Time to come out of the broom closet....

[mystyheart]

Well, maybe not completely.

My family just moved and as I mentioned in another thread my very conservative Christian minister parents (who think I am too) are asking me constantly about my family and friends and our church affiliations.

I want to be honest with them and not keep dodging their questions or out and out lying to them, but I don't want to devastate them either. We are an extremely close family.

So, I’m looking for suggestions. Have any of you ever been in a similar sitch and how did you deal?

If you want more info., PM me.

[arianrhods_daughter]

All I can say is follow your instincts, you know your parents better than anyone else here, you know your religion and its not something to feel ashamed of either. Maybe say you arent very religious anymore or you are testing the waters of other beliefs or that you are on a path of self discovery that may not neccessarily result in a Christian path... Have you had any ideas on how to approach this at all yet? What do you feel you need to do?

[adazakura]

remember your parents love you.
and you love your parents.
they will hopefully accept you for whoever you are.
perhaps tell them you are interested in nature and the life around you in the earth...
they beleive it is from the Christian God, but you think theres something more and that female and male power should be united in a deity and want to find your way too as they did by finding their faith...

dont overload them with information, and give them time to understand, maybe if they want to look into it give them some information, look up things on christian wicca for them too, to show them their faith can interlink with yours, and you're just worshipping life in a different way.

good luck let us know how it goes!

[mystyheart]

Thank you for your replies. I will respond in detail tomorrow. Gotta give the computer up to hubby for WoW gameplay.

:hugz:

[wolf]

Well, at 31 you have a lot more lee way than many of the younger members of MW facing similar issues ... I came out of the broom closet to my mom when I was perhaps a bit older than you. At that point she'd known I'd abandoned the Catholic Church quite some time before ... at around age 13, but I'd never really established with her that I was anything other than a spiritually minded agnostic. My mom, however, wasn't much of a churchgoer herself, and took it relatively well, but to this day I think that she thinks it's something like D&D or live action role playing, as certainly I couldn't be serious about dancing in the woods and calling it religious.

When you say your folks are both conservative christian ministers ... how much so? What sect are they a part of? Is it one of the ones more welcoming to other faith paths, or one that involves a lot of hellfire, brimstone, and damnation? That will determine how to approach things.

One thing to consider ... what's better vs. worse: Coming out to them, or being found out?

[Chesna]

Although I am still in the broom closet as well... I am feel I will be in the same situation as you..My only advice is..go at your own pace and make sure you give them time to digest.. and remember you have had months, or years to understand and accept your path..they haven't had that luxury...please keep us posted as to how it went..
I wish you luck and many blessings...

Chesna

[Little Billy]

Well, maybe not completely.

My family just moved and as I mentioned in another thread my very conservative Christian minister parents (who think I am too) are asking me constantly about my family and friends and our church affiliations.

I want to be honest with them and not keep dodging their questions or out and out lying to them, but I don't want to devastate them either. We are an extremely close family.

So, I’m looking for suggestions. Have any of you ever been in a similar sitch and how did you deal?

If you want more info., PM me.

Lie your ass off. Seriously. What they don't know can't hurt you.

[Dio]

I would venture to guess that depending on the questions they are asking you, they probably already know you are no longer affiliated with their religion. But unless they flat out ask you, why would it really matter? You still don't *have* to tell them anything. You don't need to validate yourself or your beliefs to anyone.....not even family.

[Akhkharu Asgard]

Well, maybe not completely.

My family just moved and as I mentioned in another thread my very conservative Christian minister parents (who think I am too) are asking me constantly about my family and friends and our church affiliations.

I want to be honest with them and not keep dodging their questions or out and out lying to them, but I don't want to devastate them either. We are an extremely close family.

So, I’m looking for suggestions. Have any of you ever been in a similar sitch and how did you deal?

If you want more info., PM me.

I certainly wouldn't ruin a great family relationship with telling them something I know they wouldn't like. My faith is my own personal thing. It is not the business of my parents at all, so I have never told them. It certainly is not my problem if they think I am still a Christian or an agnostic or even an atheist. Religion is personal to me, so I never understood a need to share it with others, especially people you know will not react nicely towards it. I say, keep it to yourself and treasure the nice relationship you have with your family.

[mystyheart]

I hear y'all. I guess every situation is different, too, right?

I have more to share, but I'm getting ready to "meet up" with Karissma and some of the ladies from my neighborhood to "do lunch". :)

More later, and thank y'all,

[LacyRoze]

I come from a Christian family, some more devout than others, and a mixture of denominations. Now, I still consider myself Christian just not in the mainstream sense. I believe there's more than what we are usually taught by the church. Anyway, I haven't come right out and told my family all my beliefs as I know there are some who would damn me to hell for sure. When the topic of religion comes up I don't hesitate to let them know where I disagree with the church or where I stand on any given issue. They often don't agree with me but as I see it, I'm a grown woman with a mind of my own and I'm old enough to make my own choices. Sometimes it's enough to just let them know where you stand on things instead of coming straight out and saying you've turned your back altogether. I also agree that your path or religion is a personal thing and you don't have to shout it from the rooftops. Just remember that they love you and want only the best for you. Their idea of what's best and yours may be total opposites. Be gentle and give them time to absorb the adult you and your choices...

[Dawa Lhamo]

Weigh the pros and cons.

We've never told my grandparents that we're Wiccan. They're very conservative Missouri synod Lutherans.

Because, unfortunately, their love is conditional. We would never see them again if we were to tell them that we're not Christian. There are others in that family (cousins and such) whom I've never met, because they are Jehovah's Witnesses or Catholics. They've been cut off from the family for being the *wrong kind* of Christian even, just like we would be if we "came out of the broom closet".

I'm sure they have inklings that we're not Christian, given that we only attend church Easter and Christmas and all the weird stuff in our house. (My grandfather HATES my painting of Mahakala.) But they refuse to acknowledge it to themselves, and, really, they don't WANT to know. So we're not going to force them into it.

I don't know all the dynamics of your family, but with MY family, telling them would be a disaster.

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

[mystyheart]

Have you had any ideas on how to approach this at all yet? What do you feel you need to do?

Well, the main thing is I *hate* being put on the spot by their questions. I don't like to lie.

I'm trying to learn the art of avoidance. LoL I was so good at it as a teenager! What's happened to me? ;)

After talking to some ladies today, I have a better idea of how I'm going to proceed. I'll post about that later.

:hugz:

[mystyheart]

remember your parents love you.
and you love your parents.

Very wise words. And true, too.

They've always been accepting of me... through pregnancies and early marriage, etc.

:hugz:

[mystyheart]

When you say your folks are both conservative christian ministers ... how much so?

Ok, not as bad as Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell.... but *almost*. :awilly:



What sect are they a part of?

Southern Baptist Convention... the ones that have gotten a lot of media coverage for calling for Disney boycotts, gay/lesbian bans (particularly marriage), and a ton of other press worthy sh*t over the past few years.


Is it one of the ones more welcoming to other faith paths, or one that involves a lot of hellfire, brimstone, and damnation?

Oh, I wish. I know some really sincere and loving people, but they are rare.


That will determine how to approach things. One thing to consider ... what's better vs. worse: Coming out to them, or being found out?

That's at the forefront of my problem. I'm from an extremely tight community and some of my friends have access to my "myspace" and other things that could "out" me.

I think I know what I'm going to do, though.

Thank you for your thoughtful post! :)

:hugz:

[mystyheart]

and remember you have had months, or years to understand and accept your path..they haven't had that luxury...please keep us posted as to how it went..
I wish you luck and many blessings...

Very true. :) Thank you for your words.

:hugz:

[mystyheart]

Lie your ass off. Seriously. What they don't know can't hurt you.

:cheers:

[mystyheart]

I would venture to guess that depending on the questions they are asking you, they probably already know you are no longer affiliated with their religion.

This is usually the case, yes. LoL :)

When I was pregnant with my oldest son I was *so scared* to tell them. When I finally started to come out with it my mom said, "You're pregnant, right?" _inabox_

[mystyheart]

Religion is personal to me, so I never understood a need to share it with others, especially people you know will not react nicely towards it.


Very true. It should be a private and sacred matter.

Unfortunately, with my parents (and family and friends) *everything* comes down to religion. It's the absolute center of everything our family revolves around --- even my in-laws. So, breaking away proves to be harder than it otherwise would be. :( This has been my life for years.

For instance -- we recently moved (thank *goodness*) and in phone conversations it's constantly "Have you found a church home yet?" I met Karissma (my RL MW buddy! hey, girly) the other day and told my mom I was meeting a new friend. The *first and only* question she asked was, "What church does she go to?" Karissma and I went to lunch with some ladies today and my mom asked if there would be Bible study.

So, it's either tell them something to get them to leave me alone or stop sharing *anything* with my parents.....

SOOOOO.............

[mystyheart]

Be gentle and give them time to absorb the adult you and your choices...


Yes. I actually talked to some folks today and after reading everyone's posts and giving myself some time to think it over I've decided that I'm going to let them know that my family is choosing to keep our spirituality a personal matter within our home.

Making a break and being more responsible has been a big issue with hubby and I. That's one of the reasons we were so happy to have made this recent move. So, I'm going to share with them that all of this is in the interest of our independence and we'd appreciate no more questions requarding our religion or practice thereof.

Of course, I'll share that *and* remind them how much we and the grandchildren love and respect them.

I think that's the best approach for now.

Thank you all so much,

BB,

[mystyheart]

Because, unfortunately, their love is conditional. We would never see them again if we were to tell them that we're not Christian.


That's my biggest fear and the reason why I've decided to handle it this way.

Not really "coming out" per se, more like asking them to let go a little. I really hope it doesn't backfire, but I gotta do something, ya know?

:hugz:

[TaysatWesir]

I live with my mother she may be on to my beliefs but I prefer to keep her in the dark as she not so tolerable of non-christen religions.

[mystyheart]

:hugz:

I understand that completely.

[TaysatWesir]

I also agree that your path or religion is a personal thing and you don't have to shout it from the rooftops. Just remember that they love you and want only the best for you. Their idea of what's best and yours may be total opposites. Be gentle and give them time to absorb the adult you and your choices...


I certainly wouldn't ruin a great family relationship with telling them something I know they wouldn't like. My faith is my own personal thing. It is not the business of my parents at all, so I have never told them. It certainly is not my problem if they think I am still a Christian or an agnostic or even an atheist. Religion is personal to me, so I never understood a need to share it with others, especially people you know will not react nicely towards it. I say, keep it to yourself and treasure the nice relationship you have with your family.


Wow all this just makes me surer of not telling her is right. ;)

[wolf]

Mysty, I wish you a lot of luck, strength, and support through this.

[RhiannynWildseed]

I have much the same issue with my family, minus them being ministers or anything like that. I had never even been introduced to religion when I was young, but apparently I was "supposed" to be Methodist. I mean, all I knew was that my parents had this big wooden picture of this guy with long hair and a beard wearing what looked like a long white dress standing beside this old looking wooden door. Now I know, obviously, that it's supposed to be Jesus, but I didn't know anything until about 12.

After that, my parents had some marriage troubles, worked them out, then they found religion. By this time, I had already started determining what I believed, and it didn't mesh with the Xian teachings, so when they tried to force me into going to church, I quickly made them realize that it was much less embarrassing for them to come to church without me than with me. The minister kind of notes when one lone girl constantly sits in the back pew and stares out the front door as traffic goes by. Pretty soon, I was exempt from going to church.

Anyway, to make a really long story short, I sort of fell into Paganism when I was about sixteen. I studied a few things very quietly. At 17, I met the man that was to become my husband, at 18 I married him after finding out that he was a Pagan (and no, that's not WHY I married him). Of course, my parents hated him because he is decidedly older than I am, but I was now out on my own and dived headlong into studying anything and everything I could get my greedy little hands on. I mean, I no longer had to hide it, so I wanted to absorb everything.

So now, eight years later, a week and a half away from my 27th birthday, my parents (who have now reconciled that I am married and they can't do a damn thing about it) still have absolutely no clue what my beliefs are. I'm not in any hurry to tell them. My father...I don't think he'd much care, but my mother locked herself in her bedroom and cried for three days when we refused to have our son baptized. I mean, I have stickers of pentacles on my car...there's a window sticker that says "Proud Pagan" that I KNOW my father has seen but not commented on.

Hell, all my mother would ever have to do is Google search my name, and she'll probably come across my church's website. That would really clue her in, lol.

But I don't want to spring it on her because it would cause a fight. No, I'm much more sneaky than that. I want to slowly introduce her to all of my Pagan friends. I want her to get to know them a little better then comment on what nice and friendly people they are. Then I plan on inviting her to a little picnic we hold every year, and there I think I'll come clean. Surrounded by all these nice, friendly people she's come to know, she can't really say or do anything bad or she look like a discriminatory hypocrite.

Of course, she'll probably never forgive me for doing it, but it will shock her into realizing that, hey, maybe those nasty old Pagans are just as normal as everyone else.

[mystyheart]

Of course, she'll probably never forgive me for doing it, but it will shock her into realizing that, hey, maybe those nasty old Pagans are just as normal as everyone else.

:cheers: Now, that sounds like a plan. :hahugh:

Good luck to you!

BB,

[catgirl]

I've decided that I'm going to let them know that my family is choosing to keep our spirituality a personal matter within our home.

...

So, I'm going to share with them that all of this is in the interest of our independence and we'd appreciate no more questions requarding our religion or practice thereof.



Bingo! I was going to suggest something similar. You know that line mothers give when kids keep pestering them about something? It goes "Ask one more time and I won't tell you anything". It works. Worked for me recently.

You could just refuse to answer her questions and when a significant amount of time has lasped since you actually answered that question and another time she asks it, use that line on her. It'll shut her up.

:cheers: