way in years....I thought this feeling had actually left me. But apparently not. Jealousy has reared it's big, green ugly head. And normally, I'm not like this. Could it be my pregnant hormones driving me to be so stupid? Gawd this sucks. I hate feeling this way and not being able to control it!!

Okay I will stop now. I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading this far. Try not to criticize my stupidity too much!!

[farm girl]

Oh, (HUGS) honey. Sometimes, as women, we can sometimes be each other's worst enemies. I don't understand the women who prey on taken men.

[LostSheep]

Insecurity ... yeah, i know what that's like ... But it sounds like you've got a strong relationship, a lot to hold it together ... most importantly, it sounds like you can trust him. You can't under rate that. She may be fishing, but it sounds like she's the one who's got the security issues, trying desperately to hold on to the past.

...heh, I know about that.

it sounds like you're the one who's got the strength behind you here, whatever you might think ... i know trust sometimes isn't easy, but it sounds like you've got something strong here that no one else is going to be able to break up easily.

Maybe a :cheers: might make you feel better?

[Dio]

I understand how you are feeling. But just remember, this other woman is nothing more than a part of your husband's past. It is not very often that people try to re-kindle something that is long dead that didn't work out in the first place. He's with *you* now. Trust him. If it would help, talk to him about how you are feeling, but not in an accusatory way. Just express how you are feeling. Let him know how much you love him and tell him how bad you would feel if he were to even choose someone over you. Get it off your chest. Perhaps talking about it will relieve some of your insecurities. You are much better than this other woman anyway. You are commited, devoted, and you would never cheat on your husband like she did to him. Unfortunately you can't really do anything to control what this other woman tries to do. But you can give yourself comfort in knowing that your husband doesn't want her, he wants you. He's *with* you. And honestly, she may just be curious about how he is and not necessarily looking to start a fling with him again. Perhaps when she finds out he's married, she will back off anyway.

Try not to worry too much.

[DixieWitch]

Insecurity ... yeah, i know what that's like ... But it sounds like you've got a strong relationship, a lot to hold it together ... most importantly, it sounds like you can trust him. You can't under rate that. She may be fishing, but it sounds like she's the one who's got the security issues, trying desperately to hold on to the past.

...heh, I know about that.

it sounds like you're the one who's got the strength behind you here, whatever you might think ... i know trust sometimes isn't easy, but it sounds like you've got something strong here that no one else is going to be able to break up easily.

Maybe a :cheers: might make you feel better?

heh only if the :cheers: is non-alcoholic!!!

[DixieWitch]

Thanks for all the replies thus far. I have talked to him about it and he turned the tables on me. Bringing up when I talked to old boyfriends. But I've never been engaged to any one other than him. And I haven't talked to any of my old boyfriends in 3-5 years or more. And she has tried to get him back in the past, liek within the first 6 months to a year we were together. And she was married at the time!!! As I said, I feel really stupid about all this. But jsut talking about it like this is helping me feel better!!

[Earthy]

I can sympathise with your insecurity totally :hugz:
Unfortunately some women do have the mindset that any man is fair game, regardless of whether they are married or not.
You sound like you have a strong marriage, and it didn't work last time she tried it, and i'm sure your relationship is even stronger now :hugz:

[kal]

your not stupid your just reacting the way anyone would in that situation
he may have been engaged to her but he,s with you now
you may not believe it but there is still some good guys left
who take a commitment serious

[NiftyWings]

I know it's easy to jump to conclusions given this woman's history, but keep in mind that *this time* she might just want to see how he's doing and say hello.

I'm assuming he hasn't already spoken to her yet.....If your husband chooses to respond to her attempts to contact, he should make it clear at the beginning that he's very happy in a committed relationship, and if she tries to disrupt his family in any way, he'll immediately cut off all contact with her.

This way, you know she won't have the opportunity to cause any problems if that's what she's intending.

[Karissma]

I can totally relate. I am the same way. *hugs* I hope you start to feel better about it hun.

[DixieWitch]

I know it's easy to jump to conclusions given this woman's history, but keep in mind that *this time* she might just want to see how he's doing and say hello.

I'm assuming he hasn't already spoken to her yet.....If your husband chooses to respond to her attempts to contact, he should make it clear at the beginning that he's very happy in a committed relationship, and if she tries to disrupt his family in any way, he'll immediately cut off all contact with her.

This way, you know she won't have the opportunity to cause any problems if that's what she's intending.
That may be the case. But from what I know of this girl from the past, I would be very surprised if she only wants to say "hello". And he's already contacted her....just a short email to say hey and that he would email her again later when he had time. He sent it at 1 am this morning and had to be up at 7 am for work. I will definitly tell him he needs to let her know that though. He will probably say I'm just over reacting and to stop being so insecure though.

[Philosophia]

Don't worry about it, hun! :hugz: You aren't overreacting but you are letting her get to you. Don't let her do that. Show her that you are stronger than that and don't give her the power of influencing you're relationship.
Do you believe you're relationship is secure and strong? Instead of focussing your energy on her, look at yourself and find out why you're insecure about this.
If its jealousy, why? I hope that this doesn't sound off, but do you really love yourself? If you are secure in yourself, then you would be secure in your relationship and this woman wouldn't be any problem.
Has there been any issues with your husband and women in your relationship?

[serenarian]

I can relate to how you feel, sometimes I feel jealous inside when my SO meets up with old schoolfriends, including the girls he used to have crushes on. I get through it by remembering that he's with me, and has been for two years, so there must be something there otherwise he would be with them and not me. :D