Baby defect

[DreamSpell333]

I just came from the doctors and they think that my baby has anencehpaly, which is a neural defect of the cpehalic part of the brain.(called anencephaly) I have to go for another SUPER high tech ultrasound to make sure 100% that, thats what it is. They are pretty sure,but want to be positive. So either way if it is what they say, my baby is going to DIE :( I am soo upset. WHY? we found out it's a girl,and was soo excited about having her,and now i dont know what to do . I feel like my heart has been shattered into tiny peices. If you all could just send us energy i would appreciate it. I want then to be 100% WRONG, but it's not looking that way.. They said it was nothing i did, i've done everything right. Eaten right, exercised, taken good care of myself,taken my vitamins. My mother in law had stents put in, in december and she feels mamybe she should have dies and the baby would have lived :( but it's not her fault and we wouldnt want that to happen. I just cant stop crying

[Tzhebee]

OMG...sweety. I'm so sorry! I just don't have the words...omg. :hugz:

[kal]

:hugz:hope everything works out:hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks :) :hugz: They said if we were to get pregnant again,it's very slim that this would happen again, but it's going to make me worry more. I think im going to need some time to recover from this blow,before even considering having another. I've called most of the family to let them know,and will decide what im going to do once we have the ultrasound.

[HetHert]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: I won't give up hope until they tell you their positive. And I'll call upon Hathor the Goddess of Mothers and children to be with you. May she fold her arms around you and the baby in protective nurturing embrace. May her power and support guide you through. :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[Athena-Nadine]

Oh, no. I'm so sorry. :hugz: I'll be praying for you all. I hope they're wrong.

[treefae]

energy to all of you.Blessings

[Ceres]

Wow Dreamspell, what an awful time for you! I am with HetHert, we should not give up - u/s CAN be wrong. We as a community are behind you no matter what happens.

[Lunacie]

Energies for you and the baby. And hugs too :hugz:

[Shanti]

~hugs~ and good thougths for all of you.

[KaidaMidnight]

:hugz: oh hun, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Doctors have been known to be wrong. Lets pray this is one of those times.

Acat, I call on you to protect this blessed child. Tawaret, please protect both mother and child during their time of need.

If you need anything (a shoulder to cry on, someone to yell at.. anything) let me know. :hugz:

[WitchOfEndor]

Oh I am so sorry sweetie, I'll be praying with all I got that the doctors are wrong & that all will be well with you & the baby.

Blessings & supportive hugs.

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks all. thats what im hoping too that their wrong, and i hope if they are,it shows in this next ultrasound. It's the best i can do rght now,till we know for sure. It's not doing me any good right now to get all upset,b ut i am prepared for what ever they tell us. I just dont know how i would deal with it if it's true. either they take the baby or i deliver it,but im not sure i can hadle seeing her that way. We are planning on naming her and cremating though. I dont want her forgotten. **keeping our fingers crossed for a miracle**

I just really feel alone right now,since i dont have any friends here, but i'll be ok. I've been hugging Hannah very tight tonight. she was a gift from the gods and goddesses (concieved on yule). She's my baby girl and i love her very much.

[starfire]

Well fingers are crossed. If it is true, then I guess they will talk to you about the pros and cons of each. Mine had a heart defect and died at 2 months. This is almost as bad. I will say i did get pregnant right away. My Dad wasn't happy about it, the first one i had toxemia, and then that, and then I went ahead and had another one...sooooo glad I did....

Hugs to you, hubby, and little sister. (and if I remember right, grandma too)

[RubyRose]

I'm so very sorry Dreamspell333, I wouldn't wish this kind of thing on anybody.
:hugz:

[Gracecat]

Honey, do they have any other reasons to believe this is the case? The reason I ask is that this particular defect apparently shows up in a blood test called AFP. It screens (does not diagnose) certain genetic markers that indicate you could or could not be carrying a child with certain birth defects, among these two are Downs Syndrome and Spina Bifida.

I was hit with similar news concerning Downs a few weeks ago. It was a false positive test as the AFP is extremely unreliable unless you have nailed *all* data correctly. A poorly estimated due date (even by a matter of days) can and often does give the wrong reading. They ran the first test incorrectly by two weeks off despite my having telling them it was impossible I was as far alogn as they said I was. The doc ran it again based on hers and our estimated due date and it came back on the nose perfect.

*hugs* Whatever you do and wherever the next few days takes you, I'll be thinking about you and sending strong healing energy.

[Willow Rosette]

Oh how heart breaking. Im so sorry you are going through this. Im lighting a candel and praying for a miracle for you. :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Honey, do they have any other reasons to believe this is the case? The reason I ask is that this particular defect apparently shows up in a blood test called AFP. It screens (does not diagnose) certain genetic markers that indicate you could or could not be carrying a child with certain birth defects, among these two are Downs Syndrome and Spina Bifida.

I was hit with similar news concerning Downs a few weeks ago. It was a false positive test as the AFP is extremely unreliable unless you have nailed *all* data correctly. A poorly estimated due date (even by a matter of days) can and often does give the wrong reading. They ran the first test incorrectly by two weeks off despite my having telling them it was impossible I was as far alogn as they said I was. The doc ran it again based on hers and our estimated due date and it came back on the nose perfect.

*hugs* Whatever you do and wherever the next few days takes you, I'll be thinking about you and sending strong healing energy.


I dont believe they did the afp test. They just determined this from my Ultrasound...

[Gracecat]

*hugs* I was hoping they just ran a blood test incorrectly :(

It breaks my heart.

[Athena-Nadine]

I dont believe they did the afp test. They just determined this from my Ultrasound...

Please, don't let them make a decision on the life of your daughter based only on an ultrasound. Ultrasounds aren't nearly as accurate as many people think. Unless they perform more comprehensive genetic tests and can make a definitive diagnosis based on more than the way sound waves bounce off the baby, I wouldn't be so quick to believe them. Is there any possible way you can see a perinatologist (I'm not sure if you already are)? Either way, I'd get at least a second opinion, as you're only a few weeks from your daughter being able to survive outside the womb with medical intervention.

:hugz:

[MGD]

Always get a second opinion when it's serious. Get a 3rd too.

I'm sorry to hear you're in the spot that you're in. I'm going to be a father soon so I kind of understand (kind of). Good luck.

[KaidaMidnight]

I'm not too familiar with this condition.. is it something they can test for with an Amniocentesis? I know that when they had to test both my boys for Meckel's syndrome (which I may carry, as my sister died from it so both my parents carry it) I had to have an amniocentesis. And they test for everything that way. Maybe that could help you know for sure. Just a thought. :hugz:

[Amber Wynd]

Always get a second opinion when it's serious. Get a 3rd too.

I'm sorry to hear you're in the spot that you're in. I'm going to be a father soon so I kind of understand (kind of). Good luck.
This is such a good idea. It's always best to have a second and third opinion about something so important. In any case, my heart goes out to you and I'll send you lots of positive thoughts. I lost a baby, so I kind of understand what you're going through. If you need to talk, please feel free to pm me.

[Jenne]

You poor thing...yes, good thoughts and prayers for you...and do get that 2d opinion.

:hugz:

[eldora_avalon]

I am so very sorry you have to go through this. This is a very major defect, it seems like it would show up clearly on a regular ultrasound. I am hoping they are wrong and it was just a smudgy picture. I also had an abnormal AFP test and so did a friend of mine. I recommend not getting the blood test, just get an ultrasound. The test is not very reliable, which I didn't learn until later. They though my son might have Down's, so I had to decide if I wanted to rely on the ultrasound, which I did, which was normal. :hugz: Here's hoping the same for you.

[Faery-Wings]

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))

You got some fabulous advice from Gracecat, Athena and everyone.
I would also agree with an amnio in addition to the u/s.

Something very similar happened to my best friend. She found a support group to be very helpful - MIDS, I think the name was. I hope none of this is necessary and will be thinking of you.

[ValD]

Oh Dreamspell - you have my heartfelt sympathy.
I had a pregnancy decades ago, where my baby had anencephaly. So I know something about the condition.
It one of a group of defects known as Neural Tube defects; spina bifida is at the least extreme end of the scale, and anencephaly is at the other end. It's a whole or partial lack of neural tissue, I'm afraid. Don't blame yourself for it - it's something that develops in the first three or four weeks of pregnancy, so it's not due to anything you've done.
I haven't kept up with medical progress on this, so I'm not sure if it would be confirmed with a blood test or amniocentisis these days. But it would almost certainly show up on an ultrasound reading in the 2nd/3rd trimester; it produces an unmistakable swelling of the poor baby's head as well as abnormalities in some other organs.
You don't say how far along you are, so it's just possible that it's a mistake in the scan - let's hope so.
In the meantime, you and your little daughter are in my prayers. :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Please, don't let them make a decision on the life of your daughter based only on an ultrasound. Ultrasounds aren't nearly as accurate as many people think. Unless they perform more comprehensive genetic tests and can make a definitive diagnosis based on more than the way sound waves bounce off the baby, I wouldn't be so quick to believe them. Is there any possible way you can see a perinatologist (I'm not sure if you already are)? Either way, I'd get at least a second opinion, as you're only a few weeks from your daughter being able to survive outside the womb with medical intervention.

:hugz:

My doctor is planning on doing the triple screening test,and we also would like a second opinion. My doctor is wondeful, but we dont want to risk anything. We need itin writing and see a test thats atleast 99-100% sure that this is what the baby has. I also found a support group for this disease and emailed the organization.

I didnt sleep at all. Im just so worried. :( But at the same time trying to stay positive. It just breaks my heart that this may be happening and the baby is still kicking inside of me and it just breaks my heart,that she may never know life.

