Heart of Isis
March 12th, 2006, 04:55 PM
Wasn't sure where to post this:
I don't know what's happening right now but I think either my Goddess isn't paying close attention or she's really pouring it on me and exceeding my capacity and I can't imagine her doing that on purpose.
I just got another call from the radio station and the host of the morning program I had told you lot about before, just informed me that she had a meeting with the director and said he has given card blanc and is excited to have someone in the community like me whom shares the passion. Now she is talking to me about the possibility of me becoming a co-host/host down the road! My concern is that the way she was talking it sounded like a short road. Yikes! I'm not ready to entertain that idea yet, I haven't even started the assistant programmer position yet.
I haven't even had day number one yet! It sounds like I may be starting around April 8th. We'll see. She kind of scared me, but I think I made her aware that while I am very excited and looking forward to the work and all, I want to start small and go slow and see where things go. :yikess:
She also told me that she would like me to come on a little day cruise they do once a month. (Everything is gratis of course). I'm not sure if I get seasick or not so if I do it I guess I will just take some medication just in case.
On top of all this the circle I "rejoined" after 4 years......the HPS and HP know how I am against having any type of leadership role in any capacity, (I just don't have it in me DNA. More still, I don't like it). They tried to trick me last week. The HP has given me a circle-casting and invocation to Isis he wrote that he uses all the time outside of circle and has asked me to look it over to see if I get any ideas for me own and what not. I thought he was just being nice/supportive...I mean he is and we are both Isis nuts. Now I find out that the reason behind it is that he and the HPS (who is a friend of mine as well) are trying to get me to consider to co-facilitate when they want to call in Isis or any Egyptian deity. (I'm not even Wiccan) This makes no sense to me in that my friend is perfectly capable of doing so and has done so successfully. I'm so not ready or willing to do that. I'm also being asked of I would like to put together the music for rituals. Now that I can handle because it keeps me out of the public stuff. (Nobody has to know whom provided the music).
I was invited (1 billion times over 4 years) to come to circle and finally showed up at Imbolc. I don't do well in public and they know it. I used to do ok, but now days it's very hard on me. It's only by the grace of me Goddess and the efforts of me HPS friend that have been allowing me to come to circles.
Even on top of that, I'm being tricked into leading drum circle every month. Why do I have to be the one who starts? There are 3 others that are perfectly suited to do that and one of them is very good, way better than me. (In spite of the fact that these people think I'm good too). Besides I play through trance. I never when or what will be coming through when I sit down to play. It just happens, I'm just the vessel. I play with me eyes closed 99% of the time. (People think it's something that I can be so precise with getting different tones and stuff without looking. While I'm of the opinion that anyone can do that). :geez: It's not piano or guitar people.
Ever since Imbolc my life has been crazy! Yes, nothing but good and exciting things, but it's too much too fast to me! Arrgh! It feels like it's starting to spin out of control. I know my Goddess knows what she's doing, but I wonder if there is a disconnect somewhere. I don't know that I can handle all this stuff. It feels like it's too much. To add insult to injury so to speak, all this stuff are "firsts" for me. Even though it's all good (that is...I think it is), I'm not sure how to deal with it all._inabox_
I don't want to wait until it's too late, but I think I will see how things pan out a little more and then I will have speaks with Isis about it all if I'm even the slightest bit overwhelmed.
Heart of Isis
I don't know what's happening right now but I think either my Goddess isn't paying close attention or she's really pouring it on me and exceeding my capacity and I can't imagine her doing that on purpose.
I just got another call from the radio station and the host of the morning program I had told you lot about before, just informed me that she had a meeting with the director and said he has given card blanc and is excited to have someone in the community like me whom shares the passion. Now she is talking to me about the possibility of me becoming a co-host/host down the road! My concern is that the way she was talking it sounded like a short road. Yikes! I'm not ready to entertain that idea yet, I haven't even started the assistant programmer position yet.
I haven't even had day number one yet! It sounds like I may be starting around April 8th. We'll see. She kind of scared me, but I think I made her aware that while I am very excited and looking forward to the work and all, I want to start small and go slow and see where things go. :yikess:
She also told me that she would like me to come on a little day cruise they do once a month. (Everything is gratis of course). I'm not sure if I get seasick or not so if I do it I guess I will just take some medication just in case.
On top of all this the circle I "rejoined" after 4 years......the HPS and HP know how I am against having any type of leadership role in any capacity, (I just don't have it in me DNA. More still, I don't like it). They tried to trick me last week. The HP has given me a circle-casting and invocation to Isis he wrote that he uses all the time outside of circle and has asked me to look it over to see if I get any ideas for me own and what not. I thought he was just being nice/supportive...I mean he is and we are both Isis nuts. Now I find out that the reason behind it is that he and the HPS (who is a friend of mine as well) are trying to get me to consider to co-facilitate when they want to call in Isis or any Egyptian deity. (I'm not even Wiccan) This makes no sense to me in that my friend is perfectly capable of doing so and has done so successfully. I'm so not ready or willing to do that. I'm also being asked of I would like to put together the music for rituals. Now that I can handle because it keeps me out of the public stuff. (Nobody has to know whom provided the music).
I was invited (1 billion times over 4 years) to come to circle and finally showed up at Imbolc. I don't do well in public and they know it. I used to do ok, but now days it's very hard on me. It's only by the grace of me Goddess and the efforts of me HPS friend that have been allowing me to come to circles.
Even on top of that, I'm being tricked into leading drum circle every month. Why do I have to be the one who starts? There are 3 others that are perfectly suited to do that and one of them is very good, way better than me. (In spite of the fact that these people think I'm good too). Besides I play through trance. I never when or what will be coming through when I sit down to play. It just happens, I'm just the vessel. I play with me eyes closed 99% of the time. (People think it's something that I can be so precise with getting different tones and stuff without looking. While I'm of the opinion that anyone can do that). :geez: It's not piano or guitar people.
Ever since Imbolc my life has been crazy! Yes, nothing but good and exciting things, but it's too much too fast to me! Arrgh! It feels like it's starting to spin out of control. I know my Goddess knows what she's doing, but I wonder if there is a disconnect somewhere. I don't know that I can handle all this stuff. It feels like it's too much. To add insult to injury so to speak, all this stuff are "firsts" for me. Even though it's all good (that is...I think it is), I'm not sure how to deal with it all._inabox_
I don't want to wait until it's too late, but I think I will see how things pan out a little more and then I will have speaks with Isis about it all if I'm even the slightest bit overwhelmed.
Heart of Isis