Callatya
January 20th, 2006, 02:06 PM
OK, I need advice.
First off, Hi to all I haven't met in intro or elsewhere yet. This is quite a big step for me, so I figure its probably best if i introduce myself. I'm pretty sure its just a very verbose way of asking for meditation techniques, but nothing like baring your soul to strangers every now and again, so here goes.
:wave:
9 years ago I had a double whammy of viral infections and as a result have ended up with Chronic Fatigue Sydnrome. It put a whopping great dent in my teen years and isn't really in a hurry to go anywhere.
If you want to read up:CFS symptoms etc (http://www.me-cfs.org.au/c2_symptoms.htm)
PLEASE don't try to be my doctor here, I already have a few ;) .CFS is a blanket term and every body is different and will respond differently to treatments. If i had tried every one that has helped somebody I'd be going til i was 90. I appreciate the thought, but fending off unwanted cures is really draining. I apologise if that comes off as rude, but I'd rather get it out of the way now. :)
Besides, every time I'm meant to learn a lesson, the damn thing comes and beats some sense into me. I'd hazard it happened for a reason.
During the first few years i hardly had the energy to eat and move about, and what with rituals and the like being energy-based, they fell back to being a very quick word or two between naps *lol* Considering the amount of energy that I had to go around, that wasn't insignificant.
Prior to becoming ill, and in years 2-4 afterwards, i was quite focussed. Untrained mind you, I squished some skills I shouldn't have, but I had a fair bit of oomph when it came to getting things done. I never really felt need for ritual items to focus energy as I could do the majority of it without. I could cast a good circle, I could do little spells (never really had call to do anything major and figured it was probably pointless to do something that didn't need doing) and I could hold a pretty decent defence without anyone being the wiser.
I remember a time that I tried using a wand, and it just didn't have enough 'feel' for me. I mean, it worked ok, but the end result felt less sharp, so I decided I may as well stick with what worked.
Thing is though, its not working anymore.
I have not been practicing for approximately 4 years as life and health have shunted me elsewhere and truth be told I never had much cause to use any sort of spellcraft for that time. Well, I lie, I did have cause, but I was so sick and stressed that even in a practiced state I probably would have been unable to control my thoughts enough.
I decided the other day that I need to find my 'happy place' (for want of better words).
I knew where it was in my 'old' body, but I cannot find it in this 'new' one. I looked a while back, and couldn't find it. I thought that it would come when I called, and pfft, nope. I try casting a circle, and all I got was uneven static, which scared the willies out of me as thats never happened before. Sure, first few goes it was *looks for the right word* thin? but never broken and static-like even in the beginning :( I almost felt like I was flashing a beacon and screaming 'come get me, I'm wide open'! eek!
I figure its right back to basics with this and that getting my mind to sit still has got to be the place to start, but I need a way that I can occupy it as otherwise it wanders and for the life of me I cannot pull it back. I spent quite some time training myself to hold onto thoughts (memory problems) and now it refuses to let go :(
OK, this is something i'm not liking sharing.
About the only thing I can still do is move energy from one person/thing to another, which is probably not looked upon favourably. I don't like it though, seems a bit like pick-pocketting. I have probably used it 4-5 times in the last 8 years, and every time its been with express permission. Its pretty tiring in and of itself though, as not only do I have to look after myself, I have to tidy up the other party too, would be a bit rude otherwise, not to mention dangerous and the like.
The thing it does do though, is it straightens out the static. I don't know if thats useful at all, as I don't much like the idea of using another being as a 'mental kidney', but maybe there is something in it that could help, I don't know.
So there you go. Big soul-bearing confession time. Please be a bit gentle. I really need a hand here as after my attempt to find my 'happy place' I feel like I'm a big flashing sign and I cannot get through the static enough to be able to do anything about it :(
First off, Hi to all I haven't met in intro or elsewhere yet. This is quite a big step for me, so I figure its probably best if i introduce myself. I'm pretty sure its just a very verbose way of asking for meditation techniques, but nothing like baring your soul to strangers every now and again, so here goes.
:wave:
9 years ago I had a double whammy of viral infections and as a result have ended up with Chronic Fatigue Sydnrome. It put a whopping great dent in my teen years and isn't really in a hurry to go anywhere.
If you want to read up:CFS symptoms etc (http://www.me-cfs.org.au/c2_symptoms.htm)
PLEASE don't try to be my doctor here, I already have a few ;) .CFS is a blanket term and every body is different and will respond differently to treatments. If i had tried every one that has helped somebody I'd be going til i was 90. I appreciate the thought, but fending off unwanted cures is really draining. I apologise if that comes off as rude, but I'd rather get it out of the way now. :)
Besides, every time I'm meant to learn a lesson, the damn thing comes and beats some sense into me. I'd hazard it happened for a reason.
During the first few years i hardly had the energy to eat and move about, and what with rituals and the like being energy-based, they fell back to being a very quick word or two between naps *lol* Considering the amount of energy that I had to go around, that wasn't insignificant.
Prior to becoming ill, and in years 2-4 afterwards, i was quite focussed. Untrained mind you, I squished some skills I shouldn't have, but I had a fair bit of oomph when it came to getting things done. I never really felt need for ritual items to focus energy as I could do the majority of it without. I could cast a good circle, I could do little spells (never really had call to do anything major and figured it was probably pointless to do something that didn't need doing) and I could hold a pretty decent defence without anyone being the wiser.
I remember a time that I tried using a wand, and it just didn't have enough 'feel' for me. I mean, it worked ok, but the end result felt less sharp, so I decided I may as well stick with what worked.
Thing is though, its not working anymore.
I have not been practicing for approximately 4 years as life and health have shunted me elsewhere and truth be told I never had much cause to use any sort of spellcraft for that time. Well, I lie, I did have cause, but I was so sick and stressed that even in a practiced state I probably would have been unable to control my thoughts enough.
I decided the other day that I need to find my 'happy place' (for want of better words).
I knew where it was in my 'old' body, but I cannot find it in this 'new' one. I looked a while back, and couldn't find it. I thought that it would come when I called, and pfft, nope. I try casting a circle, and all I got was uneven static, which scared the willies out of me as thats never happened before. Sure, first few goes it was *looks for the right word* thin? but never broken and static-like even in the beginning :( I almost felt like I was flashing a beacon and screaming 'come get me, I'm wide open'! eek!
I figure its right back to basics with this and that getting my mind to sit still has got to be the place to start, but I need a way that I can occupy it as otherwise it wanders and for the life of me I cannot pull it back. I spent quite some time training myself to hold onto thoughts (memory problems) and now it refuses to let go :(
OK, this is something i'm not liking sharing.
About the only thing I can still do is move energy from one person/thing to another, which is probably not looked upon favourably. I don't like it though, seems a bit like pick-pocketting. I have probably used it 4-5 times in the last 8 years, and every time its been with express permission. Its pretty tiring in and of itself though, as not only do I have to look after myself, I have to tidy up the other party too, would be a bit rude otherwise, not to mention dangerous and the like.
The thing it does do though, is it straightens out the static. I don't know if thats useful at all, as I don't much like the idea of using another being as a 'mental kidney', but maybe there is something in it that could help, I don't know.
So there you go. Big soul-bearing confession time. Please be a bit gentle. I really need a hand here as after my attempt to find my 'happy place' I feel like I'm a big flashing sign and I cannot get through the static enough to be able to do anything about it :(