Le Schizophrenia and a Concussion...

[sidhe]

I've vented before on another board where I'm a long-time member, but I think maybe talking to people who don't know me as well might help, too.

Well, here goes. :rant:

I've been out of work for over a year. And there's a pretty simple reason for it, too.

I've literally gone off the deep end. I'd actually lost it before I lost my job, but I had medication to control it. Then I moved outside my charity's coverage area, and things went downhill within about two months.

The long version of the story starts when I hit puberty, and started seeing black cats and birds everywhere. I still see them.

The short version starts when I got to college, and finally went to see a therapist, and was told that they couldn't help me. Since then, I've been to three more therapists.

One, I lied to so he'd get off my case.

The next one just thought I should commit myself.

The last one mainly talked to me about aligning my chakras. Which, I admit, does help a bit. But not overly so.

In between therapists 3 and 4, I had a psychiatrist who'd let me vent to him. he actually helped a lot.

I've been on two different anti-psychotics. One made me have no interest in sex. The other one made me have no interest in sex, gain thirty pounds, and sleep all the time. I'd like to at least retain my sex drive.

If I could get back on medication, I could go back to work. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I wasn't exactly doing great at work when I was on medication, but I had a job.

Just to aggravate things, I've currently got a concussion, and the thing I usually depend on as a checkpoint of sanity (my memory), is not exactly doing well by me. I can't remember what's going on, where things are, or anything of that nature. Plus, I'm a little loopy and confused on top of my normal loopiness and confusion.

As an addition - right now I really need a cigarette.

I'd just like to not be worried about bills (I've been doing contract work for the past few months, but contracts don't necessarily come in when you need them), be on some kind of medication, and feel normal for a change.

Or relatively normal, at least. Just not seeing cats and birds everywhere would be nice.

[Rowan Darkmoon]

If you don't mind me asking...could you tell me which anti-psychotics you'd tried?? I work in the mental health field, but I'm not a LCPC or psychiatrist. If you'd like, you can PM me. I work with a lot of people who are on many different things, so maybe I could suggest something that would help.

Are you currently unable to hold a job due to your mental illness? If so, then you could be receiving Public Aid and Medicaid which would pay for a lot of your medication.

There are places, and I work at one of them, where there is HUD run housing that provides mental health services. These places do not use restraints and are not institutions or group homes, but basically provide apartments and assistance for people with mental illnesses. You can hold a job, although if you are on Public Aid there is a set amount that you can raise and save and still get assistance. People there can help you monitor your medication, provide you with assess to counseling, psychiatric services, and nursing care, and offer support. Maybe something like this would be good for you??