Privacy..ugh!

[Adrenaline Junkie]

Uhhhhhhh!!

Ok, I love my mother and all but oh ye Goddess what is the deal with her giving me so little privacy? She questions every single thing like it's her business and just barges into my room with only one knock.

I know mothers & fathers have a right to know where their children are, who they're with, etc etc to a degree ... but when does it become too much in your opinion?

Is there anyway I can get my mom to back off a bit and respect my privacy?

[Myst]

Have you tried to sit down with her when you are not mad and tell her how you honestly feel?

"Mom I know you're looking out for me and that it's your house, but sometimes I don't feel you're respecting me when you just barge in. Do you think we could make a deal like I'll keep my door open most of the time but when it's closed I'm having some time to myself and then you could knock?"

I lived with my (ex)boyfriend's parents for 6 months. I actually bought a fireproof lockbox to keep my Pagan books and tools in.

[Drisel]

Myst's advice was excellent. Your mother is just concerned about you and this will never pass. But by being open with her you will get her to back down. Bounderies are hard for parents to accept. After all as much as you may hate it you will always be their baby.

[SimplyStrange]

I know how you feel, AJ. I think Myst and Drisel are right. Maybe you should talk to her. Be honest. My dad and stepmom used to always barge in on me. It would be knock knock and not a second later they'd be in the door...kinda' defeats the purpose of knocking...so I started locking my door. And when my dad questioned me about it, I explained that they were just barging in on me, so I started locking it. I mean, I probably should have just talked to him first...BUT the point is, I talked to him and it all worked out... :D:D sort of...

</ramble>

[Xander67]

hmmmm

this is a tough one, although you may think your mom is not trusting you or thinks you are "up to something" she is just trying be a responsible parent right or wrong, she is doing what she feels is right............I agree entirely with Myst and SS...

perhaps if you let her into your World a bit, then that would ease her suspicions....and then back off

[Sephiroth]

wat ever u do dont be to harsh with ur mom and dad. i was and i learned a very big lesson

i told my mom to stay the hell out of my life( actually i sedmuch worse.) but she responded with fine get out. i left for 6 months they seen how well i was doin and told me to come home BUT dont mouth off wat ever u dooooooo.

[Sephiroth]

why vote for FLAIR7??????????

[Xander67]

WHy not Vote FOr Flar7 :D

oh ya mean WHY ...why

he is running to be elected as the Smiley Caretaker.. and he has a well mapped out plan for thier well being...its all in just silly.

but getting back to AJ

yeah, try it for a while...let yer mom see a bit about what goes on in your world...then after she sees you arent doing anything bad, or arent being stalked by a bunch of half baked psychos.....er um well ....she will back off :) she will feel better....Your mother jsut wants to know you are ok...IMO

[G.H.O.S.T]

In my expierience, its best to fight fire with fire. I guard my room with a shotgun (Figuratively speaking) and I let NO ONE in unless I trust them. My mom used to search my room, claiming a drug search but she knows I abhor drugs so I know that she does it just because she can, but she stopped after I started rigging little booby traps :) Nothing deadly, I rigged my dresser drawers to smack a person's hand with a rubber band. You should try something like that, like I said, nothing deadly and dont draw blood, just a sting or a flick. I had a box under my desk set to launch a plastic spider at the opener of the box, eventually she got the hint and stopped.

[DarkSidhe]

Speaking from a parents point of view...

How old are you? (don't answer it, just think for yorself), because if you're still a teenager, then your parents are trying to keep up with you. Over the years, you've probably talked less and less to them about what you do, and who you do it with. It may not seem like it to you, but it happens. When you're just a child, you tell your parents just about everything, then when you hit your teens, you close up, because you're busy trying to find out who you are, on your own.

Your parents are curious, protective, and want more than anything to be a bigger part of your life than you may want at this point. The closed door is a slam in their face to a certain extent, but one that they will have to deal with.

Communication is extremely important. You have to make them feel like they are still a big part of your life. Their barging in on you is their answer to this, it may be wrong, but they may be on the verge of running out of other options if you're not talking anymore. Do you keep your door closed to them all the time? Are you shutting them out of your life as well as your room?

If you want them to treat you like an adult, then I would suggest having a real sit down, adult talk. Explain to them exactly why you need the door closed. Don't lie. I'm sure there are times when your parents have hidden themselves behind closed doors as well (eewwww). But seriously, you can keep the door closed, but they only want to be the same ppl they were for you when you were younger.

You can also set up a time to have them come into your room. Give them a tour. Show them the things that make you happy, the things in your room that you find important, they may not have known now for a while. Tell them storys about things. If you show them everything, in an honest and open fashion, it may ease their curiousity, or their prying.

And then, when you have convinced them of your good intentions, and that you are doing no harm by simply wanting to be alone for a bit, then you can have a talk about new rules, from both sides. Make it a give and take thing. Tell them that in return for one request, that you will do something for them in return (and not dishes, etc, but something important to them).

Good luck...

[blueiris]

I feel your pain. My parents do this strange thing where they knock and open the door at the same time, which kind of defeats the purpose of knocking. *sigh*
I would try to talk to them and maybe *i'm not sure what your parents are like so i don't know if this would be ok* ask them why they feel they need to go through your room. Yeah, do what DarkSidhe said, as well. good luck!

[crashtime]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm 21 and not living at home, but everytime I go home to visit I encounter this problem. My mom will like to barge in my room, and just ask me what I'm doing. And I'll say, "I'm reading." and then she'll stand there with a blank expression for a while. There will be times I'm in the bathroom doing...well what people in bathrooms do, and I'll hear a knock at the door. It's my mother and she says, "what are you doing?" As if I was in there building a robot or something. And then there is the ever so popular, "where are you going?" Anytime you take a shower in my mom's house she automatically assumes you must be leaving....having good hygeine habits never cross her mind.

So, I think at any age our parents will never stop being our parents even though we are adults. I know how hard it is to explain to them that you need your space. THen they look at you like, "so what are you doing in there that you don't want me to know about?"

[G.H.O.S.T]

You shouldnt have to bargain for something that you inherently have a right to. Parents expect thier children to respect thier privacy, why should a child have to bargain for his or her privacy? I am a very private person, I cant sit with my back to an open door, I dont like open windows and I get nervous when the door is open PERIOD. Part of a parent's duty to thier child is to grow up along with the child and as a child starts entering teenage years, they are less and less dependent on the parent emotionally and mentally. Alot of parents dont realize that and stick thier faces in where they dont belong in an effort to re-establish communications and 99 times out of 100 this fails dismally and just pushes the kid father away. My mom does it all the time, she comes in and hangs on me demanding to know how my day went, usually, all I want is to be left alone. A person needs privacy, some place where they know that they wont be bothered if they want to go just to be alone. A parent demands that a child respect THIER right to privacy, but then all but denies a child any privacy. That kind of thing is what makes a kid loose respect for his/her parents. Currently I have almost zero respect for my parents, my dad is a drunk and my mother has to pick at a critize everything that she sees to feel better, I know that they search my room, they rarely respect my knocking on my door rule, I know they listen to my phone conversations, for these and a few other reasons, I do not respect my parents. A parent has to let a child have privacy, a kid needs it to grow up normally.

EDIT- Just a tip for people whos parents constantly ask them "What are you doing?" "Where are you going?" etc. Its easy to break a parent of doing that by giving them short, mono-symatic answers, or answering with humor or sarcasm. IE Your putting on your "going out" clothes "Where are you going?" "To China in a rowboat". Nothing elaborate, just short and sweet. "Where are you going?" "Out" Ive found the most effective response to just about any rhetorical question= Your in the bathroom getting ready to go down to the mall or the movies, your mom/dad knocks on the door "What are you doing in there?" Respond calmly in a questioning tone "This is one of those trick questions isnt it?" :hehehehe:

[Kalika]

Hmm... I'm not really sure how to approach this. I'm not a parent myself, so I'm not sure where they draw the line so to speak. And it may vary from parent to parent.

However, I would suggest that you try speaking with her. In a responsible and adult conversation, and let her know that you would like your privacy. Let her know that you aren't doing anything wrong (as long as you arent) and that you would just like to feel that you can have private thoughts and feelings and not have to worry about them being invaded. If she feels the need to know something, she should ask you, rather than going through your things.

[Mindflayer]

I don't know if it's been said, and it seems like an awfully simple solution to me...but


how about locking the door? she can't barge in if the door won't open :p