I can't breathe

[Cassiopeia]

I am not putting this in the energy request part of the forum because I really need to talk about this.

Four years ago I left the LDS Church and started on a path that many would consider Pagan. I was a good Mormon. I did everything just the way they say you are supposed to. Only I was constantly living in fear and wearing myself out to a frazzle.

I have been alot happier since I left..and now it seems I can't even abide Christianity either. I still hold Jesus and his teachings in the highest regard but I can't buy the bible completely. In fact very little of it speaks to me as truth.

I have retained my belief in a God and Goddess ...or Heavenly Father and Mother as the LDS refer to them. I believe in so many things. I just don't know how to let go of Christianity because I don't know where to place my faith. But I can't go on pretending everything still makes sense to me in that religion.

I am not even afraid of "coming out" as being a Mormon got me disowned in the first place. I am only afraid that I have nowhere to turn now.

[Philosophia]

I've never been Christian but I'll try to answer.
Maybe you're at a point in your life where you need to move on, step away from the boundaries of Christianity and the many traditions, and walk towards the path you are destined to have. Sometimes the chains that link us to our past can drag us down if we allow them to. Learn what you need to, but let the rest go. Your faith is your own. Maybe you don't need to place a "label" on it, but simply know that it is yours alone.
If you still want to embrace Jesus and God, do so. But you don't have to take the bible literally.
Remember; the bible was created by man, not God. IMHO, the bible has elements that are wise and things that aren't but that is up to you to decide.
Even though Mystic Wicks is an internet community, you can still turn here. I know we will welcome you with open hearts and minds.

[Chesna]

Being a former Xtian.. I think I know what you are feeling. You have believed in one way for so long.. but now that you have questioned it and have decided that you can't fully believe in it.. you don't know what you believe. Plus its hard to shed those old thoughts and ideals and try on new ones. What worked for me was reading lots of information, questioning what did I really truly believe and find my own path. Thats why I like eclectic Wicca.. find what works for you.. keep reading and searching..you will find the path that feels right.

Chesna

[Tulip Tree]

I am not even afraid of "coming out" as being a Mormon got me disowned in the first place. I am only afraid that I have nowhere to turn now.Do you fear you have nowhere to turn physically or spiritually? It is difficult both ways. You may miss being able to walk into a certain building for a Saturday or Sunday gathering and get that sense of comfort that you used to, as much as you might miss being able to believe that your prayers were being answered by a particular diety whose rules and laws you felt you knew.

There are no easy answers. It might comfort you to learn more about religion in general. I was just browsing through Pliny's A Natural History. He did some historical writing and compilations of 'known' facts in pre-Christian Rome. Pliny was a "stoic", I don't know if that's the real term. He believed that there was a single Godhead of the natural world but not necessarily one who interacted with us in a patriarchal or maternal way. He thought that all these people walking around wearing jewelry and eating / abstaining from foods, messing with magic and offerings were fools. He felt that in inventing multiple gods who squabbled and fueded, were forever young or forever old we were just creating and worshiping reflections of ourselves. I think he felt the gods were fine as metaphors but it would take a fool to believe in them.

He didn't believe in the pantheon in a literal sense, yet he lived and thrived in the Roman world. Many so-called Christians in history were really agnostics. Many of us were raised to define ourselves by our religion, but religion can never be the whole of who you are. Your religion should be defined by who you are, and if there is such a thing as a single sentient god, or a duality as you've come to believe, I think that's what "it" or "they" would really want.

Maybe the best thing you can do right now with your life is find out what Cassiopeia really believes and values and let your deities enjoy watching you come into your own as an individual.

[Xentor]

Please find your fellow member named Gwyndara. She's been with the latter-day saint mormons as well.

[LostSheep]

I know how you feel, Casiopeia, about Christianity anyway ... I feel the same way about the Bible and about Jesus, i admire Jesus but can't respect the Christian church or believe the Bible 100% ... I've found that paganism makes sense to me and I think I'm gradually coming to accept that it's not totally incompatible to believe in both Jesus and the God and Goddess. maybe the Christian Witchcraft section in the Paths forum on here might be able to provide something that you might find helpful? i don't know if there's anything specifically concerning the LDS, but you might find soemthing useful there.

[ObsessedFae86]

I can relate to you LostSheep..I always felt off with Christianity..The Bible wasn't 100% right to me..And I couldn't let go of wanting a feminine deity in my life..someone who could view things as I went through them. So I turned to Paganism..And to be completely honest, it wasn't just like ditching my old faith and running to Wicca..It was gradual and took time..and it was hard but eventually everything fell into place. Give it time.

[starfire]

As a priest once told me, questioning things is the way to your own growth. I am Catholic, but don't believe everything that particular religion says, and I don't follow it to the T so to speak either. I think it is OK to search out things and find what speaks to you the most. I have friends that are Mormon, and others that switched from Mormon to Paganism... I sometimes thing it is having something to believe in that makes a difference, kind of like a place to go when there is no other... In the mean time, take what does talk to you and leave the rest. I love learning about various religions, because that is how I grow as a person. They are all paths that we follow. I also believe the type of person you are is very important as well.

So go with what is working for you, keep your heart and mind open and I feel you will find what you are looking for...maybe not today, but in time...

[Cassiopeia]

Thank you so very much for your thoughtful responses. I have been practicing some native american spirituality and a bit of shamanism. It was something that just came naturally to me.

After I posted this last night I took a shower and did some meditating and grounding and shielding and I realize alot of what I am going through is a grieving process and the fears that were instilled in me during my very actively christian days are still there to haunt me ...so I banished them and I am feeling alot better.

I didn't realize I could banish them until another forum member told me how to. I will be reading alot of the meditations and things on this site...

I just was panicking last night as I was finally letting it all go.

Again thank you for your advice and support.

Casi