Aren't we all empathetic?

[EternalMaiden]

I've believed myself to be empathetic since the day I was born, I was raised around an awareness for it and it's never become a stifling issue in my life.

Even while empathy has it's consequences, it's always been a blessing with intimacy and communication with loved ones in my life.

I was just curious if you feel that we are all born empathetic, if we all posses a latent ability to understand others beyond our language...Or if you feel we are somewhat 'talented' or 'challenged' due to our awareness.

I just haven't found empathy a rare case, is all. :wave:

[arctic splash]

I think it's true that we're all empathetic (with rare exceptions of extremely dysfunctional human beings). I think we can all hone and improve our empathy. I think some are better at it than others.

I think we should be careful if we think we're really good at it, or are confident we know just where our feelings are coming from, because self-certainty can actually be harmful to the true feelings of the people we claim to be relating to. I'm not sure how much of this was strictly empathy, but I had a friend who was convinced that I was making wrong decisions and failing to follow my heart, because there was no twinkle in my eyes, my energy felt unhealthy, and she sensed I was running away from the future. She didn't believe me when I told her what was in my heart! It turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Had I trusted her, and changed my mind -- as I very well could have done because I *was* unsure of myself -- it would have probably damaged me.

I think there are many tools and ways of being empathetic, of coming to an understanding of people. I don't think empathy is a single process. I think it's a lot of things combined, and you can take advantage of one or a variety of those tools.

[Pesha]

Everyone of us has the ability to be more than they are. Empaths seem to be able to develope and accept the gift. But yes everyone has some latent empathic ability. but it is a frightening thing for some and they choose not to allow it to flow.

[Faeawyn]

I believe the term is "Empathic"...you have somehow combined empathic and pathetic....:lol:

[Lunacie]

Actually "empathetic" can be used just the same as "empathic".

Does everyone have the ability to be an empath? For me, the jury is still out on this one.

[Dragonladyofwater]

One of my earliest traumas (at age 8) was when I realized the whole world wasn't like me. I can see and feel things others can't. At that age I was so horribly disappointed in the human race it was crushing.

EternalMaiden, you are lucky to have been raised in an environment where you were supported by those like you. I was raised in an environment where if you were odd it was beat out of you, and the family secrets were kept at all costs. Empathy never entered the picture.

I do not think everyone is empathic, I do not think everyone is born that way. I think people are unique and have differing abilities, flaws, and gifts. Were the whole world empathic I think it would be a very, very different place.

[Tanemon]

Modern psychologists point to studies that indicate that some people are a lot more empathetic, or empathic, than others. A problem represented by the so-called "sociopath" is that he or she is low in empathy, hence low in compassion and regard for others. Amongst psychologists, "the jury is still out" on whether this is due more to inherited factors or ones involving the person's childhood and adolescent experiences.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I and the people around me realized I was somewhat high on the empathy scale. Let's say, if the scale ran 1 to 10, I was functioning a lot in the area of 7 or 8. That made some people appreciate me and seek me out... but it sometimes left me miserable and confused. I was pretty readily "knocked off kilter" - which wasn't good for me trying to live my life.

I therefore became attracted to philosophies and practices that cultivated what is sometimes called "a strong center" (such as Zen Buddhism, or yoga meditation). With these meditative practices, you have someplace in yourself to return to, a place of steadiness, inner quiet, and relaxation.

Then much later I discovered Reiki, and I realized after my attunement that some of my susceptibility to be knocked out of my center by events or by interactions with other people was due to unresolved, "unhealed" problems. Reiki did a deep re-integration of my personality, by healing a lot of old problem areas within me.

Not to say that meditation was thereby trivialized, but that I no longer had to spend my meditation time, every other day, re-establishing a steady center that life had again knocked me out of.

FWIW...


:sunny: Tanemon

[Faeawyn]

Actually "empathetic" can be used just the same as "empathic".

Does everyone have the ability to be an empath? For me, the jury is still out on this one.
Really? I didn't know that....it still sounds funny to me tho :hehehe:

[Dawa Lhamo]

Well, humans naturally have empathy. It's part of the reason we've survived as such social creatures. Though of course, among individuals, the levels of empathy do vary.

Sociopaths are way outside the average, having no empathy (or a minute amt.). And those who would call themselves Empaths are outside the average, having a huge amount of empathy.

The rest of us fall somewhere towards the middle. But we can still get overwhelmed and drained and all that, nonetheless... it's just a normal side-effect of empathy.

Just my thoughts...

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

[Duende]

I see empathy as just like any other ability in that some people are born with more of it that others, like athleticism or intelligence or beauty, but we all have it. It's just some people have more or less. It's just like some people are taller or shorter than others.

[Jolixte]

I'm plenty empathic; I just don't think it has anything to do with magical/mystical abilities. I also think that everyone has it - excepting psychopaths - to some degree.

[Ryden]

I'm plenty empathic; I just don't think it has anything to do with magical/mystical abilities. I also think that everyone has it - excepting psychopaths - to some degree.

Agreed, but I would replace "psychopaths" with "sociopaths" or "narcississts". Besides that, that's my opinion exactly.

[Jolixte]

Agreed, but I would replace "psychopaths" with "sociopaths" or "narcississts". Besides that, that's my opinion exactly.
Oh right, sociopaths is what you're supposed to call them these days. I'm not up on my psych terms. :)

[Ryden]

Oh right, sociopaths is what you're supposed to call them these days. I'm not up on my psych terms. :)

It's cool. I'm only up on it because of second-hand experience--so...yeah.

[fangedeshana]

As with a lot of 'sixth sense' abilities (phycometry, telepathy, seeing auras/spirits and many many more), I think we're all born with empathy and we either choose to ignore, or not make use of the ability and loose our affinity with it (just like any other skill... you get rusty if you don't practice often). I also believe that some people are born with more acceptance and 'knack' for empathy than others, so it comes with ease.

I believe everyone has the ability to be an empath, however how "skilled" they can become I believe varied between each individual, and how they recieve generally changes depending on why and how you use the skill to your advantage.

I also believe that massive emotional trauma (depression, nasty past experiences not dealt with, chronic pain conditions, etc) cause empaths, or perhaps empaths who are less practiced in 'controlling' their abilities, to 'turn off' the ability completely to help cope with the severity of their current situation, as there are some times where one much go into one's self and be selfish to get through things in life sometimes. Or atleast, this has been the case in my own experience.

[LadyWinter]

Well I guess then according to some opinion on this thread I am either a psychopath,a sociopath or narcissistic.....

I would say I have no empathy. In extremem situations I can SYMPATHIZE with someone but I really dont have any empathy. I think empathy is a gift that some have and some dont....Much like other "gifts" I think people can have that not everyone has.

LadyWinter
*now where did i put that butcher knife...QUIT SCREAMING YOU SISSY ITS ONLY A FINGER YOU HAVE 9 MORE!!!!

[Fatherman]

I would say I have no empathy.

For the sake of discussion, I'm going to take the liberty of rephrasing this a little to say:

"I don't empathize with anybody."

I hear people say this kind of thing about love, too. Like, "I had to leave her because I just didn't love her anymore."

In both cases the verb (love or empathize) is being used in kind of a passive way. As if you said "This machine doesn't work anymore."

My wife taught me something when we first got married (12 years this Sunday). She taught me to change the way I use these kinds of words in my thinking. She taught me to use them in the active form. More like the word work in this sentence "I fired him because he didn't work hard." or "I work at 7-11"

"I don't empathize with you", in this sense means "I choose not to act with empathy"

"I don't love her anymore" means "I stopped doing loving things for her."

I guess I'm using all these words to say that empathy and love are not just things you have or feel, they are actions. You either choose to do them or not.
If you're bad at it, you practice until you get better.

That's my gentle and overly-verbose way of saying that "I have no empathy" is a total cop out.

<< hides all ten fingers hoping to avoid LadyWinter's butcher knife >>

[MoonDragn]

If by empath you mean can you sense other people's emotions, I can. I sometimes get trapped by them, and think they are my own, and sometimes it is like an uneasiness down my spine. I have learned to push these emotions outside of myself, so I can better evaluate them to see if they are mine. However as a result, I appear aloof to other people.

[LadyWinter]

For the sake of discussion, I'm going to take the liberty of rephrasing this a little to say:

"I don't empathize with anybody."

I hear people say this kind of thing about love, too. Like, "I had to leave her because I just didn't love her anymore."

In both cases the verb (love or empathize) is being used in kind of a passive way. As if you said "This machine doesn't work anymore."

My wife taught me something when we first got married (12 years this Sunday). She taught me to change the way I use these kinds of words in my thinking. She taught me to use them in the active form. More like the word work in this sentence "I fired him because he didn't work hard." or "I work at 7-11"

"I don't empathize with you", in this sense means "I choose not to act with empathy"

"I don't love her anymore" means "I stopped doing loving things for her."

I guess I'm using all these words to say that empathy and love are not just things you have or feel, they are actions. You either choose to do them or not.
If you're bad at it, you practice until you get better.

That's my gentle and overly-verbose way of saying that "I have no empathy" is a total cop out.

<< hides all ten fingers hoping to avoid LadyWinter's butcher knife >>

Hmmmm. :hmmmmm: .........Very astute and incisive for someone who doesnt know me...You are most likely correct...I have no desire to "practice" empathy...I hadnt really thought of it like that but it makes a bit of sense I see now....Your wife sounds like a very smart woman...I still have no desire to be emphatic but thanks for the new outlook! :fpraise:

[Fatherman]

Hmmmm. :hmmmmm: .........Very astute and incisive for someone who doesnt know me...You are most likely correct...I have no desire to "practice" empathy...I hadnt really thought of it like that but it makes a bit of sense I see now....Your wife sounds like a very smart woman...I still have no desire to be emphatic but thanks for the new outlook! :fpraise:

I respect that, LadyWinter :-)

As for my wife, I wouldn't be half the man I am without her daily wisdom in my life (day after day after day after day !!! always the wise one!! always right!! ARRRGH!!!) I'm sorry. What just happened? Where am I?

To all of you skilled empaths out there, I do feel that it's important to acknowledge your unique gifts and offerings. It's one thing to practice empathy on the level that I practice, it's another thing to do what you guys are capable of doing.

I'm plenty empathic; I just don't think it has anything to do with magical/mystical abilities. I also think that everyone has it - excepting psychopaths - to some degree.

I would have agreed with you before I encountered this fellow who is now one of my teachers. After group meditation he would sometimes come up to me and say the most peculiar things...things that he couldn't possibly know....things that were happening inside my head or heart during meditation for instance. I asked him once if he was reading my mind. He said "No. Sometimes your emotions just kind of float over to me. I can kind of feel what you are thinking."

If that's not a magical skill then I don't know what is! Correct me if I'm wrong, empaths, but wasn't he practicing a very advanced form of empathy?

Also, that's not something that everybody can do. I suspect we're all capable of developing it, but most of us don't. It's like singing. There are folks who sing (at least in the shower!) and there are singers. There are folks who are empathetic and there are empaths.

[Lunacie]

I think perhaps being an Empath is similar to being a Super-Sensitive. For instance I cannot wear certain fabrics at all, they drive me crazy. My sheets on my bed have to be smooth or I lie there feeling every wrinkle and ridge. Noises that most people don't even notice drive me to distraction. This is not something I "practice", although someone who isn't as sensitive as I am might be able to practice and become this sensitive ~ but I don't know why they would want to.

I also pick up on emotions and sometimes thoughts or memories without making any effort to do so, not because I'm trying to be empathic, but because I am an Empath. It's like someone who has sight versus someone who is blind, the seeing person opens their eyes and instantly sees colors and shapes and shadows, not because they practice, but because they simply DO.

[Fatherman]

Thanks for the clarification. I agree that there are 'naturals' with any skill. No thought, no practice, no effort required...but I suspect that there is a process that you are intuitively using that the rest of us would have to learn in order to use. Just a speculation on my part. I'm skeptical that it's like skin color or height. I suspect it's more of a predisposition that some have, but not unattainable to those who are not predisposed.

[Lunacie]

That's not exactly what I was trying to say. Everyone can feel texture in fabric, but some people are so super-sensitive that some fabrics feel overwhelming to their senses. Everyone can distinguish between different sounds, but some people hear and distinguish sounds that most people don't hear or distinguish from the other sounds although they might hear one of those sounds if there was no other sound at the time or if they really focused and tried to distinguish every sound that they could hear.

An empath doesn't TRY to hear/feel/sense/know these messages they are getting from other people (and animals and even plants), they are just bombarded at times by that knowledge/sensing/feeling, and when you pick up feelings that you have no reason to feel, it makes you feel crazy. You wonder why your left knee is hurting when it wasn't hurting before you sat down next to the overweight, elderly person in the restaurant. You wonder why you were in a happy mood when you went into the grocery store and a few minutes later were feeling frustrated and angry even though nothing happened to you.

Someone who is not Empathic (super-sensitive) may notice that the older woman has frown lines from being in pain and they may empathize with that person's pain. Or they may notice that someone in the store snatches a box off the shelf and dumps in their cart and can empathize that they are frustrated and angry. But that's not the same as actually feeling that physical pain or those emotions.

[Aleannah]

I think perhaps being an Empath is similar to being a Super-Sensitive. For instance I cannot wear certain fabrics at all, they drive me crazy. My sheets on my bed have to be smooth or I lie there feeling every wrinkle and ridge. Noises that most people don't even notice drive me to distraction. This is not something I "practice", although someone who isn't as sensitive as I am might be able to practice and become this sensitive ~ but I don't know why they would want to.

I also pick up on emotions and sometimes thoughts or memories without making any effort to do so, not because I'm trying to be empathic, but because I am an Empath. It's like someone who has sight versus someone who is blind, the seeing person opens their eyes and instantly sees colors and shapes and shadows, not because they practice, but because they simply DO.

you too? Maybe I'm not as nuts as I think :lol:

[Fatherman]

My understanding (plus my limited experience with psychic empathy) is that it's like tuning into a radio station. I turn on the receiver and I tune to the station that I'm looking for. When I'm done listening, I turn off the receiver. Are you saying that being an empath is like having the receiver on all the time with an auto-tuner?

[Aleannah]

for me, yes...I can never totally shut it off, I only have different levels of filters. The only way I can not feel is to numb myself chemically, and that's not good for me...so, it's something you learn to live with. It's like a scanning device that never shuts off.

[Vervain]

If an empath means that you experience the feelings of others as your own, then I'm not an empath. I am very sensitive to the emotions (and thoughts) of others, but I never confuse them with my own feelings. For me, it's like feeling heat from the stovetop, or cold from an open freezer. It's obviously external. I can feel waves of sadness, anxiety, pain, or happiness coming from people, but it's not like I actually experience the feelings myself. I'm just aware of them.

I am quite good at projecting my emotions, so if someone is in a nasty mood I can usually cheer them up without a word, just by being there. When I'm talking with someone, I often match our "vibes" to hear the words behind the words, although that can be a little risky. Many guys seem to confuse this with some sort of spiritual connection, and think that I'm their soul mate! My mother still teases me about "bewitching" men that way, and she doesn't even know that I'm into the occult. Oh well. :rolleyes:

[Aleannah]

If an empath means the you experience the feelings of others as your own, then I'm not an empath. I am very sensitive to the emotions (and thoughts) of others, but I never confuse them with my own feelings. For me, it's like feeling heat from the stovetop, or cold from an open freezer. It's obviously external. I can feel waves of sadness, anxiety, pain, or happiness coming from people, but it's not like I actually experience the feelings myself. I'm just aware of them.

I am quite good at projecting my emotions, so if someone is in a nasty mood I can usually cheer them up without a word, just by being there. When I'm talking with someone, I often match our "vibes" to hear the words behind the words, although that can be a little risky. Many guys seem to confuse this with some sort of spiritual connection, and think that I'm their soul mate! My mother still teases me about "bewitching" men that way, and she doesn't even know that I'm into the occult. Oh well. :rolleyes:

I can only speak for myself, but I feel there are different levels of empathy. Your filters seem to be functioning as they should. My filters have to be turned WAY up when I go out in public, otherwise I feel way too much and come home an emotional mess. However, turning the filters way up requires a lot of energy, so I have to decide which is more important. I usually just run on medium and take my chances. _inabox_ For instance, hospitals and funerals are just murder on my system, therefore, I avoid them.

[Fatherman]

Thank you, friends, for indulging my curiosity on this subject. Just tell me to buzz off if I'm invading your bunker too much. Can you relate this experience to your chakras at all? I was told that emotion-sensory overload can happen when you keep the heart chakra wide open.

[Jolixte]

Well I guess then according to some opinion on this thread I am either a psychopath,a sociopath or narcissistic.....

I would say I have no empathy. In extremem situations I can SYMPATHIZE with someone but I really dont have any empathy. I think empathy is a gift that some have and some dont....Much like other "gifts" I think people can have that not everyone has.

LadyWinter
*now where did i put that butcher knife...QUIT SCREAMING YOU SISSY ITS ONLY A FINGER YOU HAVE 9 MORE!!!!
Wait, you never pity anyone or understand how someone is feeling ever? o_O


My definition of empathy is:
Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See Synonyms at pity. (from dictionary.com)

[Lunacie]

If an empath means that you experience the feelings of others as your own, then I'm not an empath. I am very sensitive to the emotions (and thoughts) of others, but I never confuse them with my own feelings. For me, it's like feeling heat from the stovetop, or cold from an open freezer. It's obviously external. I can feel waves of sadness, anxiety, pain, or happiness coming from people, but it's not like I actually experience the feelings myself. I'm just aware of them.

I am quite good at projecting my emotions, so if someone is in a nasty mood I can usually cheer them up without a word, just by being there. When I'm talking with someone, I often match our "vibes" to hear the words behind the words, although that can be a little risky. Many guys seem to confuse this with some sort of spiritual connection, and think that I'm their soul mate! My mother still teases me about "bewitching" men that way, and she doesn't even know that I'm into the occult. Oh well. :rolleyes:

Yep, I was only relating from my own experience.

Some of us have never been allowed to "own" our own feelings, but have been told that we were being "too sensitive" or made to feel that we needed to stifle those feelings wherever they came from. I can certainly imagine that people who were allowed to "own" their own feelings don't have this kind of problem when they pick on what others are feeling. I guess it comes down to boundary issues.

Empathic children who are not taught or really allowed to create their own boundaries will find it harder as adults to separate their issues and their feelings from those they pick up from others. Anyone who has suffered a trauma like rape or incest is also going to have more trouble with boundary issues.

[Lunacie]

Thank you, friends, for indulging my curiosity on this subject. Just tell me to buzz off if I'm invading your bunker too much. Can you relate this experience to your chakras at all? I was told that emotion-sensory overload can happen when you keep the heart chakra wide open.

I don't feel like this is an invasion at all. Reading these questions helps me to think about what my own empathy is really like, where it's coming from, what I can do to work with it in my own life.

I hadn't heard that about the heart chakra but it's a possibility. I think whenever the chakras are not working in balance with each other it's going to cause some kind of problem. And I know from my own experience that when I forget to close my brow chakra (third eye) that I'm more likely to actually see ghosts as well as sensing or feeling them, so perhaps having the heart chakra open is like an invitation to all those feelings.

The thing of it is ~ I had to learn to open my brow chakra so it's fairly simple to close it again. I think my heart chakra has always been open so it's more difficult to close it and to know how far to leave it open to achieve that desirable balance.

[Aleannah]

is it just me, or do a lot of the empaths here come from troubled families or have endured some sort of trauma? This makes me wonder, then, is empathy a defense mechanism that we develop when we're young in order to try to predict and possibly avoid the situations that are dangerous to us? I know that when I'm around anyone, even my hubby (who is one of the most laid back people around), I am constantly taking an emotional temperature of the room...and I can directly relate that to my life growing up and my first two marriages.

Just a thought....

[Lunacie]

is it just me, or do a lot of the empaths here come from troubled families or have endured some sort of trauma? This makes me wonder, then, is empathy a defense mechanism that we develop when we're young in order to try to predict and possibly avoid the situations that are dangerous to us? I know that when I'm around anyone, even my hubby (who is one of the most laid back people around), I am constantly taking an emotional temperature of the room...and I can directly relate that to my life growing up and my first two marriages.

Just a thought....

Oh.

Maybe.

Yeah.

I can see that ~ definate possibility.

[Fatherman]

I hadn't heard that about the heart chakra but it's a possibility. I think whenever the chakras are not working in balance with each other it's going to cause some kind of problem. And I know from my own experience that when I forget to close my brow chakra (third eye) that I'm more likely to actually see ghosts as well as sensing or feeling them, so perhaps having the heart chakra open is like an invitation to all those feelings.

The thing of it is ~ I had to learn to open my brow chakra so it's fairly simple to close it again. I think my heart chakra has always been open so it's more difficult to close it and to know how far to leave it open to achieve that desirable balance.

If it were as simple (not easy) as closing the heart chakra a little bit, would you do it? I know that there are very dear folks on this board who would rather suffer from the constant intrusion of the psychic realm than close their third eye from time to time. After all, this attribute has become a central part of the empath's identity (just as the open third eye is a part of the psychic's).

[Lunacie]

I don't think having the third eye chakra open is the only way to be in touch with the paranormal realm. And so logically it doesn't seem like having the heart chakra wide open would be the only way to be in touch with the living among us. If we weren't so overwhelmed by the feelings at times I think we'd get more practice with using our other senses, if that makes sense?

[Neosnoia]

Oh right, sociopaths is what you're supposed to call them these days. I'm not up on my psych terms. :)



:fofftopic

Actually they are different disorders, so you were fine to say "psychopath." :)

[Neosnoia]

is it just me, or do a lot of the empaths here come from troubled families or have endured some sort of trauma? This makes me wonder, then, is empathy a defense mechanism that we develop when we're young in order to try to predict and possibly avoid the situations that are dangerous to us?

I believe that is true of me to some degree (although I think there might be some biological tendencies too, because my sensitivity started so early in life).

I have never called the super sensitivity that I feel "empathy" though.

[Fatherman]

I'll rephrase my question. Empaths, if you could turn it off, would you? Or do you consider it a part of who your are...a gift to be honored and used.

[Vervain]

Yep, I was only relating from my own experience.

Some of us have never been allowed to "own" our own feelings, but have been told that we were being "too sensitive" or made to feel that we needed to stifle those feelings wherever they came from. I can certainly imagine that people who were allowed to "own" their own feelings don't have this kind of problem when they pick on what others are feeling. I guess it comes down to boundary issues.

Empathic children who are not taught or really allowed to create their own boundaries will find it harder as adults to separate their issues and their feelings from those they pick up from others. Anyone who has suffered a trauma like rape or incest is also going to have more trouble with boundary issues.
I was very lucky that I did have a good childhood. My Dad is a lot like me, as far as sensitivities go. We would always talk about what people/animals were thinking or feeling, and that was just normal for us. I never thought anything of it. It took me a long time to realize that not everyone can sense these things.

I've never consciously created psychic shields, filters or boundaries. But you could be right, that because I wasn't forced to suppress those feelings, that my personal boundaries formed naturally. Very interesting thoughts, Lunacie.

[Aleannah]

I would not turn mine off...it is such an integral part of my life, I can't imagine not being able to use it. My life would seem empty, somehow.

[Lunacie]

No, I wouldn't turn it off, but I would certainly wish that I had been allowed to establish my own boundaries and own my own feelings so that I wouldn't have been so confused and overwhelmed at times by what I was feeling all around me. I've mentioned over in "that really long thread" that there was a time when I created a shield that let nothing pass in or out of it. I really needed that space to get used to understanding my own feelings so I could tell the difference between those and the stuff I picked up at random. But it sure got lonely inside that shield after awhile. And it got lonely for my spouse too because I wasn't sharing any feelings with him, we were like roommates which was not good for our relationship.

Along with being told I was "too sensitive" when I was overwhelmed with my own feelings along with a whole slew of other people's feelings, I was also told that my sensing ghosts and paranormal energies was my imagination. Bah. No surprise that I actually wondered for several years if I had Multiple Personality Disorder.

[LadyWinter]

Wait, you never pity anyone or understand how someone is feeling ever? o_O


My definition of empathy is:
Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See Synonyms at pity. (from dictionary.com)

Um...Honestly no....I dont...I dont pity anyone, including myself....I can sympathize that someone may be going through a rough time but I can't identify with someone else's feelings. I almost never ever understand peoples motives either. I usually have a hard time understanding their feelings at all........