Pagan Friendly Lawyer...

[Yasmine Galenorn]

We started the process of estate planning tonight. Sobering, but definitely a must. My stepfather died without a will and it was a total mess. But my point is: our lawyer is a friend of ours, he's in Seattle, and he's pagan & gay friendly, so if anybody wants contact info, PM me and I'll let you know. He just recently passed the bar on his first try and is setting up his own practice, so we're giving him our business. He's smart and a good person.

But man, there's a lot to think about, including setting up a pet trust for the furbles, living wills, POA, sorting out all my book contracts and so forth. I feel better though, now that we've got it started, and will feel really good when everything is set and done.

Yasmine :colorful:

[Lunacie]

My sympathies on the loss of your stepfather. :hugz: How wonderful that you have someone like your friend to handle the legal matters for you.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

My sympathies on the loss of your stepfather. :hugz: How wonderful that you have someone like your friend to handle the legal matters for you.

Thanks Lunacie...but my stepfather was a cruel and vicious man. I was actually relieved when he died, unlike the loss I felt with my mother. However, the mess he left by not having a will taught us really quick how important it is to take care of these matters. So we started getting our wills and stuff together. We won't leave anybody having to sort out matters like he did by his stubbornness.

:hugz:
Yasmine :colorful:

[Lunacie]

Well, saying congratulations on the death of your stepfather doesn't seem right either. :lol: Didn't he have any family of his own that could take care of all this?

[Yasmine Galenorn]

Well, saying congratulations on the death of your stepfather doesn't seem right either. :lol: Didn't he have any family of his own that could take care of all this?

I wish! My family WAS his family....sigh...long story. Mom left him when my sisters were teenagers, got pregnant with me by somebody else, went back to him. He took out a lot of his anger at her on me when I was growing up. By then my sisters were grown and gone, so they didn't know what was happening--and he'd been abusive to them in a lot of ways too as they were growing up, but he was a lot worse to me. So my sisters are really half-sisters. And since I was included in the estate (one of my sisters who I never talk to--she's a born-again bigot--tried to get me disinherited but it didn't work), I had to deal with it. By the time he died, my mother was already dead. But it's over with...thank gods, and in so many ways, I got the last laugh on him.

LOLOL...and congratulations is actually quite fitting--after all the abuse he heaped on me, I was all smiles the day he died. Sounds cruel, but I won't pretend otherwise. :)

However, it *did* teach me: plan ahead so your loved ones don't have to figure out where you put everything, what you had, and what to do with it.

Yasmine :colorful:

[BlueMoon13]

These kinds of things always reminds me of what Zazu the bird said in the Lion King-There one in every family;TWO in mine,actually!
:hugz:

[catgirl]

Congratulations on his death. I hope you get all your estate issues sorted out quickly.

[Kalika]

We started the process of estate planning tonight. Sobering, but definitely a must. My stepfather died without a will and it was a total mess. But my point is: our lawyer is a friend of ours, he's in Seattle, and he's pagan & gay friendly, so if anybody wants contact info, PM me and I'll let you know. He just recently passed the bar on his first try and is setting up his own practice, so we're giving him our business. He's smart and a good person.

But man, there's a lot to think about, including setting up a pet trust for the furbles, living wills, POA, sorting out all my book contracts and so forth. I feel better though, now that we've got it started, and will feel really good when everything is set and done.

Yasmine :colorful:

Definitely not fun. We did all of this when our son was born, in the event that something happened to one or both of us. :p

But, just remember, its to protect your loved ones... makes the effort, stress, and struggle worthwhile.

[Nighthawk]

Man, don't know what to say...*hug*

[Yasmine Galenorn]

Man, don't know what to say...*hug*

LOL...oh, I'm okay. I learned the hard way that you have to make your life what you want it to be, that you have a responsibility to take the pain of the past and use it for fuel to make your future a better one. And I learned that I have a responsibility not to leave a mess for others. *grins*

Huggles back, sweetie,
Yazza :colorful:

[Athena-Nadine]

LOL...oh, I'm okay. I learned the hard way that you have to make your life what you want it to be, that you have a responsibility to take the pain of the past and use it for fuel to make your future a better one. And I learned that I have a responsibility not to leave a mess for others. *grins*

Huggles back, sweetie,
Yazza :colorful:

Well said! :hugz:

We're in the process of getting ready to do the same thing. My poor husband is a little uncomfortable thinking about these things (most people seem to be), but I want our choice of guardians for our son to be set down and legally binding so the ugliness that often happens within families can hopefully be avoided if anything happens to us. The life insurance, funeral arrangements, and all the rest, while extremely important to me, are secondary to that.

[Kalika]

Well said! :hugz:

We're in the process of getting ready to do the same thing. My poor husband is a little uncomfortable thinking about these things (most people seem to be), but I want our choice of guardians for our son to be set down and legally binding so the ugliness that often happens within families can hopefully be avoided if anything happens to us. The life insurance, funeral arrangements, and all the rest, while extremely important to me, are secondary to that.

That's the main reason that we did everything right away too. We both were clear on who we would want to have custody of our son if something were to happen to both of us... that was the main priority.

Good for you for thinking of this too! It's hard, but its ultimately the best thing for the loved ones you'll be leaving behind, and keeps your child from being a pawn in a tug of war.

:hugz:

[Kalika]

LOL...oh, I'm okay. I learned the hard way that you have to make your life what you want it to be, that you have a responsibility to take the pain of the past and use it for fuel to make your future a better one. And I learned that I have a responsibility not to leave a mess for others. *grins*

Huggles back, sweetie,
Yazza :colorful:


:hugz:

I think its great.

[WtchyChick13]

I think that's an excellent idea hun. When my aunt died 13 years ago, it was an unexpected death and with only my father, me and my grandfather as her immediate family, we weren't ready for it at all! We did find out that she had already switched some of her benefits (survivor's pension, life insurance, etc.) in my grandfather's name so that he would be all set. However, I had been told my whole life that I was her primary beneficiary of her $100,00 policy so there was some tension for a while between dad and I about this since no one had told me that my name had been taken off of it. It wouldn'tve been a big deal except that no one expected my grandfather to live as long as he did and NO ONE expected her to die when she did.

When she died and the paperwork was all done, I had just lost my job....one of my roommates at the time had ditched us leaving us with her share of the bills and my unemployment hadn't kicked in yet. So the money REALLY would've come in handy at that time. (Thus the tension.)

Of course, my grandfather ended up living another 13 years and this time we were really prepared! He had almost died a few times over the past few years so dad decided to have EVERYTHING ready (funeral, etc.). For the funeral? One phone call. Dad had already prepaid and arranged everything 3 years ago so it was all set. Also, this time around, Dad hired a financial guy to go over EVERYTHING with a fine-tooth comb and see what money is going where and to whom, what is still being invested and what is no longer viable such as grandpa's pension and such.

I will say this though, to all of you....be prepared for price increases. When Dad paid for the funeral 3 years ago, it was $10,000. The final bill for the funeral two weeks ago was $11, 946 not including the lunch thing afterwards which was like another $1500. As a practical standpoint, this is really something to consider. Now also figure in the fact that his plot had been paid for years ago when my grandmother died (they have the same plot basically) so that wasn't a consideration this time. When my aunt died that was a whole new charge plus perpetual care and the stone. Again, think of EVERYTHING when preparing....it's the ugly little details that folks don't think about when their alive and healthy.

Oh and be sure to figure in costs of death certificates! I had no idea about this until dad told me about it. When he had to go to social security and to grandpa's pension office, he had to provide death certificates. He got 10 copies just to make sure in case others needed them also and they were $10 each! When my aunt died they were $3. Still, I didn't realize a lot of this until he told me about it.

Anything else I can help with just let me know! This is all fresh right now and going on in my life so I'd be more than happy to share. :)

[Yasmine Galenorn]

I will say this though, to all of you....be prepared for price increases. When Dad paid for the funeral 3 years ago, it was $10,000.

Luckily for us it's going to be simpler. Pop us in the oven, take the ashes out to the ocean, sprinkle. No churches, no graveyards, no caskets or headstones. Back to Mama Ocean to rejoin the primal soup. A cord cutting when its appropriate...an informal gathering to say goodbye before then.

Oddly enough, most of my family, and it's looking a lot like some of Sam's family, have gone the cremation route.

I'm going to leave instructions for a big bonfire of a lot of my burnable magical supplies to be burnt and mixed with my ashes before scattering, too. Everything back to Mama...

Hugs, Chicky....

Yasmine :colorful:

[Lunacie]

I agree cremation is the way to go.

This all reminds me of what happened when my ex died a couple of years ago. We had just passed the one-year anniversary of our divorce, he was court-ordered to continue paying spousal support for another three years so I was feeling pretty scared that that money was all gone, little as it had been. Also he agreed to continue making the mortgage payments on "our" house as long as he was paying spousal support, so I was also left with that responsibility and unable to deal with it.

However, my daughter reminded me that in the divorce agreement he also said that if he were to die before the mortgage was paid off that I was to collect on his life insurance in order to finish paying it off. Good news? Ah, but when I called the insurance company they told me that his mistress had already put in a claim for the policy. Panic time again! I explained that he agreed in divorce court and there was legal paperwork to that effect, but that wasn't good enough.

So I called his boss and asked him if he had anything on file that showed intention for the policy to come to me. Bless his heart he remember talking with my ex about it during the divorce and he found the paperwork that said I was still the beneficiary. Of course I had to go through legal channels to get a copy of the death certificate because his mistress wouldn't give me one.

But HA! Screwed the mistress, and paid off the mortgage, and sold the house, and bought a mobile home for me and our daughter and our grandchildren. Now that's justice!

[Yasmine Galenorn]

Of course I had to go through legal channels to get a copy of the death certificate because his mistress wouldn't give me one.

I don't know about other places, but all I had to do to get death certificates for my mother and stepfather was to fill out a form with the vital records department in the state in which they died and explain why I wanted them, then pay a small fee.

My stepfather had put me down as the secondary beneficiary on his main insurance policy when I was four at my mother's urging...he totally forgot about it or I would have been off there, and when he died, since my mother was dead, I ended up with the entire policy. The sister I *do* get along with had no problems with that, (and I gave her some of the money). I didn't bother asking the sister I do NOT get along with--I figured she tried to get me disinherited from the estate so she'd cooked her goose (even though he was my stepfather, he'd been listed on the birth certificate as my blood father--to counter the 'shame' that both he and Mom felt over my birth, so he was technically considered my 'father' in court). Our other sister died in 1986 so that wasn't an issue. I consider it my 'last laugh' in light of how much abuse he heaped on me. :lol:

But that, in itself, goes to show that you have to keep records up-to-date if you want things to go to certain people! Because I guarantee you, he would have had a fit (and probably did on the other side) that I ended up getting over half of the entire estate. Wasn't a lot, but it still would have fried him. :)

Yasmine :colorful:

[Lunacie]

Well, yeah, that's what I meant by legal channels. It would have been so simple for TheSlut to give us a copy for his daughter to have, but no. In fact, she had him cremated before our daughter could have one last "visit" with him. That made it very difficult for her to deal with his death.

Then the dumb s*it kept visiting me even when I told him to bugger off, and she would be hurt by that too. She didn't understand why he didn't visit her. So finally I told him, "I don't want you to come back again, it's over between us. But your daughter would really appreciate you talking to her a bit." And he did which made her feel better. But I've caught him sneaking around me at least once since then. Sheesh.

[WtchyChick13]

Luckily for us it's going to be simpler. Pop us in the oven, take the ashes out to the ocean, sprinkle. No churches, no graveyards, no caskets or headstones. Back to Mama Ocean to rejoin the primal soup. A cord cutting when its appropriate...an informal gathering to say goodbye before then.

Oddly enough, most of my family, and it's looking a lot like some of Sam's family, have gone the cremation route.

I'm going to leave instructions for a big bonfire of a lot of my burnable magical supplies to be burnt and mixed with my ashes before scattering, too. Everything back to Mama...

Hugs, Chicky....

Yasmine :colorful:

Oh I'm going that way too! My only problem is I want to be scattered in 4 different places but I'm only 4'11" so there isn't a whole lot of me to go around! (Hmmmm, gotta start gaining weight.) :rotfl: