So frustrated...

[atropa]

I'm having a hard day. My husband refuses to lift a finger in this house because he works and I "don't". I'm not expecting much, maybe to put his dirty dish in the dishwasher or maybe even take it to the kitchen. Maybe he could put his clothes in the hamper instead of god knows where. And then not get mad at me when I can't find his socks to wash. I have alot to deal with. A newborn, a two year old, two dogs that are driving me crazy, a husband that won't help me at all, and a house that I just can't seem to keep control over. I feel like a failure. The dishes and laundry seem to come from nowhere. I clean the countertops and an hour later they are covered. I clean the toys off the floor and vacuum only to have them covered again in toys and dog hair. I really try to be organized, it's never been my strong suit. I watch shows about it and go to websites like flylady but it's just beyond my control. I'm the only one who does anything. I know my hubby works, and works long hours. I don't expect him to do my job, just not make it even more hard for me. What can I do? Oh, and did I mention the garbage? That is the only thing I ask Matt to do, and he won't do it. We have about a bag a day. He freaks out asking "where does it all come from?!" Well, I don't think it's unreasonable. Any time I say anything his answer is that he'd gladly trade places with me. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Thank you for listening to my rant.

[misschief]

I'm having a hard day. My husband refuses to lift a finger in this house because he works and I "don't". I'm not expecting much, maybe to put his dirty dish in the dishwasher or maybe even take it to the kitchen. Maybe he could put his clothes in the hamper instead of god knows where. And then not get mad at me when I can't find his socks to wash. I have alot to deal with. A newborn, a two year old, two dogs that are driving me crazy, a husband that won't help me at all, and a house that I just can't seem to keep control over. I feel like a failure. The dishes and laundry seem to come from nowhere. I clean the countertops and an hour later they are covered. I clean the toys off the floor and vacuum only to have them covered again in toys and dog hair. I really try to be organized, it's never been my strong suit. I watch shows about it and go to websites like flylady but it's just beyond my control. I'm the only one who does anything. I know my hubby works, and works long hours. I don't expect him to do my job, just not make it even more hard for me. What can I do? Oh, and did I mention the garbage? That is the only thing I ask Matt to do, and he won't do it. We have about a bag a day. He freaks out asking "where does it all come from?!" Well, I don't think it's unreasonable. Any time I say anything his answer is that he'd gladly trade places with me. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Thank you for listening to my rant.yeah... my husband only has to take trash out too... and he usually doesn't do it :lol:. i know what you mean.. i have 3 kids, 2 dogs, a husband that works 12-ish hrs a day, and i stay home, and i go to school. don't really know what to say... it sucks and i know it does. my husband usually does some cleaning/ organizing over the weekend when he's home... but i'm pretty pushy and aggressive about what i want, so i think he does it to keep me quiet :lol:.

[Njorun Alma]

Bah, sounds like you're superwoman and your man expects you to be a Goddess.
It's a common mistake some men makes, they believe that, since you've given birth to children you're a Goddess and can do everything by yourself and they just can't understand how the allmighty Goddess can ask this poor mortal to lift a finger after having worked all day.
It's a belief some men tend to fall for after a while in a relationship. It doesn't mean that they're assholes, it just means that they're falling into the sterotypical man profile.

:hugz: Sounds like you're doing a great job. Try to talk calmly to your hubby and be sure to lay out some suggestions on how to solve this little problem. Keep it practical and maybe he'll listen. Try to make it sound like this would make his life so much easier as well. ;)

[atropa]

Thank you guys... I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes. I'm stuck at the house all day and it feels like I'm the only adult in the world sometimes. You guys are my only adult contact some days. Thank you for that. I love MW so much...

[Kalika]

Picking up after himself shouldn't be a chore... it should be a habit.

Just because he works and you don't doesn't mean that he needs to create more work for you.

[Nighthawk]

I gotta agree..
it does not matter if someone works and someone does not.. each should help each other... Man, all the crap I took from my ex over what a bad husband I was.. and I cooked, cleaned and all that.. as well as worked, and she did not.
Some guys are real... well, pigs. Sorry, but that stuff gets to me too.

[Green Fairy]

i got the same thing too, cause i'm not working right now, but what really pisses me off is when i ask for help, its too much for him, but if he wakes up late for work, (he works nites) its my fault i didn't wake him up.

i'm in a i hate men mood myself at the moment, i'm just so frustrated, he has no problem asking for help from me, and being the cancer that i am, i help, but when i ask for help, its as if he has more important things to do

BLAH!!!!

[Njorun Alma]

i'm in a i hate men mood myself at the moment, i'm just so frustrated, he has no problem asking for help from me, and being the cancer that i am, i help, but when i ask for help, its as if he has more important things to do

BLAH!!!!

Ah, the curse of being a cancer. I'm far too familiar with that, which is one of the reasons my last relationships went out the window. Us moon maidens really take on the part of wonderwoman, don't we?

[Lunacie]

What you really need to do is take a week off and go stay with your sister or mom or best friend or gramma or something, and leave him to take care of the kids and dogs and house and see how well he does it without any help. Heck, you wouldn't even be there expecting him to take care of you and pick up after you so he'd actually have it "easy" eh?

Maybe you could take one day off and go hang out with a girlfriend or go shopping or something and let him take care of everything you do for just one little ol' day.

Or break your foot and not be able to do anything and he'd have to do it all.
Naw, that's just silly. :hahugh:

[Green Fairy]

Ah, the curse of being a cancer. I'm far too familiar with that, which is one of the reasons my last relationships went out the window. Us moon maidens really take on the part of wonderwoman, don't we?


yes we do, and that is when i don't like the fact that i'm a cancer, and i can't turn it off like a faucet

[Njorun Alma]

yes we do, and that is when i don't like the fact that i'm a cancer, and i can't turn it off like a faucet

I know exactly what you mean, it really makes you emotionally drained sometimes, as well as physically drained.

[Winter_wolf]

Being a housewife can be hard and I don't think many get that since they figure that since you stay home things are easier. Being a housewife means you basically live at your job... you don't get vacations, you don't get paid and for the most part you get no praise what-so-ever for anything you do.

The only thing that kept me sane and kept my husband alive was taking charge of the situation. Since it is basically your job and you are the boss as well set your own rules.

1. Get a schedule going. Get the kids up at a certain time, get meals prepared at a certain time etc etc. Even newborns feeding schedules can be manipulated a bit with food. I had my daughter sleeping thru the night after the couple months by giving her formula spiked with a bit of rice cereal before bed. Every baby is different so you have to play around with this a bit. Also find a sleep schedule that works for you best. I do 4 hours at night and 2 in the morning after the hubby and daughter leave... seems to work for me.

2. Don't let the hubby get away with being a slob. My hubby would throw his clothes on the floor in front of the hamper... and leave random socks all over the living room. No matter how much I nagged nothing changed. So I started to throw out the socks I'd find randomly thru out the house. Also, if the laundry wasn't in the hamper it didn't get done. When he was down to 3 pairs of socks and no clean work clothes, things started to change.

I do the same for my daughter and her toys. She is not allowed to bring more than one toy down to the living room to play with. She'd bring all of her toys down if you let her. Nor would she put them away. If things were abandoned and it was a cleaning day they got pitched. I did this once and after that she took care of her stuff. I make her clean up her room ever couple off weeks. I just can't stand piles of toys all over the family room, I'll let her have a few piles in her room.

3. Have designated chore days. I vacuum on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays. I do laundry on mondays wednesdays and fridays. You get the drift. That way things don't pile up and things stay clean. There are chores you have to do daily like dishes... set up certain times during the day to do them. My hubby is required to do the garbage, that gets done on tuesdays, thursdays and sundays... when he knows he has to do something on X day he usually does it without too much whining. After a while it gets to be a habit.

Figure out the best sleep, food and chore schedules work out best for you. Having a schedule keeps things from being overwhelming and it also gives you some 'You' time. If you let things get out of control you will feel frustrated, overwhelmed and depressed. If you get things running like a well oiled machine you get a lot more free-time and you are a lot happier. Just takes a bit of work to get it going but after that overall it's less work.

Be the boss of the house. Don't let the hubby, kids or pets run it for you. If you have made the decision to stay home as your fulltime job then treat it as such. Even husbands can be trained :)

[brymble]

i ended up leaving mine because of crap like that. when i started to assert myself by taking an hour or two for coffee a few days a week, attempting to find a job or a volunteer position to build my resume, and asking him to pull his own weight when it came to laundry, garbage, and cooking, he'd call me names, right in front of the children, sometimes throwing tantrums, kicking furniture, and telling my kids that their mother was a b*tch. i spent years asking him for counselling. i finally had to accept that he wasn't going to work with me, he wasn't going to help me, and he wasn't going to change. so i left.

i sincerely wish it never gets this bad for you.