what to do....

[Moonlite Faery]

I dont know where to start. One of my best friends, who is a lesbian and I have no problem with that at all. Has just decided to enter a relationship with a "straight woman" with 2 kids. Now normally I would be estatic that she has a girlfriend. Except...they had been fooling around for about a week and this girl neglected to tell her that she had genital herpes!! My friend was a little hurt by this but justified it by saying oh we just decided that we wouldnt do anything "down south". But I am so confused, she doesnt like kids, but she says oh these kids mind me and they like me. This girl that she is seeing also works at the same job she does and if anyone else at work finds out she could either not get a promotion or get fired because she is involved with security. And I am annoyed because I told her that I did not get a good feeling from this girl, and so far - the entire time that I have known her, for almost 6 years anytime I have given her advice or told her that who she was interested in was a bad idea I have always been right! This girl is like a sister to me and when ever her relationships blow up in her face she will always say "you were right". I know love does crazy things to you, but I wish she would listen to me just once. I should just let her be with her "new girl" but its so hard.

[LostSheep]

i think the discussion that's going on elsewhere is relevant here; there's only so much you can do for a friend, I think; if you can tell her that you're not happy about it without hurting her, then make your feelings known; but it's her life, people have got to (either) make their own mistakes or (maybe) take a plunge and find what may be really right for them. There's a fine line between caring for someone and feeling responsible for them, I know that, i've been there; i think soemtimes you just have to let them do what their heart leads them towards and just let them know that you'll be there for her if she needs support, a shoulder to lean on, someone to rant to .... all those things friends are for.

Maybe she's making a mistake; when the heart takes control, logic does go out the window. I think that this shows how good a friend you are, and maybe she'll remember that and won't think you're interfering if you tell her how you feel about it.

But I think it is her responsibility, her life, and maybe she'll respect you for recognizing that.

Hope things work out ok

:)

[AineDanu]

I agree with LostSheep. I hate it when friends won't listen to me since i'm always proven right (lol only with others lives of course) but I did have to finally learn to shut up and let them make their mistakes. Repeatedly. Because all they will do is get mad at you and "hate" you for interfering and then go do what they were going to do in the first place. The only difference is that this time they may not come to you when things blow up and they really need you. You have to decide what is most important - letting them live and learn on their own and your being there when they need you or your telling them what they dont want to hear and risk putting a distance in the friendship.

[Shanti]

Everyone has to learn on their own.
You tell a child the flame is hot but they often still stick their finger in it to see for themselves!

Experience is a teacher, a good one too if you pay attention to the lessons. Sometimes it takes a lot of lessons before anything is learned!
Just ask a childs parent. We say no over and over again. Kids repeat the same errors over and over again.

Children are just young people and the learning process is the same, experience.

I'm 45 and experience is still the best teacher. You know what you get from experience that you dont get from just words handed to you from another.....understanding. It just takes a long time for some people to understand.

[Kalika]

Back away with hands in the air. *kidding*

Seriously, as an adult, she needs to be allowed to make her own mistakes.

And, this could actually turn out to be a good thing for her, in the long run. Life lessons, and all that.

I know its hard to stand aside and watch a friend get hurt... but sometimes all you can do is wait on the sidelines to pick up the peices when she falls apart. :huddle:

[damnyana]

im afraid there is nothing you can really do, she has made her choice and all you can do is stay by her and be there for her if she needs it

[MalPixie]

I know how it sucks!! I have a friend that keeps going back to a guy that threw her down the stairs and busted her wrist by throwing her into a dresser and she has left him many times but she keeps going back and it just kills me!!! I keep trying to explain to her but she just keeps telling me she loves him and that I will see when they get married and have kids that things will change! Sorry I just don't see it!!!!!!!!! But there is nothing that I can do I just hope that she does learn and get out before it is too late! It just sucks as a friend that we can't do anything for these people!!! It hurts!!!!!!!!