my life is falling apart

[Lucidia]

-click-

[Lavender]

Hugs, Lucidia! I'll add you to my thoughts tonight.

[Garnet]

Hang in there, Lucidia!
Spare energy on its' way!!!
Whenever you feel like it, give me a yell. I'll put the kettle on & we'll have a nice 'bash our exes/currents/who knows what they are' session.(Nobody has a worse record for picking momzers than I do.) I'll even make shortbread.

Huh? Momzers? Uh...never mind. It's Yiddish. And rude.

[dragonwyfe]

Good energy on its way-my sister marries guys that she would usually better off w/o-I have better Bozo alert than that-and have stayed single. No matter what your problem-you have got to have a better day going than the man on my bus last night who was given a phone # by a gorgeous statuesque black woman (he thought)-I am in the Bible belt-Imagine his chagrin when a kid (gotta love 'em) cries out "Mommy- was that a woman or a MAN who just got off bus?" (kid was right- it was,I believe as drag queen-I lived in the SF area for 19 years). Drag done well IS an art form (I believe)-but remember cooties in the playground from around 2nd or 3rd grade? Well-the guy threw the # away fast and kept saying "Oh my god oh my god" No matter what- the drag WAS excellant...

[Garnet]

Are you as annoyed as I am by people who say/think "Oh, you poor lonely thing" when you tell them you're single?
GRRRRRR!! :flamer:
I can drink milk out of the jug. I can spend all day in my jammies & watch stupid TV even when I'm not sick. I can buy new underwear instead of doing laundry. I can decorate the way I want to.
Alone & lonely are NOT the same thing!!! :scream:
My tirade is over It's safe to come out now.

Sorry about this, Lucidia. I promise to behave myself.

[Myst]

since that's what the thread is ABOUT.

Prayers going out to you; let me know if you need to rant, I'm here to listen.

Take care of yourself ok?

[Faery-Wings]

((((HUGS))))) Lucidia.

I will be sending positive thoughts to you. Be strong- I know you are and you can get through this. Good luck to you.

Chris

[Xander67]

:(

IM sending you lots of energy

*hugs

[Danustouch]

Hugs Lucidia...as myst said, take care of yourself. Follow your heart, and be strong. We're here for you to listen to any rants you may throw our way.

[Old Witch]

Men, can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard! Love and energy To you. Strength to help you make the right decision, Courage to help you carry it out!

[Ball-Bhreac Ròn]

I hope you get through this soon Lucidia! ((((HUGS!)))) Energy's on its way!

[SimplyStrange]

*huggles* Lucidia, I'm sorry, and remember, we're always here and we all care. I'll be sending positive energies, it sounds like you could use them more than me.

Take care, and I hope you feel better soon. You'll be in our thoughts.

[Sephiroth]

many hugs for u

[Angelwulfe]

Originally posted by Lucidia

i'm so upset... he'll accuse me of going through his stuff.. he'll have a million excuses.. then he'll say that i'm breaking his heart and dumping him... but... i just don't have words for this anymore...
in my book if your married (or seriously involved, living together etc.) your allowed to go through each others stuff without invading privacy. if there angry about that their probably hiding something. some might disagree but thats just what i think.
anyway...
sending energy your way. feel free to pm or email me if you need to vent. stay strong and like the others said take care of yourself. hope all turns out for the best. :heartthro

[Niamh]

I know you'll get through this, even if now it seems like you never will. If you don't have the strength and courage to do it on you own, we've got it to spare. Sending love and energy to you, and on my way now to the altar, match in hand.......

[Xander67]

Originally posted by Angelwulfe

in my book if your married (or seriously involved, living together etc.) your allowed to go through each others stuff without invading privacy. if there angry about that their probably hiding something. some might disagree but thats just what i think.
anyway...
sending energy your way. feel free to pm or email me if you need to vent. stay strong and like the others said take care of yourself. hope all turns out for the best. :heartthro

I agree!
my grandparents have been together for 50+ years

my grandfather always told me that "if you have nothing to hide, you would not dare ask her not to go through your things...if you have to hide it, it doesnt belong in the house...PERIOD!! things like this will act as a wedge, driving you apart"

[Yvonne Belisle]

Xander is right. If you wouldn't want your partner to see it you shouldn't bring it in the house. It's your life You are the one that has to live with whatever choice you make but as you can see you have lots of people behind you that care and are here if you need us. What ever your choice we are behind you.

[Myst]

Boy I'm glad I don't live with any of you people :rotfl:

Uhm Lucidia, you know how I feel about it. Keep me updated ok? Let me know how you're doing.

[Laiste]

Lucidia, I have lit a candle for you and will keep you in my thoughts. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} I hope that everything works out ok for you! Life is so hard sometimes and it's good to know that there are people out there who care and will help even if it is just by sending positive energies you way! Blessings to you. May the Goddess give you the strength that you need at this time.

[dragonwyfe]

I agree with Angelwulf-I have a friend of 14 years 'with priviledges" -and both of us have had a drop in policy for at least 12 of the 14 -keys to each other's apts no call req. i would be real suspicious too...hugs to you-

[bansidhe]

*mass huggles* hang in there lucidia, take care of yourself. ive found a candle, now i juss need somefink to ignite it with...:)

[MammaStar]

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Lucidia. I KNOW you can get through this. You'll be in my thoughts.

[Lucidia]

well it's all over...

he came to my job and made a huge scene and threatened me.

he's already got another girl.

i'm scared for my life, realizing that although he might not attack me, what about his girlfriend? or his other friends?

i feel empty, and sick, and dead.

thanks for all the nice comments and support.. i wish i could say i felt better... but i have to go to my job, almost every day, in the middle of the neighborhood with the highest concentration of HIS friends... and it's really hard to think about...

[Garnet]

He threatened You?!!!!
Sounds like you have grounds to file a protection order against him-especially if he did it in front of witnesses.
He may have another girl, but he doesn't have a woman like you
any more.
His loss.
My guess is that his 'friends' might not want to associate themselves with someone who threatens women in public.
Here's something that works for me: Annoint a white candle with oil of myrrh (& yourself, if you want...it smells nice), light the candle, then surround yourself with white light. Imagine him (& his friends & her) failing to get at you or even make themselves heard through the light. Sometimes I even imagine the ones who piss me off bouncing off & getting bloody noses...it helps me feel better.
Imagine them getting smaller, farther away, until they're gone.
Remember...we're on your side.
Whenever you're ready to rant, throw things, etc...the kettle's on, & I'm whipping up a batch of chocolate-chip shortbread. I'll even teach you how to call him names in Yiddish & Polish. Dirty words always sound worse in a foreign language.
Sending hugs & protective energy your way...

[dragonwyfe]

My sister did go through this- and what I am about to say isnot pretty but you need to hear it-
1. Take all threats seriously. keep a written log of what was said and where - who else was present. Possible witnesses-and you are going to make 2 copies of this min. 1 to keep in a safety deposit box (see below). Change your routine-frequently-how you get to work, go in and out with others-what grocery stores you use,what laundry you use, where you get your hair done and what day-You need to start looking for a new place to live. At least research it. Abusers don't often change their spots and I suggest you research patterns of abuse at local library or women's center. A threat is abuse if you believe he can enforce it-no one should live in fear. You are going to be looking out for you. Quite often they get regretful and loving till the next time. And there is almost always a next time..
2. Go and get tested for STD's with a return trip planned for about 6 months later-to be repeated for quite awhile- condoms are not 100%, or they break (you said that they were the cheap kind but even the best ones do break) or he did not use them EVERYTIME. Keep your paperwork outside the house-suggest a safety deposit box in a bank(maybe even a different bank) under your maiden name. Explain to the bank why he is not included on this- I suggest you also change your money over to your own account under your maiden name and aka your married name- have a notation placed on the account that there is possible divorce pending and he is not to have access to this account. That this is an individual not joint account. Keep copies of all your deposits in your aforementioned safety deposit box. In case there is a hearing-you need to be able to show what was yours alone. If you are both jointly still paying the bills-figure what you usually contribute and write a money order/certified check from your account-receipt to safety deposit box and deposit THAT amount into the joint account if it exists. Donot co-mingle your financial records with his any further. I have done 14 1/2 yrs in credit and this is all too common-donot deposit your checks into the joint account not even 1x-there are ways to obtain records if you are the other joint and he COULD clean you out. Put passwords on your utilites so he cannot cancel the accounts and leave you lightless/phoneless. Hold money aside in case he doesnot pay rent/mortgage-financial coercion is the most devastating to most women. You donot want to be on the street-while you are looking for somewhere else to be. Contact your existing creditors (cell phone credit cards etc) tell them that there is a problem and that you would like to open the account in your own name, tell them that you will continue to pay the joint bills(even the divorce court doesnot usually change this even when he is ordered to pay the bills- usually the ex's donot and trashes your credit) but you are seeking an atty and will be responsible for the joint bills up to date of conversation but not beyond (in case he goes nuts with the credit-happens alot). Follow any credit conversations up with a certified letter- they have to sign for that) Keep that documentation in your safety deposit box. I know a lot of work-but better a lot of work than oceans of pain in the recovery later. Make sure you have a second person who will back you up have a key to box-sometimes restraining orders irritate the ex/soon to be ex more than protect you. You need to make sure that the documentation exists to come get you out if necessary (Never part with the orginals in the box and instruct your second to make copies and return originals to box) or worse case make sure he doesnot get away with it.
3. Its old but true- once a cheater always a cheater. I have even had male friends WHO cheat-they are just friends - that this is SO.
4. His cheating has nothing to do with you. He will try to make you think it does.
5. See an atty-they can advise you what else you might be able to do to protect yourself. I am not an atty - and what I have told you is from 14 1/2 years in credit and my sister's experiance...
Good luck.

[Faery-Wings]

Lucidia, I am so sorry to hear that. I couldn't say anything better than garnet and give any better advice than dragonwyfe.

I am wishing you peace and protection always.

Blessings...

Chris

[Garnet]

Here is another word of advice from someone who's been there.

CHANGE YOUR LOCKS!!!!!!
Bug your landlord/lady until it is done. S/he won't...or you own the place...get a buddy to do it for you. Do it yourself. Good locksets come with instructions that aren't too hard to follow. Get some of those gadgets that hang on doorknobs & set off an alarm if somone tries to open the door. Borrow a big, mean dog for a while.

Protect yourself. Written protection order, friends watching your back...whatever it takes. Let your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers know that you have been threatened, & ask (beg, if you must) them to report any & all strangeness. Like Dragonwyfe said...take his threats seriously. Don't worry that you seem paranoid...your safety is the most important thing.
Also consider psychic protection. Even if he doesn't cast a spell against you or anything like that, he's sending a lot of very negative vibes your way. You're going to feel cold in your soul.
Get warm jammies & socks...(the cold hits me worse when I go to bed). Keep an extra sweater handy.

Even if you weren't legally married, if you were living together, he could have a claim against you for "stuff'...even if it's a claim just to rattle your cage. Talk to a lawyer anyway.

This is going to be a very trying time. Take care of yourself, sweetie. Eat right, take your vitamins, get plenty of rest. Now is the best time to treat yourself right. Get yourself a gift. Go out to that new Thai place you've been curious about. Buy yourself some flowers.

When you feel better, come back to Auntie Garnet. Nobody knows more about (legal) revenge then I do.

And remember, sweetie...we're on YOUR side. He's scum. None of us like him.

The kettle's on....

[Hope]

Hugs...love...and Blessings to YOU

Take care of YOU!

love
hope

[Danustouch]

(((((((((((((LUCIDIA))))))))))))))))))))) my thoughts will remain with you, while you struggle to find a way to come to terms with this. Honey..everyone elses advice was wonderful here, so I don't know what else to add, except that if you need to AIM me, feel free. I'm so sorry !

Please keep us updated, stay safe, and don't ever, ever let this jerk make you feel as if you did anything wrong. He's a fool honey...a blasted fool!

Love and hugs to you....

[kittiepoetrygod]

Whats been said so far sounds like sound advice ... blessings your way .... keep us updated.

[Isis]

Hello!!

I understand your plight. I've been there many times myself. I've got that same feeling I had before things started to slowly fall apart for me. The good thing is that I notice it now, and I'm doing my best to deal with it.

Mysticwicks helped through some really tough times, and I'm so thankful for the people here!

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

May the goddess/god bless you through your time of need.

Much love,

Isis

[Lucidia]

i dont' want to talk about this anymore

it's such a big mess

he's been reading my journal and has come up with a million new reasons to call me a liar or **cked up or something.... please excuse my censored language there.. but i can't find another word that fits right.

i'm going to delete my other two posts...

[dragonwyfe]

get the journal out of the house-he is looking for things to use against you in court IF it becomes nec.

[Illuminatus]

Thankfully the two of you are not legally married. That simplifies matters immensely.

[Garnet]

How are you doing? Let us know, sweetie.