[DreamSpell333]

What makes this even worse for me,is that before i got pregnant, i had dreamt that we had a baby that was severely retarded. So this diagnosis is really scaring me... Then i dreamt after that the baby was healthy and i was holding her but i dont know if that dream will come to be but i surely hope so. **praying for a miracle**

[frigga]

oh gosh girl, I'm so sorry! If you pm me the town you live in, I'll send you some good ol' reiki soothing, healing energy. My heart is with you!

[MoonLyte]

Oh sweetie, i'm so sorry :hugz:
sending good energies your way, i hope the news will be good :hugz:

[Thunder]

My heart aches with and for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[aislin_ryann]

Oh honey, that is terrible. I am sending healing and comforting energies your way. I pray that everything is well with your baby. :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks All :) I called my doctor and left a message. I asked them if they could schedule everything asap,because im not handling this well... I need to know whether i need to be preparing a service for her. I still cant stop crying:wah2: :raining:

[Athena-Nadine]

Thanks All :) I called my doctor and left a message. I asked them if they could schedule everything asap,because im not handling this well... I need to know whether i need to be preparing a service for her. I still cant stop crying:wah2: :raining:

_pounce_ I know you will do all you can to be sure.

I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now. I lost two pregnancies no later than 6 weeks, so I can't fathom what this must be like for you. I am praying for you all, harder than I have in a good while.

I'm here if you need anything.

[Kalika]

:hugz:

[Kalika]

I'm so sorry sweetie. I went and looked up some information on the defect, and I can't imagine how scared you must be right now.

I agree with what others have said - get a 2nd opinion, and don't give up hope.

Hopefully your doctor can get you in very soon, and you can make whatever decisions need to be made at that time.

:huddle:

[DreamSpell333]

_pounce_ I know you will do all you can to be sure.

I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now. I lost two pregnancies no later than 6 weeks, so I can't fathom what this must be like for you. I am praying for you all, harder than I have in a good while.

I'm here if you need anything.

thank you! :hugz:

[Silvertongue]

This is terrible!! I'm so sorry that this is happening. I hope this is just a bad mistake and that they are wrong. I will be thinking about you two.
:hugz: :hugz:

[Raven Reed]

:hugz: What a horrible thing to go through. I am so sorry!

[Brenda]

I'm so sorry sweetheart :hugz: sending positive energy :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks all :) They want me to go to the hospital Today for bloodwork and then schedule the ultrasound. Im waiting for them to call me back...

[Lunacie]

Holding a good thought for the testing, sending calming soothing energies to help you get through the day.

[DreamSpell333]

Only ultrasound is going to be done..They decided im too far along for the bloodwork(triple screening test).. I go monday at 1:30. I will keep you all posted, and thanks again.

[Lunacie]

Oh crap, that's going to be a long weekend for you. Sending more energies for something nice to happen to distract you from worrying and keep your energies hopeful and positive.

[MysticWitch]

I am lost for words. This is so sad :wah: I will send energies in hopes that they are totally wrong and you end up giving birth to a healthy girl :hugz:

[Seren_]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope the ultrasound brings good news for you. You'll be in my prayers. :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks :) it's very tough. My doctor prescribed ambien for me,so i can sleep. I am going to ask the pharmacist,if it's safe with pregnancy. Im not taking any chances, incase their wrong... But i need something to help me sleep. I cant fall asleep without thinking of it, or i fall asleep and dream about her. I do need my rest though..My husband finially cried alittle, he's just keeping it bottled up,unlike me.. I've probably cried myself a small lake by now..:( I will keep all of you posted. :hugz:

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Hang in there hon. We're here for you no matter what.

[AlleyCat]

I know this is hard, there is no question about it, and there is not a lot anyone can really say to make you feel better about this, all I can say is don't give up hope and you don't have to be alone in this it is your hubbies bubby too and Im sure that many huggles and cuddles shared between the both of you and any friends and family around can help support you and give you the love and encouragement you need right now, take care of yourself you and your little girl are in my thoughts and prayers *biggest hugs*

You have the whole of MW by your side hun, don't forget it :)

[Gracecat]

Edit to add: I just realized I'm being awful pushy with some information I'm giving. I apologize if it offends anyone or it's out of place. My normal stress/grief/trauma mode is one of the most organized and focused modes I possess. I honestly don't want to cause anymore pain to Dreamspell. But if it helps, here's my opinion and what I found online.

Honey, if he's a good doctor he won't prescribe anything that's not safe right now. It's against medical ethics to intentionally give you anything that would endanger your fetus, regardless speculation. However certain things may be prescribed where it's determined any remote defects are outweighed by current conditions.

http://www.drugs.com/ambien.html mentions that it's an FDA category B. I'd feel comfortable with that. That's the best rating you'll get for most anything when pregnant as nothing is guaranteed. I wish I could find the chart with typical medicine a pregnant woman may find herself using. It charts everything from A to Z and gives their rating. You'll be able to compare what you can take with things that must come with an OB ok. I believe tylenol was a Cat B as well.

This isn't the easy to read chart, but I found something that you may want to review. http://www.fpnotebook.com/OB137.htm and if you click on J Neuro-Psychiatric Meds that'll bring you to where Ambien is listed in addition to similar medications and you may see where it falls.

Normally I don't pass out advice against doc's orders. As always check with your physician. But I have complained of not sleeping soundly and was told OTC benedryl will be acceptable.

*hugs* still praying and sending good thoughts your way.

[eldora_avalon]

Only ultrasound is going to be done..They decided im too far along for the bloodwork(triple screening test).. I go monday at 1:30. I will keep you all posted, and thanks again.
That's OK, that's the screening test that I was talking about that is so inaccurate anyway. If you are too far along for that, they should get a good picture with the fancy schmancy ultrasound. There are no words, but know I am thinking of you this weekend.

[Ceres]

Dreamspell, I think your situation is on everyone's mind. Rest assured, though it wont change the situation, there are a lot of people here who care about you and your baby.

[Faery-Wings]

Monday? oh how awful to wait.

I am sending tons of comforting thoughts to you. I have no words other than I am here for you too.

[Kalika]

Have you contacted any other doctors to get a second opinion, or to see if anyone can get you in sooner?

[atropa]

Thanks :) it's very tough. My doctor prescribed ambien for me,so i can sleep. I am going to ask the pharmacist,if it's safe with pregnancy. Im not taking any chances, incase their wrong... But i need something to help me sleep. I cant fall asleep without thinking of it, or i fall asleep and dream about her. I do need my rest though..My husband finially cried alittle, he's just keeping it bottled up,unlike me.. I've probably cried myself a small lake by now..:( I will keep all of you posted. :hugz:

They gave me Ambien when I was pregnant a couple of times, they said it was fine. I'm so sorry you're going through this, Dreamspell. I will be sending energy and love to you guys. Sorry you have to wait so long for the next u/s too.

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks everyone. Im trying my best to be strong, but i do get teary eyed and blue every now and then. The ambien helped me last night. I didnt have any trouble sleeping, although i did dream that the baby came out normal. I know thats on my mind,and what im hoping for. What im thankful for is that my husband is home all day with me and when he leaves for work, my mother in law is home from her job within 30 minutes,so im really never alone. Hannah has tried making me laugh several times,and suceeded quite a few :) I told her we may have to say goodbye to the baby and she cried,but then later on forgot all about it when she was talking to my belly. Im not going to push it with her,and my mother in law said if we try again after maybe she wont even notice. We will tell her when she's old enough to understand though. I've been talking with people who have lost a child with this disease,and they've helped alot. Im torn on what i should do once we find out if it is anencephaly.. Should i carry the baby ful term and let her live for her short life,so we can be with her, or should i let my doctors induce me early. I've seen pictures of the babys full term, they look better than the early babies,and i wanted to see her after, but my husband doesnt think he can see her. Maybe i should remember her the way i've pictured her,but that will only be in my heart and memory, unlike hannahs beautiful pictures. I just keep wishing this is all just a huge nightmare and i'll wake up any minute. My husband and hannah and i went out for alittle while yesterday,and i was able to relax for awhile. just little things just make me upset. Like this morning : my mother in law told me she layed hannahs clothes out ont he bed,and i thought to myself "i may not get to ever do that with olivia". Thank You again everyone for you love and support it means so much to us :), and we have so many prayer chains going, it's just unbelievable. I know we'll get through this... :hugz:

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Have you looked into getting a 2nd opinion?

[MoonLyte]

I will keep you in my prayers hon.
Calming energies to get through the weekend. :hugz:
You're definitely not alone :hugz:

[BlueMoon13]

I will keep you in my prayers hon.
Calming energies to get through the weekend. :hugz:
You're definitely not alone :hugz:
**nods in agreement** :rubhead:

[Gracecat]

*hugs* I can sympathize with the nightmare sentiment. The worst are those "everything is normal" dreams. I still have those concerning our daughter and she's been gone a year and half.

I'm feverently praying that the last sonogram was grainy and inconclusive and Monday's will give different news.

[DragonsChest]

I grieve with you on this horrible news. I pray that it is wrong, and that your baby will be a healthy little girl. I'm so sorry, hun.... :hugz:

[MalPixie]

Thanks everyone. Im trying my best to be strong, but i do get teary eyed and blue every now and then. The ambien helped me last night. I didnt have any trouble sleeping, although i did dream that the baby came out normal. I know thats on my mind,and what im hoping for. What im thankful for is that my husband is home all day with me and when he leaves for work, my mother in law is home from her job within 30 minutes,so im really never alone. Hannah has tried making me laugh several times,and suceeded quite a few :) I told her we may have to say goodbye to the baby and she cried,but then later on forgot all about it when she was talking to my belly. Im not going to push it with her,and my mother in law said if we try again after maybe she wont even notice. We will tell her when she's old enough to understand though. I've been talking with people who have lost a child with this disease,and they've helped alot. Im torn on what i should do once we find out if it is anencephaly.. Should i carry the baby ful term and let her live for her short life,so we can be with her, or should i let my doctors induce me early. I've seen pictures of the babys full term, they look better than the early babies,and i wanted to see her after, but my husband doesnt think he can see her. Maybe i should remember her the way i've pictured her,but that will only be in my heart and memory, unlike hannahs beautiful pictures. I just keep wishing this is all just a huge nightmare and i'll wake up any minute. My husband and hannah and i went out for alittle while yesterday,and i was able to relax for awhile. just little things just make me upset. Like this morning : my mother in law told me she layed hannahs clothes out ont he bed,and i thought to myself "i may not get to ever do that with olivia". Thank You again everyone for you love and support it means so much to us :), and we have so many prayer chains going, it's just unbelievable. I know we'll get through this... :hugz:
That would be my question if you were to find out she did would you still wait and have her I think that it is important. I know that it might not be easy but maybe it doesn't matter to you what is wrong with her but that she is yours and she is beautiful!! There are people who have completely healthy babies and then they get cancer. It is the same thing there is nothing that you could have done! I feel so sorry that you have to go thru this but maybe this was the babies choice ( I don't want to offend) I believe in past lives and things happening for a reason and maybe for some reason her spirit needed to experience this! My thoughts go out to all of you!!
I had a scare with my first son they thought he had cystic fibrosis and I know how I felt just getting that scare. I really hope that your dreams are right that the first one was telling you about the scare and then you have her and all is fine!!
:huddle: Just try to stay calm getting so upset isn't good for either of you! And by all means get 50 opinions if you need to!

[DreamSpell333]

:hugz:

Have you looked into getting a 2nd opinion?

Not yet. I want to see the specialist their sending me to at the hospital in indy..Maybe they can explain things and show us what they see or dont see. Im going to be honest with them,that i'll only go through with anything if their 100% certain,and i also want it in writing.... Were taking things one step at a time. Im on medicaid,so i dont know if they would even pay for a second doctors opinion.. My husband should be able to get insurance at his work soon, so that we can get a family plan. Hannah already has ins,so we just need it for us.

[DreamSpell333]

That would be my question if you were to find out she did would you still wait and have her I think that it is important. I know that it might not be easy but maybe it doesn't matter to you what is wrong with her but that she is yours and she is beautiful!! There are people who have completely healthy babies and then they get cancer. It is the same thing there is nothing that you could have done! I feel so sorry that you have to go thru this but maybe this was the babies choice ( I don't want to offend) I believe in past lives and things happening for a reason and maybe for some reason her spirit needed to experience this! My thoughts go out to all of you!!
I had a scare with my first son they thought he had cystic fibrosis and I know how I felt just getting that scare. I really hope that your dreams are right that the first one was telling you about the scare and then you have her and all is fine!!
:huddle: Just try to stay calm getting so upset isn't good for either of you! And by all means get 50 opinions if you need to!


Thanks :) im doing ok right now. Havent cried for awhile. I did get pretty angry earlier. my mother in law put a cookie sheet in a cubboard instead of under the stove,so i went to open the door and it landed on my finger.i started slamming stuff in anger. If it gets warmer tomorrow, i'll take my daughter to the park and go for a walk around the pond to clear my head . When i was feeling depressed before this even happened, it helped me feel better. and theres always the gym in the clubhouse..i can sneak away for half an hour during the day.. I also bought myself a hematite bracelet .. im hoping thats what my dreams are telling me. I have seemed to have these dreams since 2001. (one of the reasons i picked my sn for here) Normally they were of frineds and family,never myself. I guess we'll find out on monday..My mother in laws friend reads people,and i saw her last weekend,and she sensed somethign was wrong with me,asked how my head was and said the baby was very low...I had hit my head on the car door before,so i didnt think anything of it,but no im wondering if she was picking up on the baby. she also sensed that something was wrong in our family yesterday and when we called her it validated why she felt that way..

I havent stopped eating,or taking my vitamins just incase there isnt anything wrong. i talked with my husband earlier. If anything is wrong with the baby. we'll decide what we should do and then after when i've healed we'll try again. He's agreed to take vitamins ,and im not going to stop taking my prenatals unless my doctor prescribes me something else.It wont replace olivia, but the next baby hopefully will be healthy and we'll love he/or she the same. :)

[Faery-Wings]

No matter what you do, providing this is not good news-- and I am still hoping any praying that there is a good outcome--
Try to get your hubby to see and hold her if possible. I have heard from people who have been through similar that it is easier to grieve and find closure if you are able to say goodbye.

[Ceres]

No matter what you do, providing this is not good news-- and I am still hoping any praying that there is a good outcome--
Try to get your hubby to see and hold her if possible. I have heard from people who have been through similar that it is easier to grieve and find closure if you are able to say goodbye.

I debated earlier whether to say this or not, but I agree. If you dont see for yourself, you imagine things that are much worse than just facing it.

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Hang in there sweetie, and keep checking in to let us know that you're doing ok.

[DreamSpell333]

No matter what you do, providing this is not good news-- and I am still hoping any praying that there is a good outcome--
Try to get your hubby to see and hold her if possible. I have heard from people who have been through similar that it is easier to grieve and find closure if you are able to say goodbye.


That is one thing we've discussed. I do want to see her and we've seen pictures online of babys with this. my husband said if we could put a cap on her and get her a blanket. he doesnt mind seeing her. I also plan on taking a few photos of olivia and her feet,hands etc. i want hand and foot prints,and if possible, i'd like a small lock of her hair..we'll put that in a memory book /album. We also plan to cremate her.. the only thing im debating is having her early or carry full-term.. D&C is not an option for me,and i wouldnt want to do it anyways.. I told my husband that i would have to deliver her anyways,and if she comes out alive,WHY lett he doctors take her? SHE needs to be with us,until she passes. I wont have my baby girl die alone. She needs to know that her daddy and I love her. It's not her fault this happened, were not going to treat her as a misfit,because shes NOT. she's OURS,and she'll always be BEAUTIFUL :)

im still hoping their wrong, but im ready for what they tell us good or bad..:) :hugz:

[Faery-Wings]

*wraps you in a big tight hug*
I was born with a birth defect- club foot- and I was in casts from my waist down for months as a newborn. My mom would tell me my dad wouldn't tuck me in until my legs were covered with a blanket. But at least he did (come in).
*sad smile*


I am glad hubby is willing to do that. She is your baby girl- no matter what. And yes, she is *beautiful.*

My heart just breaks for you. I wish I could do something to help....

[DreamSpell333]

*wraps you in a big tight hug*
I was born with a birth defect- club foot- and I was in casts from my waist down for months as a newborn. My mom would tell me my dad wouldn't tuck me in until my legs were covered with a blanket. But at least he did (come in).
*sad smile*


I am glad hubby is willing to do that. She is your baby girl- no matter what. And yes, she is *beautiful.*

My heart just breaks for you. I wish I could do something to help....

**BIG HUG BACK***
Thanks :)
i just found out my cousin(who is pregnant and is a week behind me) her doctors thought her baby had spine abifida,but turns out there were WRONG :D. Im hoping thats our case too..

[Kalika]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they have been wrong. :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

i've really been down today and my husband isnt helping. He's sick of his mom and i both bitching. I get sick of her bitching AT me. I say whats on my mind then she gets mad or upset and tells him.. I cant even talk to either one of them anymore.. :( He asked me what i came on her to complain about today. Today is just the toughest day,because i know tomorrow is when i found out whats going on. whether im losing my baby girl or not,and it's really hard. I have been distant to my mother in law, just because of her attitude (maybe thats how she's ahndling this),but i've just decided i didnt want to be bothered much. i guess thats how im handling it,so she said she doesnt know what im going through,and i probably dont know how she's handling it..so she's staying home with hannah tomorrow..she was either going to stay with hannah,or go to a bowling tournament :/ . She just drives me nuts sometimes...she complained about me LAUGHING too loud last night JEESH! Maybe moving in with ehr was a bad idea... somedays are ok, but we dont seem to have our privacy,and she's got to have HER time on this computer. even though it's not her..She threatens my husband to shut the electric off if he wont let her use it... im not going to stop voicing myself, but if my husband comes to me one more time to apologize to her,for letting her know how i feel...i'll tell him TOUGH,i dont wanna hear it! because thats what he tells me... I speak my mind to her,i wont bitch at him,and hopefully we can all get along..i'll watch HOW much i say,but im not afraid to speak my mind... I guess im more in anger today than anything.. I just hope everythings fine and i can relax again. :(

[Ceres]

I cant imagine the pressure you guys are all under right now. Its really life and death. At the same time it seems you are the one having to walk on eggshells to please everyone else when you are the one most emotionally attached to your baby. Take care of yourself. Vent here when you need to!

[DreamSpell333]

I cant imagine the pressure you guys are all under right now. Its really life and death. At the same time it seems you are the one having to walk on eggshells to please everyone else when you are the one most emotionally attached to your baby. Take care of yourself. Vent here when you need to!

Thanks :) I do feel like im walking on eggshells sometimes,and im the one who is carrying this baby,im the one feeling her kick all day. IM the one who will have to deliver her and then will be empty..My mother in law and husband deserve to be upset too,but they need to realize,that this is all affecting me much worse,and i really dont think they do right now... My husband forgot to tell me,or i didnt hear him...He has tonight off too,so he wont have trouble getting up tomorrow to go with me.. I think i've been blocking somethings..I was on the chat here the other night,and forgot who i had talked to... I finially saw my upstairs neighbor and told her whats going on. she told me she'd pray for us,and hope everythings would turn out to be fine. She later on brought me down a gift. a Ceramic vase with a candle in it,with a flowered lamp on top..one of those candles,that lights up the lamp part. it's really nice,and made me feel better.. She told me to hang in there,and if i need to talk sometime to come up for coffee.. :)


one thing that made me laugh today :I was outside with hannah while she was riding her bike,and scooter. we had her all bundled in her coat,helmet,knee pads..while i was talking to my neighbor, hannah decided to try and climb the tree outfront,and got stuck lol. She didnt get hurt luckily,but i dont think she'll do it again with all her gear. GOOD thing she had her knees pads on,but thats also why she got stuck. her kneepad got stuck between the tree trunks... I know she's helped me get through these past couple days.along wth comedy central and I LOVE the match game on gsn!! :D 6 more hours to go till bed,and then we'll be off to the hospital. Im SOO nervous...my stomach was upset earlier, but im doing ok now..

[Lunacie]

I'll be thinking of you in the morning and sending energies for a positive outcome. Also sending energies for you to sleep tonight and be as calm as possible if you should have to make some tough decisions. :hugz:

[Ceres]

Yes, please post as soon as you can. Unfortunately I will be away most of the day tomorrow and so wont be able to PM till around supper hour, but I am sure there will be someone around here for you to talk to if you need it.

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

I'll be keeping you and your lil one in my thoughts tomorrow.I hope all goes well and the Dr.'s are wrong :hugz:

[Gracecat]

I'm glad you had a good day with Hannah today. While I'm still hoping for good news if the worst comes to pass... I'll relay my own mantra/reminder. Maybe you can use it as you crawl onto the table for the sonogram.

You are still blessed.

No matter what occurs in life, where you go or what you experience the life of your other child is worth saying it's a GOOD life. It's a GREAT life.

Some days that mantra felt a bit force fed but it held. It had to, or we'd all go mad in this house if it hadn't. :hugz:

[Faery-Wings]

Hugs hon.

I will be thinking great thoughts for you too. Please post if you can, we are all worrying along with you.

[DreamSpell333]

Just thought i'd say hello before we go today. I didnt take my pill last night. Just had a small glass of wine and that seemed to help me sleep,although i woke up earlier than normal. Just cant sleep anymore. I dreamt of the baby again, that i was laying on the table,and when i looked at the ultrasound, i saw my baby grown and healthy and she had 2 bottom teeth..then i heard the doctor say "induce" and i woke up. **sigh** Im still hoping their wrong. im so scared right now not knowing what is going to happen...I'll post again later, to let you all know how we made out..:hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Thinking of you, hugging you close. :hugz:

[RubyRose]

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you :hugz:

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Good luck.

[Brenda]

Good luck :hugz:

[MoonLyte]

:hugz:

[Marcasite]

:hugz: I hope you'll have good news to tell us when you return!

[KaidaMidnight]

You are still in our thoughts hun! Energy and Blessings sent your way. Hopefully it's good news. :hugz:

[Ceres]

Ack! No news yet.....

[Kalika]

I've been checking in all day... hoping everything is ok.

:hugz: Dreamspell333

[Thereca]

No word from DreamSpell Yet? been looking for her all day. Still hoping for the best here.

[Shanti]

Me too....waiting, worry and wonder...hoping mostly.

[Athena-Nadine]

That it's taking so long for her to get back to us is really worrying me. But I'm still hoping and praying...

[Lunacie]

Sending energies to DreamSpell and her hubby who may also be waiting for results, strength to deal with the results, and energies for a positive outcome.

[DreamSpell333]

We went to the ultrasound,and spoke to a high rish doctor . Our baby Olivia, DOES have anenchepahly. There is no doubt now. After painful thought the past few days and today, we've decided it's best that i be induced early. There are many risks to me if I should carry to full term, including pre-eclampia, extra amniotic fluid that could go into my blood stream and kill me (ambulisium). We dont want that. Im going to call the doctor tomorrow,and let them know our decision. By law they had to give us 18 hours to decide. We saw the ultrasound pictures and she showed us the babys head on the monitor. Nothing developed past the neck.(brain stem) Their going to help us with counseling,and preparing the cremation etc. My mother in law has a preist/minister she'd like. Even though our beliefs are different,i dont really have a problem doing this for the baby since i know the outcome.. They dont think my insurance is going to cover the costs of this though,and we'll try and get some kind of finiacial help. Im upset,but handling it better than i thought i would..I know the day of the inducement is going to be the hardest day of all...
Thank You everyone for your Support and prayers, i know they helped me get through this hard time, which has only just begun...Once i let them know my decision..They'll need 72 hours to prepare and then we'll be scheduled.. They'll keep me overnight at the least, longer if any problems should arise,and then we'll be having her cremated and having a memorial service.. :hugz: to you all. We love you all soo much!

[Athena-Nadine]

I am so sorry things did not turn out the way we all hoped. My heart is breaking for your loss and pain. Though I cannot understand the depths to which you are hurting, I mourn your loss with you.

You and your family will remain in my prayers. I will be here for as long as you need. _pounce_

[Lunacie]

I'm so sorry to hear the news wasn't better. Still, knowing is better than not knowing. Keeping you in my thoughts and asking the Goddess to hold you close in the coming days and weeks, as She brings Olivia back into the Summerland.

[DragonsChest]

Oh my dear! You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers, and may you be comforted by the Divine Spirit as you go through this very difficult time. :hugz:

[Seren_]

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your family at this time :hugz:

[Thereca]

You are so right Lunacie, there is a whole family here hurting. DreamSpell,Hannah, and her husband.


I pray today to the Lady of Fire,
great Brighid, Triple Goddess.
There are those here who are in need of you,
Their hearts breaking with uncertainty, fear and devotion to a loved one.
I ask you to bring your healing flame,
the warmth of life, into this family,
burning away all that is burdening their hearts,
that they might always have cause to praise you.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c198/Thereca/20020.jpg

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

I am so sorry to hear that DreamSpell.I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and add you to my prayers :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Thank You everyone :hugz:

[Faery-Wings]

oh damn. :(
I was so hoping that we would hear good news.

You made a very brave choice. My best friend had to make the same one. It is not easy, I am sure. In some ways, however, the "knowing"is easier than the wondering and the waiting.

Blessings to you, Olivia.
Hugs and energy and strength and peace for all of you.

[Ceres]

I have a ritual for a mother to perform when she loses a pregnancy thats taken from Circle Round by Starhawk (and a few other authors). I read it long after I had had miscarriages and it was really helpful in giving over my grief and anger to God/dess. Please pm me if you would like it.

[KaidaMidnight]

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what your going through, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :hugz:

[eldora_avalon]

I am so sorry for you and your family. This kind of thing is every expecting parents fear. There are no words, there just aren't.

I think the reason you seem more calm is the known is easier to deal with than the unknown. The only good thing is you could tell from the super duper ultrasound for sure what is going on. You won't be questioning yourself later. Doesn't help much, I wish I could do something more to help, but I am best at putting things in perspective.

Keep us all up to date, we are kind of your group therapy until you get your counseling set up. Take care of yourself. That is the most important thing you can do for anyone right now, take care of you.

:rubhead: :hugz: :heartbrea

[Thereca]

Is there a way to set up something here to help them offset costs?

[Kalika]

:hugz:

I'm sorry sweetie. Hang in there, and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

[goblinhill]

:hugz: for you all

[Serendipity]

I'm so so sorry. I wish I had something better to say than that, but like everyone else - you'll be in my thoughts.

:hugz:

[Shanti]

:(

[Brenda]

I'm so sorry sweetie
:hugz:
sending light and supportive energy

[MoonLyte]

I'm so sorry dreamspell :hugz:
Prayers for you and your family :hugz:

[Sennefer]

:hugz:

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz:
sending u and yr family love and comforting energies

[Faery-Wings]

Keep us all up to date, we are kind of your group therapy until you get your counseling set up. Take care of yourself. That is the most important thing you can do for anyone right now, take care of you

Well said.
You are going to go through a wild ride of emotions, some that may even make you feel guilty for thinking and feeling them. Your feelings are *yours* - you own them, and no one can judge you on them. If you feel that you have no one to talk to, just pop on here.
We will be here to listen, hugs, and support you.
And it is so important to get it all out. Please don't hold back. This is your safe place to simply feel and vent.

Use us- we are here for you.

[Gracecat]

:hugz:

[aislin_ryann]

Healing and comforting coming the way of your family. May the Goddess protect you all and guide your little Olivia to Summerland. :hugz:

[atropa]

There are no adequate words that I could say right now. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Safe Journey, Olivia.

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks Everyone :) Im doing ok. I havent really cried all day. I dont exactly know why. I'm sad,but cant cry. Maybe im still in shock,or feeling numb . I am also extremely scared when going into labor. I Know it wont be as painful as with my first,but it will be emotionally painful,and i consider it the hardest i've gone through so far. My husband and I have been talking alot and cuddling. No real intimacy right now,but we both agree it's just too hard right now. we both have basically no drive,but we have cuddled and just held each other. I think it will bring us closer than ever. :)

[Faery-Wings]

One other bit of advice to keep in mind. (And if I am throwing too much advice at you please tell me to stop)
Men tend to grieve very differently. Women like to hash it out over and over again- and that is fine. Men tend to get hit hard, and get over it. Quite often, the mother thinks that he deosn't care or isn't sad any more. So just keep that in mind when he seems "normal" and you are screaming inside your head "How!!!???"

[Gracecat]

Or with some people, the exact opposite is true.

My spouse deals with it harder than I do. He's more visibly affected where I keep mine extremely private. FaeryWings is 100% a great majority of the time. On a general basis that is how grief goes but don't feel any less because someone may shed more tears than you do, literally. Grief comes in hundreds of more ways than crying.

[eldora_avalon]

http://www.west.asu.edu/sa/cspc/personal/tips/grief.htm

These are the basic five stages of grief that most people go through in this order, more or less. There will be back and forth, just when you think you are past one stage it will hit you again. Some of this you are going through really fast because of your circumstances. Then you'll go back through the whole thing.

1 Denial.
2 Anger and resentment.
3 Bargaining.
4 Depression.
5 Acceptance.

Just so you know, I had to study this at university, this is not like other neural tube defects, all the vitamins in the world would not have stopped this from happening, there is nothing you did wrong. I know you know this, but I wanted to put it in writing for you, because part of the normal process of grieving is to feel guilt and I wanted to take as much of the edge off as I could.

[Ceres]

[url]
Just so you know, I had to study this at university, this is not like other neural tube defects, all the vitamins in the world would not have stopped this from happening, there is nothing you did wrong. I know you know this, but I wanted to put it in writing for you, because part of the normal process of grieving is to feel guilt and I wanted to take as much of the edge off as I could.

I am glad you posted this information. Even the neural tube defects that can be pinned down to vitamin deficiencies do not mean the mother is at fault. Even if she is getting those vitamins, they are not neccesarily being absorbed by her body or they may not be in the correct combinations with other nutrients to be absorbed and any number of causes known and unknown can be the reason for that.

I know its natural to look for what you may have done but its important to see you have less control than you think. One has only to look at how many mothers give birth to healthy children after deliberately ignoring caution entirely to see the outcome is out of our hands.

[Gracecat]

Regarding the five stages of grief.... Jesus this is a fountain of information I wish I didn't know.

You *can* skip a stage and come back to it. Anger may not show up for months after you think you've went on life. One of the books I have dealing with the loss of a child shares an anecdote of one father. He didn't get angry for twenty years after the event of his daughter's passing.

Or you may get really angry and pitch one hell of a bitching fit at the entire world and you're done. Denial may last moments and you could be stuck in depression for a year.

I know I'm basically saying the same thing others have said but my most important point here is that everything following death is usually accurate. Men grief differently than women, the five stages of grief is fairly by the book. But it isn't always so. These are guides, suggestions, references, helpful opinions. You may go 180 degrees different than anyone ever suspected and it would still be correct and perfectly fine.

I don't want to sound bossy or over opinionated. Nobody has been the least wrong with any advice they have given you. BUT!!! I also know how it hurts when someone goes on and on about "how strong I look" and "how I'm handling it so well" etc etc. Grief shouldn't be stereotyped. Don't let someone make you feel like shit because they give you these odd looks insinuating you should be comatose with life threatening debilitating grief.

[DreamSpell333]

Regarding the five stages of grief.... Jesus this is a fountain of information I wish I didn't know.

You *can* skip a stage and come back to it. Anger may not show up for months after you think you've went on life. One of the books I have dealing with the loss of a child shares an anecdote of one father. He didn't get angry for twenty years after the event of his daughter's passing.

Or you may get really angry and pitch one hell of a bitching fit at the entire world and you're done. Denial may last moments and you could be stuck in depression for a year.

I know I'm basically saying the same thing others have said but my most important point here is that everything following death is usually accurate. Men grief differently than women, the five stages of grief is fairly by the book. But it isn't always so. These are guides, suggestions, references, helpful opinions. You may go 180 degrees different than anyone ever suspected and it would still be correct and perfectly fine.

I don't want to sound bossy or over opinionated. Nobody has been the least wrong with any advice they have given you. BUT!!! I also know how it hurts when someone goes on and on about "how strong I look" and "how I'm handling it so well" etc etc. Grief shouldn't be stereotyped. Don't let someone make you feel like shit because they give you these odd looks insinuating you should be comatose with life threatening debilitating grief.


Thanks for ALL the advice. :) I've been tired alot,and sad. My Neighbors 8y year old keeps asking how she's doing,and thats the hardest of all. I told her the baby is sick ,but she like hannah thinks the doctors can fix anything..I just say shes ok,and leave it at that. I told hannah last night and she cried,and wants to release balloons at the service for olivia. :D She wanted to go in an air balloon lmao,but we cant afford it,and im not that good with heights.. She's kept me laughing. My mil works at walmart, so her co-manager said if we need anything..like the balloons,she'll make sure we get them. :) She's also our neighbor across the street. :D one of the csm's(customer service managers) Mary lost her first baby a couple years ago. She told me to make sure i mourn and if i need to talk,i can call her,and she said we could even go out to dinner,etc..:) I have felt alittle guilty,because I am not balling whenever i mention Olivia. I know it's ok though. Everyone i've talked to has understood. I didnt take my ambien the past 2 nights. i slept okay,but still kept waking up,so i think i may take it tonight,because i am very tired and i know i need my rest.. (((hugs)))

[starfire]

Sounds like you have a good support system. Especially here. The facts people have stated are so informative. I wish I had knewn this when I was grieving over my son's death. I found out the hard way about the stages and how you they can hit you at various times even though you have been through them. It was hard telling my three year old where the baby was when we came home from the hospital (baby was 2mo old). I really had to check into my own beliefs.

I was lucky, my husband and I talked a lot, supported each other. It takes a lot of trust to be able to talk about theses things with anyone, so I was fortunate he was that type. Years later at the grave site, he is the one who would break down and cry. And you know all that sappy stuff on tv? It never bothered me until after this death. I know it also affected him, too, because he could no longer be the pillar of macho dude. His feelings would show.

Bless you and your family. When the time comes, you can sit the neighbor girl down and let her know that the baby was really sick and died. You might talk to her mom first of the way to go about it. I don't know that there is a good way, only that some are more comfortable than others.

hugs again

[Gracecat]

One last bit of advice... If you find you need anti-anxiety medication such as xanax or atovan, anything sedative... (entering the hospital for anything could throw you into an attack after the delivery. Mine is emergency service vehicles with their sirens on.)

Keep two or three around even after you "return to life" and find it normal once again. I took something for a couple months, antidepressents and a mild anti-anxiety. The accident was in September, by January I was off everything and doing fine. May rocked my world (Mother's Day to be exact) and I was extremely thankful on a Sunday afternoon when the pharmacies were closed I had a couple xanax left over.

I still covet my one or two left. It's like a smoker keeping a pack for sentimental reasons, but this is more of a "security blanket".

[Palantari]

I wanted to say how sorry I am for you and your family, I can understand how you are feeling to an extent as we've had a similar experience ourselves. If there is anything I can do or is you just want to chat or vent pm me. Have you thought about planting a tree in honor of your daughter? My son was slightly older than your Hannah when we lost Rayelene and he couldn't fully understand really what happened so he questioned lots and was very upset by the event. We had to tell him that she went to dance with the Faeries and that'd she was happy there, that it just wasn't her time to come into our world that she had other things to do first but that she missed him and loved him all the same. It seemed to help and the questions stopped, which helped me as they were difficult to deal with. I need to say you don't forget and I still get down from time to time when I think about her especially around the time I gave birth to her...but you learn to cope and make your peace with it and I have had two healthy children since. So you just need to know you are not alone and that there are people who are here to support you as you can see from all of the replies to this thread...i'm thinking of you and yours and sending you all the light i can. all the best and big hugs. ~Palantari

[WitchOfEndor]

DreamSpell, I am so very sorry that you have to suffer such a tragedy. I, too have lost children,I totally agree with GraceCat. You may skip a stage only to revisit it at some other point. I had twins preemie, they fought real hard but did'nt make it, when I would hear this one woman complain about what a "pain in the ass, having twins were". That was her exact quote mind you. I went to mind blowing anger & even jealousy.
Remember your feelings belong to you & only you, you will reach each stage of grief when you're ready to deal with them. People will say the most incredibly stupid & insensitive things, not really knowing they have. People are so unsure how to act, most are only trying to find something to comfort you, when really, there's nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better. All anyone can do is offer to listen & offer a shoulder for you to cry upon. I freely offer those to you, I know the path you are on & perhaps I can help you along the way. You dear little Olivia is a precious gift & the most precious of gifts are often fleeting in this life but know, deep in my heart I truly believe you are destined to be together again.

Brightest of Blessings & all my prayers for Olivia & for your whole family.

[DreamSpell333]

DreamSpell, I am so very sorry that you have to suffer such a tragedy. I, too have lost children,I totally agree with GraceCat. You may skip a stage only to revisit it at some other point. I had twins preemie, they fought real hard but did'nt make it, when I would hear this one woman complain about what a "pain in the ass, having twins were". That was her exact quote mind you. I went to mind blowing anger & even jealousy.
Remember your feelings belong to you & only you, you will reach each stage of grief when you're ready to deal with them. People will say the most incredibly stupid & insensitive things, not really knowing they have. People are so unsure how to act, most are only trying to find something to comfort you, when really, there's nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better. All anyone can do is offer to listen & offer a shoulder for you to cry upon. I freely offer those to you, I know the path you are on & perhaps I can help you along the way. You dear little Olivia is a precious gift & the most precious of gifts are often fleeting in this life but know, deep in my heart I truly believe you are destined to be together again.

Brightest of Blessings & all my prayers for Olivia & for your whole family.


Thank You :) I've already gotten upset when i see little babies, but i know that we can have another. Olivia just wasnt ready to be with us. I've tried not taking my ambien,but it has helped me relax and sleep better. Im sorry to hear about your twins..my mom also lost a set of twins at 5 1/2 months pregnant,they were stillborn... I call my mom a few times a week and talk. She's lost the twins,and 2 babies after birth. tammy was 8 months old and died of pneumonia,and brian died from sids at 3 months old. So my mom understands and wishes she could be here for me.. Im only really telling people that ask,who know im pregnant ,people my mil works with,neighbors,and of course all of you :) Right now im waiting for the nurse/doctor to call me back with a date for the inducement,not sure when though... i'll let you all know.. (hugs)

[Lorrie]

There are no words, so I give you my silent support, and energy.

[DreamSpell333]

I decided to take my ambien last night,and had to get up and shut off like 2 other tv's that hannah had on. I got very nauseated and was sick too my stomach bad... My face looks like i was hit with a couple bricks, from all the vessels bursting i guess. Hannah saw me this mornign and started to cry :(. I told her mommy had been sick,and i guess where we told her the babys sick,she probably got scared. :) I hugged her and told her id be fine. I hope foundation will cover it up good,because i LOOK horrible. :/

[Faery-Wings]

sending hugs to you , hubby and Hannah.
Did the dr or hospital that has recommended counseling for you said anything about how to help Hannah?

It has to be so difficult for her and so very confusing.

[Gracecat]

There should be a "grief tech" there somewhere in the hospital armed with local or national support groups and a list of counselors in your area. If they don't mention it, ask for the person in charge of grief counselling. There is somebody there prepared to help you.

[DreamSpell333]

I have a grief counselor named carrie. We met her the day we found out olivia had anenchephaly on monday.. She gave me some books to read,and i think she's suppose to be getting me some books to read to hannah. I have to call the nurse tomorrow,so im going to call carrie and ask. im also going to look online at barnes and noble and amazon.

I bought candles,and a frame and a nice silk rose to decorate a shelf for olivia's ashes. I figured i'd do it now,because i dont know how I'll be afterwards. heres a picture..it looks beautiful. :)

[KaidaMidnight]

That is so beautiful. :hugz:

[Athena-Nadine]

What a lovely tribute to Olivia! _pounce_

[starfire]

There use to be a grief picture book for kids. You will have to ask the councelor if they think it would be good for Hanna. I believe the name of it was "Freddie the leaf".

It will be important to help Hanna distinguish the difference between illness and something like this. So that every time some one is sick, or she is sick she wont worry about dying. Talk to the doctors about proper terms that are simple for her, but will help her know that this is not something that is going to happen to you, daddy, grandma, or her. My son was 3 when we lost his brother, it was hard. When we had his sister things were OK. I think the fact that we went to the hospital and the baby died, so we came home without him, made it hard for him to trust hospitals....something we never thought about clearifying until he was in his teens and mentioned it....

[starfire]

This is going to sound way out there. It is not for now, but much later. Eventually you will probably have pets, they will die. That is when you can explain to a child about death and how it doesn't hurt anymore...etc....but that is way off.

Take your ambien. It has saved me from being a total zombie, during grief periods. I would only get 3 hours sleep with it, and the doctors had to increase it. Now I have other problems, can't sleep, and again take ambein. Not all the time, but when I need it. You are in a state right now that you DO need it, so please take it. If you don't get rest, you will be in no shape to take care of Hanna or your husband or yourself...remember this year is going to be a blurrr, it's natural.....take care

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks :D I painted a memory box i bought also. It gave me something to do today. Good news : My parents are trying to get tickets to come out when i have the baby. It will be really good to have them by my side. :) My brother told them he'd help with their fare.:) I've been waiting for the nurse to call me with a day.My mother in law and husband both need to know,so they can get time off. Im feeling alright tonight. I'm going to make sure hannahs in bed before i take my ambien. it has helped me,i've noticed i have to lay down with it. My sisters used it,and she told me if you get up and move around it WILL make you sick...

[Faery-Wings]

That is a beautiful tribute DreamSpell.

I hope your parents can be with you. I know I would want my mom with me too.

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Hang in there hon, and keep us posted.

You're in my thoughts.

[DreamSpell333]

My husband's going out drinking with his mother tonight,and i;m kinda upset. All this si going on and their still going out to have a good time.We had planned to take out daughter to chuckecheese today,and because i had spent money yesterday for Olivia.he said I spent the chuckecheese money,and i dont think he's going to take hannah out.So im mad about that. He did say he likes what i did. He and his mom told me that he and i can go out drinking some night,ans she'll watch hannah,and im upset,because the only reason i'll be ABLE to do that is because i WONT be pregnant anymore! :( **my tears are back** Theres no use telling him i feel about it either,because it's just going to cause a fight,even though i have a good reason this time. He was going to go out with a friend,but the area he was goign to, DEAR OLD MOM didnt like,and now he's going with her.. I dont even know why i bother caring..she wants me to take movies back when they go out though. F her! I'll do it when im dmn ready. I am so angry. :( (i did say to her that i dont think he's taking hannah out,but he can go F&^% drink) I voiced myself,EVEN if in a bitchy way but i dont care. I just dont think it's the right time,or maybe it's jsut me.i dont know.. **sighs**

[Kalika]

I'm sorry hon. That's pretty rude of both of them, and very inconsiderate to leave you alone with everything you are going through right now. You should be pulling together as a family, rather than them returning to their old ways.

Then again... maybe this is how your hubby is dealing with his greif.

Fight or no, I think you should talk to him about it.

:huddle:

[Faery-Wings]

I wouldn't be happy about that either.
But I am glad you are able to come here and get it out.
((((Hugs))))

[DreamSpell333]

well, i talked to him about everything.He said he wasnt going to NOT take hannah and I out He was just angry,because he didnt know howmuch i spent yesterday,but he knew It went for a very good cause.( olivia ) We went to a place called party safari,similar to chucke cheeses and Hannah had a BLAST.He amd his mom are still going out, but i know it's only for a couple hours. I guess he needs a way to relax before i have Olivia.
BY THE WAY :

My Induction is on this coming Wednesday at 10: am :) I'm VERY nervous. My parents arent sure they can make it, because they cant afford the fare.Their not sure if my brother was really going to help them with the money,and are afraid to ask.. It's ok though, i understand. They can always plan to come out later on,or even this summer. Were taking pictures,so i wouldnt leave them out. I'll most like have them black and white or sephia depending on the babys skin tone. My neck and shoulders have also been bothering me and im not sure what i did. I just know anytime i breath deep or burp,etc.it hurts. Maybe i slept wrong..
I've had a cold,and am on antibiotics now..my chest seems ok..i'm gonna try laying down and maybe have my hubby give me a massage..:D :hugz: to you all.

[Faery-Wings]

I am glad to hear that he did take you guys out. As hard as it may be, it is important for Hannah's life to stay as "normal" and as structered/scheduled/not sure of the right word, but what i mean is that she kinda knows what to expect and that her day isn't complete chaos.

And in some ways, it might be better that your mom and dad aren't coming out. You might not want to be around anyone. I know that when my best freind went through this, her moma nd dad meant well, but they made her crazy with advice and suggestions and of course- being of that generation- to "get over it." I am not saying that yours will do that, but just trying to give you a different way of looking at it.

I wiull be thinking of you on Wed.

[atropa]

Ok, I'm fixing to voice my opinion, because I care about you.

My husband's going out drinking with his mother tonight,and i;m kinda upset. All this si going on and their still going out to have a good time.We had planned to take out daughter to chuckecheese today,and because i had spent money yesterday for Olivia.he said I spent the chuckecheese money,and i dont think he's going to take hannah out.

Nice of them to do that. I understand needing to vent or release stress, but I can see why you're upset. Oh, and telling you you spent her CEC money when he's going to blow it on some booze while leaving you alone at home when he knows you need him right now, that's classic.

Theres no use telling him i feel about it either,because it's just going to cause a fight,even though i have a good reason this time.

You have got to stand up for yourself. Take it from someone who knows. It's detrimental to your self esteem not to. You'll get fed up with feeling this way eventually. You should be able to tell him how you feel.

He was going to go out with a friend,but the area he was goign to, DEAR OLD MOM didnt like,and now he's going with her..

Ok, now this is just kind of wierd. I mean, how old is he again? I've had boyfriends that had moms like this. I used to go out partying all the time, but I didn't have the responsibility of a family then. I hope I haven't said anything to offend you Dreamspell. I've just been where you are relationship wise. So sorry that you're dealing with all this. I can't imagine what you're going through.

[DreamSpell333]

Ok, I'm fixing to voice my opinion, because I care about you.



Nice of them to do that. I understand needing to vent or release stress, but I can see why you're upset. Oh, and telling you you spent her CEC money when he's going to blow it on some booze while leaving you alone at home when he knows you need him right now, that's classic.



You have got to stand up for yourself. Take it from someone who knows. It's detrimental to your self esteem not to. You'll get fed up with feeling this way eventually. You should be able to tell him how you feel.



Ok, now this is just kind of wierd. I mean, how old is he again? I've had boyfriends that had moms like this. I used to go out partying all the time, but I didn't have the responsibility of a family then. I hope I haven't said anything to offend you Dreamspell. I've just been where you are relationship wise. So sorry that you're dealing with all this. I can't imagine what you're going through.


I have been extremely jealous of he and his mom going out drinking.Not so much the fact that i cant drink,but because she seems to get more Buddy buddy time with him..She told me he asked her to dance to "stand by me" and i was upset,since he normally isnt a dancer and i told him. Asked him since when does he dance. I guess it was brief because his boss showed up... For me to go with them, we'd have to find a babysitter. It's members only,so he cant take me. His moms the member,but he is thinking of joining so he can bring me.. I am just upset that all the older guys her age think my husband is her younger boyfriend. I dont think it's healthy,and it doesnt seem to bother her,she thinks it's funny.. I understand thats she's his mother,but he SHOULD be taking his wife out more ME! If i were to go,everyone would say,who is she? I feel like i'm being hidden,especially where i've been pregnant. Once i have the baby,she said we can get a sitter and i can go with them. they ARE NOT going out next week,although his mom plans to,but if she trys getting my husband to go. i WILL tell them both how i feel. Even her own best friends noticed that his mom has left me out of going,because im pregnant,and she said that me being pregnant is no excuse.. My husband knows how i feel. I think his mom thinks i should be ok with him going out drinking,because she's there and he wont get into "trouble". I trust him and know he wouldnt do that to me. I've been more upset,because i get stuck at home,and he gets a reg night out,when i dont,and it's especially upseting because of whats going on now.... My husband never really went out drinking much. I really feel if i cant go,then he shouldnt either... His mom figures when she's off,she can watch out daughter and he and i can go out,but why should his mother and him get to go out more than he and i can.. It would be like ME going out drinking with my dad.... if i had friends, i'd go out with them once and wek and leave my daughter home with my husband and show him how it feels... Because i dont think he or even his mother really understands.. Im hoping He gets the point soon, before it ruins our relationship,and i really DONT want that to happen...

[Ceres]

I am glad to hear you are standing up for yourself, Dreamspell. I was a bit worried when you told me his mother's reaction to finding out Olivia is going to die was to start moaning and wailing that it should have been her. That was a clear attempt to try and get some attention for herself out of your tragedy. That is really a sad thing for a grown woman to try to do. Trying to take the place of the spouse of her own child is psychotic behavior. I believe the term is " an enmeshed family" and its unhealthy for everyone. I hope you and your hubby can get out of her home soon - it would be so much better for your relationship.

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks radikal :) I told my husband how i felt about he and his mother going out. I mainly hate the fact that she NEVER has included me ,or even tried to..She told me the other day, i could go with them when we get her friend to watch hannah "afterwards" .. Meaning after the baby..**gets choked up** Dies.. I told my husband she told me it was because i am pregnant that i couldnt go,but she's not suppose to be around smoke either.One time would not hurt me..she could atleast make an effort. Instead she's taken my husband out. I dont feel important,and i told my husband how she said i can finially go and i got upset,because the only reason i will be able to is because im no longer pregnant,and it upset be because the baby will be gone.. I feel she's very INsensitive. I balled my eyes out again,and he hugged me/held me. I told him i wasnt upset that he likes going out. it's the fact that she wont include me, until now and it hurts...I told him it was too F*&^^% LATE! Now he understands.. Im afraid to talk to her because of how she acts,and then she runs off bitching to my husband and he gets mad. I guess im afraid i'll ruin the relationship between his mother and I,that she wont like me anymore,but how's she's treated me whether she's realized it or not is unfair... it is hard living with her. we have to get along,since were living under the same roof... I havent been quiet about everything,just this subject. the past month i HAVE been more vocal. it's either voice myself or be depressed... That comment she made before upset me too radikal...She is on anti depression medicine,but i've noticed she every now and then she gets down on herself,telling us... It's OBVIOUS she wants atention...Thats another reason i feel she wont let me go,because my husband pays attention to her.. I get mad when she sees me go in our room and shut the door..i said to him the other day "move over sexy" and i heard her say " OH GOD,their gonna have sex"..which is none of her business,and SO what if we do.. Just because she doesnt get it..it's not my problem though.. I've mentioned several times,if she's met any guys when she's out

[BlueMoon13]

A tension convention going on over there,huh? I'm SO sorry all this crap is happening.

Wednesday at 10? I'm right there with you. Has your doctor gone over what to expect about the delivery?

[Faery-Wings]

Honey, you have got to tell you mil that *you* need your hubby now. He needs to be with you- supporting you, not her.
And I hope that she can respectfully step back. She does sound like she has an attention neediness. Has it always been this way?
Or has it gotten worse since your ordeal?

I get that your hubby deos need time to blow of steam, but his first concern should be to you and Hannah. Not her.

And (again, tell me to shut upo if I am overstepping) she seems to have some insecurity/control/needy emotional crap going on. It strikes me as a bit "off" how she is with your hubby.
IMO, now is not the time to deal with it, right now you have other more important things going on and youneed to take care of yourself, emotionally-- but I do think at some point you are going to have to tell her to back off. He is your DH, not hers.

((HUGS))

[Faery-Wings]

Has your doctor gone over what to expect about the delivery?

I know that you have been through postpartum stuff before with Hannah, but yes, make sure you go over all of that again. Also, some drs will and some won't prescribe a medicine to dry up your milk. But I would def. ask about that. My best friend's dr did prescribe it for her, thank gods, b/c she was in no shape to handle that on top of everything else.

God this sucks. :(

[DreamSpell333]

My doctor went over how they would induce me, that i wouldnt have to be 10 cms dialated,about epidural etc... I DO want to ask about getting a pill to dry up my milk,because i dont think I could bare the reminder that i dont have a baby to nurse... I told my mother in law that i NEED my husband with me on wednesday, he's even going to spend the night with me..
Thanks all for your support. it's good to have a way to talk about how im feeling. My husband listens to me,but sometimes,he gets sick of hearing me complain. I'm gonna have to find a way to speak to my mother in law when she upsets me. (hugs to you all) :)

I've been alittle winded today, doing anything physical has been hard. I've had to sit down and relax inbetween housework. We bought hannah a candyland dvd game,and just standing up playing made me tired..

[Gracecat]

Honey I've been quiet about this because I'm a firm believer that telling you your husband is being unfair by allowing your mother-in-law is neither appreciated or needed right now. I truly want to be supportive of your grief, like many, I know how your next few weeks are going to feel. I've sat here off and on for several hours attempting to form my opinion. But no matter how I say this, or try to form the words it's going to be hurtful, crass and unwelcomed. But I am livid at the visual I'm forming towards your husband and his mother.

There should be absolutely zero question about his spending the night with you Wednesday. None. The fact that you felt excited enough to even vocalize or texttype that announcement should have been unwarranted, completely unfathomable that you even had to think he may not. Sick of you complaining? About what? Feeling alone and abandoned before you bury your child? About natural anger and rage you're feeling towards life in general right now?

He must grieve, yes. He will grieve differently from you, yes. Your grief and his grief will clash at times, yes. Those are undeniable facts. However, I can't wrap my mind around the other fact that he left you alone during this time. I can't structure why he felt it necessary to make you feel ashamed over spending money on Olivia. If it means helping you feel better, my reaction as a spouse would be to take out a loan, beg borrow and plead for the money. Anything necessary to ease the suffering of my partner. And I'd expect nothing less than it's unreserved return.

Hannah needs you, she needs him. For her mental and emotional health she needs that support. All three of you need to focus on each other. You can't do this alone. You shouldn't be expected to. "WE" should not be your support group. (though I gladly give it) As hateful as it sounds, this baby is only a concept to everybody else. They have seen sonogram photos, heard your excitement over the first kick. But you have felt those kicks, you've watched and felt your body grow.... It just breaks my heart and rips it out to think of you at home alone feeling a baby kick, knowing the outcome and not having your husband beside you.

Please don't stop talking to this group. And if I hurt you, please report it. You shouldn't be hurt by anything said here. But I truly don't mean to. I am absolutely hurt for you. These emotions towards your family shouldn't even be an issue right now. You should experience unquestionable unity and support in that home. *Hugs* cannot begin to express how badly I want to offer support. I also can't express fully how badly I want to ring necks on your behalf.

On another note, asking for something to dry your milk up may help. I'd also ask about a prescription for anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. You may not ever fill it, or feel like you need it but it may be better to have it and be able to use it at your discretion. I very clearly asked for xanax when I was in a similar state. I got it, no questions asked so don't be afraid. Your doctor will be more than agreeable to this.

I know I haven't said it yet, but Olivia's shelf looks lovely. A year and half later, I still buy little things for my daughter. She has trinkets around her headstone from all of us. I remove them as they age and place them in a special box. Her favorite word was "duck" and in fact I just purchased a pink squeaky duck to take out there this week. Always feel comfortable making it hurt less. If it feels good to you, do it. And to hell with others. This is more important.

[MalPixie]

I have a grief counselor named carrie. We met her the day we found out olivia had anenchephaly on monday.. She gave me some books to read,and i think she's suppose to be getting me some books to read to hannah. I have to call the nurse tomorrow,so im going to call carrie and ask. im also going to look online at barnes and noble and amazon.

I bought candles,and a frame and a nice silk rose to decorate a shelf for olivia's ashes. I figured i'd do it now,because i dont know how I'll be afterwards. heres a picture..it looks beautiful. :)
It is beautiful!! Any child should be so lucky to have a parent that cares that much for them!! I am very proud of you!!!! :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Thanks gracecat and malpixie :)

I voiced today to my husband that Im going to need him this next week,maybe the next month or longer. I told him the fact that his mom wants to go out hurt me,but Olivia is OUR child not hers,and we will have to grieve . I told him i couldnt even fathom the idea of going out drinking or doing ANYTHING fun after. Sometimes i dont understand his mom. He listened today and agreed. Just today his mom asked AGAIN if she's pretty,and why she cant find a guy... Well, look where she's looking.. At a vfw,where a good amount of the guys are married, or bums.. I suggested a website like e-harmony or something,but she wont.. I told her lmao.. Maybe if she had taken me,she would have got more attention,and i could of introduced her to guys.. Here she was again,low about herself.. I dont worry too muc about her though,other than the whole bar topic,but even that im learning to let go of.. other than wanting my husband to be with me more.. I know being pregnant has made me even more emotional,but im hoping to get better at expressing myself and not holding things in

I'm cherishing the time i have left being pregnant,and feeling olivia kick wildly. :) But tomorow is monday already and i just cant believe how fast time is flying by. Soon i'll be in labor and holding my angel. I have to try and focus on that for now,and not the sorrow,even though i do.. I'm happy to have been pregnant for this short period,and loving each and everyday. I thought the pregnancy was going soo slow,and now im soo greatful that it did...I'll love her forever,and she and I will have that bond,even if brief,but she'll carry my love with her and she'll ALWAYS be in my HEART :) We do want to try again. I dont know when. If i'll be ready in 3, 6,or a year later,but only time will tell. When were both ready.
The third shift has been hard on me. My husband goes to work,just as im getting ready for bed,and comes home when i wake up. I've slept in occasionally to cuddle with him. I know he feels it during the day also,since im awake when he's going to bed.. Luckily we've found time to be close... I know everything will get better, it's just going to take awhile

Hugs to all of you! :)

[DreamSpell333]

I called a funeral home today. Their not going to charge for the cremation,although we will have to pay for the removal of the baby from hospital to their place..and also the price of an urn. We dont want just a plain cardboard box. Only the best for my lil angel :D We've decided to wait till spring(around my original due date) to have the memorial service. It's just too expensive. 550.00.... Unless we have it at my mother in laws church,but i dont know if i'll even be up to anything right away,so it's probably for the best. Plus my parents and other relatives will be able to come.. :) ONE more day. Im going to try and cherish it. I took a picture of my belly,for my memory box. Any other memento,like her id bracelet,etc will go in there also..I still have to finish it tomorrow. I didnt like the lettering(stickers) I bought.. im wondering if i should buy a premie outfit for olivia, incase i dont like what the hospital offers, but i dont think even that would fit her.. i thought of going to the doll section,but i dont want anything tacky.. I just want her to be comfortable..:)

[Ceres]

A friend of mine lost a baby at around twenty weeks and the chaplain at the hospital gave her a shell afterwards. He told her that no two seashells are exactly alike, just as her baby was unique. Holding the shells helps the greiving mothers who miss being able to hold their babies once they are gone. A shell is small enough that you can carry it for as long as you need to after your baby is gone, in your hand until you can put it away in your pocket and eventually with your memorial when you are ready to let go.

[DreamSpell333]

A friend of mine lost a baby at around twenty weeks and the chaplain at the hospital gave her a shell afterwards. He told her that no two seashells are exactly alike, just as her baby was unique. Holding the shells helps the greiving mothers who miss being able to hold their babies once they are gone. A shell is small enough that you can carry it for as long as you need to after your baby is gone, in your hand until you can put it away in your pocket and eventually with your memorial when you are ready to let go.


Thats really nice :) Thanks for sharing

[Lunacie]

I like the shell idea, that's nice.

When my grandchildren were born I looked at doll clothes because we couldn't afford premie clothes - they were full term but they only weighed a little over 5 pounds because my daughter had preeclampsia both times - and some of those doll clothes are as well made as baby clothes are, and they were much less expensive.

I continue to hold you in my thoughts, dearheart, and am sending love and light for you and for Olivia and for Hannah and for their daddy too.

[Gracecat]

It's infinitely sad when you know the prices for a child's funeral.

:hugz:

[Willow Rosette]

Oh Dreamspell, my heart breaks for you. You and your family are in my prayers. And that your sweet Angel Olivia is able to spend as much time as possible here with her loving family before moving on. She will still be with you dear one and she will be born to you again. What a wonderful Mother you are. :hugz:

[Jenne]

You're in my thoughts and prayers, DreamSpell. :hugz:

[DreamSpell333]

Oh Dreamspell, my heart breaks for you. You and your family are in my prayers. And that your sweet Angel Olivia is able to spend as much time as possible here with her loving family before moving on. She will still be with you dear one and she will be born to you again. What a wonderful Mother you are. :hugz:


:hugz: Thanks :) I think she will be born to us again also. atleast i hope so..I keep dreaming that im breastfeeding her and that she's normal. We want to try again within 3-6 months. Im hoping we dont have trouble concieving ,but when it happens,it happens :)

[Lunacie]

I forgot to say that I really like the idea of having the memorial service around the time when she would have been born.

[MoonLyte]

I'm keeping you in my prayers dreamspell.
Olivia will be such a special angel :hugz:

[Faery-Wings]

Sending hugs, love energy and strength to you today.
Blessings upon Olivia, that she has touched so many lives.
Pass on easily and know how much your mommy loves you.

[Faery-Wings]

I have to share this story DS. I hope it doesn't upset you, since it is not meant to.
A good friend of mine had a baby girl, *S*, who was stillborn.
Even though she is Catholic, she is very open to psychic gifts.
Her Aunt is too. Her aunt have a phone "meeting" with a man who is like John Edward. But based on what she was telling me- this guy knew so much tere was no way of knowing. At any rate, partway through the conversation, the guy tells the Aunt that he has a message for *P* and it is from S.* S* had said to tell her mom, that she only meant to stay a while, that she wanted to experience being conceived, but never planned on being born. She said, though the psychic, that that she was sorry she hurt *P* so deeply, but that there was nothing that she did wrong, wasn't to old etc. It simply wasn't *S's* time.
*P* was relieved and honored that this soul wanted to experience a bit of life through her.
I would like to think that Olivia is the same- it simply isn't her time. But maybe in a few months it will be.

*gentle hugs to you all*

[DreamSpell333]

I have to share this story DS. I hope it doesn't upset you, since it is not meant to.
A good friend of mine had a baby girl, *S*, who was stillborn.
Even though she is Catholic, she is very open to psychic gifts.
Her Aunt is too. Her aunt have a phone "meeting" with a man who is like John Edward. But based on what she was telling me- this guy knew so much tere was no way of knowing. At any rate, partway through the conversation, the guy tells the Aunt that he has a message for *P* and it is from S.* S* had said to tell her mom, that she only meant to stay a while, that she wanted to experience being conceived, but never planned on being born. She said, though the psychic, that that she was sorry she hurt *P* so deeply, but that there was nothing that she did wrong, wasn't to old etc. It simply wasn't *S's* time.
*P* was relieved and honored that this soul wanted to experience a bit of life through her.
I would like to think that Olivia is the same- it simply isn't her time. But maybe in a few months it will be.

*gentle hugs to you all*


Aww thats beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I got alittle teary eyed... I kept dreaming allnight of olivia. I dreamt i had her,she had a small hole on the top of her head,but was beautiful,and was a normal pink color... She looked so lovingly at me,and i held her till she passed.. I dont know how she'll look since she is so small,but i think no matter what she looks like she'll be beautiful to me,because she's mine. :) She's been kicking me harder than ever today,and im going to miss that. I do love her soo much already.. I hope i can get through it ok.. I have to.. (hugs) to you all

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Hang in there sweetie.

[DreamSpell333]

I finished Olivias memory box today and was able to find a small fleece pink blanket at walmart.. Im nervous, but i know i'll have tons of support at the hospital. Their going to make sure theres always a nurse with me,so im never alone.. heres a picture of the box. It's as beautiful as her shelf is. :D It was just a cardboard box (brown) when i started..I painted it :)

P.s- Our babysitter is sick,so my mother in law may have to stay home with hannah. Maybe it's for the best. If she isnt able to handle it well,i dont need that added to my stress.. I told her she could bring hannah down later on..I dont think we should bring hannah to the hospital..I dont want her to see me crying or when im in labor,because she's the type that if you hurt,she hurts... (hugs) to you all

[goblinhill]

I have no wise words to share, I wish I did. :hugz:

[Ceres]

The box is beautiful!

[DreamSpell333]

The box is beautiful!

Thanks :D It kept me busy for awhile...

[Willow Rosette]

DreamSpell, unfortunately I leave at 4:30 in the morning but from the time I get up till the time I leave for work and then from the time I get home untill I go to bed I will light a birth candel for your sweet Olivia. And when the time comes for her to move on I will then light a candel and grieve with you. You will have all of my prayers and energy tomorrow honey. :hugz:

[MysticWitch]

Very pretty box. That is so sweet that you would take the time and prepare such a piece of art for your little one. I have some friends who had babies that had died before full birth and they didn't do anything for their little ones. Not even acknowledged the baby as a baby. :wah:
Your a wonderful mother and although your little one wont be around for you to watch her grow up, she is lucky to be your daughter. Remember, even in death, our children are still our children. :hugz:

[darastar]

I don't post very often, but I wanted to let you know that I will light a candle for you and your family and your darling Olivia. Stay strong, and may Olivia's passing be peaceful and gentle. My thoughts are with you.

[Sennefer]

:hugz:

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz: hun
the box is gorgeous

[Faery-Wings]

DS, the box is beautiful. I can see how you put your heart into it.

I will be thinking of you today.

[Willow Rosette]

:hugz:

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

Thats such a beautiful box DreamSpell.:hugz: Keeping you and your loved ones in my thoughts today.

[DreamSpell333]

Thank You Everyone :) (hugs) were leaving in half an hour .

[DragonsChest]

My prayers go with you. :hugz: