Do you think your kids will rebel?

[Ceres]

There have been a few threads about this concerning religion lately, and I wondered in general, do you think you kids will rebel in their teens? What form do you think it will take?

[LacyRoze]

My son turned 16 last month. He's already tried cigarrettes, and thankfully gave that up, and I suspect he's tried drinking as one of his former friends drinks. His mind is on his sports involvement now, he runs track and plays basketball, and he knows smoking and drinking aren't going to help him achieve his goals in those areas. He's chosen christianity and that's fine with me as he's old enough to make his own choices. He, however, is not one who believes christianity is the "one true way". I guess his father and I did pretty well in what we've tried to teach him. Then again, there's more teen years ahead...:drool:

[wintermagick]

I think about this a lot, and I have no idea. I was raised pretty liberal... no curfews and what-not, and I never rebelled. And we are a pretty liberal household as well... I mean nothing too out there...

So anyway, I honestly just don't know.

[Astara Seague]

I think rebellion is a esssential stage of growth , if they dont do it when they are young they will when they are older, if not they will either be really messed up or perfect:T just my opinion from what I have seen in my life and others I know

[Lorrie]

My son, boredkender, and I were just talking about this subject a few nights ago! He was trying to remember what the most rebellious thing was that he or his sister had done, and couldn't really think of much. He said he thought it was because I always remembered what it was like when I was that age, I always understood the crazy things that they did so it was hard to rebel, so neither of them really did! I made sure to always listen to them, not just let my mind wander while they talked, if I had to do any discipline it was NEVER done in the heat of emotion, both sides were to go to their seperate space and calmly think about the situation, and if they felt my decision was too harsh, they were allowed to argue it- I mean intellegently not just because they didn't like it. If they had a point, or could tell me why it was unfair, then I changed it. This helped them to learn to think for themselves and accept what they had done wrong. I also made decisions for them until mid- teens, then I would explain WHY I made a decision that I did, when they turned 18, they had to make their own decisions, I would help them think about what their choices might be, but the rest was up to them so that they KNEW how to think for themselves. I ALWAY considered how I felt at their age and looked at things from their point of view. I always ingrained in them to question everything, especially when someone tries to tell them how they should think or feel- be wary and get away from that person quickly. I taught them that there IS often more than one answer, no matter what their teachers try to tell them, and the teacher is NOT always right! I guess raising them this way, they just didn't ever feel a need to rebel. The worst thing my daughter did was to date a kind of weird guy once, which only lasted a few weeks. The worst my son did was teaching me a lesson about curfews. I have always been quite close to my kids, even now that they are married and have their own families. When they were real little, I always told them that someday when they were teenagers, they were going to hate me. They always told me, no they won't. Mommies aren't always right.

[Kalika]

If their father and I are any indication of how they will be in their teens...

I would have to say its almost a guarantee. :lol:

[Tzhebee]

It's one of my bigger fears. I was an absolute horror of a teen....and my SO was just as bad. But he keeps telling me I need to believe in our kids more and trust that they will make better choices than we did.

My biggest fear is the oldest...she's my step-daughter. And even though I've raised her since she was 2 1/2 I have this deep dark fear that during one of our fights (that you KNOW will happen with a teen) she'll use "those words"....you know, the "You aren't even my real mom" words....Yeah, I worry about that.

Oh, and did I mention that I'll have 3 teens at once? Two girls and 1 boy. I blame it on my dad really. As I was giving birth to my daughter, literally 2 seconds after she was delivered and it was announced that she was a girl, his exact words (I know because the birth was videotaped) were "Oh a girl huh? Well she's going to give you every bit of trouble you gave us." Combine that "curse" with the traditional 3-fold karma law....and well, just have me committed now! :lol:

[Kalika]

It's one of my bigger fears. I was an absolute horror of a teen....and my SO was just as bad. But he keeps telling me I need to believe in our kids more and trust that they will make better choices than we did.

My biggest fear is the oldest...she's my step-daughter. And even though I've raised her since she was 2 1/2 I have this deep dark fear that during one of our fights (that you KNOW will happen with a teen) she'll use "those words"....you know, the "You aren't even my real mom" words....Yeah, I worry about that.

Oh, and did I mention that I'll have 3 teens at once? Two girls and 1 boy. I blame it on my dad really. As I was giving birth to my daughter, literally 2 seconds after she was delivered and it was announced that she was a girl, his exact words (I know because the birth was videotaped) were "Oh a girl huh? Well she's going to give you every bit of trouble you gave us." Combine that "curse" with the traditional 3-fold karma law....and well, just have me committed now! :lol:

:lol:

I didn't even think about this... but ours will become teens within a year and a half of each other... :awilly: Having a 16 year old boy and a 14 1/2 year old girl.... what in the world was I thinking?!?!?!?!

[Tzhebee]

:lol:

I didn't even think about this... but ours will become teens within a year and a half of each other... :awilly: Having a 16 year old boy and a 14 1/2 year old girl.... what in the world was I thinking?!?!?!?!
Trade ya! :p Let's see....April 2012 I will have 1 16 year old girl, 1 15 year old girl and 1 14 year old boy....AND an 8 year old boy.

Where did I build that padded room at?!? :hutone:

[Kalika]

Trade ya! :p Let's see....April 2012 I will have 1 16 year old girl, 1 15 year old girl and 1 14 year old boy....AND an 8 year old boy.

Where did I build that padded room at?!? :hutone:

I dunno, but give me a key! :lol:

[darastar]

nm

[Kalika]

I'll have FOUR teenagers at once - when my youngest, Sam, is 13, his brother and sisters will be 14, 16 and 18 respectively.... :awilly:

I don't know about *them* rebelling, but I'm pretty sure I'll be up for a few tantrums myself by that point... :lol:

Oooh... I forgot about that. :yayah:

[Broken Babydoll]

My step-daughter is 12. I don't see her rebelling too terribly much.

Religiously we are very open. We're Unitarian Universalist. She's pretty much agnostic.

Structurally, she's your typical "pushes limits" kind of girl. She's supposed to be off the computer at 9 PM and at 5 after 9, she says, "just one more thing". She hasn't done anything just to be different than us. Some of what she does is different, but it's not that she set her mind out to try and be that way. We let her try things out: musically, stylistically, recreationally...

When she hits the major teen years I worry about drinking, drugs, pregnancy, etc. We'll cross that bridge if it comes before us. She will be put on bc pills when the time comes. (Her mom got pregnant in high school. That is not happening to her.)

[Ceres]

My step-daughter is 12. I don't see her rebelling too terribly much.

Religiously we are very open. We're Unitarian Universalist. She's pretty much agnostic.

Structurally, she's your typical "pushes limits" kind of girl. She's supposed to be off the computer at 9 PM and at 5 after 9, she says, "just one more thing". She hasn't done anything just to be different than us. Some of what she does is different, but it's not that she set her mind out to try and be that way. We let her try things out: musically, stylistically, recreationally...

When she hits the major teen years I worry about drinking, drugs, pregnancy, etc. We'll cross that bridge if it comes before us. She will be put on bc pills when the time comes. (Her mom got pregnant in high school. That is not happening to her.)

She sounds a lot like my 12 yr old daughter. :lol: I worry too about the stuff that will come up in high school, but I found reading up on it helpful. Try Reviving Ophelia or my favorite, the one the movie Mean Girls was based on: Queen Bees and Wannabes.

[Willow Rosette]

Victoria is a Leo. Im bracing for it now. I know it will come eventually since I think she was born rebelling lmao

[Little Billy]

Jesus, I hope they rebel.

I'd hate to think I raised them wrong.

[MysticWitch]

My children will NEVER rebel, because I said so 8O

[Little Billy]

My children will NEVER rebel, because I said so 8O

*snort*

[JamieL]

I really think my oldest will rebel. He's already started! But, he has such a wild spirit that I really think he's going to be a handful to the day I die! :awilly: My middle...I think she'll rebel some, but not too terribly. My youngest is only 6 months so its hard to say, but he's so mild mannered that I think he'll probably be fine. Maybe a practical joker? :spinner:

[DragonsChest]

Vetteman and I have an 18, will be 19 in one month son, and a 15 year girl, 16 in November. So, yep, we know what it's like to have two teens at a time. And to top it off, both my daughter and I are Scorpios! _inabox_ So I'm sure we'll have a few set to's before it's all over.

For the most part, to date, we've have very few out and out rebellions from either of them. Maybe it's because we are fairly open minded with the kids - they know we are the parents, not their best friends. There are limits and if they stay within those limits, they pretty much have free rein to do anything. It's been cool and I'm very proud of my kids. They are good kids, honest, good hearted, cheerful, but yes, there are times that they drive us crazy!!!!

My very wise next door neighbor friend told me that the teenage years are nature's way of making the parents want to kick the baby chicks out of the nest. Otherwise, you and they would never establish seperate lives. I totally believe that! :abbed:

[Kalika]

Victoria is a Leo. Im bracing for it now. I know it will come eventually since I think she was born rebelling lmao

:lol:

Violet should be a Leo as well... oy. :p

Caileb is an Aquarius though... maybe he'll give me a break. (Riiiight)

[MysticWitch]

*snort*


:yayah:

[Moonlite Faery]

We dont have kids YET, but I was a "tame" rebeller, I think the worst thing I did was go to a movie without telling my parents with a boyfriend they didnt like. Then again they were and still are pretty hardcore Christians, and I guess I felt smothered. My hubby on the other hand had a great teen life. His parents told him that if he wanted to drink to ask his dad and they would give him a drink, it was usually pretty small, but it was a great way to build trust- plus they were the "cool" parents. And look, he turned out ok :)

[Kalika]

We dont have kids YET, but I was a "tame" rebeller, I think the worst thing I did was go to a movie without telling my parents with a boyfriend they didnt like. Then again they were and still are pretty hardcore Christians, and I guess I felt smothered. My hubby on the other hand had a great teen life. His parents told him that if he wanted to drink to ask his dad and they would give him a drink, it was usually pretty small, but it was a great way to build trust- plus they were the "cool" parents. And look, he turned out ok :)

:lol:

This was how my dad was... he said that he would rather my friends and I come over to his house and party if we were going to drink... than drive around.

Makes perfect sense.

My mom, on the other hand... still thinks that I didn't drink in high school.... :hahugh:

[Moonlite Faery]

:lol:

This was how my dad was... he said that he would rather my friends and I come over to his house and party if we were going to drink... than drive around.

Makes perfect sense.

My mom, on the other hand... still thinks that I didn't drink in high school.... :hahugh:

:yayah:

[Salanthos]

Rebellion is not the sole province of teens. I was doing the whole "its my life, I should be able to decide" at the tender age of...eight. I was soo mad, because it would take a loong time, more than doubling my life, until I would be 18 and legally freed.

of course kids'll rebel. And if I ever have any, I'll expect them to.

[CoolJ]

I fully think if and when I have kids they'll rebel... in some way, some how... but hopefully, I will have educated them enough to not do anything stupid

[Green Fairy]

i'm not really sure, sometimesi get a little worried, mainly because my eight year old and i already butt heads with each other, but i know most of that is because i'm not a very patient person, but i'm hoping he'll be a big brother by then and maybe that will shy him away a little from rebellion..... i would rather him be comfortable with talking about anything with me than wanting to rebel

[RainInanna]

I think it depends entirely on the child. As a kid I didn't rebel - what could I rebel against? My parents let me choose my own religion, trusted me to make the right choices, and never gave me a curfew.

That said, my brother took up all kinds of doofy habits that caused problems at home. I guess it wasn't rebelling, but it wasn't fun either!

[Against The Tide]

I think a degree of rebellin is healthy - of course I'm going to raise my children how **I** feel is correct, but they might feel differently, I only want my childen to have the opportunities that I did not, what they do in the face of those opportunities is up to them.

Of course, pushing them hard in all spheres of life, they'll be too tired to rebel as badly as I did, hehehe.

[Nature's Kiss]

Of course they will, it's part of their developmental process. HOW they rebel & what they do when they rebel is a whole 'nother ball game & has to do with how a child is raised IMO.

[Ceres]

Of course they will, it's part of their developmental process.

Is it though? Thats why I started this thread....I think. :T It was almost two years ago and I have absolutely no memory of it, but I have always wondered if rebellion happens because of typical parenting practices in western culture. In some european cultures there isnt even a seperate word for teens because it isnt considered a seperate stage.

[RainInanna]

Individuation is part of the process, but I'm not sure it requires rebellion (since like I said, I didn't rebel).

I've actually had people tease me for having such little conflict with my parents :lol:

[Ceres]

Individuation is part of the process, but I'm not sure it requires rebellion (since like I said, I didn't rebel).




Its always been my belief that if parents can respect the individuation their child is expressing that it will follow that rebellion wont be neccessary and will actually strenthen the parental bond rather than compromise it.

The rebellion stems from the child feeling that the individuation they are expressing is being trivialized by the parent. eg - "its just a phase"

[Autumn]

To me rebellion is relative, I hope I'm not so repressive as a parent that they will need to rebel. Of course the middle child looks like a hell raiser but that doesn't always equal rebellion in my eyes.

[Nature's Kiss]

Its always been my belief that if parents can respect the individuation their child is expressing that it will follow that rebellion wont be neccessary and will actually strenthen the parental bond rather than compromise it.

The rebellion stems from the child feeling that the individuation they are expressing is being trivialized by the parent. eg - "its just a phase"

In a sense I agree with you, which is where the HOW & WHAT part of the rebellion comes into play. But in general, I find rebellion a process to find oneself. To go through trials, make mistakes, learn from them, grow, find out what that persons personal goals, morals, issues etc are. To me, rebellion is part of the process of growing into an adult & finding ones individuality aside from the one they already have.

[RainInanna]

To me rebellion is relative, I hope I'm not so repressive as a parent that they will need to rebel. Of course the middle child looks like a hell raiser but that doesn't always equal rebellion in my eyes.

As an aside thought, part of the gentle discipline reading I'm doing suggests looking at the "hell raiser" in a new light and working with them to address their different attitude rather then auto considering them "rebellious" or "a trouble maker", just like you've said.

It reminds me of a very active little boy cousin of my mine who gets labelled that way, and how my (admittedly) limited observations of him seem to suggest maybe his parents aren't working with his natural personality (they tend to ignore him, or relatives give him heck for being a troublemaker).

[Treegoddess]

I was raised pretty liberal... no curfews and what-not, and I never rebelled. And we are a pretty liberal household as well...

I have always wondered if rebellion happens because of typical parenting practices in western culture. In some european cultures there isnt even a seperate word for teens because it isnt considered a seperate stage.

I think rebellion is a REACTION to the parenting going on. Teens are on their way to becoming adults, they need to feel they are trusted to make their own choices at this age and I think many parents just don't know how to let the reigns loose. They want to have CONTROL of their children instead of just guiding them. This causes rebellion. I have really never seen a relaxed/liberal family with rebellious teens. (I'm using liberal for lack of a better word...not in a political way)

My boys are turning 13 & 14 this summer and there has been no rebellion at all. There are definitely some *individuality* things popping up, as I would expect, they are finding their own personal identities, but they have no reason to rebel b/c we allow them to be who they are. They are homeschooled, which I think helps a bit. They are pretty strong willed though, I don't think they would be swayed too much by peer pressure if they were in school.

[Tanya]

Well I never rebelled. I was allowed to drink moderately through my teenage years (occasional wine with dinner or a cold beer after a hard day working on the farm), my father gave me my first (and last) cigarette (Camels unfiltered... gag!)


I was allowed to date, but given LOTS of lectures on self-respect and safe behavior...

I had reasonable rules, like "Make sure you are home on week nights early enough to get enough sleep for school. Be home by midnight on weekends when your lisence expires anyway. If you have a problem, call us and let us know so we can help you and not worry you've had a wreck."

I remember calling home after going to see the 9:30 pm showing of Born on the 4th of July and whimpering "I'm never going to make it home before midnight... the movie just let out!" and my Dadd laughing and saying, "Fine, thanks for calling, now you've learned something about Olvier Stone. Anything he's got to say will take 3 hours to say it, if i'ld known you were giong to see that I would have recomeneded the 7 pm show. Don't speed or you'll get picked up by the fuzz."


I was treated like I was a smart but inexperienced person, and felt respected and valued... I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to rebell about.

I'm hoping the laid back hippie attitude and deep respect I have for my daughter will similarly keep the lines of communication open and aviod a lot of silly shit.

[Happydeadkitty]

My daughter's an old soul. I really don't know HOW she'd rebel. OH NO! What if she became a cheerleader! *faints*


HDK

[Ceres]

My daughter's an old soul. I really don't know HOW she'd rebel. OH NO! What if she became a cheerleader! *faints*


HDK
Do not speak such evil aloud, or you will bring it to pass. Shhh......

[Djiril]

I don't have any, but if I ever do, the answer is probably "yes." :)

[Tanya]

so far... wanted a Barbie is the most appaling thing my daughter's done.

I never thought about cheerleading... gasp!... could a hippie kid rebel by going preppy?

[Happydeadkitty]

Oh please, please, I hope not.

I think it was around age 5 or so, I asked her if she would like to get her ears pierced, (I have a few piercings) she looked at me very determined and said "No thank you, and not my nose either"


HDK

[Solya]

I haven't got any children (yet), but I sure do hope they're going to rebel against me at some point in their lives. :smile: Rebelling against my parents is something I did as well and it strengthened me a great deal... though my rebellion was more in clothes and religious/spiritual stuff than anything else... and my parents let me do this, because they knew I'd probably come back round later. It's all part of letting go and growing up!

[LibraMoon]

my kids are 21, 19, 14 and 12

the way my eldest rebelled was with cleanliness.. she refused to bath or shower, wash her hair, clean her room.. she then smoked (she has since quit) but she was very argumentative and was a bully.
After a 6 week grounding and sleeping on the landing for a while, she sorted herself out.
my 19 year old drinks.. a lot !!! she is in university and finding her feet and gives in to peer pressure too much for my liking.
my 14 year old had a hard time coming out of the closet and would cut herself.. that is now less frequent and she is love.. I dont think she will rebel too much if Im honest.
My youngest, and only boy, will probably rebel in a couple of years.. but I've had quite a lot of practise now lol.

[GalenaFaolan]

Well, in my years as a new mom, I didn't think too much about it. Though the thought did cross my mind that my dad cursed at me one day and said, I hope you have a kid just like you. :lol:

When I had all 4 kids, I thought, ok, one of them is going to go for it and then all the world will tilt on its axis with the rebellion that's brewing. In the end of it, not a one has done a dang thing!!!

My kids are now 19 yr old boy, 18 yr old girl, 17 in 2 months boy and 14 this month girl. My 19 yr old is in the Army, a black hawk mechanic and gunner, shipping out to Iraq this November. I couldn't be prouder of my son! My 18 yr old girl, she's done nothing rebellious and is looking at finishing high school and going to college. My 17 yr old son has been a handful since the day he was born and has gotten in a lot of scrapes, suspended from school, but not rebelling, just the way he is. :hahugh: My 14 yr old girl is still as quiet and serene as the day she was born. Is an artist that can draw some kick butt manga stuff.

I was always open with them, talked freely about sex, drugs and alcohol from a young age. I'd hoped I had given them the tools to make the right decisions. For the most part they have. Of course they've tried alcohol, my oldest son and daughter smoke, but I do too and most of their family does as well. They will come to me and talk openly about anything and everything. I raised them to choose whatever religion they wanted to follow and they've chosen to be pagans. I think I did a great job. I vowed to be better than my dad and I did that. My youngest was comfortable enough to declare herself gay openly and be proud of who she is. :) I'm a happy mom who's worst nightmare never came to pass.

[Morr]

I don't think Scarlet will be a rebel, really.
Diva? Yes.
Princess? Yes.
Drama Queen? Yes.

Rebel? Not so much. I feel she will be obediant for the most part.

But I am getting a feeling #2 might be a handful LOL don't ask me why. Even when #2 isn't physically conceived in any way yet. Just a hunch. Maybe mother's intuition? LOL

[sarabethv]

Mine became a sarcastic jerk for a few years. He tried smoking and drinking. He hung out with young ladies of questionable morals. (Well, he still does that one).

Yeah, I do believe they all do.

[mtpathy]

i sure hope so, otherwise who will i point and make fun of?

[Willow Rosette]

I heard while I was pregnant that your child is always worse than you where. I did a lot of running away....so Im thinking Im pretty well doomed :rotfl: