at my wits end

[Ziana]

here's the situation. I have an 8 year old daughter. Up until this point I was able to tell her to do something once, maybe twice and she would get it done. Now though, when she is older and more capable of doing things, and remembering what her chores are, I find myself unable to get her to do anything. If I tell her to do something, I have to stand over her the whole time she's doing it, just to make sure she is getting it done. I have made a posterboard listing her personal rules and her chores, and put it up in her room, but she can't seem to do them day to day. It's not as if I ask her to do much, her chores list consists of putting the dishes away. Thats it. Yes, she is responsible for keeping her room clean, but other than those two things, I don't really ask her for much. I remember being her age and it was my responsibility to keep most of the house clean. If dishes needed to be done, I did them. Floors swept, carpet vacuummed etc.

Today for instance, we stopped by the store on the way home from school. I bought hamburger buns, bacon and lettuce. We got home and I asked her to put it away, since she had to go into the kitchen anyway to do her homework. Well, stupid me didn't go back in there and double check that she actually did it, and I found out 3 hours later when I went to cook dinner, that the grocery bag was still sitting on the kitchen table. With the groceries still in it. (yes i checked her homework, but she brought that to me). Now during this time I was working on sanding the paint off my kitchen drawers (we are doing a major remodel on the house), outside the front door, so it's not as if I was sitting on my butt in front of the television.

anyway point is what can I do to get her to do what I ask of her? Do I really have to spend the next ten years standing over her treating her like she can't do anything without supervision? Please, someone tell me this is just a stage and she will grow out of it soon, like tomorrow or something. Ugh.

Signed,
Frustrated in Texas

[Ceres]

Miss Manners once said that parenting is 90% nagging. So far this seems to be true for our family :lol:

I think its normal. My kids will try to get by on as little as possible and chores just dont have a high priority. They do forget very easily, because its not something they are trying to remember.

[Winter_wolf]

I have the same problems with my 8 year old daughter. It's very frustrating at times. Basically it's gotten to the point where she's not allowed to do any of the things she considers 'fun' until she gets the stuff she's suppose to do out of the way. And she can't do them half-assed either... she tries to get by with doing the bare minimum or tries to do it wrong just to get out of doing it. :( I end up having to supervise or nag.... I think it's the age and them testing you... atleast I hope it is, I don't like nagging people and I hope that sooner than later she starts taking on more personal responsibility.

[Green Fairy]

sometimes i feel like i'm going to pull my hair out cause i don't like nagging and i don't like yelling, but i feel ya, cause i just sometimes feel like i'm at the end of my rope, i take away toys, i take away tv, i take away outside playtime...... and its as if they almost mock you that it doesn't bother them.

and of course the classic response as to why they didn't do them, "i forgot"

[Winter_wolf]

and of course the classic response as to why they didn't do them, "i forgot"

Oh that drives me nutts! My response is usually "Well, you didn't forget to watch TV now did you?"

[AwareAbleVision]

As a Nanny, many years, I had to train other peoples children. At 8 years of age till 11 years, most children are brainwashed into thinking that the parent OWES them everything, when and how THEY want it.

If my ward forgot, I forgot to fix enough dinner for them, put TP in the bathroom, pulled the TV out of the house completely, bought them NOTHING extra that the parents would after a bit of whining.

Almost every child and teen I helped train made a real turn around after they traded places with a trusted, hardworking poor family. 3 days is all it took usually. When they came home....they understood:
1.I am blessed
2.I am responsible for my own happiness and entertainment
3.I am happy to have as little responsibility as I do to contribute to the welfare of this family
4. I am happy my mom is home and not having to work a 50 hr week........

I could go on. No matter how you do it, even a bit of shock...a child needs to know how good his/her life is and that their part in the family makes their lives and yours better.

My best to you....BTW...nagging is just white noise. Ignore her for a week and see what happens.

[LisaT4P]

I wish I had some words of encouragement here, but my daughter is 11 and I'm STILL having issues. :) She insists that she doesn't need to clean her room because it is "hers". I like to remind her of who pays the mortgage, who bought all her things, etc. But I think I'm going to have to go in and remove everything soon if she can't take care of it.

*sigh* Parenting.

[Ceres]

I let my daughter keep her room how she wants, provided she picks it all up and vacuums it once a week and doesnt eat in there. She lets it get messy, then cleans it up, then lets it go again. She has improved in that she now does the cleaning without me asking. I now allow her to take tea and snakcs in there because she brings out the dishes the same day without being asked.

My nine year old shares his room with his five year old brother, so thats a bit tougher. It isnt his personal space so he really doesnt feel compelled to make it special for himself. He is pretty good about my setting the timer and spending 5 minutes at night doing a quick pick up. I only ever ask for five minutes at a time and I dont make him go past five minutes if it takes longer, which surprisingly, it really doesnt. I want them to learn that even when you dont feel like working on it, doing something is always better than nothing, even if you dont finish the job right then. Kids love to try and beat the timer.

I dont really agree with laying guilt trips on kids about how bad other have it to try and make them comply with adult standards of cleanliness. Kids are learning, after all, they are just KIDS. It doesnt hurt to point out that when they dont pick up after themselves, that someone else has to, but I think when they neglect to do so it isnt always out of laziness. It will be if you always accuse them of it when you are trying to teach them to do it. I think because they are kids it really doesnt occur to them to think about how the house gets and stays clean. Thats our job as parents; to teach them how it gets done.

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

I wish I had some words of encouragement here, but my daughter is 11 and I'm STILL having issues. :) She insists that she doesn't need to clean her room because it is "hers". I like to remind her of who pays the mortgage, who bought all her things, etc. But I think I'm going to have to go in and remove everything soon if she can't take care of it.

*sigh* Parenting.
AHHHHHHHH! My 12 year old son says that to me all the time....drives me nuts :awilly: Oh,and I can't tell my Mother about it because she just says,"paybacks are a bitch" :eyebrow: