I feel small and worthless

[xstarE_nitex]

Im not really the type of person to wine...or even really bring attention to myself.... I have social Phobia and I had to take a job at walmart... so its hell for me... I got really sick recently and I don't have medical insurance... my boss is treating me like crap because I got so sick and had to miss work... and when I was so desprate to get better I went to the docter not caring how much money it was going to cost me... but they hardly even wanted to look at me because I did'nt have medical insureance... like my life is'nt woth the peice of paper its printed on.... I used to get through the crap by living for the little small joys of the day and it feels like those joys are'nt there.. my life is'nt going anywhere... Ive lived with my boyfriend for a year... we've been together for 6.... it seems we will never get married....I found out I could be pregnant but im not... I was happy at the thought of that... even though its probrably best that Im not being that my bf and I are'nt the best off financially.... for some reason I feel like he does'nt love me... and people don't want me around... I feel like a lifeless zombie thats only perpous is to work overtime.... Im a hard worker... but this is just not for me... my stress level is so high.... but I really can't seem to talk to anyone about anything... I want simply to just stay home and take care of my home and family... that is what makes me happy... I tryed to find a job where I don't deal with so many people but I can't find one... my bf is working on his career as a tattoo artist... he does'nt make much which means I have to suck it up and bite the bullet and work crap jobs... I work so hard and stuff... but it seems Im not to appresiated..... im just tired of being me... I try to be positive and think there will be a brighter tomarro... but I just can't keep myself up.... and now I feel so depressed but I don't know why....I just want to crawl under a rock and give up.... I feel coverd in negative energys
anyways sorry for that rant... hand to vent eventually... no one in my life will listen...
brightest blessings

[Maman]

You are the special unique jewel created by your parents, whatever your background and life experience has been. As bad as things are, remember you must want to emerge as a jewel in the rough to become a treasure or remain a tarnished gold plate or gemstone! You must value yourself first and if no one else does. Who wants self-defeaters?

Blessed be!

[gwendar]

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. :hugz: Hang in there.
(And sorry I don't have any good advice, sometimes it's hard to know what to say).
I hope you feel better and more confident in your relationship. Does your boyfriend know how you feel?
I also hope that things will work out for you.
Take care.

[AineDanu]

I worked at walmart fleetingly several years ago - like seven or eight and they had a program at that time where you could call a number and get free counseling with stress, money issues etc. You might check and see if they still offer it and if so use it. They can give you a lot of sound advice and also the counseling it sounds like you might need for your depression. As I mentioned though these people could help with many areas of your life not just needing to vent so they may be of some use to you in various areas you mentioned have problems.

Aside from that - have you talked to b/f? Does he know how you feel about the false pregnancy posibility? I know alot of people who go into a deeper depression over that particular issue so you might want to really take time to consider how that issue has affected you.

Im afaid that is all I can think of at this time. Take care and hope that you can feel better soon physically and emotionally.

[2steps]

:hugz: I don't have any further advice but agree with what others have said - I think it would be good to talk to your bf or maybe a close friend or family member

[Brenda]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
I agree with the above, I hope things will work out :)