Room Searching

[Antoninus]

Parents, do you think its ok to search your child's room without thier knowleage if you have no probable cause?

Say your sitting home one day on your day off. Your kid is...say 16 and he or she is at school. Your watching the news about a kid doing drugs and getting arrested after wiping out a Twinkie display and not paying. You think "My kid wouldnt do that, he/she doesnt do drugs." But then you think "How can I be sure, he/she's not home, I could check his room."

So do you switch stations or poke around as covertly as you can?

And if you could, give a reason as to why you would do what you say you would.

As for myself, I would not search thier room on a whim. I think it would be a huge violation of trust and a good way to get my kids to hate me. When you dont have your own place, your room is your castle, its the one place that its YOURS that you can control and influence. To have someone consistently shattering that is, I think, psychologically un-healthy. Everyboddy needs personal space.

However if I have GOOD reason to believe my kid is involved with something that I dont like or is illegal, I will not hesitate to go in there with a CSU and turn the place up-side down.

[Mouse]

I don't have children, but my mother never searched my room (I know this for a fact) and I hope to have the same respect for my kids. Now, both my sister and I did do a few things that were wrong, but because mum always respected our privacy and is open minded we always told her when we did something wrong, for example shoplifting and skipping school.
Mum made it clear that she didnt aprove and punished us in her own ways, but because she gave us privacy and trust to begin with, we learned to return the favour from a young age.
I like to hope my children and I will be as close and trusting.

[Njorun Alma]

I don't have children yet, but I would never search their room unless I had a major reason to be very worried.
I considter it to be a very big violation of someone's privacy and trust, one should be able to have a private life and your own sanctuary no matter if you're just a kid or if you're an adult.

I hope that I'll have a very open communication with my future children and that they can trust me the same way i've trusted my mother and father. I don't think I've been drunk once without telling them, the only thing I didn't tell them about was when I started smoking, and I was already 18 by that time.

So hopefully I won't ever feel the need to search my future childrens room, if I ever have any. But if I would, I'd make sure I have big enough reasons to violate that trust and privacy.

[Tigerlily]

No, I wouldn't, personally. If the 16 year old kid ever found out, that would pretty much be the end of your relationship and I doubt the kid would trust you for longer. They'll start hiding things in other places---even if those stuff are just personal, non-threatening stuff. They might even resent you for a long time. I know from experience. My old best friend had a relationship with her parents like that. She had a big purse with all her belongings and she carried it around everywhere because if she left it in her room, her parents would snoop. And she wasn't even hiding "bad" things, just notes/letters from me and her and little personal trinkets most girls own.

The best thing to do would be to sit down and talk to them about the drugs in school or whatever.

[Ceres]

I wouldnt search my kid's room unless I had good reason to believe they were in danger. I have told my daughter I wouldnt ever read her diary, and I mean it, but she recently started going online (she is 12) and I made it clear there will be no privacy online. I told her to keep secrets for the phone or in person because I will be doing random checks of her email and she is welcome to check mine too. I expect she has things she doesnt want me to know, and that I prolly dont want to know them either :lol: Online is just too big a place with too many weirdos to let her loose without supervision.

Everyone needs to know they have some privacy. Its important to keep track of your kids, but just as important they dont feel you do not trust them.

[Strega Del Vento]

My oldest will be 14 in June. I have never, and will never search his room unless I have VERY good reason to. A hunch is simply not enough, and children are entitled to their privacy as much as adults. Like RadikalWoman said too, Kids need to know that they are trusted, and they will be trustworthy.

[WillowsMuse]

I would search my childrens' rooms in a flash if they had given me previous reason to and I was concerned the behaviour was continuing...drugs, sex, alcohol, tobacco, failing in school, skipping school to name a few. These would be age appropriate concerns, I would not go scouring my 19 year old's room for condoms.

So to answer your question, I would NOT search without cause.

[WillowsMuse]

...she recently started going online (she is 12) and I made it clear there will be no privacy online. I told her to keep secrets for the phone or in person because I will be doing random checks of her email and she is welcome to check mine too. I expect she has things she doesnt want me to know, and that I prolly dont want to know them either :lol: Online is just too big a place with too many weirdos to let her loose without supervision.

This makes total sense! And I agree!

[LacyRoze]

Only if I had reason. My son's room is just that, his, unless I have good reason to believe he is in danger or up to no good.

I too monitor my son's internet use. He knows his e-mail and xanga site will be checked regularly and I in no way feel guilty about it. There's just too many pervs out there and I won't take a chance....

[atropa]

I wouldnt search my kid's room unless I had good reason to believe they were in danger. I have told my daughter I wouldnt ever read her diary, and I mean it, but she recently started going online (she is 12) and I made it clear there will be no privacy online. I told her to keep secrets for the phone or in person because I will be doing random checks of her email and she is welcome to check mine too. I expect she has things she doesnt want me to know, and that I prolly dont want to know them either :lol: Online is just too big a place with too many weirdos to let her loose without supervision.

Everyone needs to know they have some privacy. Its important to keep track of your kids, but just as important they dont feel you do not trust them.

I agree completely. My kids won't be going to chatrooms if I can help it. I will also regularly check the history and email accounts. As far as searching the room, I wouldn't do it unless I had a major reason and I would probably do it with them there. Not looking forward to things like that.

[Kalika]

I would only do it if I thought something was amiss... by behavior, habits, concerns from teachers or friends... etc.

I think having the trust of your child is important, and I wouldn't violate that without a good reason.

[Yvonne Belisle]

With a good reason yes if I had just minor worries no I would ask them first about the behaviors and talk to them about my concerns.

[Calen]

If I had reason to believe that my child was in trouble I would do it, but it wouldn't be my first course of action. I would try to get them to open up about it, and I hope my relationship with my future kids will be such that it won't be too difficult. Failing that, I would search their room, but I would have them there to watch. I would want them to know that I wasn't poking around for no good reason, that I was looking for something specific.

[zede]

my sixteen year old sister moved in here last summer because she has been in alot of trouble. she was expelled from 4 schools last year. i go threw her room like it was a jail cell anytime i feel like it, i'm not breaking her trust because she knows full well i'm going to do it and she is often in the room when i do. this is MY house and i am just letting her occupy a room in it. she has no rights! she has been in the same school this entire year and surprise might actually pass. she hasn't been arrested at all this year nor has she gotten pregnent and i will continue to toss her room until she moves out of it.